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2015 UPCOMING MOVIES/CASTING NONSENSE


RIPPA

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Men In Black 4 is being made. No Will Smith. Reboot to be the first of a trilogy.

No word on if that tie-in with 23 Jump Street (yuck) is still in the card.

I hate everything.

But then how can it be "clean" and "rad," or whatever goddamn foolish shit came from Jonah Hill's mouth between the fistfuls of cake?

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Hugh Glass, the dude upon who The Revenant is based is maybe the baddest dude of all-time:

Glass set his own leg, wrapped himself in the bear hide his companions had placed over him as a shroud, and began crawling. To prevent gangrene, Glass laid his wounded back on a rotting log and let maggots eat the dead flesh.

Uh...yeah.

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The idea that adapting a book to make a film is somehow more artistically valuable than doing another shameless remake/reboot/reimagining/sequel to a film is laughable. Really, what's the difference between adapting a book and continuing a franchise? Both come from the same cynical place: Hollywood execs looking for a surefire hit by adapting a property that already has an existing fanbase. Why build an audience when you can buy one? There is no difference between making another Men and Black, another Nicholas Sparks adaptation, Avengers 4, or Perfect Strangers: The Motion Picture. It all comes from the same unimaginative, risk-averse strategy. People lined up for Star Wars Episode I and The Hunger Games equally.

Suck it, John Huston.

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 Perfect Strangers: The Motion Picture.  

 

Deep Purple song titles that would totally work as movie titles: Stormbringer. Strange Kind of Woman. Speed King. Highway Star. Woman from Tokyo. When a Blind Man Cries.

 

Deep Purple song titles that probably wouldn't work as movie titles: Ted the Mechanic. Black Night.Any Fule Kno That.

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Tracklisting for Deep Purple's '93 not-a-comeback album: The Battle Rages On, Lick It Up, Anya, Time to Kill, Ramshackle Man, A Twist in the Tale, Nasty Piece of Work, Solitaire, One Man's Meat.

 

Almost all of those would be worth seeing. How has Jason Statham not made a movie called Nasty Piece of Work yet?

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 Perfect Strangers: The Motion Picture.  

 

Deep Purple song titles that would totally work as movie titles: Stormbringer. Strange Kind of Woman. Speed King. Highway Star. Woman from Tokyo. When a Blind Man Cries.

 

Deep Purple song titles that probably wouldn't work as movie titles: Ted the Mechanic. Black Night.Any Fule Kno That.

 

 

A Rosemary's Baby mockumentary: Why Didn't Rosemary?

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Burn would work either as a Pyromaniac vs Firefighters action/horror movie, or as a stoner comedy about two guys who constantly mock and deride each other. Or as both, as a Pyromaniac sets traps to kill Firefighters as revenge for all the Yo'Momma jokes they used to tell him.

 

Speed King.

Speed King 2: Highway Star

Speed King 3: Space Truckin'

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Speed King? That could easily be a Japanese manga adaptation and vehicle for a J-pop star. Then, Hollywood remakes it way past its expiration date and picks the whitest actors possible to be the leads. So Ansel Elgort and one of the Mara sisters.

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Me too. I never understood why Salvation was so hated on. I'm completely guilty in falling for a lot of their trappings, like I'm very excited for next year's Jungle Book, but I'd really like to see them put resources into movies where the audience has to think even just a li'l bit.

 

Salvation was a perfectly fine "post-apocalyptic action film" for the first hour and a half, and then Sam Worthington steps on that land mine.

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