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FEBRUARY 2015 MOVIE THREAD

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Holy motherfucking shit, but Jupiter Ascending is TERRIBLE. Congratulations, Wachowski siblings, you actually got me to walk right the fuck out of your movie before it was halfway over. I NEVER walk out of movies, I literally can't remember the last time I did so, but I sure as shit did last night.

 

The Dubbed versions have some wackiness (Like in 'Spirited Away', the girl yells "A bath house!" when she clearly doesn't seem to be speaking at all, but they figured people in the US wouldn't know what the hell it is without the voice-over) but they're all done quite lovingly by John Lasseter so they're never poor, like a lot of dubs.  I'll just as often watch them dubbed as subbed, in all honesty, because part of the fun is going "Is that...is that James Vanderbeek?" then looking it up and feeling good about yourself, or just enjoying Phil Hartman voice a talking cat.

Also, it's not like they hand the dub-dialogue writing jobs to the studio janitor or anything. Neil freaking Gaiman wrote the adapted script for Mononoke.

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Holy motherfucking shit, but Jupiter Ascending is TERRIBLE. Congratulations, Wachowski siblings, you actually got me to walk right the fuck out of your movie before it was halfway over. I NEVER walk out of movies, I literally can't remember the last time I did so, but I sure as shit did last night.

 

 

I didn't walk out but man, what a cluttered mess.  I'm pretty sure I dozed off for a minute or so at one point. 

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Holy motherfucking shit, but Jupiter Ascending is TERRIBLE. Congratulations, Wachowski siblings, you actually got me to walk right the fuck out of your movie before it was halfway over. I NEVER walk out of movies, I literally can't remember the last time I did so, but I sure as shit did last night.

 

 

In the time you were there was there any explanation in the film whatsoever why the bald villain dude in the commercials is clearly doing a really, really bizarre and terrible impression of Shinzon from Star Trek Nemesis with a head cold?

 

This is the only thing to do with that film I really have any interest in.

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I finally watched Major League.  It was fun.  It's kind of mind-boggling that MLB was totally on board with portraying its players as philanderers, horn-dogs, weirdos, alcoholics and the like.  The director of this one said he's written a third movie (He had nothing to do with Major League III and is choosing to ignore it) and that most of the same people are on-board with returning but I can't imagine him getting approval from MLB or the Indians to portray the team in the same way.  I mean, contrast the behaviour of the players in this with those in the NFL-endorsed 'Draft Day' where the worst things the players do is lie, get into a scrape (even though it was self-defence), and trash the GM's office (Which is noted as a positive).

 

Also watched Brick Mansions, the American-Canadian remake of 'District 13' with Paul Walker.  It's a nearly identical remake that's maybe a little TOO faithful to the original.  Let's be honest, the original had amazing stunts but a pretty wacky, wrong-headed story that they really could have/should have tightened up in the remake, but they stuck too faithfully to it.  Now Walker can't do the parkour stunts of the original, so they've added a couple of car-chases (which some seem to feel was a little hard to watch, considering how Walker died, but I thought it was more of a tribute to just how he loved fast cars) and, for some reason, dubbed over the voice of David Bell.  But, unlike the original, this one has the RZA as villain and he's all too happy to chew the scenery, dispensing worldly wisdom and making little nods to stuff he's done in the past (At one point he ACTUALLY says "Cash rules everything around me, remember that?").  But, it's all moot, because the parkour scenes that are included (especially the one at the opening of the flick) are still so breathlessly exciting to watch that it's still worth a viewing.  Plus it's not even ninety minutes!  Are you telling me you have better things to do with an hour and twenty minutes then to watch some action scenes, the RZA, and Kurrgan?!

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My apologies to Caley for accidentally reposting the Buscemi trailer in the other thread but either way, y'all should watch it

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In the time you were there was there any explanation in the film whatsoever why the bald villain dude in the commercials is clearly doing a really, really bizarre and terrible impression of Shinzon from Star Trek Nemesis with a head cold?

 

This is the only thing to do with that film I really have any interest in.

It's even stranger than that, because at times that guy (an embarrassingly terrible Eddie Redmayne, probably earning himself a future Razzie nomination to accompany his current Oscar nod) occasionally stops whispering and turns it up to eleven with random Nic Cage-style screaming at the top of his lungs. More than anything else, it seriously reminded me of John Travolta's performance in Battlefield Earth and I'm not even kidding or exaggerating in the slightest. It was an AMAZING train wreck, like watching some backyarder trying to reenact a montage of Sid promos.
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My apologies to Caley for accidentally reposting the Buscemi trailer in the other thread but either way, y'all should watch it

No apology needed, that trailer should be reposted as many times as possible so everyone watches it.

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My apologies to Caley for accidentally reposting the Buscemi trailer in the other thread but either way, y'all should watch it

No apology needed, that trailer should be reposted as many times as possible so everyone watches it.

 

 

Uh oh, I found another one...

 

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I love the parodies and I am baffled why a BDSM movie featuring a character like Grey would be released on Valentines Day, but I can say with certainty that if my glrlfriend asks me to take her to see 50 Shades, I would be the first person in the car because shit would be on when we got back home.

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It's playing at the double feature drive-in in town, but they're just showing it twice back-to-back.  So yea, I assume the first showing is for watching and the 2nd showing is for getting down with it in the background.

 

But yea, like JT said.  If the lady even mentioned wanting to see it, a bottle of wine and I would be in the car before she even got her shoes on.

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So Kingsman is pretty damn awesome.

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I just woke up with the image of poor Peter Cushing in his raggy clothes opening spiteful Valentine's Day cards in my head. Since I couldn't find the specific segment featuring him, here's the whole film (and IMO one of the top ten horror films ever, certainly top ten from Britain anyway). Hopefully Grimsdyke doesn't give you a visit...

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LewJ-WObwto

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Kingsman was awesome and the "Free Bird" scene was one of the damnedest scenes I've ever seen.

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Kingsman was awesome and the "Free Bird" scene was one of the damnedest scenes I've ever seen.

It had the room I was in reacting in all sorts of ways. Stunned silence, horror, laughter...

We all roared in laughter at the offer the Princess makes Eggsy for saving the world haha I also admit to marking out when Pomp and Circumstance hit for the finale.

Anyone having doubt just ignore the reviews and go see it. Such a great blend of old school Bond and the new world.

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It's playing at the double feature drive-in in town, but they're just showing it twice back-to-back. So yea, I assume the first showing is for watching and the 2nd showing is for getting down with it in the background.

But yea, like JT said. If the lady even mentioned wanting to see it, a bottle of wine and I would be in the car before she even got her shoes on.

Me and the wife saw it in a theatre that serves booze - which was a good thing because it's an awful movie. I couldn't tell if they were intentionally being camp/cheesy but I was too bored to care.

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Kingsman was awesome and the "Free Bird" scene was one of the damnedest scenes I've ever seen.

It had the room I was in reacting in all sorts of ways. Stunned silence, horror, laughter...

We all roared in laughter at the offer the Princess makes Eggsy for saving the world haha I also admit to marking out when Pomp and Circumstance hit for the finale.

Anyone having doubt just ignore the reviews and go see it. Such a great blend of old school Bond and the new world.

 

Comment redacted. . . .

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Spoiler that shit will you?

Not sure what I gave away about the plot but it's been spoilered. Might want to edit the quote now ;)

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Spoiler that shit will you?

Not sure what I gave away about the plot but it's been spoilered. Might want to edit the quote now ;)

 

Sorry, so sensitive to anything about the movie; just saw it, it was AWESOME.

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If you don't expect the hero to save the world, I would like to welcome you to our little planet.

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Spoiler that shit will you?

Not sure what I gave away about the plot but it's been spoilered. Might want to edit the quote now ;)Sorry, so sensitive to anything about the movie; just saw it, it was AWESOME.

Please be sure to co-sign on the notion that the Free Bird scene is one of the craziest fucking things you'll see in a movie.

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Spoiler that shit will you?

Not sure what I gave away about the plot but it's been spoilered. Might want to edit the quote now ;)
Sorry, so sensitive to anything about the movie; just saw it, it was AWESOME.

Please be sure to co-sign on the notion that the Free Bird scene is one of the craziest fucking things you'll see in a movie.

 

Oh hell yes. Flat out insane. . . 

I just browsed the initial comment tbh. Haven't seen any movies I thought were worth going to(and that we get in this po dunk Idaho town) so I overreacted. If you haven't seen this yet, why not? 

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Kingsman was...something. Lots of great moments, a few clunky ones. eminently predictable (and the fact that half the theatre gasped at the "final exam" made me laugh, because it was SO obvious). Politics are somewhere between "baffling" and "kind of offensive" and I'm surprised there hasn't been more outcry. All in all, I'm glad the GF wanted to see it instead of 5SOG because I am fairly certain I'd have gotten evicted from the latter for laughing and disrupting the fun for others. (At least if the book is any indication.)

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Apparently Patrick Marber (who wrote Closer) was brought in to do re-writes on the script for 50 shades of shite, so he could improve the plot and character development. By making sure it actually had some~! But then E L James made them take all those bits out because they weren't in the book. Holy Cow!

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I enjoyed Kingsman a lot.  Legit surprised so many people (and critics) didn't care for it.

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