Raw is Knee to Face - 4/1/2019

[Dolfan in NYC]

Why you gotta make me love you Dave? 

 

Also, Jesus that fucking knee Charlotte gave Ronda in the car was amazing.  

[Niners Fan in CT]

RAW is LIVE PD.   LOVED ALL OF THIS. 

[HumanChessgame]

I figured out what the Lacy Evans segments remind me of 

 

[hammerva]

The award for the best tweet during that batshit crazy segment goes to

I can totally see the DC police putting two crazy women in the back of the same fucking police car by the way.

 

[hammerva]

Also want to be in the writers meeting when the idea of a handcuffed Ronda Rousey driving a police car was brought up. 

[John from Cincinnati]

Anybody got a gif of Seth knocking Brock in his ding dong? 

[piranesi]

In 1972, a crack fashion unit was sent to K-Mart by an off-the-rack court for a liesure suit they didn't wear. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security Caldor into the basement of a vintage clothing and lunchbox Emporium. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as trend-makers of fortune. If you have no sense of patterning, if the queer eye guys are on hiatus, and if you can find his office in front of that one brick wall, then maybe you can hire...

 

BATIBATIBTIBATITBTAIBTAITBTAIBTAITBATISTA
FASHIOSHIOSHIOSHIOSHIOSHIOSHISOHSIOHSIOSHISION
WA WA WA WA WA WA WA WA WA WA WA WA WA WA WA WA TCH

TONIGHT:

Spoiler

 

A proud, wigless Liza Minelli at the premier of the new Bob Fosse Dance Studio production of Vampire: The Masquerade: The Musical: The One Woman Show as the spotlight brightens and she prepares to sing one of the signature tunes of the production, which include: (Note: In one of the bigger misteps in Broadway history, all lyrics from this production are by Mark Russell)

"Brujah, can you spare a blood point?"
"Nosferatea for Nosferatu..."
"Gucci Gang(rel)"
"Urban Guerilla Camarilla"
"Come on, baby, bite my sire."
"Moves like Renfield"

Note: Due to unforseen health issues, the role of Liza Minelli will be performed by Melissa Joan Hart.

Note: We have just received word that the show will be closing as soon as the instrumental introduction to this first song is over. There will be no refunds. Please watch for the Hulu limited series of Vampire: The Masquerade: The Musical coming this fall, starring Kristy Swanson if we meet our Indiegogo goal we are prepared to produce 5 episodes.

Stretch goal perks include:

- An answering machine message personally recorded for you by Mark Russell making fun of any member of congress serving from 1972-1993 (Tip O'Niel exluded because Mark is uncomfortable with song parody titles using the word "tip").

- A signed photograph of one of the following thermoses from the Batista Collection:
    - Captain Caveman
    - Motor Mouse and Autocat
    - Sabrina and the Groovy Ghoulies
    - Speed Buggy
    - The Pebbles and Bamm Bamm Show

- Kristy Swanson's real actual hair.

- A mouse pad with rad-ass vampires who don't take any shit from high school gym teachers drawn on it.

 

 

 

Edited April 2, 2019 by piranesi

[MORELOCK]

Kurt Angle video was a great example of WWE just completely fucking ruining a video package with the music selection.

[Niners Fan in CT]

"She drove a car with no arms?!"  -  Jerry

[Raziel]

This is why the WWE is so frustrating.  After multiple weeks of fucking up the surest thing they had, hooked us back in with ONE segment.

 

I would've taken 4 weeks of THAT.

[piranesi]

Those were easily the funniest cops they've ever had on the show.

But what most people didn't grasp was how the whole thing was a reference to the old logic riddle:

"You have three insane monsters: A red-capped Irish screech owl, a long-necked rage peacock, and a literal re-animated garbage pile. The screech owl will peck the garbage pile to death, the rage peacock will make the screech owl cry, and the garbage pile will cause either of the other two to kill themselves rather than hear about "Dr. Peterson's gender truths." You have to get all three of them across town to the cages where they rightfully belong, but you only have two police cars and can only make one trip with each.  How do you get these things locked up without fucking up Wrestlemania?"

[Gonzo]

6 minutes ago, Niners Fan in CT said:

"She drove a car with no arms?!"  -  Jerry

Who is driving?

RONDA IS DRIVING!?

HOW CAN THAT BE?!

[Gonzo]

1 minute ago, piranesi said:

Those were easily the funniest cops they've ever had on the show.

But what most people didn't grasp was how the whole thing was a reference to the old logic riddle:

"You have three insane monsters: A red-capped Irish screech owl, a long-necked rage peacock, and a literal re-animated garbage pile. The screech owl will peck the garbage pile to death, the rage peacock will make the screech owl cry, and the garbage pile will cause either of the other two to kill themselves rather than hear about "Dr. Peterson's gender truths." You have to get all three of them across town to the cages where they rightfully belong, but you only have two police cars and can only make one trip with each.  How do you get these things locked up without fucking up Wrestlemania?"

I did like the bit where one of the cops lost his radio, and as one of the other cops was going to pick it up Becky Lynch kicked it away.

[GuerrillaMonsoon]

Angle retirement = Tag match. Make it so, please. Please. Please. Please.

[John from Cincinnati]

 

[Gonzo]

They're certainly playing this for all it's worth.

[Craig H]

Dave came out dressed up like one of Murph and the Magic Tones and cut a better promo with one fucking line than anyone else on Raw could do.

[Eivion]

I missed a lot the backstage parts of the Charlotte/Becky/Ronda brawl, but that was fun.

Revival vs. Black/Ricochet was good once again though I hope this is the last match between them. I want Black and Ricochet separated post WM.

Edited April 2, 2019 by Eivion

[Phantom Lord]

Washington DC must have the most lax police department ever. WWE.com says all three have been released "on their own recognizance".

https://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/article/becky-lynch-ronda-rousey-charlotte-flair-released-from-custody?fbclid=IwAR3asCdy76sXyrvAsZGUSS3vwKMYXzGjIsg9vxX85ipACtXsmos69oUf4ZE

Honestly, they should have closed the show with that. There was no topping it.

[Craig H]

I found something about Becky I don't like in a lot of this. I wonder if she's worried about hurting someone because in all of these brawls, her stuff doesn't look all that wild and it looks pretty soft UNLESS she has a weapon. If she has a weapon then she really lays in her shots. Otherwise, it just doesn't look that effective.

[odessasteps]

25 minutes ago, piranesi said:

In 1972, a crack fashion unit was sent to K-Mart by an off-the-rack court for a liesure suit they didn't wear. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security Caldor into the basement of a vintage clothing and lunchbox Emporium.

 

One of my all time favorite lines in a PWI was someone calling Tully "the Kmart fashion plate." 

[Nice Guy Eddie]

3 minutes ago, odessasteps said:

One of my all time favorite lines in a PWI was someone calling Tully "the Kmart fashion plate." 

What do you expect when you spend all that money on blow?

Edited April 2, 2019 by Nice Guy Eddie

[Niners Fan in CT]

I was seeing people mention that it looked like Batista had on Stark's shades.  That would be a great gimmick. 

[Craig H]

To slightly tweak an all time amazing line...

"Hey, this is the worst lookin' suit I ever saw! Bet if you buy a suit like this you get a free bowl of soup."

...

"Oh! Looks good on you though!"

[Greggulator]

So glad there's a Caldor reference in my life tonight. 

I saw on not one but TWO separate occasions employees being arrested in my local Caldor branch during the workday. Also, I have watched this video many times.

The Becky/Charlotte/Rousey segment was the best.