SirSmUgly

It feels like his last multi-month feud against someone that didn't involve Kimberly being harassed or lusted after was the Raven feud in early 1998. The Bischoff/Hogan feud in the summer - harassing Kim was part of the build The Goldberg feud - only one month The Giant feud - only one month The Scott Steiner feud - Scotty tries to fuck Kim for like three or four months The Nash feud - only one month The Flair(s) feud - based around Ric and Dave stalking Kim The Buff feud - hopefully done after a month, but if not, based on Buff and Kim maybe possibly fucking. Page will always have the October Goldberg feud and the April 1999 title run(s), but otherwise, his booking went right downhill after he got out of the Raven feud. I think this would be more tempting if not for the fact that Russo left the show with a bunch of feuds that don't promise to make for good matches. Oklahoma/Madusa, the Hardcore Championship scramble, DDP/Buff, Booker/Stevie...Yuck. The Revs/Kidman and Konnan match will theoretically be decent, I suppose. Jarrett/Benoit x3 should be good, though who knows if that happens since Benoit gets bumped into a title match. Likewise, Bret and Sid would be a good pairing, but at least Benoit and Sid will also be good. The undercard is in complete shambles, though, and none of these pairings look like they'll make for good matches at all.

Thunder Interlude – show number ninety-four – 12 January 2000 "The WCW Gang thinks we're dumb enough to buy the latest Bret Hart fake face turn SWERVE, BRO, but at least we get a two-month reprieve from Russo" I have a Between the Sheets episode queued up that is about five hours of content on just this week for WCW…As soon as I get through Souled Out, I’m listening to it…I don’t know if Russo has been sent home to collect a paycheck for three months by the time this Thunder is taped or not…What a wild three months!... Bret’s in town for Thunder…He enters the arena separately from the rest of the nWo… Vampiro opens the show against Crowbar (w/David Flair and Daffney)…Vampiro circles around, clobbers Dave in the aisle, and obligabrawls with Crowbar…He tries to uranage Dave on the mats, but Crowbar hits a flipping seated splash onto the whole mass of humanity…Devon Storm is a fun wrestler…He does flips, he takes huge bumps…He made my Good Matches list back in a random 1996 Nitro match, as a matter of fact…It seems like they could have used him on TV way earlier than late 1999…Vamp lands a huge uranage and a legdrop for two…Though Crowbar turns the tide with a flipping legdrop, Vampiro lands a DDT and goes up top…Davey yams Vamp with the crowbar while Daffney runs a distraction…Crowbar goes up for a Latino Frankensteiner rana, but Vamp turns it into a diving powerbomb for three…Davey and Daffney jump Vampiro after the match…Arn Anderson walks down and tries to calm Davey down…Crowbar moves to attack, and Arn drops him…That’s a bit too much for Davey, who just decides to leave with Daffney…Enjoyable opener!... Tonight’s bouts: Norman Smiley vs. Brian Knobbs in a Hardcore Championship Match held solely outside the arena; Madusa vs. Oklahoma in an Evening Gown Match *siiiiiiigh*; Booker T. vs. Stevie Ray vs. Midnight in a triple threat for some stupid-ass reason…Yeah, Russo is still booking because Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Chris Kanyon in a Champagne Bottle on a Pole Match is the next match that Tenay lists…The main event is a tag match pitting Sid Vicious and Chris Benoit against Jeff Jarrett and Kevin Nash… The Hitman wears an exquisite outfit to the ring tonight: Calgary Hitmen t-shirt, backwards Wu Tang Clan baseball cap…Bret is like BOO ME, I’M A BUM, WHY DID I TURN HEEL YET AGAIN, DAMMIT?!...Bret has apologized for letting the fans down like fifty-eleven times in this WCW run, then stayed a heel…How many times can he possibly do this?...He quits the nWo…They come to the top of the ramp…Nash: “You were the same way in New York”…Ooh, insider-y!...Nash claims that “Canadian hero bullshit is dead” and says it’s about shortcuts and the nWo…Nash claims that the nWo is the only reason anyone cares about Bret…Bret calls Nash “a big tall piece of shit” and promises to kick the nWo's asses one by one…Nash suggests that Bret just leave the arena, but Bret promises to stick around and fight…I don’t care enough about the tired, dead nWo enough to even feebly wonder if this is a swerve or not, but knowing Bret's booking in WCW, it probably is… The Old Age Outlaws sit backstage and consider Bret’s actions… Uh, there’s footage of a Finlay/Knobbs brawl that happened on Nitro, but that they didn’t show because of how “graphic” it was…It’s just these two guys doing the same trash spots that happen in every hardcore match in these highlights…Meng and Smiley attacked both guys and Meng proffered his hand in friendship…For real!... Now the Smiley/Knobbs match happens in near darkness outside next to a production truck…It’s your typical bullshit hardcore match…Hudson is worried about his rental getting smashed up, but Tony S. is just shocked that he might be renting a Cadillac…Knobbs wins the title after a shovel shot… The nWo walks around backstage, waving bats and looking for Bret Hart… The Revolution is about to get gutted, and I hope Kevin Sullivan just drops the group and its angles….Saturn and Malenko are headed out of the company…What if Brad Siegel just hired Jimmy Hart to book Nitro?...He was already doing what seems to have been a solid job with WCWSN…Ah well, it’s not like it would have mattered much after Nash and Bischoff destroyed this company and the revenue it was generating in 1999 and made it an easy decision for AOL Time Warner to jettison the company and give its television slots away…Douglas yammers on about finishing off the Filthy Animals…He says the internet is talking about him making his return on Souled Out…Douglas promises to make Duggan denounce the country…Malenko does some cursory mic work…I don’t get why Saturn is suddenly both a) a bit nutty and b) so mad at Asya…Everyone calls Asya a BITCH for some reason, and I don’t know why…Are they just misogynists along with being secessionists?...Where did all this anger at her come from?...This is nonsense… The nWo has found the Hitman and beaten him... After a break, the OAO watches Bret get his ass kicked on the monitor…Orndorff suggests maybe helping, but Funk and Arn aren’t down with that… Okerlund insists on talking to Tank Abbott backstage, but thankfully Jerry Flynn jumps him like two seconds into this thing and has a weak pull-apart brawl with Tank…Security runs in and Okerlund is like FLYNN STARTED IT…They cuff both participants in this heatless cornball feud between two guys who get way too much television time… Recap: Oklahoma versus Madusa is the Amazon Marketplace knockoff version of Jeff Jarrett vs. Chyna… Madusa (w/Spice) faces Oklahoma in this dumb gown match…Miss Hancock walks to ringside to take notes…Oklahoma remonstrates with her for some reason, allowing Madusa to run up behind him and start an obligabrawl…Tenay mumbles about the Varsity Club being taken off television by Standards & Practices for too much brutality…Oklahoma taped a bottle of sauce to his leg, but he taped it too well and can’t get it loose…Oklahoma stomps out Madusa, but he’s locked on getting that sauce off his leg…That allows Madusa to hit a low blow and a back suplex…She rips his dress off for the win…This suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu… uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu… uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucked…Oklahoma belts Madusa with the bottle and then strops her and pours the sauce all over Madusa’s boobs…S…U...C...K...E…D…SUCKED… The nWo threatens to burn Bret’s clothes and his face with a blowtorch somewhere backstage… Okerlund conducts an interview with Madusa that he starts by being like YOU WANT ME TO GET NAKED TOO IN SOLIDARITY, MADUSA?!?!...Madusa ignores Okerlund and cuts a bad promo on Oklahoma…Some production dude yells CLEAR… The Midnight vs. Booker T. vs. Stevie Ray match is next…Stevie jumps Booker backstage as Booker walks toward the Gorilla position…Stevie gets edgy and calls Midnight a BITCH…This show is for edgelord chumps…I can’t believe this, but David Flair has been one of the only guys who I’ve enjoyed seeing on this whole show…If that isn’t an indictment of the Russo-Ferrara Era, what is, I ask you?...Stevie destroys Midnight, but as on Nitro, pulls off of pins…Booker recovers enough to come to the ring and send Stevie to the floor…Stevie decides to stay out of the match and make Booker fight Midnight…Stevie got counted out somehow in a triple threat?!?!...Suddenly, there must be a winner in this match, so Booker has to fight Midnight now…This sucks…Booker goes at Midnight, but his heart isn’t in it…Booker grazes Midnight with a Houston Side Kick, and oh wow, this is the worst… Anyway, Book finally fights back after Midnight throws some punches and a dropkick…He tries an axe kick, but Stevie hits Book with a slapjack…Midnight doesn’t want to win that way and pulls Booker on top of her for the loss…This…was…FUCKING…DUMB…Midnight dropkicks Stevie off the apron after this stupid-ass fucking match and this shitty feud that only an idiot would think was a good or entertaining idea…Stevie comes back and hits her with a slapjack… What a waste of Booker T., who clearly should have been a U.S. Championship contender a year ago…Instead of just having him beat Bret Hart for it directly, they had him beat Bret Hart for a title shot after Bret dropped the title to Roddy FUCKING Piper…He never got that shot directly, lost the U.S. Championship tournament final to one Steiner, lost the TV title to another Steiner, and spent the rest of the year in a pointless Harlem Heat revival before transitioning into a feud with Stevie Ray…That is damned near criminal negligence from a booking standpoint… The cops toss Jerry Flynn and Tank Abbott in the same holding cell…Does anyone give a shit about either of these guys?...The moron cops lock the cell and Flynn and Abbott immediately brawl before the cops go OOPS, MAYBE WE SHOULDN’T HAVE DONE THAT and go back in to break it up… Okerlund skeeves on Chris Kanyon’s ladies, and J. Biggs has to redirect his attention to Kanyon…Kanyon cuts a funny promo in which he promises to smash the bottle over Bammer’s bald head – “no offense,” he stops to tell Okerlund – before saying that he, the ladies and Biggs will be headed to Los Angeles on a Lear jet after the match. “And maybe you [Okerlund], if you can stop being a dirty old man for five minutes”…Kanyon is pretty good at this pro wrestling thing sometimes… Kevin Nash cuts Bret’s hair even though Bret is not actually shown on camera…That looks like yarn, not hair…Logically, why wouldn't the camera person show that they're not actually cutting Bret's hair?...Are they on the nWo dole?...Larry Z. wants to go find Bret and win him over to their side, and he and Orndorff end up conducting a search after the commercial break… This episode of Thunder is never-ending…Just an awful show…Now, Kanyon (w/J. Biggs and ladies) comes out here for a Russo Special against Bam Bam Bigelow…Kanyon is a pro, so even against ’00 Bigelow in a Russo Special, he’s going to try hard and do some good work…Kanyon stops Bigelow from getting the bucket of champagne with a powerbomb…He goes up there himself…Bigelow crotches him by running into the ropes, then lands a back suplex…After a headbutt, he goes up, but Kanyon lands a low blow and then a super side Russian…There’s a standing ten count, and Kanyon is up first…He scores a few strikes, but runs himself into a Samoan Drop… The ladies run a distraction on the apron…One distracts the ref while the other tries to seduce Bam Bam…Bammer drops Kanyon from Greetings position and slobbers all over her…Kanyon gets his title belt, swings it, and lands a blow for two…Kanyon goes up and gets the bottle, but drops it after he tries to dive onto Bigelow with it and gets punched in the gut…Bigelow grabs the bottle, but tosses it away…He lands a diving headbutt to the balls and a Greetings from Asbury Park for three…. The Total Stingage runs down, attacks Bam Bam for some reason that I don’t get, and locks on a Scorpion Death Lock…Sting’s music plays and the lights go out…A spotlight shines on TTP, who freaks about the crow perched on the buckles…Um, why did Package attack Bam Bam?...This show makes zero logical sense…Kanyon grabs the bottle and smashes Bam Bam with it, then hits a Flatliner… Orndorff and Larry Z. find this yarn that is obviously not hair and consider where Bret might be…If they get fooled by a bunch of yarn and Bret swerves them, then I give up…Why in hell would WCW bring Russo back after this run?... Recap: DDP and Buff have a terrible feud… In a pre-taped interview, Okerlund is like DEM TITTIES SITTIN' NICE before shifting into journalism mode and asking Kimberly some questions about her life and her relationships with both Dallas and Buff…Okerlund does some yellow journalism nonsense while Kim tries to steer around Gene’s questions…He wants to know why Kim’s been off television…Kim’s like Dallas was like, you gotta get off TV, people are getting at you…Okerlund is like OH, YOU MEAN BUFF?! even though, I don’t know, Ric and David Flair definitely are the first people I’d think of who were getting at her…Okerlund says he’s not trying to be like Springer and then is like Springer…Honestly, the only good thing about this interview is basically getting to look at Kimberly…Other than the fulfillment of the male gaze, this interview has offered nothing and has not heated up this sub-zero feud… Some guy tapes up Nash’s ribs while Scott Steiner strategically hides a laid-out Bret’s head and Jarrett prepares for the main event tag match… Okerlund talks to Chris Benoit and Sid Vicious in the back…They threaten their opps… Jarrett (but not Nash) does some talking in the ring before the match. Jeff Jarrett “Slapnuts” Count: Only one...Jarrett is not good at talking in 2000…It’s all cuss words and “slapnuts”…Sid’s music cuts Jarrett off…Benoit follows behind him… The match immediately breaks down…Nash goes at Benoit on the floor while Sid throws blows at Jarrett in the ring…Sid rolls Jarrett and goozles him, but Nash jumps the guy from behind…Now there’s a switch in partners…Jarrett and Benoit obligabrawl in the aisle while Sid turns the tide against Nash…Nash hits a big boot, and Benoit recognizes that a Jackknife is probably near, so he runs back to the ring and attacks Nash… Finally, Charles Robinson asserts some control over the match and gets Nash and Sid to leave the ring as Jarrett takes advantage of a brief two-on-one advantage and continues to attack Benoit…You know, I thought this match was going to be pretty long, as it started about seventeen minutes before the end of this show, but I should have known better…We’re getting a show-closing angle…We speed run a Benoit FIP segment…Benoit comes back with no hot tag…He locks Jarrett in a Crippler Crossface, but Nash breaks it up, and the match breaks down again… Sid hits a big boot on Nash and preps a powerbomb, but Jarrett dumps Benoit to the floor and attacks…Sid fends both men off for a bit and ends up fighting Nash on the floor…Nash grabs the U.S. title, clocks Sid with it, and tosses it to Jarrett...Jarrett tries to hit Benoit with it, but whiffs…Benoit lands a back suplex and goes up top for a diving headbutt, but Nash shoves him from the top and right into the belt that Jarrett is still holding…Jarrett quickly lands a Stroke for three…That was acceptable enough televised wrestling… We cut to the back, where Scott Steiner is out and Bret Hart is gone… Okay, here’s the show-closing angle…Bret staggers out to his car and prepares to leave, but yells I AIN’T GOIN’ OUT LIKE THIS and walks back to the ring…He grabs a pipe on the way…Bret calls the nWo out…Nash and Jarrett come back to the ring with baseball bats…Funk and Arn go out there with weapons (a flaming branding iron and a bucket full of something, respectively)…Nash and Jarrett drop to the floor…So, Arn has a bucket of water, and he tosses it at Bret to smear Bret’s makeup that is masquerading as a black eye, but you can’t really see the smearing…Anyway, we’re not idiots and don’t need to see makeup smear to guess that contrite Bret pretending to rescind a heel turn = Bret’s still a heel…WCW sucks right now, man…Tenay accidentally calls them the NEW AGE OUTLAWS as Larry Z. and Orndorff hustle down here and fail to save Funk from Nash’s wrath…Whatever, this is the dumbest swerve of them all, somehow…At least so far…Funk low blows Nash and both men crawl toward the branding iron as the show ends… Boy, Souled Out is gonna suck, huh?...OWWWWWWWWWW…

I didn't think of Shamrock/Vader for Abbott/Lynn - good point - but Oklahoma doing Jarrett's misogynist gimmick was so obvious as to be silly, especially since Jarrett was still working that gimmick even after he left the WWF, taking it a whole month into his latest WCW run. 100%. It's only when Russo and Ferrara start booking matches so short that they don't have enough component parts of an American-style pro wrestling match to register as good most of the time that we have a problem with adding matches to the lists. The only matches that are good and under three minutes are top-level squashes. You can't do interesting, back-and-forth stuff in that amount of time. I think it's more impressive that Jeff Jarrett had a very good match with Billy Kidman in about four/five minutes on Nitro than him having a great ladder match with Chris Benoit in twelve-ish minutes on PPV.

Last up: WORST FEUDS Snap observations: This list piled on the bad feuds in 1999, especially in the Russo-Ferrara Era. I will note that I had Ric Flair/Hulk Hogan on this list initially, but Flair's work to make an effective heel turn kept it off this list (even if Hogan did absolutely nothing to support a face turn other than dressing in red-and-yellow again eventually, well after the Flair feud). I might go back and put Madusa/Evan Karagias on this list, but the thing about it is that they didn't really feud in the traditional sense until maybe the last week or ten days before Starrcade.

Next up: BEST FEUDS Snap observations: Two feuds made this list in 1999 - more than the number of feuds that I put on this list in 1995, 1996, and 1997 combined (!!). The nWo angle, as great as it was, did not do much to engender all-time feuds, though there were many good feuds that didn't reach the level of greatness for me in the midcard for those years. Weirdly, 1998 had the best midcard feuds for my tastes, which is a clear sign to me that WCW had to start shuffling guys up the card in 1998 to try and sustain popularity and just failed to execute. I did add one feud from 1995/1996 which I didn't originally add because I didn't start this Best Feuds list until after I got through the shows for those years.

Next up: THE ABSOLUTE DIRT WORST Snap observations: This year got started all wrong with two entries from the first Nitro of the year (featuring the Fingerpoke of Doom) and never got on track. 1999 was a more watchable year overall than people tend to claim it was for WCW, but don't get it twisted - there was a lot of bad stuff that was legendary in its badness.

Next up: HOLY SHIT, THAT WAS DUMB (BUT ENTERTAINING) MOMENTS Snap observations: The end of the Kevin Nash regime really had people not giving a fuck out here, especially Kevin Nash himself. Not that the beginning and middle of said regime also didn't have a lot of dumb shit going on.

Next up: Promos, Spots, and Skits that Aren’t Quite HOLY SHIT MOMENTS that Are Worth Watching/Adding to Your Playlist Snap observations: Ric Flair and Stevie Ray might have had the funniest exchange of any that I've seen in this watch-through in 1999. We needed to get those two into more promos and segments with one another.

Next up: HOLY SHIT, THAT WAS CLASSIC Promos, Spots, and Skits Snap observations: Only three additions in this dismal creative year; you can thank Disco Inferno and Sid Vicious for that.

Next up: Charming Uniquities Snap observations: Ernest Miller was coming into his own before he got injured, but before then, he lit up this list in 1999 with fun spots and goofy, enjoyable heel nonsense. I'd be remiss if I didn't mention Charles Robinson leading Gorgeous George to an entertaining match, then turning back around and having a fun tag match with Ric Flair against Randy Savage and Madusa on top of it.

Next up: Very Good (and Sometimes Pretty Great) TV and PPV Matches that Make Entertaining Candidates for a Nitro-era Playlist on YouTube Snap observations: For all Kevin Nash's faults as booker, his tenure still produced a steady stream of fun, interesting, and enjoyable matchups. Just by dint of WCW having lots of strong talent under contract and Nash ignoring Thunder, the spigot of watchable matches on the major WCW shows stayed on until Russo and Ferrara showed up. I can live with shorter matches, but not with constant overbooking that makes every match on the card like WCW's main events have traditionally been (where nothing matters until the inevitable run-ins). Also, Rey Misterio Jr. could make a case for being one of the all-time greats just on the strength of his consistent good-to-great matches on WCW television.

We blew right through the end of 1999 and into 2000 without me posting my updated lists! You'll see the added 1999 entrileswith the shows and dates listed next to them in parentheses as well as the stuff from 1995 - 1998 that was already on the list. First up: SmUgs’s Standouts – My Favorite Matches Snap observations: April of 1999 was a heck of a month for WCW from a match quality standpoint! I'm also staggered that Sid got on this list as many times as Bret Hart and Randy Savage combined - wild, since the Hitman and Macho Man are my two favorite wrestlers. I'm not sure what that says about me, Sid, Bret, or Savage. DDP, Raven, Saturn, and Chris Benoit sort of dominate this list, and I would never have guessed that I'd feel that way about these guys to varying degrees before this watch-through.

Show #222 – 10 January 2000 “The one that allows the babyfaces to stand tall for the first time in a long time” We’re coming to the final Souled Out show, the end of Bret Hart’s career as a regular competitor, and the end of the nWo as a going concern in WCW. This also might be the last Nitro for Malenko, Benoit, and Saturn (Eddy’s last Nitro appearance was probably a couple weeks ago). Oh, and we’re coming to the end of Vince Russo’s first stint in power – this is the last Nitro that he oversees until April. Suffice it to say that what’s going on behind the scenes with WCW is far more interesting than the nothing-happening feuds on the shows. Terry Funk gets out of a limo with Larry Z., Paul Orndorff, and Arn Anderson trailing behind him. Saturn and Asya walk down the ramp together, with Malenko and Douglas behind them; it looks like Saturn and Malenko will tag up against Konnan and Kidman (w/Rey Misterio Jr.). Douglas gets on commentary and crows about the Revolutions new mystery partner, and it’s Duggan, isn’t it? Davey Flair and Crowbar’s music plays two seconds into this match, and I guess it’s a triple-threat match for the tag titles. The champs run down here with Daffney in tow. We get a six-person brawl. Daffney screams a lot. She cackles when she’s not screaming. It’s still far more pleasant than the Fraudchise on commentary. Saturn and Malenko attack Misterio at ringside and beat him up in the aisle. Meanwhile, Crowbar lands an elbow on a kneeling Konnan. Oops, let’s get a shot of Saturn wandering the crowd for some reason and Malenko grabbing Rey. Douglas comes over to help, and they put Rey in a catering table so that Saturn can land a splash from up in the audience. This was a dumb table dive onto a table on concrete for a NOTHING of a Nitro match. No one will remember this wild spot tomorrow, which is too bad because it was spectacular. Davey Flair runs down the aisle and covers a winded Saturn for three to retain the tag titles. When you do a bunch of stuff all at once, none of it matters. Way to waste a high spot. There are no announced matches tonight because the Funker doesn’t do forward planning as commissioner. Tenay promises threatens segments with Stevie Ray talking about Harlem Heat’s future and a Buff Bagwell/DDP face-off. Also, if either man attacks the other during that last segment, the attacker will eat a huge fine. The nWo arrives. They got Scotty Steiner some ladies for his birthday. I think I see Major Gunns *sigh* in there. We cut to Funk and the vets, who have no ladies. They look grim. Rey Misterio Jr. takes an ambulance ride to really get over this freezing cold feud with the Revolution. Scotty Steiner decides to do the ladies two at a time in one of the least sexy segments on WCW television to date. Oklahoma (w/broom, bottle of barbecue sauce) gets in the ring, takes the mic, is not a fan of women in the workplace. He references Archie Bunker and Ralph Kramden because he's got cutting edge references in the year 2000. He issues an open challenge to any woman in the back. I could be watching Andy Kaufman do this whole gimmick, but way the hell better, instead. Asya hits the ring in response; actually, she enters the ring by sticking a standing backflip off the top rope. OK, that was a cool athletic feat. No one wants to see Ferrara wrestle, but at least he understands how to work on a basic level. He jumps Asya, who gets up and kicks her ass. Madusa comes down with her music playing in the middle of this match. She’s wearing a blue wig, and I think we missed Oklahoma bashing Asya with the bottle of sauce, and now he jumps Madusa as she gets in the ring and beats her with the broom. Oklahoma holds the cruiser belt up high – ugh – and makes off with it. Nash and Bret gather Scotty while he’s in the middle of sensual bliss because the nWo is headed to the ring to conduct some business. And by “business,” I mean “boring-ass talking.” Terry Funk and the vets come to the ring while Tony S. references Beyond the Mat to talk about how nutty the eternally-injured Funker is. Funker says that he’s been powerbombed through tons of stages, so Nash's stunt on Thunder isn't going to put him out of pro wrestling. Orndorff, Zybszko, and Arn are now under his employ, and he calls them the *sigh* Old Age Outlaws. Can you believe how much influence on professional wrestling Billy Gunn and Road Dogg have in the year 2000? Holy hell. Arn promises payback to the nWo as soon as possible. Larry Z. yammers for a bit before Orndorff points out the Power Plant attendees in the crowd and talks about tradition for a while. Buffalo is bored with all this stuff. Jarrett wears a Titans jersey to the ring, this time to troll the Buffalo crowd about the Music City Miracle. Bills fans are so used to losing that it barely fazes them. Nash makes a quip about the new Nitro start time allowing the vets in the ring to squeeze in an early bird special, then makes fun of Funk’s clothes being from Target. I don’t know, their Goodfellow t-shirts are cheap, soft, and last a long time. Funk responds by making a few matches. Jeff Jarrett is booked in a replica of his match for Souled Out: A straight up wrestling match, a Bunkhouse Brawl, and a cage match. Each of those matches will be against one of the OAO vets a different vet not already in the OAO. I remembered that this happened at some point. Jarrett promises to stretch Zbyszko’s ass like it’s never been stretched before, which sounds like something that Scotty Steiner would say to the ladies in the back, and somehow that wouldn’t get bleeped, but the word “bastard” would. So Funk promises Jarrett three secret old-timey vets as his opponents. OK, let’s see if I can remember or suss things out while these guys do some shitty banter back and forth. One is Steamboat, if I recall correctly. Steamboat/Jarrett sounds awesome. Who else might there be? If I were running a cage match and I were Vince Russo, I’d get Snuka to do a cage dive because I’d like to reference old WWF spots that no one in the modern WCW crowd remembers. OK, so I’ll guess Steamboat in the regular match, Dusty Rhodes in the Bunkhouse Brawl, and Snuka in the cage match. Let’s see if I’m right. Also, Funk makes Benoit the special ref for all three matches, and then books the Hitman against Kevin Nash for the WCW World Heavyweight Championship. Bret isn’t interested in this, but Funk threatens to suspend both he and Nash for a year without pay if he doesn’t try to win it. Nash and Bret say they’re rich, bitch, and they’re cool with losing a year’s pay. Nash marble-mouths a joke about almost having finished a correspondence course in gynecology, and I hate this. Then, Steiner yells LISTEN HERE, TERRY FUNK, YOU OLD SON OF A BITCH and then gets bleeped for the next thirty seconds. Funk promises to wash Scotty’s mouth out with soap. That was SO LONG and completely uncompelling. The vets send Arn Anderson out to handle some business while Buff Bagwell and DDP enter the arena so they can do some more bad talking. We cut back to Arn, who opens the door of a limo and…is confused because he got the wrong limo. Then, there’s another commercial break. After the break, we find out that the person in the limo was Kimberly. We go to the ring, according to Tony S., but actually we go to a video package about Buff/DDP. This Nitro SUCKS, y’know? It really sucks. Okerlund is in the ring to conduct this showdown. Someone in his earpiece lets him know that DDP is going to enter first, but not until after Okerlund yells HE IS THE STUFF. Cue pause, then an awkward HE IS DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE from Gene. Buff gets out here next; Page is like STEP OFF, GEORGE OKERLUND. There is a countdown timer on this segment. They can’t attack each other for the full five minute segment, or they get fined, remember? So, Page and Buff just try to annoy one another by talking about banging Page’s wife and having teeny peeny weenies and stuff. Buff saying, “We’re just friends; I’m a great listener” about Kim is hilarious, though. Then again, this exchange happens: Buff: DON’T GO THERE; Page: I’M ALREADY THERE. So yeah, this mostly is hot-buttered farts in a box. We cut to Kimberly watching on a monitor backstage. This Springer-ass nonsense goes on for what feels fifty years longer than five mere minutes. Buff swears that he didn’t bang Kim, but Page heard THE BOYS telling him about Buff speaking on Kim’s special covered-up birthmark. Buff rightly points out that everyone saw it, I assumein Kim’s nude pictorial, but Page takes Buff as implying that the whole locker room banged Kim and punches him. I think the timer ran out, though. Kim pops up on the big screen, which holds DDP in thrall for long enough that Buff takes a police baton out from somewhere and yams Page with it while yelling I DIDN’T DO IT. Vile stuff. The Hitman and Nash bicker about who can beat whom after Jarrett leaves it to them to figure it out because he’s got three matches to prep for. Arn’s waiting on the car that is bringing in Jarrett’s opponents, and they pull up just in time for the next segment. Chris Benoit is not long for this company; he’s come back from Japan just in time to ref a few matches on Nitro, win the world title on Souled Out, and head off to New York. Jarrett is out next with a bin full of crap. The Old Age Outlaws hit the ramp to introduce…George “The Animal” Steele? For a Bunkhouse Brawl? OK, whatever, WCW. I guess I can squint and say that this works for a Buffalo crowd, but this is WCW, man. Get me a WCW old-timer. Russo and Ferrara can’t even do “beloved vet as a surprise wrestler” correctly. Jarrett proceeds to struggle to beat George Steele in a hardcore match. Steele eats a turnbuckle as Jarrett begs off and tries to leave, but the OAO bars Jarrett’s path. Jarrett comes back in and KABONGs Steele when Steele turns around after finishing his meal of turnbuckle fluff, but Arn plants Jarrett with a spinebuster and puts Steele on top of him; Benoit counts to three at a rate quicker than it takes three actual seconds to pass. On the one hand, the babyfaces sticking it to the nWo is way overdue. On the other hand, I don’t know if this was the way to do it. Scotty Steiner gets some champagne and two more ladies for continued sexin’. Jarrett exhorts Nash to throw Bret out of the nWo, but then follows up by saying that they can’t let the commish drive a wedge between them. Well, wouldn’t tossing Bret out do what the commish wants, Jarrett, you slowpoke? Okerlund is back in the ring to interview Stevie Ray. Stevie Ray Insults the World: “No-charisma Tony Schiavone,” “one-horse wonder Bobby Heenan” (?!). He kicks Okerlund out of the ring for being overpaid and bad at his job. Stevie is basically like Even though no one in this company (other than Sid) wanted us here, we fought to the top until Booker got the TV title and sold out, and I hate him, he’s so good and I’m so bad and I hate him and I hate myself. That’s the gist of this thing. Booker and Midnight hit the ring. Book is disappointed and finally washes his hands of Stevie for good. Book refuses to wrestle his brother, so Stevie slaps him. Booker acquiesces and will meet his jealous older brother at Souled Out. Jarrett argues with Bret about the world title match nonsense; Arn meets the second veteran brought in to be Jarrett’s opponent in the parking lot. Terry Funk introduces former WWF Intercontinental and Tag Team Champion Tito Santana for the second match of Jarrett's night! I wish Tito had spent more of his career in WCW from purely aesthetic preferences. Funk yells like an asshole on commentary while Jarrett makes his way to the ring, still wearing a Frank Wycheck Titans jersey. He shoves a Bills player in the front row, then celebrates. Orndorff comes over to break it up and gets shoved by Jarrett, too. This is a Dungeon Match, not a regular wrestling match, so it ends by pinfall, submission, or going to the floor. Hey, doesn’t a Malenko/Kidman match of this type end prematurely because of that last rule, or was it someone else? That match isn’t made for Souled Out, but maybe it happens on Thunder or something? Malenko's not long for this company, so it has to happen in the next couple of shows. Anyway, poor Tito has lost all his athleticism and tries to do spots that he can’t do anymore. It’s a real bummer. He takes about fifteen years to get himself over the top rope. The Bills player gets on the apron and shoves Jarrett into Orndorff, who hits a piledriver. Tito covers for three. The crowd in Buffalo did enjoy that segment, I’ll say that much. Oh no: Tank Abbott is going to talk in the ring. Man, this guy fucking SUCKS at pro wrestling. His insults suck. He sucks. He’s killing the vibes. He insults Doug Dellinger – “duck boy” – and did he take promo class with DDP? He offers Dellinger a free punch. I don’t give a shit about either of these bums. Fuck off, WCW. Dellinger comes down and throws a weak punch; Abbott takes Dellinger down. Security cuffs Abbott, and Flynn runs down and kicks him, then yells WHAT DO YOU THINK NOW, YEAH?! YEAH?! Abbott is in two feuds at the same time that are both abominable. Well, I got one right: Jimmy Snuka is the third Jarrett opponent for the cage match. Someone jumped referee Benoit in the back. Jeff Jarrett meets Jimmy Snuka in the cage. Jarrett grabs a mic and talks about how he and the Titans are the chosen ones, unlike the losers in Buffalo. He says that he’s already taken care of the ref, and now he’s ready to take care of Snuka. I guess it’s good that Benoit and Snuka aren’t in the same place at the same time, or we might have to get extra protection for the women in the building even with the cage surrounding the ring. Oh, wait, here comes Benoit, so never mind. LADIES, STAY BACK, THEY’RE DANGEROUS. Jarrett tries to keep Benoit from stepping into the cage while also grounding Snuka, but he can’t turn his attention in multiple directions forever, and Benoit eventually gets in the cage and kicks his ass. He goes up for a diving headbutt, but Jarrett cuts him off and leaves the cage through the door to get his guitar. Larry Z. and Orndorff troop down and beat the hell out of Jarrett before he can use it. Bret and Nash are too focused on their upcoming title bout and Steiner is too focused on getting laid to help Jarrett, who gets laid out and Superfly Splashed/diving headbutted from opposite corners of the cage before Snuka covers and Benoit counts the three. Buffalo enjoyed the hell out of that, and it’s partially down to Jarrett garnering heel heat in any way he could. How come Jarrett sucked so bad as lead heel in TNA? He obviously knows how to be an effective upper-card heel. Is this Bret Hart’s last wrestling match as a full-time competitor (and at all for like a decade)? I don’t know if he wrestles on Thunder, so this match against Nash might be it. Steiner is tied up in the back, so I don’t know if the ladies spiked his champagne or he just got too much snu-snu and passed out or what, but the OAO has captured him. Funk washes his mouth out with a bar of soap as promised. Alright, back to this match. It actually gets eleven minutes, which is a surprise. Bret’s done some good work with Nash in the past, and this is as okay it can be in 2000 WCW with a post-concussion-syndrome afflicted Hitman in it. They trade blows to start; the Hitman gets a rope burn in there, but Nash clubs him down. Basically, it’s a slow brawl until Bret begs off as a feint and kicks Nash’s knee, then works it over for a couple of minutes. I am so bummed that we’re coming to the end of the road with the Hitman. WCW never did use him in a way that made sense. He spent most of his time in this company as a heel even though he suffered the screwjob and the neglectful death of his brother and the fans’ sympathies were often with him. Three heel turns, none of them which made any sense. We never got the Hogan match, either. What a waste. This WCW run was calamitous. What strikes me the most is that the Hitman never got a single WCW match on my Favorites list. The Benoit match in Kansas City is far and away the best thing he’s done as a WCW employee, and he managed to have a terrible feud with Sting in 1998. At least he got paid for way fewer dates, I guess. Anyway, Nash scores a couple of two counts, so Bret swings a leg into Nash’s balls as it looks like the nWo is finally, finally cooked. Long live the nWo, but thank goodness it’s about dead. Bret whiffs on a second-rope elbow – Nash has seen that one before – and Nash rolls over and gets two. He throws some soupbones at Bret and gets two more. Bret goes back to attacking Nash’s knee in desperation, but gets caught on a rope run and side slammed. Nash has had about enough of all this and leaves the ring to gather a chair. Arn Anderson, wearing a ref’s shirt, runs down and lays a steel pipe into Nash’s kidneys before Nash can get back in the ring. Arn tells Charles Robinson that he’s being relieved as ref for this match. Bret grabs the chair and focuses on him and doesn’t see Sid run down; Sid throws a big boot that knocks the chair back into the Hitman’s dome, then chokeslams and powerbombs him (yuuuuuuuck) as the cage comes down over the ring. Sid covers and Arn counts three, so, uh, I guess the Bret/Nash match is a no contest. After the match, Terry Funk walks down holding a flaming branding iron and brands Nash’s midsection. Nice to see the babyfaces get one over on the heels for once! This Nitro was ass, though. The babyfaces finally scoring some victories isn’t enough to do much for me in the midst of all these garbage angles. -8 out of 5 Stinger Splashes.

Thunder Interlude – show number ninety-three – 6 January 2000 "The WCW Gang, having exhumed the body of the nWo angle, continues to desecrate it with bad segments and weak angles" I did update the review for the final Nitro of 1999 thanks to twiztor, in case anyone reading this is interested…Rick Steiner tried to kill PG-13, so it was worth watching the part that the Network cut out!... Let’s Thunder our way into 2000… Review: It’s a very talky review of a very talky Nitro… The nWo drags a beaten and handcuffed Arn Anderson into the arena… I forgot that Madusa is the Cruiserweight Champ…Yuck…She comes to the ring, Spice in tow, to defend her gold against Asya…Hold on, I thought Oklahoma and Madusa feuded over this belt…There is barely another week before Ferrara gets shunted out of his creative role, right?...Or wait, did he stay on under nKevin Sullivan?...I think he did, actually...I think he stayed until WCW's death, if I do recall correctly...Ah, on cue, here comes Oklahoma…I swear that I typed out my questions before Oklahoma’s theme hit… Oklahoma joins commentary…Dean Malenko and Shane Douglas come to ringside while Oklahoma rants about Madusa wrestling for titles instead of staying home and making her hubby a damn sandwich, etc., etc….Douglas joins commentary now…Oklahoma is too busy yammering to even let Douglas get a word in edgewise…Douglas instead gets on the apron and draws the ref while Saturn takes out Asya…Madusa hits a bridging German for three…Malenko and Douglas yell at Saturn while Madusa gets on the mic and runs down Oklahoma and the crowd chants U-S-A and the Filthy Animals’s music hits and the Filthy Animals clear the ring and off-camera, Oklahoma shatters his bottle of BBQ sauce over Madusa’s dome…That gets a run-on sentence because it all happened just like that with zero space for anything to breathe… Tonight’s bouts: Jeff Jarrett vs. Screamin’ Norman Smiley in a Bunkhouse Brawl for the U.S. Championship…David Flair and Crowbar vs. Konnan and Billy Kidman for the Tag Team Championships…THE WALL, BROTHER vs. Jerry Flynn in a Shoot Fight (because everything else is worked on this show, I guess)…Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Kevin Nash…In the middle of those matches being read off, Juventud Guerrera and Psicosis come to the ring…Juvi does his Dollar Tree Rock impression…Juvi rambles a lot and then tries to kick Tony S. off commentary…Tony S.: “The heck with you, man”…For some reason, his response cracked me up…Psicosis forcibly removes Tony from his position… Terry Funk immediately walks out, and what in hell is happening right now?...This has been an unbroken run of complete nonsense …Funk clobbers Psicosis, then dives over the table and punches Juvi…Funk powerbombs Psicosis through the announce table…WOW, THANKS FOR USING PSICOSIS CORRECTLY, WCW…Fucking company…Funk gets in the ring with a microphone as the crowd chants TERRY, so you know, it worked…But look what they did to my boy Psicosis!...Funk threatens the nWo and tells them to bring Arn to the ring before he goes back there and gets him… Jeff Jarrett’s music hits while Funk cusses…Jarrett: WAIT A MINUTE OL’ SLAPPY MARSHAL ONE…The fuck is he talking about?...I played it back twice, and I think that’s what he said…I had the same look on my face that Nick Young does in that classic JPG/GIF with all the question marks… Jeff Jarrett “Slapnuts” Count: One, though maybe I should add the “slappy” comments to these counts…Anyway, they threaten one another over Arn’s safety… Finally, a commercial break…THANK GOODNESS…That opening thirteen minutes was too damn much… Okerlund talks to the male members of the Revolution backstage…Douglas challenges the Filthy Animals to a six-man tag at Souled Out…He promises a new member of the Revolution…Ugh…Saturn and Malenko talk as well…Malenko promises to eventually swing back around and make Duggan denounce the United States…They leave, and Juventud Guerrera runs up and tries to get Gene’s mic from him so that he can do the backstage interviewing…Okerlund is a lazy dude, so he gives up the mic… So, WCW cameras have caught up with the nWo torturing Arn with a bat-and-pipe beatdown, but apparently no one else in this company other than the lone WCW camera person shooting this can find them…*sigh*… Recap: Booker T. and Stevie Ray are at each other’s throats again…Why?...A woman, as usual…OBVIOUSLY BRO, WOMEN RUIN EVERYTHING UNLESS YOU’RE AT A STRIP CLUB, BRO… Gene Okerlund is still on in-ring interview duty, I suppose…He introduces Booker T., who marches out here with an unhappy look on his face…Booker says really the problems started back when Stevie got suspended and Book needed some backup…Booker is upset that Stevie slapjacked him in front of his own family on NEW YEAR'S EVIL, which didn't have any matches or segments to match the theme, by the way…Book makes an oopsie by saying that Stevie attacked him again “last night” even though this show is airing on Thursday…How many guys are going to be tripped up in interviews because WCW tapes Thunder on Tuesday nights?...Booker wants to come to an accord with Stevie and Midnight, but Stevie stomps out here and says that Midnight sucks and also that he started Harlem Heat so he gets to decide who can be in it…Stevie wants Booker to sign off on a match between Midnight and himself for later…Booker agrees, but he doesn’t want any funny stuff…Booker says that if Stevie wins, he can jettison Midnight, but if she wins, they are a trio whether Stevie likes it or not…Stevie can dig that, but he’s certain he’s going to win this one… Only the WCW camera person has been able to find the secret Arn Anderson torture spot…Daffney and Crowbar watch the nWo pour hot coffee on Arn on a monitor backstage and cackle…Dopey Dave looks conflicted, though…Even though he’s given Arn two crowbar shots in the past month… It’s JC Ice/And Wolfie D/If I don't miss my guess/They’re doin’ a J-O-B/…Chavo Jr. joins PG-13 to get into some trios tag action against Three Count…Helms runs at Chavo and gets punched in the jaw…This is all quick tags and high spots…It’s enjoyable, if way too short…Karagias hits a springboard crossbody on Wolfie to the floor…The match breaks down…Chavo tries a tornado DDT on Moore, but Helms uses his dancing circle to bonk Chavo in the head…Moore falls on top of Chavo for three…Three Count dances to celebrate…Once Ernest Miller gets back on the show to join Three Count and Jarrett, I’m going to end up rewinding ten seconds and muting a whole bunch on each show…It'll be worth it, though… Dopey Dave freaks out on Daffney and leaves to find Arn Anderson…Daffney and Crowbar give zero fucks and go back to giggling… On one hand, Terry Funk is a shitty boss for physically attacking WCW’s security team while yelling DO SOMETHING RIGHT…On the other hand, WCW’s security team is next-level bad in kayfabe…I have an idea...Why not ask a WCW camera person if they know where Arn is?... Recap: The BLOCK still exists for some reason, and Jerry Flynn and Tank Abbott like tangling within it… THE WALL, BROTHER wrestles Jerry Flynn next…Flynn is wearing a clean-white tee and kickboxing pants…That is some high-level "not giving a shit" attire from Flynn…Tank Abbott walks out immediately…Literally, as Flynn and TW,B circle one another right after the bell rings, he comes out to a generic rock them…Tank joins commentary…I mean, if he can figure out the headset, he will…This is a SHOOT fight, unlike all the other fights on this show…Abbott is fucking dreadful with his dumbass quips on the mic…Just vile…Get me Ken Shamrock calmly talking about how he’s going to punch a guy in the neck instead…What if I just muted it and listened to Three Count’s theme as an alternative?...Abbott tries to get “huckleberry” over as an insult for Flynn, then gets up and punches Flynn after the latter squares up to him at ringside…TW,B covers for three…Abbott knocks out TW,B, then lands another punch on Doug Dellinger as security runs out to stop him…This is objectively a fairly well-executed turbo-push of a midcarder, but unfortunately, that midcarder is sorry-ass Tank Abbott… Dopey Dave is backstage looking for Arn when he comes across a wary Terry Funk… OK, here’s Jeff Jarrett to defend his United States Championship…Why wouldn't Funk come out here with a bunch of security dudes, beat the shit out of him, and drag him off somewhere to, uh, interrogate him?...Instead, Jarrett walks around free and clear, doing taunts and shit while waiting for Norman Smiley to come to the ring…A Juggalo in the crowd thinks that SMILEY IS HARDCORE, at least according to his sign…Tenay notes that Thunder is soon moving to Wednesday and away from the weekly ass whippings it’s been receiving from Smackdown! on Thursdays… Jarrett swings, Norman screams…Norm manages to reverse a whip into a drop toehold into a trash can…Norm hits a couple trash can lid shots and then thinks about wiggling…There’s a weird spot in which I guess Norm ducked a cowbell shot…It looks strange and doesn't register with much visual clarity…Smiley swings Jarrett’s cowbell and strikes home…He covers, but Jarrett gets a boot on the ropes…Norm doesn’t notice and dances in celebration, which allows Jarrett to land a guitar shot and the Stroke for three… Ah, here’s Terry Funk…Alone, of course, because he’s still nominally a babyface…Jarrett gets in Funk’s face…Dopey Dave sneaks up from behind and chokes out Jarrett with his crowbar…Funk handcuffs Jarrett as Dave continues to apply pressure to Jarrett’s throat…We go to break as Funk demands that the nWo get out here…We come back to Funk landing a few trash can lid shots to Jarrett's forehead as the rest of the nWo walks out, dragging Arn with them…Nash says that if Jarrett takes more damage, they’ll toss Arn off the stage and onto the cement…Nash challenges Funk to a match at Souled Out…The stips are that if Funk wins, the nWo is dead, and if Nash wins, he becomes the new commish… Oh boy, more wrestling matches with “transfer of power” stips…It’s like we never left 1999, huh?...Why would Bill Busch even allow this if he’s so intensely concerned with who is running WCW in kayfabe?...Funk agrees as long as it’s a hardcore match, as long as the rest of the nWo is barred from ringside, and as long as Bret Hart faces him later on Thunder…Oh no…It’s also a hardcore match…Oh…Nooooooooooooo…Anyway, this talky-talk goes on too long and is sub-average…Terry Funk tries to say “cajones,” but it comes out as “kahunas”…Bret: “How ‘bout we make ourselves a little swap here, Beirut-style?”…Arn tries to fight Jarrett as Jarrett passes him…Bret pops him one with the bat…This nWo angle has been the worst… Disco and Vito collect protection money from local merchants…Disco's bad at the job, so he trades his Rolex to get some money to take back to the mobsters…Disco pretends that he smacked the guy around to get the money…This angle also sucks quite badly… Terry Funk tries to attend to Arn Anderson backstage, and Stevie Ray busts in to make some pre-match demands…He wants Booker barred from ringside in his upcoming match…Funk doesn’t give a shit and just agrees…Man, this dude SUCKS at being commissioner…Could Commissioner Nash be that much worse?...Uh, I mean "that much worse" in kayfabe, of course... Stevie Ray matches up with Midnight next…Midnight ducks a clothesline and lands a dropkick…Again, there is a worker who ends up as a solid base for other women somewhere in Midnight, but her development and usage is all wrong…She’s not getting anything useful out of being that size, but having to wrestle small against larger dudes…Stevie lands punches and a clothesline, then mean mugs the hard cam…A Stevie scoop slam and elbow drop should end it, but Stevie pulls her up at two…Stevie’s playing a dangerous game…Much like a cheerleader in a horror movie who has sex in the back seat, he’s playing with dangerous tropes…Stevie pulls Midnight up at two again and goes to ye olde chinlocke…Is Midnight wrestling in Lugz?...And if so, why?...Stevie lands a side slam and takes out his slapjack…Booker runs down, jumps on the apron, and demands that Stevie give him the weapon and win it fairly…Stevie hands it over, shoots Midnight in, and lands a powerslam…He colloquially plays with his food instead of just going for a pinfall, gets small packaged, and loses…Booker and Midnight embrace as Stevie complains to the ref…Stevie temporarily acquiesces and hugs Midnight, then slips away, grabs his slapjack, and uses it to great effect on both her and Booker…This angle, can you believe it, also sucks!... Okerlund talks to the Filthy Animals…Konnan speaks on this, but Juvi cuts in...He walks up with a lady…The lady claims to be attracted to Okerlund, and he leaves with her…Juvi steps in to continue the interview, and he and Kidman attempt to do something that I believe is meant to pass for comedy… Okerlund begrudgingly does his job in the ring, which he states that he plans to finish up before going back to his hotel room and fucking this lady - to the cheers of the Florence, South Carolina crowd, might I add…DDP comes to the ring for the interview…Page complains about Buff trying to bang Kimberly…Page invites Buff out to refute his claims, but Buff is nowhere to be seen…This angle ALSO sucks…All the angles in this company suck…Page starts SHOOTIN’ about Bagwell’s first wife leaving him because he’s a cheater…Who gives a single, solitary fuck…Move it along…Page is like BUFF IS GAY…WELL, I MEAN, HE’S BISEXUAL SINCE HE ALSO TRIED TO SLEEP WITH MY WIFE, I GUESS IS MORE ACCURATE TO SAY…AND HE HAS A TINY PENIS…ALL OF THESE THINGS ARE BAD AND BUFF IS BAD TOO…Buff apparently is unmoved by discussions of his sexuality – I’m glad that he’s comfortable with himself - but how dare anyone say that he’s got a teeny peeny!...He runs out and has a brawl with Page that ends up in the crowd… This lady pretends to want to bang Gene Okerlund…Or maybe she really does want to bang Gene Okerlund…Who am I to say?... Juvi tries to interview Bam Bam, who is not pleased with Juvi’s interviewing skills and wants to know where Okerlund is…Kanyon runs up and breaks a champagne bottle over Bammer’s head…Juvi did get me to laugh by saying, “Come on, Shampoo, gimme some juice”…It was just so dumb that it got to me… Kevin Nash comes to the ring for this hardcore match with Bam Bam Bigelow that I guess isn’t going to happen…Nash holds up someone’s SCOTT HALL MADE WRESTLING sign…Bammer is still out in the back…Scott Steiner and Jeff Jarrett run up on the guy, beat on him some more, and knock him into a wheelbarrow…They roll the knocked out Bam Bam to the ring…Nash hits some weak bat shots while the ref calls for the bell… Konnan and Kidman (w/Rey Misterio Jr.) come to the ring for what Kidman thinks is going to be a coronation based on his comments in that earlier interview…Eddy Guerrero is apparently out after getting elbow surgery…He’s three weeks out from another elbow injury in what is some bad luck for him…David Flair and Crowbar (w/Daffney) enter the ring…Let’s not take the belts off these two anytime soon, actually…Even if Dopey Dave can’t really work, just have them wrestle garbage matches with lots of creative gaga for the finishes…Can you believe that I said “let’s not take the belt off him” about David fuckin’ Flair?!... Crowbar is a solid worker and has a decent opening sequence with Kidman…He scores a nice spinning back elbow, then lays in kicks and thrusts in the corner…He runs into a boot in the other corner, though, and gets hit with a headscissors and a dropkick…Dave gets his ass beat by Kidman…I think I typed once that I prefer Hudson to Tenay as lead commentator…I’m going to walk that back a little…Hudson’s a bit much for me…I like him, but he comes off as inauthentic a lot of the time, like he’s trying very hard to hit a great call…I don't think I prefer Tenay to Hudson, mind you...I'm neutral in preference as of now...I do prefer Tony S. to both on lead PBP, though...Even burned out late-stage WCW Tony S.... Flair and Kidman exchange control until a Flair blind tag brings Crowbar in for a nice missile dropkick…Crowbar goes to the apron and hits a slingshot guillotine legdrop for two…Konnan, who hasn’t been in the ring yet, gets in there and hits Crowbar with a DDT to give Kidman a chance to try and tag…Crowbar manages a release German to stop that, but then he tries a powerbomb…Whoopsie!...Kidman hits his face crusher counter and goes up for an SSP, but Flair wanders over and trips him…Crowbar tries a super Frankensteiner, but Misterio grabs Kidman’s pants and anchors him to the buckles as Crowbar crashes to the mat below… Arn Anderson hobbles down as Konnan hits a hot tag…Konnan lands a sit-out facebuster on Dave and tries to wrap him in a Tequila Sunrise…Arn gets on the apron and clocks Konnan with a crowbar…Dave rolls over and covers for three…Rey threatens to crack Arn with his crutch as Arn begs off…The Revolution runs down and jumps Rey…Konnan eventually grabs a crutch, then a pipe to help fight off the Revs…Crowbar is pretty good, is what I got from that match… This unfortunate Terry Funk/Bret Hart hardcore bout is our main event for the night…I am not going to enjoy this whatsoever…In a night with matches full of weapon shots, this match is certainly one of them…Funk’s stupid ass is taking chair shots to the head in a nothing Thunder match for some reason…He’s Terry Funk, that’s the reason…The man lived a life full of pointless chair shots, and I’m sure he’d do it all again in a hot second…Funk makes a comeback after taking a beating…Hart takes a couple of weapon shots to the head…Urgh… Funk tries to hit a trash-can assisted moonsault, whiffs, and eats another chair to the dome…Here comes the end-of-match fuckery…Bret Pillmanizes Funk’s leg, then KOs the ref…We cut to the back where Arn tries to put on a ref shirt…Dopey Dave comes up and says that he’ll ref the match for Arn…He locks Arn in the dressing room to keep him out of the in-ring melee…Speaking of what's happeningin the ring, the rest of the nWo comes down and attacks Funk, who I think maybe made a comeback?...Bret was down, but we didn’t see how…We were watching Arn and Dave in the back…Nash jumps Flair in the aisle…The other nWo members clobber David, then corral Daffney when she runs in…Meanwhile, Nash drags Funk to the top of the stage and powerbombs him through it… Are y’all telling me that Funk is going to be the new commissioner for fewer than two weeks?...There’s no way Nash loses at Souled Out, right?...WCW is very stupid, but in an annoying way, not a fun one…Crowbar was a bright spot and could be key to reviving the cruiserweight division along with Chavo, Kidman, and Three Count, but otherwise, this show was pretty dire…OWWWWW…

I finished Astro. The final boss takes a lot from Sega, both very specifically from an older Sega game in one way and more generally from a more recent Sega game in another way. There's one post-game challenge left to do, but I'll tackle it later in the week. Edit: Finished the early this morning over coffee, found the swept up the last few achievements in a few minutes, and popped the platinum in about 22 hours. It's been seven years since Super Mario Odyssey, and this and Bowser's Fury really helped me with that gap. I'm interested to see what EAD comes back with (probably?) next year or 2026 at the absolute latest.

It could have been how I wrote it up with minimal editing, but it was probably mostly Russo! I know you wrote this with tongue at least somewhat firmly in cheek, but he kind of was. You can draw a line from this nonsense to CM Punk replicating his "pipe bomb" promo to diminishing success, every worked-shoot THE PROMOTER IN THE COMPANY I JUST JUMPED FROM DIDN'T PUSH ME LIKE HE SHOULD HAVE debut promo, all of that. He's an extra in a crowd full of kids! Possible, but in kayfabe, Russo would have done said chewing-out on TV because RATINGS, BRO It is entirely possible that I switched them myself. It is also entirely possible that Tony S. said it that way. WCW in late 1999/early 2000, everybody! It wears all of us down! I'm sure Scotty invited the top brokers at Goldman-Sachs to some fine dining with him at his former Shoney's location. He is a truly awful micworker. He's a good promo guy, but a bad "heavy on catchphrases" promo guy, which is what 1999/2000 calls for. "Don't piss me off" is barely acceptable. "Slapnuts," on the other hand, is embarrassing. Well, they were trying to win it. Remember, Arn wasn't around when the tournament started. Heck, Nash was trying to win it before Arn showed up in the ref's outfit. Arn's the guy who battered him with an international object and quickly counted the pin. True to Funk's promise, Nash and Steiner were screwed out of the tournament. They just took immediate revenge on Arn for doing so. I said it in that post, but David Flair, Crowbar, and Daffney are at least an interesting trio, and Crowbar can do the bulk of the wrestling and get by just fine, especially with the truncated match lengths of early aughts WCW. I agree with you completely on Davey and Crowbar being theoretically interesting tag champs.

Alright, with almost everything collected and only the final boss stuff left to play, I think it's safe for me to rank my favorite PS-game-themed levels from Astro Bot. I'll spoil them just in case you're planning to play and you want to be surprised.

Show #221 – 3 January 2000 “The one that goes back to two hours (YESSSS) and stuffs that two hours with lots of mediocre talking and a bad tag title tournament (NOOOOO)” IN THE YEAR TWO THOOOOOOUSANNNNND…IN THE YEAR TWO THHHOUUUUUUUSSSSAAAAANNNND…*stares deeply into the camera with a light shining up from underneath my chin, talks in slightly nasally voice of a late-night TV host*…Scientists learn that free radicals cause aging and disease in the body. Wrestling fans learn that freed Radicalz are caused by aging and disease in WCW’s body…IN THE YEAR TWO THOOOOOOOOUUUUSAAAAAND… We have finally made it to the year 2000; it’s the final full year of WCW television, which I’m sure would have made at least a few Turner execs pleased had they known it at the time. Nitro is back to two hours! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! Recap: The nWo swaps one Scott for another and destroys another one of Sid’s cars. A plane pulls up to the airport in Greenville. Apparently, Bill Busch has hired a new WCW Commissioner, a position which was vacated by Roddy Piper when he, I don’t know, became Ric Flair’s Vice President? Was re-assigned to refereeing duty by Vince Russo? One of those two events caused Piper to vacate the office, I think. Damn Russo for whatever mistakes he’s made as a booker, but this dude makes tournament brackets! I commend him for that! Here are our Lethal Lottery Tag Team Title matchups based on the brackets: Group #1: Buzzkill and Mike Rotundo/a vs. the Harris Boys; PG-13 vs. Kevin Nash and Scott Steiner Group #2: Lash LeRoux and Midnight vs. David Flair and Crowbar; Screamin’ Norman Smiley and Asya vs. Chris Kanyon and Buff Bagwell The rest of the tournament will play out tonight, and is there any question as to who will win this? I mean, if I squint, maybe Flair and Crowbar come out of their side of the bracket and get a lot of help from Benoit/Sid/whomever on the run-in to take the titles, but really? It seems almost too obvious which team is winning this. We’ll know if Russo is at his most swervealicious if he finds a way not to take the most obvious route (which is also probably the correct route to take). Buzzkill comes out to knockoff NAO music and verbally knocks off his annoying, yet very over brother in the other company. He joins Mike Rotundo/a (w/Leia Meow, Sullivan) in the ring for their match against the Harris Boys. These dickheads make Leia drag a trampoline out like the dastardly heels they are. Then they make her do jumping jacks while bouncing on it like the magnificent babyfaces they are. Why the hell are we letting Rotundo/a talk? He shits on Clemson and says that they don’t deserve to wear orange (like his beloved Syracuse does, of course). The Harris Boys get out here as Sully joins the desk. Rick Steiner’s not here, in a facetious comment made by Sully, because he egged another professor’s house and Sullivan punished him for it; Tenay can’t resist and calls Sully “a harsh taskmaster.” Oh you. Miss Hancock comes out and shoves Leia off the trampoline; Standards & Practices covers her up. Sully and Rotundo/a chase S&P down the aisle, leaving Buzzkill alone to get H-Bombed for the loss. Sully and Rotundo/a come back to the ring, boot a downed Buzzkill, and spark a short brawl with the Harris Boys before backing off. Tony S., along with hyping the reveal of a new WCW commissioner and running through another recap of the nWo’s antics from last week, says that Sid ducked the brunt of the giant monster truck attack and will be cleared to wrestle Bret at Souled Out. Ah, but will Bret be cleared to wrestle Sid? No. No, he won’t be. There are going to be a lot of title changes this year, so I think I’ll track the number of World Heavyweight Championship changes. I know that’s been long done in a somewhat (in)famous video, so I’ll also track the World Tag Team Championship and U.S. Championship changes, just to get a running count of title changes for the only three titles in the company that currently matter (though the World Cruiserweight Championship will be meaningful again later in the year). Note: VACANT will count as a champion for the purposes of these trackers. The nWo debates whether or not this new commissioner is important to the nWo's plans as they watch the show on a monitor. Nash jokes that the new commish is a toss-up between Orson Bean and Tom Zenk. Ah, Nash and his random references. They all wonder where Bret is until the monitor shows him arriving. The monitor also shows Sid, wearing a neck brace, as he runs up on Bret and beats the crap out of him. After the break, the nWo is on the scene, and they beat the shit out of the medics who are attempting to help Bret. Boy, they keep teasing this new commissioner being revealed, and it had better deliver if we’re going to keep getting shots of the commish’s motorcade. Diamond Dallas Page interviews with Okerlund about his Last Man Standing Match against Buff Bagwell at Souled Out, and Page hits an insider comment by asking why WCW sent him a ticket to this show if he already said he wasn’t wrestling again until he got Buff in the ring, then claiming that WCW’s travel office is a wasteful bunch of dopes. Ha. Ha. Curt Hennig accosts Page and says that TPtB is demanding that Page get in the ring tonight. Page asks who is in the ring now; Hennig mentions that PG-13 are headed out there. Page asserts that he’ll be out there, too. PG-13 enters the ring; we see a replay of Rick Steiner kicking the shit out of PG-13 last week even after he’d already destroyed them, which led to a reverse decision that allowed PG-13 to move on in the tournament. Wow, these guys are just here to get killed for a few shows, I guess. JC Ice insults a dude in the crowd by pointing out his ears: “Looks like your mama had an affair with Dumbo!” Tony S. misses a chance to land a reference of his own by saying that PG-13 is glad to move on in the tournament by “any means at all.” NECESSARY, Tony. By any means NECESSARY. Page comes out in street clothes and rolls PG-13 before the match. JC Ice gets a TKO-style Diamond Cutter; Wolfie D gets a super Diamond Cutter after being crotched on the top rope. Scott Steiner and Kevin Nash come to the ring as Page leaves through the crowd. Production plays the Wolfpac music. Tony S.: WOLFPAC MUSIC! Production realizes their mistake and plays “Rockhouse” instead. Tony S.: nWo MUSIC! Hahahaha. Nash gets in the ring, drags Wolfie D to a neutral corner, then drops a measured elbow on JC Ice and hooks Ice’s trunks for three. Nash and Steiner spray paint PG-13. What a tag tournament! The nWo heads to the ring as commentary tosses around potential commissioners: Bob Geigel and Ric Flair are named. Bret complains about not getting any respect and informs Sid, the “big, stupid dummy,” that he’s in for it at Souled Out. He’s really boring, honestly. Let’s move it along and get to the next storyline beat. The Hitman gives the rest of the nWo the night off, then hands the mic to Jeff Jarrett. Jarrett says SLAPPY NEW YEAR, which is really awful, and then yammers on for a while. Basically, he runs down Chris Benoit. It’s a mediocre promo. MOVE IT ALONG, FELLA. Benoit is apparently wrestling for New Japan tonight. Nash wants more microphones so they don’t have to pass this one around. He does rightly point out that the commissioner is just going to make rules that the nWo will invariably break. Scotty says that the crowd obviously liked him when he almost retired last week, but he doesn’t like them. He’s more of a suit-and-tie Wall Street sort of guy, not a, uh, “tobacco-chewin’ inbred WHITE TRASH” type of guy. Steiner obviously cut the best promo of these guys. After a shot of the limo arriving at the arena, we get David Flair and Crowbar (w/Daffney) entering the ring for their match against Lash LeRoux and Midnight. We see a replay in which Stevie uses his slapjack to bonk LeRoux right on top of Booker’s body for three from last week. Lash pratfalls out of shock when Midnight appears in front of him. Midnight, annoyed: C’mon, man. That made me chuckle. Dave is extremely awkward in the ring tonight, but at least I can kind of explain it away because he’s not entirely in control of his mental faculties in kayfabe. Stevie Ray joins commentary. Stevie Ray Insults the World: Calls Midnight a “jacked-up hoochie,” calls Tenay a “minister of propaganda” when Tenay insinuates that Stevie is jealous of Midnight and then tells Tenay to call the match in front of him for once in his life – HAHAHAHAHA. Stevie ranting on commentary is amazing, and he also manages to stick in a kind word for Crowbar and calls him a tough guy. He also goes off at Heenan about commentary always putting over the Steiners and Outsiders, but never Harlem Heat. Stevie gets sick of watching Midnight stand on the apron and goes over to exhort Lash to tag Midnight in. She tags in and controls Crowbar, even pressing Lash right onto him. She then cartwheels behind Crowbar and dropkicks him, but Stevie trips her on a rope run. Midnight is able to tag Lash before Stevie drags her all the way out to the floor. So, a lot happens now: First, Booker runs out, shoves Stevie away from Midnight, and gets slumped by Stevie with the slapjack. Second, Disco and the Mamalukes come out to observe Lash, who lands a Whiplash on Crowbar, but is beaten down by the Mamalukes while the referee is outside dealing with Midnight and Harlem Heat. Third, Crowbar jumps David Flair, then drags him on top of Lash after Vito hits the erstwhile LeRoux with an elevated DDT. That gets three. Man, that was a LOT of shit going on at once. After the break, Lash yells at Disco backstage because of the Mamalukes attack on him in the previous match. Disco is apologetic, but he doesn’t step in when the Mamalukes jump LeRoux and kick the hell out of him. The Total Sting-age and Liz cut another parodic in-ring promo. Sting-age says that after that embarrassing loss against Package, he needs to redeem himself in front of all the Stingers. He says that there’s some “useless, no-name wrestler” in the back that they’ve lined up for him, and he’s half right: Tank Abbott walks to the ring. Package ain’t having any of that. He backs away. He begs off. He tries to scare Abbott by howling like Sting. Liz jumps up on the apron and maces Abbott, and Luger takes the DQ loss. Jerry Flynn, who was soundly beaten by Abbott on the previous Nitro, comes out to dead silence and gets some revenge against the maced Abbott. Meanwhile, a crow perches in front of TTP as he walks back up the entryway, which scares the bejeezus out of the guy. The nWo heads outside with baseball bats and prepares to crack up the limo with the new commish in it; security floods the scene. Rob Carter, a WCW exec who really wants to be on television, comes out here as the bored South Carolina crowd just wants some pro wrestling, dammit. Or for the Horsemen to show up. Carter says “the writers” have “ironclad contracts.” Nearly true! The only legal out Turner wrote into those contracts is if one of the writers suggests making Tank Abbott the World Heavyweight Champion. HURRY UP, WCW EXEC. You are boring and shitty and have no charisma. Just fucking introduce the new guy. The crowd starts WOOing, but they don’t get Ric Flair. They do get Terry Funk, though! That rules! The crowd seems either okay with it or bored. Mostly bored, but there’s a tiny pop. Tony S. tries to say that the crowd is stunned. No, the guys they showed on camera were ready to chug their brews with excitement once Flair came out here, but they’re now disappointed. Anyway, I’m glad to see Terry Funk on my television, as always. This is actually pretty logical as a choice. He’s a former NWA World Champion who cares about JCP’s progeny, WCW, and can both work and talk. He cuts a promo about loving pro wrestling, but – and I haven’t mentioned this – he says that TPtB are giving people stupid gimmicks. This has been something that wrestlers have said in past promos; specifically, Piper also mentioned TPtB foisting dumb gimmicks on guys. Why are we talking about writers giving guys gimmicks in promos? Stupid. Anyway, Funk says he needs an enforcer, then introduces his first hire, Arn Anderson. The crowd is definitely more into this announcement. Arn gets the mic, and a WE WANT FLAIR chant fires up. Seriously, WCW really shat on their fans in the Carolinas by not giving them Flair or booking Flair to look like an ass in front of them during this era. The problem is that Flair and Funk keep mentioning Russo and Ferrara, but the crowd doesn’t react because, you know, who the fuck are those two to them? Maybe you could get away with this in front of modern American wrestling fans in 2024 – it would probably work to do a promo like this in front of an AEW crowd, for example – but Southern wrestling fans in 2000 aren’t typically scrolling Online Onslaught or DDT Digest to see the hottest SCOOPZ. They just show up to the arena to see Flair WOO and put some chump in a Figure Four. The nWo hits the top of the ramp to respond. There has been way too much talking on this two-hour show. Give me some fucking pro wrestling in the ring already. Bret bores the shit out of me as he says that Funk will be put out of pro wrestling one way or another. Terry Funk responds by adding stips to the Hitman/Sid match at Souled Out. First, the nWo causing a DQ will allow the title to change hands. Second, Arn Anderson will be the special referee for the bout. Funk also books Jarrett against Sid for the United States Championship in a Powerbomb Match later tonight. He finishes his speech by telling Nash and Steiner that he plans to screw them out of the tag title tournament. Nash: “Hey Funk, first off, I thought you were dead.” Then, he yammers on, lets everyone know he’s seen Tombstone, all that sort of thing. I think he’s referenced Tombstone at least once or twice before, so maybe that’s one of his favorite flicks. Nash threatens to find David Flair and commit violence against him to hurt Arn. That was WAY too much talking, and none of it was interesting. When we come back from break, Funk and Arn direct WCW Security Forces and reinforce one another’s confidence in being able to combat the nWo. Buff Bagwell and Chris Kanyon (w/ladies, sans J. Biggs) meet Norman Smiley and Asya in the last of the quarterfinal matches. Kanyon is wearing Year 2000 glasses. Of course. Kanyon insults Buff’s movie career by saying that his movies suck. I mean, No Holds Barred really did suck. He does say that Buff’s a better wrestler than actor and offers Buff the champagne bottle for his exemplary work in carrying their team through the first round of the tag tournament. Buff responds by bigging up Greenville, saying that Kanyon sucks, and claiming that he doesn’t like champagne. Really? You don’t like a mimosa, even? Buff knocks out Kanyon by smashing the champagne bottle over his head. Meanwhile, Norman Smiley comes out in the mascot’s costume for the minor-league Greenville Grrrowl hockey team. Buff works this one alone again since Kanyon is indisposed. The Greenville Grrrowl’s mascot is a dog named Grrruff. Smiley does Bagwell’s dance and wiggles a bit after knocking down Buff, so Buff beats him up. Asya eventually tags in and hits an elbow to the *ahem* lower abdomen, but Buff blocks her vertical suplex attempt and hits one of his own. Asya tags Norm back in…and dances. Then, he gets beaten up. Finally, he screams. Asya jumps in and Buff holds them off until Asya low blows Buff. Norm tries to hit Buff with the mascot head, but Buff ducks and Norm clocks Asya, then eats a Blockbuster for three. Saturn jumps Buff after the match, but then Asya and Saturn beef with one another because no group or stable can ever be harmonious for long in the Russo-Ferrara Era. Hacksaw Duggan runs down with the 2x4 and beats up the dudes in the Revolution. I guess he came out to save Asya or something? Eventually, the dudes stomp him out while Asya complains about it, but Kidman and Konnan run in and make the save. Arn and Funk try to find David Flair backstage before the nWo finds him. This goes on both before and after the commercial break, and eventually, Funk runs into Daffney, who cackles after sharing that she has an idea where Dopey Dave might be. Kevin Nash and Scott Steiner hit the ring. OK, so I assumed that these guys were the clear winners of the tournament, but if Funk does manage to screw them in either their semifinal match against the Harris Boys or in the final, who wins this thing? Please, not these charisma-free twin idiots. I’d even rather have Buff and Kanyon be tag champs. Dopey Dave and Crowbar seem like the best bet, though. Scotty gets on commentary while Nash gets ponged around in the ring. Nash takes a bat from Scotty; that draws the ref’s attention, and the Varsity Club sneaks up and attacks the Harris Boys, then tosses Ra/oD back in so Steiner can get in the ring and get an easy pinfall, *sigh*. Daffney won’t tell Funk or Arn where Dopey Dave is. She stomps away, cackling all the while, but Jeff Jarrett manages to pop out and grab her as she heads down the hallway. Buff Bagwell is back out to face David Flair and Crowbar. Let’s see if Davey makes it out here. Hell, let’s see if Kanyon makes it out here, first. Nope: Bam Bam beats the shit out of Kanyon before the latter can even walk down the ramp, so Bagwell will be alone once more. Bammer slams Kanyon off the stage and through a table, then leaves. Davey and Crowbar do make it to the ring together – no Daffney – and weirdly, Vampiro comes out here. He tells Buff I DON’T LIKE YOU, BUT I WANT THEM as Buff turns to Tony S. and yells SCHIAVONE, WHAT IS HE DOING OUT HERE?! I guess Vampiro is now Buff’s partner in this extremely dumb tournament. It’s still a better tag tournament than the one in early 1999, but only because it’s much, much shorter. Flair and Arn come out and talk to David Flair, who shrieks a lot. Funk: WHAT IN THE WORLD IS WRONG WITH YOU?! Arn, talking to Funk: “He’s just got bad people around him!” We see mostly Arn and Funk talking to Dopey Dave and barely see Vampiro hit Crowbar with a superplex. This is a hot mess, obviously. Vamp gets irritated that Arn and Funk are out here in the middle of his match, so he goes to the floor and shoves Arn; Funk pops Vamp one in response. Meanwhile, Buff has given up on this dumbass tournament and hits Vampiro with a Blockbuster when Vamp finds his way back into the ring; Flair enters the ring next and covers Vampiro for three. Jeff Jarrett is out immediately to face Sid in that Powerbomb Match. Oops, no, never you mind. What I meant to type is that Jarrett has Daffney in a chokehold, and the rest of the nWo is here. Steiner: “One thing about you Flairs is you’ve always surrounded yourself with ugly women. I mean, this BITCH is uglier than your mother!” Did I mention that Scott Steiner is a truly vile heel? Totally unlikeable, as a heel should be. But wait, how did Dopey Dave and Crowbar miss the nWo and Daffney? They went right up the ramp and backstage, and the nWo came out immediately after their match. Like, Vampiro was hustling out of there, the timing was so tight on these segments. Sid (w/neck brace) heads to the ring to face Jeff Jarrett in that Powerbomb Match. This is a zero of a match that manages to sneak an obligabrawl in, right in front of a bunch of Power Plant “elite,” as Tony S. calls them! I catch glimpses of Chuck Palumbo and Elix Skipper in there. Meanwhile, Jarrett attacks the neck, but runs into a big boot and a chokeslam anyway, so the nWo runs down to spoil the match and attack Sid after a ref bump and a Sid powerbomb that the ref is too bumped to see. Slick Johnson doesn’t buy it when Sid tells him that he hit a powerbomb. Is Slick still on the TPtB’s payroll, or what? I’m going to assume so to make it logically come together that Slick would buy Nash’s claim that he powerbombed Sid at Starrcade, but not Sid’s claim that he powerbombed Jarrett. Medics come down to help Sid after the nWo batters him with baseball bats, but Jarrett uses his bat to knock them out. Crowbar and Dopey Dave tear up the backstage area in an attempt to find Daffney. Tony S. drops Larry Z.’s “game of human chess” cliché as Kevin Nash and Scott Steiner (w/baseball bats) come to the ring for the finals of the tag title tournament. Dopey Dave and Crowbar run out here all aggy; the bell rings, but there’s not a ref. Steiner handles Crowbar at ringside, then joins commentary while Nash controls Flair in the ring and looks around for a ref to count a quick three. Some fan hangs over the rail to jaw at Scotty, who responds thusly: “What are you lookin’ at, white trash? Get outta my face. Look at you. You look like SHIT.” WOW. Scotty is on one tonight. OK, so Scotty follows this up by questioning Tony, asking him how much “white trash” he estimates is in the building. Tony S. declines to answer, to Steiner’s incredulousness, but Tenay says, “Well, we are in Greenville, South Carolina.” Tony S., dryly: “And Tenay turns heel.” I mean, I didn’t expect that from Tenay, either. Geez. Heenan: “Would the answer be all?” Scotty, who has only been complimentary toward Heenan tonight, gives him a hearty congratulations for supplying the answer he was looking for. Meanwhile, Nash beats the hell out of Flair and Crowbar in between bitching about the lack of a ref. Scotty: WHAT THE HELL IS A HURRICANRANA?! A HURRICANRANA?! THAT’S A FRANKENSTEINER! THAT’S BULLSHIT! WHERE DO YOU COME FROM, ANYWAYS? Arn Anderson comes out and takes over as ref; Nash crotch chops him, so Arn picks up Davey's golden crowbar and tags Nash with it as Nash sets Davey up for a Jackknife. Security blocks off Scotty at the desk as Arn drags Davey on top of Nash and counts three. WCW World Tag Team Championship title change count: One. Dave backs away from the ring with the tag belts, and Jarrett comes up behind him with Daffney in tow. Jarrett gives Dave the signal and Dave uses the golden crowbar to tag Arn at the base of his neck. Jarrett makes the exchange and gives Daffney back as Arn is laid out. Jarrett and Bret beat down Arn in the aisle while Scotty Steiner and Nash beat down Funk in the ring. Bret and Jarrett drag Arn backstage; Funk is deadweight for a powerbomb, but eventually gets himself up and over for Nash. Meanwhile, Bret and Jarrett stuff Arn into the trunk of a car; Steiner and Nash join them, and they all drive off, threatening to crush the car with the monster truck and explode Arn’s neck for good. Boy, that show was one awful, talking-and-angle-heavy show. But at least it was only two hours! -6 out of 5 Stinger Splashes.

Nice! Thanks so much. As soon as it's done uploading, I'll take a look at it.

Super Mario Odyssey is one of my two favorite games ever made, and this does fit into that vein. Much like an EAD 3D Mario, it has a blend of platforming and exploring that is perfectly balanced, and it is easy to get into, but will challenge you if you're trying to 100% clear things. It also throws a ton of level design and gameplay variety at you, like a 3D version of Super Mario Bros. 3. Every level, you get some new mechanic to play around with. And like EAD's Mario games, it also has "that level," or the level where you realize the sheer amount of creativity in the game and start to expand your understanding of how certain mechanics work. For me, that level in Astro is Downsize Surprise. That's the defining level of this game for me, the one I'd show anyone wondering if they should spend sixty bucks on this game. Edited to say that I just unlocked a hidden trophy for This game wants you to try shit. I love games that reward you for trying whatever comes to mind.

Astrobot is my GotY five hours in. Your move next, Echoes of Wisdom.

Show #220 – 27 December 1999 “The one that is NEW YEAR'S EVIL and also missing about a half-hour chunk on the Network” It’s Nitro: New Year’s Evil! More importantly, it’s the last Nitro of 1999! We made it through a notorious year of WCW wrestling that, in the midst of a lot of mediocre-to-bad stuff, actually had some pretty great matches and segments. Some good work has been overshadowed by the dumpster fire that it’s taken place within. Recap: Goldberg is on the warpath, at least if he still has both arms still functional after punching out the windows on Russo’s limo. The new nWo walks, and the only reason I mention this is that Scott Hall is noticeably absent. Welp. As Tenay narrates video Goldberg smashing out limo windows, he notes that this dumbass sliced a tendon in his arm. He smashed the hood of the limo and blood splattered everywhere – gross! Tony S. mentions that Scott Hall hasn’t been seen since Goldberg beat him up on Thunder. Tony S. says that Bill Busch sent in an angry memo stating that if Hall didn’t show up by the start of the show tonight, the Outsiders are stripped of the gold. Russo and Ferrara must acquiesce to Busch since he outranks them, but they’ve decided to book… *deep breath* A NEW YEAR’S EVIL LETHAL LOTTERY TAG TEAM TOURNAMENT TONIGHT ON NITROOOOOOO *whew* I guess it starts tonight and continues on the first Nitro of 2000. I assume this is adios to Scott Hall, and whether he pops up again for a short while in early 2000 or not, frankly, that guy should have been fired a long time ago. He was a walking mess for YEARS. And I note that Hall won four titles in 1999 and didn’t lose any of them in the ring – he won two U.S. Championships and forfeited both, won the World Tag titles and has now forfeited them, and won the TV title and tossed it in the trash. Absurd. Other matches tonight: Jeff Jarrett vs. Billy Kidman for the U.S. Championship; Bret Hart vs. Jerry Flynn (?!) for the World Heavyweight Championship; there will also be segments with TTP and Liz as well as Scott Steiner, who is purportedly retiring because his back is wrecked. Chris Kanyon (w/J. Biggs, ladies) hits the desk. Kanyon is wearing a headset and commentating his own entrance. Kanyon calls the upcoming year THE TWO TRIPLE ZERO. What a dork, and I say that as a compliment. Brian Knobbs comes out while Kanyon swears that the Oscars have been renamed the Kanyons and that he’s been nominated in a little-known category: Best Pro Wrestler Performance in a Major Motion Picture. Yeah, it’s good to have Kanyon back on WCW television. Knobbs and Bam Bam Bigelow go at it in a hardcore bout; Knobbs jumps Bammer while Bammer is getting in Kanyon’s face. This is a nothing trash match, so let’s talk about Kanyon on commentary instead, since that’s actually entertaining. Kanyon gave himself a belt for beating DDP and Bam Bam Bigelow both individually and in a triple threat, which he technically did! They brawl through the crowd while Kanyon tries to get through the swarm of people to commentate on the action up close: MOVE IT, MOVE IT, YA MARKS. Seriously, you can’t see anything, the fans are in the way of the brawl. I mean, seriously, it’s literally unwatchable, not just figuratively unwatchable. I think that Kanyon does something to Bigelow and Knobbs pins Bam Bam for three. What the hell was this? Fucking Craig Leathers (FCL!)! Syko Sid has been allowed to rent cars again; he shows up in one with Chris Benoit in tow. In the distance, we get a lingering shot of an nWo-branded monster truck. The remaining nWo members bully J.J. Dillon and sack tap him while handing over the tag titles. After a commercial break, the nWo members go outside, surround the monster truck and admire it, then declare that they have some business to attend to. Sid walks onto the ramp and bad mouths the nWo. He, Benoit, and Goldberg have formed an alliance of convenience to combat them. Might wanna get another third considering Goldberg’s injury, fellas. Sid announces that he’s received a WCW World Heavyweight Championship shot at Souled Out, but that’s not ever going to happen, as most clued-in American wrestling fans know even if they haven’t watched the actual shows from this era in WCW. Benoit comes out, takes the mic, and challenges Jeff Jarrett because RESPECT and EGO and GREED and such. Benoit is facing off with Jarrett at Souled Out, presumably for the U.S. Championship if Jarrett still has it. Benoit proposes something called a Triple Threat Theatre, basically a Three Stages of Hell Match. This one includes these matches: Dungeon Match, Bunkhouse Match, Caged Heat. I’m not entirely sure how the Dungeon Match is all that different from a Bunkhouse Match, but I’m not sure that anyone in power knows at this point either. The nWo spray paints Sid’s car. Well, at least it’s not crunched into a cube! That’s a bright side to this! [EDITOR'S NOTE: LOL, dear reader, LOL] The audio has been borked during this whole show so far, by the way. FCL! Sid and Benoit find the car. Sid is bummed, understandably. As another aside, Russo is putting up the re-formed nWo against the McMahon-Helmsley Era as his competing main angle. I don’t even like Triple H, and it's still not close. The McMahon-Helmsley Era angle was really good to my memory (though I haven't seen it since it originally aired, either). Buzzkill hits the ring, and Leia Meow is out next (w/The Varsity Club). Mike Rotundo/a is tagging with Buzzkill – it’s Lethal Lottery, remember? – to face Konnan (w/The Filthy Animals) and (of course) Dean Malenko (w/The Revolution). Ah, the “random” drawing for Lethal Lottery strikes again! Tony S. pretends to be surprised about this unlikely pairing, then says that Kevin Nash and “Scott” will be entering the tag tournament tonight. Something tells me that Scotty Steiner won’t actually be retiring! Rotundo/a and Malenko have like, the most Rotundo/a and Malenko opening ever. Buzzkill also kicks Malenko’s ass, so Malenko blindly tags Konnan, who takes over and immediately dominates the proceedings. Malenko decides that now is the time to attack Konnan, which sparks a brawl between the Filthy Animals and the Revolution. While that happens outside the ring, Asya tries to interfere. Leia Meow jumps on her back and draws the ref’s attention; Hacksaw Duggan runs down, clocks Malenko in the head with his 2x4, and leaves Malenko laying for an academic three count after Buzzkill makes the cover. Jeff Jarrett and Bret Hart yank some plugs out of a production truck backstage. The fuzzy picture caused by the plug yanking captures a limo pulling up. Rick Steiner meets the limo and helps brother Scott out of the back. Tony S. apologizes for the poor production that’s not up to WCW’s usual standards, by the way, and that got a guffaw out of me. Jeff Jarrett spray paints some walls. This would have been a lot more pioneering if it hadn’t happened multiple times on Nitro in 1996 and 1997, y’know. It’s Shane! He’s going to get mauled by Tank Abbott. Abbott does his whole deal. It is quite dull. Abbott wins by KO in about thirty seconds. Security immediately swarms the ring and backs Abbott away. Do you think Rick Steiner is excited about being in on a Scott Steiner fake injury angle for once? Promo: Thanks to Electronic Arts and WCW Mayhem for the Nintendo 64 and Game Boy Color consoles for supporting the Nitro New Year’s Evil sweepstakes! I’m shocked that WCW announced and successfully followed through on a sweepstakes, by the way. We get a shot of the row full of winners. Retrospective: This one covers Scott Steiner’s career, which won’t be over in terms of regular competition for another decade or so. This is actually a decent tribute, by the way, but that’s not going to get me to buy the SWERVE, BRO. Rick Steiner rolls Scotty out here in a wheelchair and a back brace. The crowd buys it, though, and why wouldn’t they? Scott's crying, for one thing, and WCW crowds are not used to Russo swerving left and right and then left again for every angle quite yet. Actually, Russo has been somewhat restrained about all the swerves, at least for him, in this first run. Scotty really sells this, by the way. He absolutely kills it in this segment. I’m shocked that this guy is crying. I didn’t know the Steiner Brothers even knew what tears were. The nWo music playing immediately after the speech should be the canary in the coal mine that Scotty is secretly as healed as much as a pro wrestler can possibly be. Bret: “Get your stinkin’ ass out of the ring because we don’t have time for a washed-up nobody like you. Scotty, I’ll be really honest: You were never very good anyway.” OK, that was so mean that it made me laugh. The crowd BOOOOS once they chuck Scotty's wheelchair out of the ring. Bret, speaking to the jeering crowd while trying not to burst into laughter: OH, STOP IT. Houston is legit pissed at these dudes. One of the PA’s at ringside gives Nash the WRAP IT UP, B treatment, so Jarrett goes out there and KABONGs him. Nash, faux-surprised: “Ohhhhhhh, it’s a break.” That was so dumb. What a dad joke from Nash. Anyway, these fellas garnered some legit heel heat and were extremely entertaining. Wait, they’re still here when we come back from break. Nash is mad that someone stole the nWo's bats from their locker room, then tells Bill Busch to chill in his nice Atlanta-area office and let the nWo and TPtB run things in WCW. Nash gives away the game by declaring: I PROMISE YOU THAT TONIGHT, SCOTT [no last name] WILL BE HERE. Nash amps up the cheap heat by declaring the Astrodome a shithole that they were supposed to tear down by now and then calling everyone a bunch of, and I quote, “Houston cowboy pussies.” They should have stopped at the break when they’d actually done some really good heeling. Bret’s talking now, and it’s not great like it was when he was shitting on Scotty Steiner. Jarrett calls this Nitro location the ASSHOLEDOME. OK, this nWo version is only good on the mic if they’re bullying other wrestlers, I guess. OK, we’re learning something about Turner S&P over the past handful of weeks: The word “pussy” = unbleeped. The word “asshole” = bleeped. The word “head” when it refers to a penis, even if used in a double entendre = bleeped. Huh. Sid and Benoit turn out to be the guy to have stolen the nWo's silver bats; they drive down the aisle in Sid’s tagged car, bust out of it, and clear the ring while swinging them. Curt Hennig runs in so that he can get beaten up and launched over the top rope and onto the hood of Sid’s caddy. I hope Sid got insurance on this ride. Thanks to twiztor, this next section of the review is being written based on his copy of the original show, Surge ads (collect all five WCW wrestler cans!) and all. Thanks, twiztor, for helping me out in the name of science! After said Surge ad (and a Randy Savage Slim Jim ad, the latter of which the folks who edited these for the Network tended to leave in their uploads), we see Curt Hennig get put in an ambulance. Harlem Heat come to the ring for their tag tournament match against Lash LeRoux and Midnight. We're in Houston, a fan holds up a WELCOME HOME sign for the Heat, and Tony S. thinks Booker and Stevie got an amazing break with this draw - I think it's obvious what's going to happen even if I didn't already know the result. LeRoux sucks; he can barely hit a victory roll. He's a mediocre athlete by pro wrestling standards and should maybe do stuff that he doesn't stink at. He has a touch of the Jericho to him. Booker has few issues with LeRux otherwise, and Stevie has even fewer. After Stevie tosses LeRoux into his corner, Midnight tags in. Midnight loses a lockup with Stevie, then has nothing for him on a shoulderblock. Midnight does win a suplex, which is when Booker blind tags himself in. Booker and Midnight have a decent segment, but Booker pulls off of a back kick. Booker is doing these sequences that are just a bit too complex and a bit too beyond Midnight at this point in her career. Nothing amazing, just switches and reversals. Anyway, Booker eases Midnight out of a backbreaker, and Stevie has enough. He gets in the ring, whips out his slapjack, and rings up Book for not taking the match seriously. He whaps Midnight with it as well, then tags LeRoux for good measure. LeRoux topples over onto Booker and gets a three that he knows nothing about. Chavo Jr. tries to catch up with Bret Hart backstage to sell him something, and tiny little Scream mask person jumps him from behind. OH NO, The Revolution does one of these ASSAULT ON AMERICA videos in front of the Washington Monument. They try to do comedy. It fails. I can't wait until Saturn and Malenko bust up out of here and hopefully end this Revolution nonsense for good. The Power Plant "Elite" are shown sitting in the crowd. "The future of this organization," Tony and Tenay say. In a sense, they're right; it's just a very brief future! Jerry Flynn, in a t-shirt and jeans comes to the ring to face the Hitman, who is, um, on jobber entrance? Why is the world champ getting a jobber entrance? This match is a zero with a shitty obligabrawl. On the other hand, Bret hits a nice DDT. I guess it was worth it for that. What's four minutes to get a sweet DDT, really? One thing that I'm shocked about is Jerry Flynn working from jobber to semi-pushed lower-midcard talent in like four years. I can't believe the guy is getting PPV matches in the year 2000! Bret apparently needs help from Jeff Jarrett to get Flynn in a Sharpshooter; after Jarrett uses a bat to knock Flynn out, Bret gets a KO victory with his finisher. Flynn is beaten and spray-painted after the match, and Tank Abbott comes out to fake a wellness check and then punches him to boot! That poor sap Jerry Flynn. Whoa, a WCW Road Report! Sid Vicious and Sting 2: The Stingening WCW videos are out and ready to purchase. Also, so is that TOO HOT FOR TV Nitro Girls video. Or maybe a different one? Who knows. What the hell? It's another fucking Revolution blipment. Saturn can be a fun and funny guy in promos, but he can't possibly rise above this stink. I'm still baffled at how the Revolution became an anti-American separatist group. Again, what the hell? Nash talks to Scott on the phone. BUT WHICH ONE, HUH? WHICH ONE?!?! PG-13 gets murked by Rick Steiner (and also Berlyn for a couple of minutes). The Memphis stalwarts hit the ring while wearing Eddie George and Frank Wycheck Titans jerseys. Wolfie D insults Houston about it. Bud Adams SUCKS. I stood with Houston Oilers fans, dammit! The powder blues and the oil derrick logo are classics, unlike this garbage-ass Houston Texans nonsense. What shitty branding. This match exists, and only for a short time, but Berlyn hits a sweet back suplex on Wolfie D, and Ricky Steiner throws about a billion suplexes that are somewhat reckless and kind of awesome. On top of that, I get to see Leia Meow in this segment. Yeah, this was okay! Saturn walks up to Janitor Duggan; he tells Duggan that they're partners against Asya and Norman Smiley. Saturn tries to make peace with Duggan, then calls Asya "jacked-up hoochie." I see someone was talking to Stevie in the back. Thus ends the portion of this review that was added after the original publication of this review. The adjusted Stinger Splash score is below. Thanks again, twiztor! Pre-taped promo: THE REVOLUTION’S ASSAULT ON AMERICA continues. This is extremely bad, but at least it's short. Saturn chases down a guy wearing a Bill Clinton match outside the White House while Douglas blathers on. No more of these, please. Screamin’ Norman Smiley is dressed like an umpire. I’m glad that he carved himself out a nice midcard niche on these shows, but they’re gonna need to iterate on Norm’s single joke, and they’re gonna need to do it sooner rather than later. Asya (w/The Revolution) gets the shot at Norm’s Hardcore Championship is Norm’s partner in the tag tournament. Sorry; they showed Smiley surviving last week’s title defense, and I assumed wrongly that it was leading in to another title defense for Norm. Their opponents: Saturn and Jim Duggan. Duggan beats up Saturn before Norm can even lock up with the latter. Norm jumps Saturn, hits a swinging slam, and teases a Big Wiggle. He doesn’t hit it, but does land a crisp vertical suplex for two. He smacks Saturn’s ass, but still doesn’t full-on wiggle. Instead, he dances way too much and gets caught with a release German. Saturn hits a bunch of suplexes on Norm, then goes up and lands a Savage Elbow. Of course, he lands it on Norm’s chest protector, so it’s ineffective. Norm tags out and Asya comes into the ring. Saturn lifts her up for a DVD, but lets her down and dismissively waves her over to Norm to tag back out. A miffed Asya, who isn’t good at pro wrestling, whiffs on a low blow before landing it the second time, then hits a weak clothesline. She puts Saturn up on the top rope and then takes awhile to figure out how to position herself to land a superplex before finally doing it. Asya walks back over and tags Norm, then is distracted by arguing with Malenko and Douglas, who are upset that she attacked Saturn. In the background, Duggan lands an Old Glory kneedrop on Saturn, and Norm covers Saturn for three. Asya belly-to-belly suplexes Norm; Duggan clears the ring with his 2x4 calls his family to the ring to celebrate, but Houston is more muted about that celebration than I expected. Promo: Souled Out on January 16th – wow, Russo is gone before that show. It’s already December 27th! Come to think about it, most of Russo’s dumbest ideas must come in his second run, then. Sure, this first Russo run has been bad, and there’s the December 20th Nitro episode that is a total nightmare even compared to the worst Nitros from Bischoff and Nash’s runs, but taken as a whole, I’d rather watch this three-month Russo run over Nash’s nine-month run every day, and I’d take any of Russo’s TV builds leading to PPV over Bischoff/Sullivan booking their way to Road Wild ’98. I’m also saying that about the run to Souled Out ahead of time, and I feel confident that I won’t have to change that statement, especially because I really hated a lot about Road Wild ’98, both the show and the build. Jeff Jarrett vs. Billy Kidman seems like it could be good, though I’m not sure that it’ll get enough time to really amp up. Tony S. talks about the Triple Threat Theatre match, and I recall what happens as soon as he talks about the matches again. Jarrett fights a different legend in each match while Benoit is moved into a match against Sid for the big gold. Actually, that sounds dope. Is Souled Out going to be good, maybe? Kidman tries to stay one step ahead of Jarrett, but he gets popped in the junk while throwing ten punches in the corner, and Jarrett takes over. He lands punches and whips Kidman hard into the corner, but Kidman lands a dropkick after ducking a clothesline. Kidman shoots Jarrett in and tries another dropkick, but Jarrett stops short, then catapults Kidman to the floor, where Bret and Nash run up on him. Nash bashes Kidman’s head into the apron and then tosses him back into the ring for Jarrett, who lands a nice stalling vertical suplex for two. Jarrett lands a lovely dropkick of his own, then goes up and hits a crossbody that Kidman rolls through for about 2.7. Jarrett is up first; he lands a nice right, chokes Kidman on the ropes, and then keeps the ref’s attention so that Nash can throw a soupbone before going back to the choke. Jarrett tries to leap onto Kidman’s back and crotches himself, but he recovers quickly enough to land a lariat for two. Jarrett tries a sleeper next. Funny: Heenan starts singing a lullaby as Kidman goes out, and Tony S. says, “Thank you, Lee Marshall.” BURN. Heenan responds with a WHY, YOU DIRTY...; that made me laugh. Anyway, Kidman fires up out of the sleeper and reverses it. Jarrett shoots him out of it and into the ropes, but Kidman ducks Jarrett’s arm and lands a Sky High for two. Kidman quickly climbs the ropes and hits a crossbody of his own for another two; Jarrett tries a suplex, but Kidman turns it into a sunset flip for two more. Kidman runs at Jarrett against the ropes, but Jarrett ducks and Nash pulls the top rope down so that Kidman flies to the floor. I wondered where the Filthy Animals were; they run down and attack the nWo, but Nash uses the baseball bat to knock down former Wolfpac partner Konnan. Bret and Eddy go at it outside the ring in what would be a dream match that probably only exists if you're playing Legends of Wrestling: Showdown, while Rey cracks Jarrett in the back with a crutch. Jarrett stumbles backward into a Kidman roll-up for…2.9. The crowd is hot for this, and it’s quite awesome, to be sure. Jarrett tries a powerbomb like an IDIOT and eats a facebuster. Heenan: NEVER SAW ANYTHING LIKE THAT. Come on, Heenan. Kidman goes up for an SSP, but Nash makes it over and tags Kidman’s ankle with the bat. Kidman topples to the mat, and Jarrett hooks him and lands a Stroke for three. That was excellent televised pro wrestling. After the match, the nWo uses their bats to beat down the Filthy Animals; Nash destroys Rey’s knee with the bat. OK, so zendragon said in a post upthread that he felt that it would have been better if Jarrett had stayed at the U.S. title level. I have to kinda disagree. Look, I was neutral-to-low on Jarrett coming into this watch, but his first WCW stint made me a huge fan, and this stint reinforces that he’s an excellent worker. He’s just not good enough to be the guy you build your main event around, but that’s like ninety-five percent of pro wrestlers. Hell, I could say that about Booker, Benoit, Nash. I’d even say that about Jericho, and Jericho is a guy who I think WCW desperately needed to hold onto for their corporate health (I think, like JBL, you get one long run out of Jericho as an annoying heel who barely holds onto the big gold, and then after that, he’s a spot guy at that level like everyone else I listed). Jarrett being in the world title mix and even holding it for a while is fine with me, but Russo wanting to build around him is a mistake, and NWA-TNA would soon prove why. Jarrett’s just not good enough to be a featured player long-term in your main event. But that's a high bar; he’s still pretty great! Okerlund says that he has the displeasure of introducing The Total Package and Liz; TTP, dressed as Sting, comes out to Sting’s music. Tony S. tells us that Sting is taking a few weeks off to make some purchases of local real estate and maybe relax in Aruba heal his wrist and head and should be back end of January 2000. Package is funny; Gene doesn’t like Package’s antics and Package pleads, “C’mon Gene, work with me here.” TTP pretends to be Sting and does some awful howls. Package-as-Sting, listing off facts to prove Package’s awesomeness: “Six-foot-four! OWWWWW! 275 pounds! OWWWWWW! Four percent body fat and a thirty-two inch waist! OWWWWW!” This guy is fantastic. Sting pulls an Undertaker: The lights go out while Package crows. When they come back on, Okerlund has disappeared and a bunch of black roses have appeared in the ring in his place. The crowd chants WE WANT STING, but Sting can’t hear your chants from the beach, where he’s sipping a Mai Tai. Nash, on the phone: “Scott, it’s—45 South Kirby. It’s a big dome building!” That’s also very funny. I’m sure Scott’ll be here in time. Holy shit, Tenay buries Hall by asking if “Scott” has a designated driver. Goddam! Fit Finlay comes out for another Lethal Lottery match. Guess who his partner is. Go on, guess! So, Fit Finlay and Meng face off with, uh, I’ll tell you in a second as Finlay and Meng start brawling before the second team even gets announced. The second team: The Harris Boys. This crowd is DEAD, folks. This turns into a senseless brawl that soon ends with Finlay and Meng being counted out after brawling with one another while the Harris Boys chillax in the ring. Eventually, as Meng and Finlay brawl up the aisle, the lights go out and someone attacks the Harris Boys. I thought they’d dropped that angle for a second. David and Daffney are way too into the very bad Oliver Stone joint Natural Born Killers. BOOO, we missed a Three Count performance. Vampiro has come into the ring and tossed Helms and Moore out of it, but left Karagias untouched, I suppose because Vampiro and Karagias are tagging up tonight. David Flair (w/Daffney) comes to the ring to tag with – of course – the Maestro (w/Symphony). Crowbar jumps Maestro in the aisle and knocks him out so that he can tag with David Flair instead. I am going to type something that I didn’t expect to type; I’m sort of enjoying lunatic David Flair right now. The Kimberly stuff sucked, but subtract her and add Daffney and Devon Storm, and this is actually a fun and weird little midcard gimmick. Vampiro, who hates pop music as a punk fan, hasn’t endeared himself to Evan Karagias, so he finds himself in a bad spot almost immediately as he catches a beatdown from Dopey Dave and Crowbar. Vampiro is able to hit a double-facebuster on a Dave-and-Crowbar duck-down, then tags in Karagias. Karagias tries a monkey flip, but gets tossed outside and then hit with a running splash off the apron. Karagias flips the momentum of the match and hits a crossbody to Crowbar on the outside. Vampiro clubs Dave and tries to pin him, but Karagias is the legal man. Vamp and Evan argue, and Vamp first dispatches of an onrushing Helms and Moore, then tosses Karagias. That leaves him alone, and Dave gets Vamp to the mat so that Crowbar can hit him with a legdrop to the balls. Still, Vampiro is able to dispatch of Crowbar and hit Dave with a Nail in the Coffin, but Three Count distracts the ref for long enough that Crowbar can hit Vampiro with a pipe and put Dave on top of him for three. Three Count clear the ring so they can re-start their dance routine. Dave does his fucking Running Man again, HAHAHAHA, and then he and Crowbar beat down Three Count with weapon shots before Daffney and Dave make out. Wait, hold on, this segment isn’t over. Lenny Lane, Lodi, and Stacy Standards & Practices and Miss Hancock hit the ring and tell Dopey Dave, Crowbar, and Daffney to stop their degenerate behavior or risk removal from Turner Network Television. Dave and Crowbar respond by whapping S&P in the head with their weapons. Let me paraphrase Tony S. here as he declares that this was the most bizarre segment he’s seen on WCW television. He’s not wrong, but this is a rare case where the busy, overbooked nonsense that Russo produces is actually very fun, if a giant mess. I don't know why it was fun. Maybe all these weird, different personalities clashing together was what made it work for me. The nWo worries about Scott making the show in time. Nash is sanguine about things. Disco Inferno is in Lethal Lottery, tagging with Big Vito. Kanyon opposes them alongside Buff Bagwell. Wait a minute: Tenay lists a bunch of teams who have advanced, and that includes Lash LeRoux and Midnight. Buh? Hold up: So, this episode showed the ‘technical difficulties” and “most complete form" notice at the beginning. That tells me something about why I didn’t see that match, but now I wonder what’s missing? Let’s check DDT Digest: Lash LeRoux and Midnight defeated Harlem Heat; discount Scream-mask person attacked Chavo Jr.; Bret Hart defeated Jerry Flynn; PG-13 defeated Berlyn and Rick Steiner. What the fuck? That’s like thirty minutes of wrestling that's gone missing! I don’t feel like I can even properly grade this thing with that much wrestling missing. I did some cursory searches for the missing matches and segments, but no dice on YT or DailyMotion. And it’s too bad for Russo’s side of the ledger, as I think I’ve pretty much liked this show. Johnny the Bull tries to get with Kanyon’s ladies, so Kanyon overprotectively marches them out of there and leaves Buff alone. Buff tries his best, but the numbers game gets to him and Vito and Disco take over. Buff ducks a lariat and hits a swinging neckbreaker, but he’s got no partner to whom he can make a hot tag. He throws punches at both Vito and Disco, then ducks a Disco chain shot that hits Vito instead. Buff lands a Blockbuster on Vito and wins this one on his own. Kevin Nash comes to the ring with the rest of the nWo for the final match of the night, a Lethal Lottery bout against Sid Vicious and THE WALL, BROTHER. Nash sells an upset stomach to try and stall for time, but it’s all a ruse! Jeff Jarrett gets on commentary while Nash attacks TW,B, who quickly turns things around. TW,B is big, but that’s about it. Being the heavy for a midcarder is about his ceiling. He hits a shitty back suplex/slam for two then throws a few more punches. Bret manages to land a pipe shot to TW,B’s lower back to help Nash get some space. Nash draws Sid and the ref in so that Jarrett can get a few shots in as well. The nWo uses misdirection to hammer TW,B until, after a ref bump, Sid jumps in and attacks Jarrett. Bret catches TW,B in the head with a bat shot and revives the ref while Nash covers him for three. Benoit runs in for the save as the nWo attacks Sid post-match, but Scott Steiner comes to the ring with a bat and attacks Sid as Sid sets up to powerbomb Jarrett. Scotty shows his nWo colors and hits the Hulkster cupped ear celebration. Leaflets fall from the sky like it’s 1996. Also, they load Sid into his car, which is still in the aisle, and drive it out to the back where Bret runs off toward the nWo monster truck; the truck crushes poor Sid’s car. It’s back to hailing cabs for that guy. I mean, if he’s still alive. One more thing, before I get to my final thoughts. Here are the winners of these first-round Lethal Lottery matches: Buzzkill and Mike Rotundo/a, Norman Smiley and Asya, David Flair and Crowbar, the Harris Boys, Lash LeRoux and Midnight, PG-13, Buff Bagwell and Kanyon, and Kevin Nash and Scott Steiner. This show gets a Provisional 2 out of 5 Stinger Splashes just for being consistently entertaining even with the typical Russo-Ferrara booking and layout issues, but this review and the score will be updated if and when I can get my eyes on the rest of this show, even if that somehow doesn’t happen for a few weeks/months/years(?!). If anyone knows where these matches and segments are online, please hook a dude up. Addendum (originally added on 9/8/24): After having seen the show in full, the addition of TWO Revolution vignettes and Bret getting a jobber entrance knocks this one down a half-Stinger Splash, but Rick Steiner killing PG-13 adds a quarter-Stinger Splash. The ultimate balance is as follows: 1.75 out of 5 Stinger Splashes.

I forgot to mention their Mayhem '99 match, which did make my Good Matches list as well. It was the opener, which helped quite a lot as it was only the first match of the night to have a fucky-fuck ending and not the sixth or eighth or whatever.

Thunder Interlude – show number ninety-two – 23 December 1999 "The WCW Gang invites you to sing along with Three Count for the first time" It’s the final Thunder of the year…I’ve nearly reached 2000 just in time for Astrobot (and Zelda!) to come out and my workload to pick back up…I’ve almost made it!... Of course, the downside is that Russo and Ferrara are still heading up the booking committee…And they brought back the nWo…I cannot wait until I’m done talking about that faction in these reviews outside of referencing the past…The distant past… We get a whole recap of the nWo re-forming on Nitro to start… FUCK, it’s “Rockhouse”…Here comes the nWo, and let’s look at the bright side – at least there’s no Hulkster out here…I have less than zero desire to boo Bret, I’m sorry…Why in the world would I want to do that?...In 1999, no less?...At the same time, I have no desire to cheer Jarrett (who is an excellent heel) or Hall and Nash (who vaguely annoy me at this point)…They run a super-cut of all the ways they swerved the fans and Goldberg...YES, WE ALL SAW THIS SWERVE COMING, RUSSO…It was obvious…Russo thinking he’s actually out here fooling people is pretty funny, in a way… Bret does make me laugh by calling himself “Fred Sanford” over some footage of him faking an injury…Poor Redd Foxx actually died of a heart attack and help was delayed because they thought he was doing his routine…Nash tries to get over that they fooled the ham ‘n eggers, but look, to get me mad that you fooled me, you’d have to get me to care first and then actually fool me second…Jarrett calls the crowd a “Slapnuts Convention,” and these four do NOT fit together at all…Jarrett: “This nWo is gonna be different; no bastardizing, no watering down…Cuz once you’ve had THE BLACK, you never go back”…I mean, I like Jeff Jarrett, but this was painful…Goldberg walks to the top of the ramp and is very upset about what happened to him on Nitro…Goldberg: “Compassion is DEAD, and so are you”…I kinda like that line… For the second year in a row, we have Goldberg losing at Starrcade so that he can case a re-formed nWo…Russo re-uses every idea he encounters, doesn’t he?...It’s wild that nothing this company has done has been able to cool Goldberg off…He’s a true megastar… The commentary desk is the same combo as on Nitro, but reconfigured so that Tenay is lead PBP man and Tony S. is on color…Tony’s just not comfortable in that role, I don’t think… Tonight’s matches: PG-13 vs. The Varsity Club; Hacksaw Duggan and the Filthy Animals vs. The Revolution; Norman Smiley vs. Fit Finlay in a Hardcore Championship match; Diamond Dallas Page vs. THE WALL, BROTHER; and a main event of Bret Hart defending the World Heavyweight Championship against Chris Benoit…Boy, Bret got a concussion and then got sent out to work the stiffest dudes around immediately after… Leia Meow does the splits in the back…This tawdry bit of male gaze camerawork is disgusting, just disgusting!...I can’t believe it…Let me just replay it a few times so that I can really feel that sense of disgust I’m talking about… (As you know by now, teenage me would have run through cinderblocks for Leia Meow)… Some dudes pull up on motorcycles…Who they are, we’ll find out later… Okerlund talks to Benoit about his title shot against the Hitman…Benoit cuts a mediocre babyface promo in which he’s shocked and appalled at Bret choosing the easy way of cutting corners over the hard way of commitment and sacrifice…He tries to get an emotional sort of “you let me down, Bret” promo over, but he’s just not good at projecting human emotions other than anger… PG-13 gets some work in dying days WCW against the Varsity Club…Wolfie D raps before the match…JC Ice asks whether this is supposed to be where The Big Boys Play…Yes, and the Nitro Grill is where The Big Boys Eat…Anyway, Leia Meow comes out here…And I guess the Varsity Club or whatever is with her…These dicks abuse poor Leia and make her do a bunch of fitness tests…Tenay demands more jumping jacks, that pervert…DISGUSTING…She should totally do more jumping jacks just so we can truly reveal what a perv Tenay is…Eventually, she leaves the ring and this WCW-ass WCW matchup begins…Steiner does more suplexes and lariats and less boring maulings, so all of a sudden, he’s watchable again…Sully opines upon the DC Screwjob over on commentary while Steiner and Rotundo/a dominate…They refuse to conform to the tag rules laid out in the match contract because they’re too busy dominating…The match gets thrown out, and Sully jumps in the ring and kicks the shit out of PG-13 as well….Steiner whips Leia in and she lands an elbow on Wolfie's junk…Leia is wearing a lei, and she puts it on Ice and kisses him before the Club tosses him out of the ring…They make her do some more push-ups after that…THOSE BRUTES… The biker guys, helmets still on, stomp through the halls backstage… Daffney encourages David as he attacks a guy working the drive-thru of a local restaurant for getting his order wrong… Hennig and Russo make fun of the rest of Russo’s Mooks, who I guess are out of a job now that the nWo exists…The bikers reveal themselves to be Creative Control; they jump in, attack Hennig, and complain about being used and then left out of this whole nWo reformation deal…They end up threatening Russo and leaving…I assure you that no one cares about you or your quest for vengeance, sirs…This has serious “Big Bubba Rogers goes on a quest for vengeance against the nWo” energy… The Filthy Animals (including Eddy Guerrero) troop to the ring…Hacksaw is out next…Tenay calls Duggan “a patriot…a true American”…He agreed to a stipulation, then didn’t follow through on it…What a scumbag…I’d like to think he’s not a true American based on those actions…Duggan and the Filthy Animals are the weirdest combo ever, maybe…This is some WAR-ass shit… Eddy tries to do some boilerplate patriotic stuff on the mic and I feel embarrassed for him…So wait, Kidman and Eddy patched things up off-screen, or like what?...I guess they did, and they ditched Torrie in a “bros before hoes” sort of deal…I only use that phrase because, look around, we’re in the Russo-Ferrara Era…Kidman says that he and Eddy only had problems because sometimes he “think[s] with the wrong head,” which gets bleeped…Kidman flouts Turner S&P and gets bleeped again…Konnan hits the Catchphrase Roulette, which is still over…Konnan gets bleeped…Hacksaw looks entirely shocked in the background at all the bleep-worthy comments his partners are making…This is actually pretty funny…Misterio gets bleeped dropping his "hump you like the dogs" catchphrase while Hacksaw awkwardly humps the air in support…What the fuck, man, this was so weird…And we still have a match to come…Duggan: “I’m not gonna use that SALTY language like these boys do”…Duggan tries to say the word “bitch,” but can’t do it and replaces it with HOOOOOOOO, which is genuinely funny… Aw man, now the Revolution is here…Malenko does some mic work in which he demands that everyone pledge allegiance to the Revolution’s flag…The crowd chants U-S-A…Saturn: “Okay, you know where you are, but can you spell it?”…Saturn helps Tony S. cross-promote the Turner networks by comparing the Filthy Animals getting beaten down by the Revs again and again to Fred Flintstone not understanding that the rack of ribs is too big for his car every episode…Tony S. at least doesn’t insult adult Cartoon Network watchers like the last time he cross-promoted the channel (Show #121)…Douglas vows to force Duggan to denounce America…I have to admit; live crowds are into this feud…I’ve come around to this use of Duggan as actually worthwhile to WCW television…It’s a midcard thing that has heat…It’s fine!...I can’t believe I typed any of that, though…Douglas calls everyone lazy welfare cheats, then drops a NOT like he’s Borat…This was such bad mic work from Douglas that I actually came around and enjoyed it as an example of goofy ‘80s heel mic work, but with more cusses…. This was all so dumb that I ended up enjoying immensely…This was the most talking from a bunch of people whom I typically don’t want to hear talk that I’ve ever enjoyed in my life… Russo books Curt Hennig and Jeff Jarrett to take on Creative Control; then, he makes a point of saying that he’s going to hide out in his white limo… Tank Abbott looks like a bum in this setting…He’s going to roll an entirely mis-used La Parka…Abbott clubbers and clubbers and no-sells a chair shot to the dome, but I don’t buy it…He clubbers Parka so bad that the ref calls for the bell and security tries to back Abbott off…Abbott puts Dellinger’s lights out before leaving… Norman Smiley prays for safety before his match with Fit Finlay…Smiley’s hiding while he prays, and he hears steps and thinks that it’s Fit…It’s Goldberg, so yeah, a bit more dangerous even than Fit…Smiley breathes a sigh of relief as Goldberg continues walking… We see a taped promo labeled TAFKAPI’s recording session number two…Uh, I didn’t see the first recording session…I guess that got cut for some reason…Paisley shits on the engineering guy for not understanding TAFKAPI’s lyrics… Norman Smiley is in college football gear this time around…He rolls a bin of crap to the ring for his match with Finlay…Fit kills poor Norm…Norm shrieks…Finlay beats Norm through the crowd…They wander into a concession stand, where Knobbs jumps Norm and helps Fit beat him down…Finlay orders Knobbs to bash Norm’s head into a lowering door, then plans to jam his head under it…Meng rushes up and destroys both of them before it happens…Meng drags Norm’s leg on top of Finlay and gets three…Smiley hugs Meng’s legs, but Meng was just being a dick to Fit rather than a friend to Norm…Norm gets TDG’d… Jarrett gets a note from Russo to come see him and crumples it, annoyed, as he’s on next… Ah, Goldberg left that note; he goozles Jarrett as Jarrett enters Russo’s destroyed office and tells him to take a message to the nWo…He’s gonna get the Outsiders first, Jarrett at some time in the future, and then “when Bret Hart stands alone, I’m gonna rip out his heart and eat it”…Bad ass, dude… Creative Control demands to be called the Harris Boys from now on…Man, these guys suck…Stop letting them talk, you idiots…Everything in this era is a blip…Creative Control lasted under that name with the suits for what, six weeks, eight weeks?...Alright, well, it’s not Gerald and/or Patrick and Patrick and/or Gerald anymore…Now it’s Ron and/or Don and Don and/or Ron…Hennig comes to the ring, but there’s no Jarrett when “Rockhouse” hits…Jarrett, of course, was accosted by Goldberg and is probably more concerned with other things…Hennig goes it alone and catches a beatdown…Hey, is Virgil/Vincent/Curly Bill/Shane off WCW television for good now?...If so, our long national nightmare is over!...Tenay is shocked that Tony S. can tell the difference between Ra/oD and Da/oR, but Tony replies that 1) he has twins, so he’s used to looking for differences and 2) the tattoos are the clue to telling them apart…I don’t care enough to see which twin has his SS tattoo on his left bicep and which twin has his SS tattoo on his right bicep, personally, so I’ll leave that to Tony…The Harris Boys win with a, um, side slam…The nWo runs down with baseball bats after the match and everyone in the group destroys the Harris Boys… The Harris Boys get loaded into an ambulance after the break… Chris Kanyon (w/J. Biggs and ladies) comes to the ring, obviously with a dubbed theme because it drowns out the commentary…Kanyon joins the desk while the Maestro plays and Symphony appreciates the music…Kanyon is pretty funny…He tells the commentators that they’re welcome because he got them into Ready to Rumble…Then he says that their acting stunk, but at least it’s not as bad as their commentary…A shocked Tenay starts to speak, so Kanyon says “Especially you” and then starts a BRING BACK JUVI chant…Man, Kanyon is pretty funny sometimes!...Oh, okay…the Maestro faces Bam Bam Bigelow next while Kanyon jabbers on at the desk…Bam Bam rolls over Maestro, but runs into a kick…The desk asks Kanyon about what’s in his suitcase…Kanyon says he got Hudson and Tenay some Rogaine…Bam Bam quickly shakes off the boot to the head and re-takes control…Symphony tries to cover Maestro so Bammer won’t drop a diving headbutt…Kanyon’s ladies get on the apron to distract the ref…J. Biggs tries to hit Bammer with the champagne bottle, but Bam Bam blocks it, takes the bottle, and cracks it over Biggs’s head…Kanyon takes a title belt out of the briefcase, then gets in the ring and mows down Bam Bam with it…Maestro rolls on top for three…Very busy match, especially the finish… Gene Okerlund asks DDP about getting cucked, to use a word that Russo probably wishes were in the common lexicon when he was writing television, to caley's point…Page: “FACT – Bagwell ain’t doin’ my wife Kimberly”…Every feud DDP has had this year outside of when he was the World Heavyweight Champion has been centered around Kimberly, have you noticed?...Page just exists to fight guys over their treatment of Kim…DDP, bumming me out, says that he overreacted when he saw Buff and Kim sitting together in the cafeteria and continues on to say, and I quote: “Hey, they want to make an angle out of this? Works for me.” Yes, please keep reminding me that this show isn’t grounded in anything real, you imbeciles…I already had no interest in DDP/Buff, but this promo managed to drive me into negative interest in that feud…DDP declares that he won’t be wrestling until he gets a match with Buff, so I guess tonight’s bout against THE WALL, BROTHER is off… Recap: Madusa and Evan, sittin’ in a tree/Evan got fooled by S-P-I-C-E…Lost his lady/Lost his belt/Got so mad he gave Chavo a welt/…Not my best work, but the best I could do on fewer than seven hours of sleep… Evan Karagias is in the ring to declare that he’s tired of playing around with these foolish women and plans to get all of womankind back by seducing as many of them as possible, and then YESSSSSSS FUCKING THREE COUNT IS HERE…YEAHHHHHH…Shane Helms and Shannon Moore make their first appearances on one of WCW’s two major shows in the Nitro Era…I shit on Russo all the time for having stupid ideas and bad gimmick concepts, but this one, in fact, totally rules…He should get his props for this…Now let me find out that it wasn’t his idea…I almost expect someone to post that it wasn’t his idea below… Karagias plans to steal all the girls from the fellas in the crowd, sleep with them, and then never call them again…Forming a boy band in the ‘90s is a good vehicle for using women as mere bodies with which to quell your inner pain…The Three Count music video plays…And for the first time in this watch, I hit mute and go to YouTube to restore the proper feeling for this trio…I love this gimmick, I am a huge fan of late-stage WCW Shane Helms, I dug their feud with the Jung Dragons…I’m now looking forward to something on WCW television…That feeling has been restricted mostly to bookers and execs going away lately...To be excited about actual pro wrestlers and angles rules…Anyway, Chavo attacks Three Count from behind and starts what should be a pretty great rivalry with Shane Helms from the jump…Chavo clears the ring and then dances poorly… David Flair stops for some gas and gets into it with gas station attendant Crowbar, in what is a night for debuts, I guess…Crowbar is a crazy dickhead, so David and Daffney vibe with the dude… After the break, Vampiro and the Misfits drive up on Dave at the gas station, jump him, and grab Daffney…Crowbar runs in and makes the save with a foam pipe… Poor Dave Penzer wears a neck brace and winces at the video of Crowbar going to town…He probably will be getting revenge on Davey Flair at some point…Tony S. announces that DDP’s walkout has caused Russo to change the THE WALL, BROTHER’s opponent to Kevin Nash…The trios tag is up next…It’s Konnan, Kidman, and Duggan against Malenko, Saturn, and Asya…Douglas gets on commentary…Kidman overcomes Malenko early…Malenko tags out and Saturn gets his ass beat next…Asya breaks up a two-count off a Kidman crossbody, so Kidman knocks her out of the ring…Kidman turns around into an actual T-Bone Suplex that dumps him damn near on the top of his head… Kidman is now the FIP…Saturn drops a sick Savage Elbow in the heel control segment for two…Then he tries a powerbomb, the foolish fool…So, Kidman manages a hot tag after that counter-facebuster and Duggan gets in the ring…He dominates Saturn, but Malenko grabs him…Duggan pops Malenko, but refuses to hit Asya, and that allows Saturn to low blow him…Douglas gets up and tries to get Duggan to denounce America while Shane chokes him over the middle ropes, but Duggan refuses…In fact, the demand fires him up…Duggan stalks Douglas outside the ring…Rey gets in the ring on his crutches and double-ball-shots Saturn and Malenko with the ends of said crutches…Kidman and Konnan hit double sunset flips on the hunched over Revolution members for three…Saturn and Malenko take Rey’s crutches and smash Konnan and Kidman with them after the match… Kevin Nash (w/Scott Hall) hits the ring for his match with THE WALL, BROTHER…Hall joins commentary…Nash hits a series of knees and elbows, then a boot choke…TW,B makes a comeback and lands punches and a running clothesline in the corner…TW,B runs into a boot on a corner charge, but ducks Nash’s follow-up clothesline and scores one of his own…TW,B looks for the goozle…Hall jumps in the ring with a bat and clobbers TW,B, drawing a disqualification…Bret Hart and Jeff Jarrett come down with bats and cans of silver spray paint…They mark TW,B while “Rockhouse” plays… Bret might as well stick around because he’s facing Chris Benoit next…Before that, THE WALL, BROTHER smashes his way off the gurney that he’s been placed upon in a rage and tears apart the backstage area in anger… Nash prepares to take a shower, and Hall lovingly caresses him and asks if he can join…No, wait, this is a wrestling show review and not someone's wrestling-focused slash fic blog on Tumblr...Hall walks around looking for a trainer…He (unfortunately for him) finds Goldberg…Meanwhile, we see Nash lathering up in the shower and singing…He asks Scott to hand him the conditioner, but he turns around and is grabbed by Goldberg…We cut to Hall, laid out through a table…We cut back to Nash, laid out in the shower…This was nonsense…FAAAAAAAAKE…Try not to remind me that I’m watching a television show…All the cuts and the camera tinting were immersion breaking... OK, now we get Bret/Benoit…Benoit immediately stomps out the Hitman…He continues chopping away during an obligabrawl that is sparked when Bret rolls out of the ring to escape…Bret manages to kick Benoit in the gut and take over…They get back in the ring, where the Hitman lands a nice inverted atomic drop…They fuck up a Benoit flip out of a side slam, but Bret moves things along like Benoit was supposed to drop ineffectually on his face…Benoit finally chops his way out of an assault in the corner…He lands a back elbow for two…A snap suplex gets two more…Let me give Russo some more credit…He finally made Benoit look like a legit main eventer with how he booked the guy…Benoit comes off like a dangerous potential company ace at this point…The Hitman regains control and drops headbutts, then chokes and clubs Benoit in the corner…His follow up whip gets reversed, though, and Bret takes a chest-first bump…In a cool sequence, Bret reverses a whip and positions Benoit for a side Russian, but Benoit catches Bret’s arm and drops into a Crippler Crossface…Jeff Jarrett runs down and KABONGs Benoit, then spray paints him…Goldberg runs down for the save and spears Jarrett while Bret escapes…That ending sucked, but the match was excellent and well worth checking out... We see Goldberg chase Bret to the back, but Bret takes off in his car…Hey, Russo’s white limo is there…Oh no, is this where Goldberg almost loses his own arm by smashing the limo’s windows?!...Are we about to end up with Goldberg and Bret both off WCW television indefinitely?!...I mean, Russo was a terrible booker, but he also had awful luck…He never should have been in a position to suggest Tank Abbott as emergency champ in the first place…And look, about that, they’re pushing Abbott like a mindless killer, so I can’t sit here and act like Russo came up with that out of nowhere…But that’s for later… For now, this Thunder got me excited about the future and had enough fun stuff on it that I give it a sound WOOO…

Of course there isn't. However, I do think that wrestling fandom has become something more, hmm, limited in cultural scope, maybe, since the territories died and WCW closed down. As much as WWE and AEW fans online go at one another, they basically like the exact same product: compelling storylines, big characters who they can identify with and root for, long matches full of cool moves and maybe a bunch of 2.9s and false finishes depending on how big the match is. Yes, these are all broad tropes related to pro wrestling, but WWE is basically Vegas or Times Square after their corporate cleanups, and as much as Tony Khan thinks differently, he's doing pretty much the same product except with more 2.9s and blood. Ted Turner was a Southerner who actually liked Southern-style wrestling, and once he lost control of his company, it was over for that style. That was the last style that was different in some appreciable way from the wrestling we have now. It took a while for me to get comfortable with its presentation, but I turned around on Lucha Underground after I stuck with it. Now I sorely miss it; it was the first U.S. promotion with national television since WCW died to actually feel like a different product from the major competition. I think this is a common story with a lot of modern American pop culture, though, not just wrestling. Between corporate consolidation, more corporate scrutiny of their popular IPs, and narrowing fandoms who are loud and visible enough to get creators to cater to them and their constantly-flowing dollars toward the product, quite a bit of pop culture feels blandly similar to me. There's a reason that I watch more modern-day English-speaking television from other countries than I do from the U.S. at this point...though that's probably beyond the scope of this thread.