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Stolen from Twitter:

SHUCKY DUCKY QUACK QUACK MOTHERFUCKER

So anyway, this went viral yesterday. I was in tears at work

If they went that route, I know the perfect event MC.

Christina Hendricks is hot.

Please tell me he's replacing Coach.

With all the talk about PCO at Wrestlemania weekend, it got me thinking that he really was the prototype for Kevin Steen / Owens. A bowling ball of Canadian maple syrup. And that got me thinking that Zayn & Owens should come out dressed as The Quebecers for Halloween.

I don't want to tell WWE how to do their business. But WWE should have called the Saudi show "Arabian Fights".

Just hand the reigns over to John Mulaney and let him run the show. The monologue, Lobster Diner and Switcheroo alone made it an all-time episode.

Wasn't that the plot of Crash, the one with Holly Hunter?

That Andre/MONSTER ROUSSIMOFF shirt is fucking boss. Also, this:

Colt finally said something amusing.

My introduction to George Carlin was as Mr. Conductor #2 on Shining Time Station on PBS. Boy, was I thrown for a loop once I discovered how "dirty" and foul-mouthed he was as a comedian. Funny as hell...

George Carlin was a very wise man. It should surprise no one that I am in lock-step with many of Carlin's viewpoints.

"There's a mushroom cloud on my chest because there's an explosion in my pants," could've been just as huge as "Whatchya gonna do when Hulkamania runs wild on you." We'll just never know.

This is kind of 100% what I mean. The same reason I was always disappointed in how they handled Summer Rae, she had the perfect heel charisma for a heel valet. She projected condescension on camera in a way that there was really no need to try to push her as anything else than "The Mean GIrl." She was a round peg, and instead of finding the round hole they either kept trying to force her into a square hole or just leaving her off of television. Remember when they were trying to depush Rusev and having him and Summer play with raw fish and other shit...but Rusev and Summer were so good at it they fucked up and got that dumb shit over? It was because Summer and Rusev understood their characters in a way that made the fans buy into that stupid ass shit. Nia Jaxx is a natural babyface, let her be a babyface. Lacey Evans is a natural heel, let her be a heel. Vince has become one of those football coaches who blames the players for not fitting his system instead of assessing his talent and building the system around that talent. I fully expect Lacey Evans to get pushed as All-American babyface whenever she gets called up, and I'm willing to bet she won't catch on. She's the perfect, "I'm too good for all of you and all of this heel." The fact that she's using the qualities that most people find admirable to fuel her superiority complex is a great hook. We all know that person. My sister swears her boss, who is a doctor, is trying to get back at anyone who would have made fun of him as a kid. That is a real life thing that everyone can relate to and has a reason to dislike. Her talent says heel, write the story to that talent.

She's kinda like a reverse Nia Jaxx. Everything about her story would suggest all-American babyface but she just has natural heel charisma. Nia's size and strength suggested monster heel, but she's just never had convincing heel charisma.

Am I alone in being amused that there is still such a thing as the Golf Channel? I mean we're talking something even more boring to watch than it is to do. Screw golf, when I hit a ball I want someone else to chase after it.

Or.... Booker T is talking out of his ass

Last night was dope. The only match I wasn't a huge fan of was EC3 vs. No Way Jose, but even that was fun as hell. Velveteen Dream is going to be a fucking star. He's 22 years old and can flat out bring it in the ring already. He put on a great match with Ricochet and his hometown crowd was behind him to the point he had to start yelling about not needing their help. I don't know what his ceiling is, but it is outrageously high, and I can't wait to see it.

Here's what Bruno told me in 1991 about his mid-1980s run in the WWF: My son [David] was wrestling against my wishes. I never wanted my son to be a wrestler. I wanted him to go to college, and after college if he wanted to wrestle, he had my blessing, and I'd help him. Because I felt that if he was put through any of the stuff I'd been put through, maybe he might not want to deal with that, and he could have something to fall back on. That's why I so desperately wanted him to go to school. But he told me, with or without my help, he was going to go into wrestling. And he got other people to help him. Honestly, I can't take credit for him wrestling because I did not help him, absolutely not. But by this time I also had to face up to reality in 1984. David had been wrestling for about four years or so at that time, and there was a question of now accepting that fact. When this guy [Vince McMahon, Jr.] offered me the chance to come back to New York for my input and color commentating, he also said, "We can keep the Sammartino legend going with David." I thought, since David is stubborn, if I can help him, why not? When I went there, it was false promises. First of all, all [McMahon Jr.] wanted me for was because of my name and reputation with the WWF. I was never asked for any input about anything. In fact, what he wanted was for me to put on my tights again. I refused, but then he got to my kid and he said, "You know, if you can get your father to put on the tights, it'll be a big break for you." My kid and I, unfortunately, never saw things the same way. He said, "Why can't you, Dad? You're in great shape, you're still running. You're not heavy, but so what, you don't have to be 275 pounds anymore." To not be accused later, if things didn't go well with my kid, I put on the tights. But I was very angry about it. I saw the changes that were going on in the WWF, and I didn't like it. The ridiculous bizarreness, the gimmickery, the painted faces, stuff that I just didn't believe. Stuff that I didn't like. And I felt that if I don't believe or like this, I shouldn't be here. So I tried to get out, and David said, "You're going to blow it for me to get a chance." So I stayed, but then David became disenchanted, and he quit. And then I knew he had no place to go because by this time, it seemed like all the other territories had gone under. So I stayed in there because I knew David would want to come back, but he's a hot-head. I stayed, McMahon asked me to put on the tights, and I did, because I felt that if I didn't meet his wishes, then how could I bring David back. I felt very angry and frustrated because I felt I was being used to a certain degree, and I blamed McMahon and my kid, I blamed them both. Finally, I reached the point where I said to myself, "I have to get out of this, because I'm embarrassed to be associated with this organization." I got out, I quit.

How Gordy didn't flat-out murder that dude is beyond me.

I said somewhere else, it seems closer to Austin than anyone else. Austin could have wrestled a low risk style to probably even now. But he had a lot of pride in his work and retired. Which is how I think Bruno looked at it.

Ironic that the stage will be a cross your heart bra

Ciampa is rocketing up the "Best Heel in WWE" chart.

The attention to detail on the chest hair is... something...

I'd have that as a poster if I could

I think Meltzer told the story of Bruno doing a tour of All Japan and becoming friends with Baba. He had learned that Baba had a hard time fitting into japanese cars, so he sent him a Cadillac (I think it may even have been his car because he was getting a new one), but that Baba was so appreciative of Bruno's act of kindness. I'm glad that Triple H managed to smooth over the heat between Vince and Bruno to get him in the hall of fame while he was still alive.

Paul Jones passed away too. I only know him as the guy in the safari suit making Jimmy Valiants life miserable for no apparent reason. I know he had a illustrious career in the mid Atlantic region in the 60’s and 70’s but to me he is forever the leader of the group of bad guys who wouldn’t leave poor ole Boogie Woogie alone.

I've said for ages that the whole concept of a weekly Observer is obsolete in this day and age. Just print the news, and articles, as and when. There's no need for Dave to be recapping RAW and other mundanities at this point, one of his minions is more than capable of doing that. Dave should concentrating on business analysis and the lengthy articles such as obituaries and historical features.

Box Office 1) Avengers: Infinity War (Apr 27) 2) The Incredibles 2 (Jun 15) 3) Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (Jun 22) 4) Solo: A Star Wars Story (May 25) 5) Deadpool 2 (May 18)6) Ant-Man and the Wasp (Jul 6) 7) The Happytime Murders (Aug 17) 8) Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again (Jul 20) 9) Ocean's 8 (Jun 8)10) The Equalizer 2 (Jul 20)11) Christopher Robin (Aug 3) 12) The Meg (Aug 10) 13) Skyscraper (Jul 13) 14) The First Purge (Jul 4) 15) Sicario: Day of the Soldado (Jun 29) RT 1) The Incredibles 2 (Jun 15) 2) Avengers: Infinity War (Apr 27) 3) Sicario: Day of the Soldado (Jun 29) 4) The Happytime Murders (Aug 17) 5) Ant-Man and the Wasp (Jul 6) 6) Ocean's 8 (Jun 8) 7) Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (Jun 22) 8) Deadpool 2 (May 18) 9) The First Purge (Jul 4) 10) Christopher Robin (Aug 3) 11) The Equalizer 2 (Jul 20) 12) Solo: A Star Wars Story (May 25) 13) Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again (Jul 20) 14) The Meg (Aug 10) 15) Skyscraper (Jul 13) Tiebreak: Infinity War $380 Million

Raw's Head Writer:

I'd like to see Lars stop with the stupid diving headbutt.

Maple syrup and tim bits?

WWE put up a whole collection of unused photos from photo shoots Here is the whole link so every single photo doesn't have to get posted http://www.wwe.com/gallery/superstar-photoshoot-outtakes EDIT - Forgot to say that's where the Cesaro/Ohno photo came from

Every other "get the legs up to counter a dive" spot is going to look lame from now on.

THE EQUALIZER 2 Starring Denzel Washington, and... who cares who else. Directed by Antoine Fuqua

I think they basically gave Daniel Bryan almost everyone he wanted on one roster. I think the heel run for Nak will salvage his WWE career big time, the shitty stuff aside. When he was a face, the general American Wrestling Fan was supposed to love him because....why? All they knew was that he did really well for a company they never watched. Nothing about him connected besides his entrance. They call him "The Artist" but why? Why should that connect to a fan in Kansas and make them go "I want to see the Weird Artist, who has difficulty speaking my language, Win!" Even the Dream Match hype felt bogus. Why was this a dream match? The WWE Universe didn't see the original. Outside of Sami Zayn on NXT(which agian, many fans didn't see), Nakamura had zero big matches with Ziggler, Corbin or Jinder. He didn't wow people against Kevin Owens either. Making him a heel, a role that he looks like RELISHES, instantly makes him something people can relate to at a very base level. Oh he's a bastard who hates losing and he acts weird to fuck with people. I think they went about it backwards the first time trying to give fans a finished building without a foundation. It was like when Emma came in with the dance.

Jerry Lawler called dibs on the 72 virgins.

Imagine living in a world where the hierarchical political leanings of any company was a factor in whether a wrestler would theoretically take a payday. Meanwhile, in the real world, people have bills to pay and couldn't give a fuck