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Shots fired

This is so good.

Marty Sugar as NWA champion. Make it happen.

Despite being a promoter, I would never be so egotistical as to book myself as NWA World Heavyweight Champion...but five-time World TV Champion, ten-time World Tag Team Champion, and a run or three with the World Six-Man and Western States Heritage Titles and I'll be satisfied.

If Billy wants to invest in a wrestling promotion that already has TV...fucking call me, guy.

By the way, Sheamus and Cesaro have been a really sneaky good tag team. Not enough praise for the overall build of their story. They went from feuding, to being forced to tag, to constantly waiting to get stabbed in the back, they win the titles, they still hate each other, they begin to build respect for each other, then they get to like each other, and now Sheamus has dragged out the killer in Cesaro. They are the bar.

But it will get no heat.

Bray planned for everything.

My 9 year old son is a Bayley fan. When he got WWE 2k17 for his birthday, the first wrestler he played as was Bayley. Last night he came into the living room where I was talking to some guests and said "Whew Alexa Bliss won dad. She did it. She's the champion." I said "You're happy she beat Bayley?" He said "It was hard to choose but I decided to root for Alexa." My wife was taken aback. "What?! What about Bayley? Who the hell is Alexa Bliss and why would you turn on Bayley for her?" I said "Have you seen her? She definitely has an appeal. You know what I'm saying?" I turned to my son and I swear to god he gave me a fist bump and walked off. I never said I was a good person. I'm doing the best I can.

If Paige is lucky, he'll no show the wedding, too.

My 8 year old daughter asked me, "Daddy, why do Bray Wyatt and Randy Orton have to be creepy weirdos?" I said, "I don't know, but at least Randy Orton wore pants out in public this time, it could have been creepier and weirder." She also felt bad for Roman because she thought he was really hurt. When I told her that he was fine she busted out one of my favorite lines ever from Talking Smack, "Daddy, you know what's funny about Roman Reigns? Nothing." I love that kid.

My new dream match is Dilapidated Boat vs Sentient Tractor.

Well - this will get us a few days of goodness

Notes I made during HoH: This is going to be the Final Deletion as written by people who hate wrestling and have no sense of humor and are stupid. I would rather watch Property Brothers than this. I would rather watch a Total Divas marathon that was just about Maryse flipping houses than this. I would rather watch two hours of buzzards eating carrion than this. I would rather have watched the Old Day segment than that. Twice.

Randy Orton wore pants so there's that.

He tried to make them longer by making the refs count more.

This is from a match of mine on April 22: a simple cutoff by The Great Kasaki accidentally caught me in the back of the skull, and I saw stars...and clearly hit the mat in a hurry. Kasaki is not reckless, and wasn't looking for a receipt or trying to end my career. Sometimes guys get stiffed: it's pro wrestling, not fucking ballet. I highly doubt Sheamus hurt Jeff on purpose...and especially don't agree with this "he ended Daniel Bryan's career" nonsense, because Sheamus and Bryan worked together for years and respected the Hell out of each other.

Sheamus may be reckless with that kick, but blaming him for Bryan's career ending is a stretch.

Would have been better if Dr. Dre had bought the Smashing Pumpkins.

We need Billy showing up on WWE TV with a tennis racket, the NWA belt, and the Rock 'n' Roll Express saying he's real rassling ASAP. To feud with the Hardyz.

Yeah. I hate Seth a lot, but when he's not being aggressively dumb he can actually be okay. He was super improved by the WWE system until he got big enough that they let him do what he wanted and it fluctuated between spotty HHH sendup, spotty Tanahashi ripoff, and just spotty dickhead. It's way more frustrating since he *can* be a lot of fun when he's not being an idiot. Anyway, tonight he wasn't an idiot and that match was a lot of fun. And credit where it's due, that was one of the better selljobs a guy can have when he's gotta do flying spots following kneework. EDIT TO CLARIFY: Knee story makes sense because of how central the injury was to the feud, Seth was always gonna have to blow it off at times for parts of his offense to work but he mostly did a good job making it look like bursts of fighting through pain rather than ignoring it. And while that sometimes meant going for a pin *then* selling, it kept the nearfalls hot without burying Joe for having more time to recover and still nearly losing. Basically the points at which his selling got spotty were necessary to the match and he legit handled it very well and ugh defending Seth feels gross but if I can't acknowledge when he's done well I'm no better than the dudes who think Roman can't wrestle.

If that one room in the HoH is any indication, Bray Wyatt has no idea how to keep his Funko Pop! collection mint. Keep 'em in the box, dude!

Alexa Bliss, a favourite of mine is the first woman to win the WWE Smackdown Live and WWE RAW Women's Championship. Congratulations.

But that isn't as much fun as wildly accusing wrestlers for being terrible at their craft after 15 years because of one kick. TM Bryan Alvarez

Seconds before John Cena fucked him over...

You guys are all missing the big story. We're (ostensibly) getting Jericho-AJ in two weeks.

Braunnnnnnnn!!!

No shitty Seth Rollins Rainmaker version as well ; ).

Was I the only one who thought Joe's right shoulder was up during that pin?

See? All-time great character work.

Yeah, I think we're done here.

On that same topic..

For those watching the pre-show, if you mooshed Renee's jacket, Sam's hair, and Lawler's age into one person, it would be Beetlejuice.

via GIPHY

Because...

Just to add to the Sheamus/Jeff thing, the second Sheamus kicks Jeff he grabs him to check he's okay. He realized it was accidentally stiff. Happens all the time. I do question Sheamus and Cesaro's offense after the fact, though. Too much high impact: lock in a fucking chinlock or a bearhug and give Jeff some time to recover. Not the time to get your shit in, boys.

Plus, if he's the NWA travelling world champion, maybe the internet will stop complaining about his refusal to job.

I'm gonna have a new favorite player

There seems to be a double-standard with Sheamus: if he boots the fuck out of Enzo's skull, everyone laughs and cheers...but kicking Hardy in the face "a little" too hard is wrong? Come on...

I would say WWN is doing something very similar. They have a lot of promotions under their umbrella (Evolve, FIP, Style Battle, etc.) and created a WWN title that would be defended on the shows. And while it's on their own WWN streaming service they also have lots of it on FloSlam's subscription service. So in a way WWN's doing NWA better than NWA's done for the past couple decades.

I see what you did there.

Fixed that for myself before someone else does like @Brian Fowler/ @Matt D ; )

Since I refuse to believe that Bray Wyatt actually hails from San Jose, I think we can safely assume that he's totally not getting his deposit back on that house.

Since it pinned Orton, is the refrigerator the linear champion now?

Next Smackdown exclusive PPV "Blitzkrieg Bop"? Then we get punk rock Ziggler with a patch on his gear that says Ramoans?