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That's exactly what a contrarian would say.

"...and now, Cialis presents WWE Extend Rules 2012!" **crowd cheers**

I think you cut that off before it announced a huge signing

Ten billion stars.

He was awesome but he's been dead since 2006 and wasn't ever in TNA

Promise me you'll do it while talking really fast, explaining basic concepts to him in a sing-song tone and holding up funny graphs and ironically timed images.

I want there to be no eliminations until Brock Lesnar comes out and suplexes the ring in to the crowd, killing dozens and winning the WWE Championship. His bloodlust still not satiated, he finds the now uncovered land of midget wrestlers and their judicial system. After the midget police force and lawyers discovered the bodies of suprise rumble entrants Shawn Michaels and HHH in the wreckage, they proclaim Brock King, but he is a cold and unforgiving ruler. Raw is cancelled for the next month. In it's place we get two hours a week of the hardships of living under the iron fist of Brock Lesnar. Fastlane has no matches except for Brock vs. 500 little people rising up to defend their homeland from this giant Aryan Usurper. Sadly, Vince still can't tell the difference between tiny adults and actual children, and Fastlane ends with hundreds of lawsuits against Brock Lesnar and the WWE. The Road to Wrestlemania begins in earnest with Roman back as champion and no mention of the Royal Rumble.

I want to choke the maker of that video to death.

It's that time again! Time to sit around wondering what a cheesecake made with provolone would taste like? No! Time for you to blatantly rip off this gag from Animaniacs? No! Well yes, but no, it's time for... Lessons on how to be a horrible person by The Total Divas! And we kick off the new year with a THEME episode, the theme of: AVOIDANCE First off, we'll start off with a lesson in basic avoidance from our hairiest Total Diva, Daniel Bryan, and Mrs. Goatface, Brie. To start, Daniel avoids telling Brie he has fuck-all interest in what sounded like working customer service at a farmer's market. Now you might be asking, "Wasn't he just being polite by not pooh-poohing the idea right in front of them?" or "Wasn't he offering Brie subtle hints (and by 'subtle' we mean 'blatant') the whole time? To the former, I'll note that he kept avoiding coming out and saying no right up until forced with the prospect of working retail. To the latter...ok, you caught me. The real lesson in avoidance here was from Brie, who sidestepped such obscure hints as "I really want to wrestle again," and "If I can wrestle again, I will," to try and start planning the rest of his non-wrestling life for him. For an intermediate lesson in avoidance, we turn to Paige. On the plus side, she managed to avoid dealing with the situation for so long that her mother became aware of it when last season ended. She also made some key mistakes, though. She told all her friends, which is a problem because they might've either motivated her to solve her problem, or just might've spilled the beans, leading to a resolution whether she liked it or not. She actually managed to avoid those avoidance pitfalls, but then fell prey to the classic avoidance blunder: avoiding shit so completely that SOME of your avoidance gets questioned, and the truth wills out. Still, good effort by the plucky young avoider. For expert-level avoidance, we turn to Nicole, who avoided telling her boyfriend about her ex's pass because reasons. Eventually she had to tell him, but still, that's some gooooood avoidance right there. Of course, the avoidance MASTER was in display in the personage of one Jonathan Wilberforce Cena, who avoided anything resembling a human reaction in response to Nikki's revelation. Other moments of horribleness: Paige eavesdropping. Paige bringing Dolph to the fish massage place without telling Nikki under the premise that she would "mediate", and then just sitting there uselessly while fish sucked her toes. Paige hanging up on her mum. Other moments of horribleness, not-Paige edition: Dolph deciding that the way back into Nikki's heart lead through "insulting the shit out of Cena." Nattie offering her recovering alcoholic father booze as a joke because her husband was hurt. Nikki for telling Cena about Dolph in a public place and then griping that he didn't make a scene.

Styles Clash as Best Maneuver is dumb as fuck.

Apartment wrestlers must have had the coolest neighbors ever. I can't even burn a J without getting my balls broken.

"I'm out here rallying around California in a car that spits fire, dressed like El Chapo with anacondas on my feet." Conor McGregor's new mixtape "I Predict Deez Tings, Volume 4" is available on DatPiff.com right now.

I'd like to see a commercial for that place where someone asks for Wasabi and Mutoh comes over, clutches his throat and then blows green mist over the food.

In a sane world, Luke Harper gets the Diesel '94 Rumble push.

SHOTS FIRED! http://espn.go.com/nfl/story/_/id/14603338/crybaby-fair-label-tom-brady-new-england-patriots-denver-broncos-de-antonio-smith-says Antonio Smith calls Tom Brady a crybaby. . . . "Every time he gets sacked, he looks at the ref like, 'You see him sack me? Was that supposed to happen? He did it a little hard. Please throw a 15-yard penalty on him. Get him fined"

Velvet McIntyre shared some funny stories of him on Facebook the other day...

Two Royal Rumbles at the same time.

My only question is how is ANYONE in their right mind going to be able to eliminate the Big Show? This is a 7-foot, 450-pound monster we are talking about. The largest athlete in the world! He's got to be the odds on favorite to win Sunday.

Maybe now people will stop clamoring for Kane, voting his matches MOTY, insisting he needs a push. Overrated should really go to someone who is, you know, actually rated above his station. Seth Rollins would be an interesting pick here.

I'm old and tragically unhip and Google isn't helping... What the fuck does FnP mean?

Bray won the feuds against: Ambrose, Jericho, Dudleys, Bryan, Kane Bray lost the feuds against: Undertaker, Cena, Reigns I think a lot of people get hung up on the win/loss record when the real issue is that Bray Wyatt and The Wyatt Family don't *do* anything. He talks and talks and sounds scary, but there isn't a kayfabe reason why The Wyatt Family should be feared more than any other group in WWE. They're "crazy monsters" that don't do anything crazy or monstrous. They just wrestle matches.

This might actually be the best thing that happened last night.

Gratuitous buttshot ahoy!

So, Sting has never heard the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

Eh, they're two very different games, really. Both have strengths and weaknesses. Both are very good, even great, at what they do.

I think the name you're looking for is Heath Slater BAYBAY.

I don't know.... Both Ambrose and Owens beat up Miz, so it can't be all bad.

"Hey Ron, is today really your birthday?" "Is fatback grissy?"

Thatcher is out with a Staph Infection and is replaced with Sami Callahan. That really sucks..

I know you made your argument the other day, and I liked Sting/Triple H, but I'm having a real hard time with the idea it was better than Cena/Rusev, Brock/Reigns/Rollins, or the ladder match. I might take Orton/Rollins over it as well, if only for the incredible finish.

The Authority's beef with Roman is a classic action movie trope - heel crew that runs the town wants to recruit some badass loner type, he entertains the fact but turns them down because of his principles and instead sides with the people they're holding down, they take offense to someone daring to defy them and want to destroy him.

Curtis Axel, first man to be involved in two Royal Rumble matches at the same time.

Doesn't it get boring here without one person who actually enjoys Raw? It has been six pages of the same exact thing. It's essentially smark mad libs at this point.

Daaaaad!

That or the talent sees it as an opportunity to jump overboard and make a break for it. "Now's our chance, boys! Swim for Full Sail!"

That's great, but what does it have to do with the HoF?

Eh. Smackdown tapings have had low attendance for years. I went to several back in 2003-04 and almost all of them had almost nobody sitting on the same side of the camera with the top sections completely taped off and everybody sitting on the side of the arena that the camera was pointed at. This is nothing new.

I am not crazy about the decision, but I respect it. I had the fight 48-47 for Dilashaw but Cruz also did just enough to win the fight. You never know what is going to impress a judge.

I've never topped 85%, but then I don't invest too much in my settlers' happiness. Almost everything I build - except for stuff that has to stay on the ground like crops, water purifiers, and generators used for the purifiers - is up at least two flights of stairs. The only things I've lost are a few crops here and there and a couple purifiers/generators at the construction site (I'm legally required to mention that place at least once every 3 posts). Figured out I had one more Railroad mission before I got to the point of no return there, so I'm off doing side stuff that I'd ignored till now. Started flirting with Curie and MacCready last night, in my continuing mission to sleep with everybody in the Commonwealth. Finally unlocked some of the tattoos, and it saddens me that they're so ugly that even I can't use em on my character. Anybody that's seen my GTA characters will know that's saying something.

15 minutes? So Joker is the middle act while the Suicide Squad is the headliner at the gig? I wonder if he does the college circuit.

Well, he goes through at least 4 costume changes in the trailer, so he'd have to be in a lot of really short scenes to barely be in the movie at all.

It was the PAC-10/12 that almost nabbed them last time, and Texas lawmakers were basically scrambling to legally force Texas to bring Baylor/Tech/TAMU with them (before one of them left anyway) which is a big part of what held the Big XII together.

I repeat...

DEADLY FRIEND, bitches. Hello, basketball. Goodbye, Anne Ramsey.

That battle royal was laid out fucking perfect. And stop calling Dash and Dawson "The Mechanics". It's not their name , isn't gonna be, and no matter how many times people type it..it's not happening. They're called Dash and Dawson, and let's be honest. "The Mechanics" is an awful fucking name.

Michael B. Jordan is awesome. Looking at his career, it's weird to see that I've seen so many things he's been in, his one-off appearances on TV shows not included. Friday Night Lights was what really made me a fan of his.