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The bitchiest, most defensive fans in America


Swift

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That's okay - I had no fucking clue what Team Breezy was and that is one of their #1 seeds

 

And there is no way the Politico Commenter bracket ends well

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DC Natives shouldn't be on here, the people who claim to be DC natives should be on here twice.  I'm a DMV transplant, and DC Natives tend to be the only non-obnoxious people around here.  The people they seem to be describing are people who moved here for some political job, and try to impress their friends who came to visit from Missouri. 

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Remember, behind most of these horrible groups is an even bigger horrible that makes money by feeding them.

 

Except Cardinals fans who are the salt of the earth.  It's not about profits with the St. Louis Cardinals. 

IT'S ABOUT PLAYING THE GAME THE RIGHT WAY!!!!!!

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Remember, behind most of these horrible groups is an even bigger horrible that makes money by feeding them.

 

Except Cardinals fans who are the salt of the earth.  It's not about profits with the St. Louis Cardinals. 

IT'S ABOUT PLAYING THE GAME THE RIGHT WAY!!!!!!

Are you sure you aren't talking about the Braves?  That team seems to be hell bent on abolishing fun from baseball.

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Soccer fans as #1 seed is absurd.  It seems like an olive branch to all the other asshole groups in that bracket or something.  Is anyone running into obnoxious soccer evangelists?  In numbers comparable to any of the other seeds?

 

Although it's funny to put them in round 1 against "Redkins name-change people" since all the people who somehow think soccer fans are a threat to something?  probably also think changing the name is an Obama plot to de-masculinize our menfolk.

 

I will be super hurt if CARDINALS NATION doesn't make it past Kobe Bryant fans and have to admit that no one even really cares about our heel run.  Fittingly we may end up the Randy Orton's of the tournament.

 

FUCK am I already jonesing for March madness or what?  DAMN YOU JAEDMC!!

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Are bronies not a thing anymore or why are they excluded?

 

I belong to at least 3 or 4 of those groups.

 

We should all compete here to see which of us honestly belongs the greatest number of all the groups.

 

Seriously, if you soften the definitions a little, I think I can get up to 15 for myself.  That's maybe something I should look into?

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I think if you're gonna talk up how many groups you belong to, you have to list 'em all out.

Hell, I'll go first:

Soccer fans (Best sport in the world)

Redskins Name Change People (If you disagree, you're a racist)

Sabermetricians (Wouldn't really call myself that, but I'm a devotee of modern thinking, and "clutch" stats are bullshit)

Edward Snowden fans (Not gonna say he's the smartest guy in the world, but the dude was trying to make things better)

Marijuana Reform Advocates (Don't even like smoking the stuff, personally, but there's no damned reason it should be illegal)

Video Gamers (don't really call myself a hardcore gamer, but yeah, there's not a 24 hour period that goes by without me cursing someone out on GTA online)

Trekkies (Abrams is a punk)

Chicagoans (Suck it up, you pussy tourists. The cold is good for you. Where do I live now? California. Why do you ask?)

Beer Snobs (AKA, people who like GOOD beer)

Cat Owners (

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)

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Beer Snobs is definitely my dark horse candidate. I mean, I like craft beer. Usually at parties in my circle of friends, everyone brings a sixpack or two of something interesting and we all trade around. And then when I go to the local dive bar I drink the $2 pints of Miller Lite, cause that's alright too. I have a friend who can't even go to the local dive bar any more cause his girlfriend is a beer snob who won't drink a pint that costs less than $6. They will seriously go on hour-long drives to go to brew pubs and shit. I mean, I'll drive an hour to an event that includes drinking, like a sporting event or concert, but drive an hour just to drink beer? When there's a bar literally a ten-minute walk away?

 

Plus the Philadelphia Daily News beer columnist constantly condescends to anyone who would even think of drinking macrobrews then has the nerve to call himself "Joe Sixpack".

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I'm not sure if it's good enough to just agree with a group or like them...maybe you have to be regularly vocal in your sentiments to count.  Or maybe you have to share the specifically negative trait listed.

 

If you just need to be "with them" generally in spirit, then I have:

 

Soccer fans

Redskins Name-Change People

St. Louis Cardinals Fans

All Hockey Fans

Edward Snowden fans

Marijuana reform advocates

Dawkins-style hardcore atheists

"Prestige" tv fans

Dylan lovers

Video Gamers

Woody Allen Disciples (this is contingent on whether they are saying you need to believe his innocence or whether this is a film nerd thing)

Star Wars Buffs

Cat owners

Apple Fanboys

 

 

If you have to be vocal about it, or make it a major part of your identity, then I'm down to a smaller list.  Like, I don't really "preach" about any of this stuff, apart from the MLB thread every October.  Like, things I've actually had conversations about where I try to advocate for something would be down to just:

 

Soccer fans

St. Louis Cardinals fans

Edward Snowden fans

Apple fanboys

 

I think I've been obnoxious/pretentious/incessant on at least one occasion about these four in public.

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