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Everything posted by piranesi

  1. SOAP gave us Billy Crystal so it's problematic as a developmental show too.
  2. I wonder if there's actually anything on any one team's little card that is somehow better or different than what everyone already knows about every hitter.
  3. Good for them for not showing the injury replay. Of course, as soon as they said that I rewound on the DVR and watched in slo mo and...holy shit don't watch that!
  4. If we're entering the era of the hype speech commercials I will pray for the shark from Deep Blue Sea to arrive and end us.
  5. The movie or the device? Unfortunately I was into high school already when Hook: the Movie came out and of course, being a twat I was like "NOOO. That's a BABY MOVIE. I'm A MAN!!!!!! I want boobs and and/or Jackie Chan ONLY!!!!" Which was dumb. But also means I have no nostalgic connection with it, and I don't think I ever did see it. Now, the device. Useful as fuck. For, like, almost grabbing things, but only if they're below you? Can't be beat.
  6. They should do heel poetry too. These Gentlemen two Have a poem for you And we hope that you all will listen. Do you know what it's worth? how much oil and work? To keep muscles like these all aglisten? Of course you do not overweight, full of snot with your underachieving family How could you know when you live in a pit like Toledo [hold for booos] and you drive a 2000 camry.
  7. Bob Dole is our Prince Philip.* Out of all the comedians I love, Norm is the one that remained the biggest mystery to me in this sense: Any of the other ones I feel like after seeing enough of their work, listening to interviews, podcasts, etc., you have some idea what they are like in real life, what their inner emotional life was like, even what it might be like to hang out with them. Norm was just inscrutable that way, though. He never let the performance face down. Like, I feel like I can imagine Patton Oswalt or Bob Odenkirk on vacation, struggling with a bunch of luggage and kids getting into a cab and grumbling like a normal person. But I can't imagine Norm ever having any look on his face other than a distant bemused smirk. I can imagine Seinfeld in an argument with someone or Bill Burr sending his food back and looking embarrassed about it. But I can't imagine Norm in those situations without the other person having to stop and say "Wait, do you really want to send these back or are you joking" and him being like "yeah, yeah, I'm sending these back to the chef to cook them better so I can eat them and not die." and the waiter studying his face and being like "So this is a bit..." It's like he was a machine just built by aliens to produce irony and that was all he was programmed for. There was something comforting about the solidity of that. Almost like nothing in the world could be so bad that Norm McDonald couldn't make a joke about it. Even his own most humiliating experiences. Nothing could shake him loose of that, at least nothing that's happened so far. It's like optimistic Nihilism or something. * I feel like Norm would approve of this comparison
  8. I think maybe this doesn't have it's own name yet. I mean, what it is, what you typed out if you take out the streaming part, is a perfect definition of almost every B-Movie subgenre since the days of poverty row. It seems like they are usually renamed every time there is a new dominant form of distribution. So the "B-Movie" in theaters turned into the "Drive-in movie" when the movie theater gave way to the drive-in for teenagers, which then turned into "Direct to video" when teens stopped needing drive-ins for cheap movies and instead were going to Blockbuster and the basement, which maybe briefly turned into "Made for SCYFY channel" when there was no more blockbuster but Netflix isn't yet making its own movies, and has now turned into I guess something like "direct to streaming" or "VOD." But I don't think I've ever heard that term used as an instant put-down like the other terms were. Everything is VOD and major studio movies are often VOD, so maybe with everything on streaming in the same "place" and not a different space to separate these cheapies out (like a drive-in, grindhouse, Scyfy channel) the term won't survive or will be more specific: "Georgia tax credit special"?"
  9. God I've missed the Jets. I don't what comedy team I miss more. Cheech & Chong maybe?
  10. Big Boss man is going to cook that kid and feed him to Al.
  11. Do yourself a favor and watch his magic act on Youtube. You will die of joy.
  12. And he has plenty of time to take Comedic Dancing for Actors in the Theater and Dance Department. I hear it's great, it's taught by a guy who used to be a bodyguard for Snoop.
  13. It's WWE though so: Ladies and Gentlemen, your new tag team champions NEDGE!
  14. "So, his heart can't handle the roids and coke? I knew he didn't have it in him." "Vince it was a genetic thing." "Bad genetics??? That's it fire everyone in NXT, Bruce we're taking over." "Yes, sir." "And while you're down there see if you can find a working vein between any of my toes to stick this into."
  15. I recently drove past an Applebees and was genuinely terrified they would be playing that song. Like I changed lanes to be further away from it. Now, it's not like I go there a lot or anything but I certainly never will, not out of outrage but just out of terror that that's what it's like in there now. That they just play it constantly and force dumpy service workers to do toddler dances. I would rather die now with some dignity than live out a natural lifetime with the shame of having eaten a meal while I let that happen around me.
  16. Hey, Cardinals, let's all go back and reminisce to 7 hours ago when this was posted and we could laugh at it.
  17. What are the odds the villain will be Disney/ESPN the giant corporations that insists on finding a way to turn children's sports into big $$$$$ and who regularly pay Kevin one or two boatloads of cash?
  18. I think we all have that false memory of when Brock Lesnar was in that Genie movie called Shazaam in the 90s.
  19. He cant' retire. He has to defend his CarShield.Com belt at least one a month or he loses his insurance.
  20. I haven't been paying attention but reading through this thread and trying to understand it with my pee brain soaked in dumb movies, am I reading this drama right?:
  21. I think if the small group of terrible people who stole from the larger group of awful people also helped to create the large market of idiots specifically so they could corner that market, then they are ultimately also responsible for the existence of the large group of awful people or at least their empowerment as a 'demographic." Now maybe I just want to see Steve Banon and Curt Shilling naked in the stocks being stung in the nutsack by murder hornets so badly that I will continue to spin this web forever...
  22. Waiting for the: "HOW DARE THE DEEP STATE ARREST THESE MEN THAT STOLE MONEY DIRECTLY FROM ME!!!!!!!" tweets from the dumbest people on this clown car of a planet.
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