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(BP) last won the day on June 1 2018

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About (BP)

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    Reigning Knight of Georgia

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    The Backstage Area, NJ

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  1. Not a terrible time to bump this since the trailer for Fast 9 drops next week.I bought a Blu-ray set of the first seven movies for ten dollars (thanks Big Lots) a while ago, so I’m finally working my way through this franchise with my wife. In the order I’ve watched them: The Fast and the Furious: The only one I’d seen before. I have a vivid memory of being a freshman in high school, renting this and Jeepers Creepers from Blockbuster, and watching them while housing some Pizza Hut and chugging a 2 liter of coke. Coincidentally, it turned out both movies were directed by scumbag pedos, but who knew. I also remember having a movie trade magazine from that year that previewed the movie under it’s previous title Racer X, I guess before they realized they’d confuse Speed Racer fans. It was also hilariously going to be called Race Wars at one point before someone with common sense stepped in. Yeah, it’s Point Break with cars, but it’s a delightful time capsule of an innocent time right before our slide into a dystopian hellscape really began in earnest. Three Stolen DVD Players Out of Four. Hobbs and Shaw: We were killing time before a flight out of Orlando and ended up watching this at Universal Citywalk. Even though I hadn’t followed the franchise I was pumped for this. Sometimes it’s dumb fun and other times it’s just dumb. The biggest problem is the dialogue needed to be punched up, and finding out Shane Black almost directed this kills me because him writing for Statham and The Rock would’ve made this incredible. Two and a Half Climactic Fights Where the Time of Day Changes Drastically in Twenty Minutes Out of Four. Fast Five: I’ve heard almost as many conflicting opinions about the order to watch these as Star Wars. I heard Fast and Furious wasn’t that hot, so we started here. I was really surprised when I heard this was being made. I thought the fourth one was designed as a last gasp nostalgic money grab, but I was really, really wrong. God damn this a good movie. It’s for all intents and purposes a tropey heist movie, but in execution it’s very well crafted and breezy fun that utilizes the charms of its ensemble well. This is definitely the peak of these movies narratively, as from here on out you can see that they reverse engineered the stories from the action beats. Three and a Half That Safe Definitely Would Have Killed Dozens of People Out of Four. Fast 6 and 7: I’m lumping these together since I watched them back to back and it’s sort of one larger story. These are both just set pieces strung together by loose narratives, but the action scenes are still incredible. I’d give the edge to 6 over 7, since I think they sort of wasted Statham in 7 and a good portion of the movie is wrapped up in what amounts to a video game side mission. The ending of 7 did make me cry, and I’ve rewatched it on YouTube several times like when you press on a bruise for fun. Also, Kurt Russell is very good in these movies when he could have phoned it in. Fast 6 gets three I Can’t Believe Luke Evans Has a Batmobile Out of 4. Fast 7 gets two and a half A Reporter Uses the Phrase Vehicular Warfare and We Laughed and Laughed Out of Four. The Fate of the Furious: This may be blasphemous, but I liked this more than the previous two. It has a lot of the same strengths and weaknesses as those did, but it feels more cohesive, even as it’s become more and more apparent that certain people won’t film scenes together. Charlize Theron is given a bit more to chew on than previous villains, which is great, but not putting Furiosa behind the wheel at all is bullshit. Three Why White Woman Dreads(?!) Out of Four. I’ll get to the other movies soon. Frankly, I’d put this up there with Mission Impossible as far as franchises that have surpassed the modern Bonds. It’s silly, and much like Vin Diesel, effortlessly shifts between being in on the joke and being earnest and unaware of its total absurdity.
  2. I was working at a movie theater when Pathfinder came out, and they played a behind the scenes featurette that was just an interview with the director in his trailer while he was getting a vitamin B shot in his ass. I’ve never seen the movie, but I saw that dudes pasty ass for like a month straight. Posting it just so everyone knows I’m not crazy. NSFW I guess, but again this played at a movie theater concession stand for weeks.
  3. I’m recording Come and See and I have Au revoir les enfants saved already, so I’ll have to sit down with both of them one day when I’m willing to be devastated. Then I’ll just have to get my hands on Mephisto, and I’ll have seen all of the grim foreign Holocaust movies I’ll need to for this lifetime.
  4. I loved their gear and look during this time. I think I only saw them a couple of times when they were wearing it. I definitely remember it when they got wrecked by Kane during his initial violent spree debut. I wasn’t that high on their look when they dropped this and started being managed by PS Hayes. It reminded me of how everyone I hated in middle school dressed.
  5. The first episode of Avenue 5 was fun. I’ll keep up with it. I mostly got excited for the Peter Scolari sighting. I started watching NOS4A2 on Shudder. I had no idea AMC made a show out of the Joe Hill book and I assumed it came and went quietly, but it’s actually coming back for a second season this year. I’m not sure what’s going on yet, and I’ve never read Hill, but it reminds me of his old man’s stories (in a good way.)
  6. Big Business is a movie I saw a ton as a kid simply because my grandfather would record the local affiliate channel afternoon movies on vhs and play them to keep me busy while he was watching me. I probably spent months watching that and Return of Swamp Thing when I was 4 or 5. WWD stuff notwithstanding, aren’t most of their release dates for movies like Splash just based on when it’s free contractually from another streaming service? A lot of the WWD movies were before my time. The only one that I remember vividly as a kid was Encino Woman, which unfortunately didn’t give the franchise legs and expand the Encinoverse.
  7. I got Shudder recently, and for the price it’s definitely worth it. Some stuff I’ve watched so far: Amsterdamned - This absolutely rules. I put it on as a time killer expecting maybe a fun eurotrash slasher, and it is, but it’s so much better written and executed than any movie about a killer scuba diver has any right to be. Imagine a giallo made by someone who just watched a double feature of Jaws and Lethal Weapon. It’s from the Netherlands, but even the dub is really good, as the primary actors are English speakers and could ADR their own dialogue. Wolfguy: Enraged Lycanthrope - Oh boy. I was instantly sold on a Sonny Chiba werewolf movie. Somehow it remarkably manages to be a werewolf movie without an actual werewolf in it and is still rad. Headscratchingly, the manga it’s based on does have actual werewolves in it and the movie elects to leave them out, but no bother. It packs a labyrinthine plot involving rock bands, the Yakuza, crooked politicians, Japan’s CIA, telekinesis, drug addiction, genocide, and Oedipal themes into 86 wild minutes. In a way it’s essentially an X-Men movie. Its stylishly directed and the score is wonderful, like a funkier version of something you’d hear from Goblin. Creepshow: The Series - This started off a bit bumpy for me, but I’m glad I stuck with it. One of the best anthology horror series in recent memory that feels like a legitimate successor to not just the original movies, but also the earlier Amicus horror anthologies also influenced by EC comics. Deadbeat at Dawn - I don’t know if anyone’s done more with less than fearless guerrilla filmmaker/star Jim Van Ebber. He made a badass action movie with a shoestring budget in Dayton, Ohio of all places. It’s one grody picture, with some of the most disgusting locations ever put on film. The shuffling shaggy dog plot gives it a twist on the tried and true revenge narrative, and the amateur stunt show that makes up the action sequences is breathtaking in its controlled recklessness. Taking four years to make, it probably suffered from being finished after the grindhouse cinema that inspired it was passé. Tammy and the T-Rex - Occasionally I’d bring up to fellow garbage movie lovers the existence of a film made by the people behind Mannequin and Mac and Me about Paul Walker wooing Denise Richards while his brain is trapped inside a giant robotic T-Rex. We’d never gotten around to watching it, and I had no idea until recently that it had been heavily edited for its initial release to get a PG-13. The recently restored “gore cut” that reinserts the scenes of the T-Rex eviscerating people is a fun curio piece, but it’s still a pretty big piece of shit. I can’t imagine how dreadful it would be to sit through the redacted version. All that would be left is sexism, homophobia (you can feel the Mannequin influence with an absurd Hollywood Montrose knockoff) and Terry Kiser doing some world class mugging. It was certainly a strange time for high concept romantic comedies. If you’re looking for something in this vein, try Deadly Friend, which is hilariously the opposite scenario where a movie aimed at kids had a ton of gore inserted into it at the studio’s insistence. I also watched the final season of the fantastic Channel Zero. I really hope Syfy changes it’s mind and goes forward with another season or Shudder picks it up as an original series.
  8. My favorite thing about it is that in every episode he almost compulsively breaks out into songs from like the dust bowl era.
  9. Yeah @J.T. I’m also curious if they name drop Bill Hodges. I’m impressed with the fidelity to the book so far. Everything they did change was for the better. I am surprised they burned through so much of the story in the first two episodes with eight left to go. I guess it really turns into the Holly show now. Cynthia Erivo doesn’t match King’s description of Holly, but just from the commercials she seems to embody her in a weird way. I’ve only seen her in Bad Times at the El Royale, but she was the highlight of the picture. I haven’t watched Mr. Mercedes yet, so I have nothing to compare her against. Apparently several of the characters from The Outsider return in King’s next book this spring, so maybe that’ll be the basis for a second season if all goes well.
  10. It’s definitely in that Venom camp of I’ll Wait For Cable, but my avatar doesn’t lie. Keaton’s there (for probably less than ten minutes), I’m there.
  11. (BP)

    Oscars 2020.

    Every time I think about getting worked up about an award show created by the studio system and decided by a booking committee of Hollywood executives for the first few decades, I remember this and it helps me put Academy decisions in perspective. https://www.google.com/amp/s/collider.com/best-picture-winners-ranked/%3famp
  12. I can’t wait to sit down and watch The Outsider. For me, a good chunk of the book is some of King’s most absorbing work, and then the ending...but King’s gonna King. Screenwriters who adapt his stuff are usually pretty smart about cleaning up his climaxes (this comes off as a filthy sentence now that I’ve read it back.)
  13. I know Joker is going to make all of the money, but it seems like bad release strategy that it doesn’t come out for another month and we’re already experiencing a collective cultural fatigue with it.
  14. I’m barely watching the shows now, but fwiw I think it would be fun to bring Vince on to television regularly to work with Bray during a championship run. It could sort of be a throwback to his stuff with Dude Love during the Austin feud. He’s all in on Bray because he thinks he has a genuine appeal to kids and is their next Cena in that regard, and he’s completely oblivious to the Fiend and Bray’s clear passive aggressive contempt for him. Like, he could love the boss puppet and have no idea it’s based on him. It’d probably be too meta, but it’d be neat to have Vince as the doddering old man pushing hard for Bray while everyone around him is horrified and confused,
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