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Nobody tell him I said that.

I’ve come here to settle down and admire Jamie Hayter, and I’m all out of settling down.

"SO YOU SEE, EVERYONE IN THE PITTSBURGH INDY SCENE HATES BRITT BAKER. SHE ALWAYS THOUGHT SHE WAS TOO GOOD FOR ME. NEVER SAYING HELLO TO ME AND HER OUTFITS AND WHAT NOT. I'M NOT SAYING THIS PERSONALLY, BUT I TOTALLY HEAR SHE SLEPT HER WAY TO THE TOP, BRO."

The entire Danhausen -> Starks -> Hook -> Starks -> Hobbs segment from beginning to end was pro wrestling perfection. One of the best 20 minute stretches AEW has ever done.

Lawl.

I was like “man, shit, Hook is the future of the company, wait no Starks is the future of the company, shit wait, nope, Hobbs is the future of the company, oh fuck Jungle Boy with the promo of his life he’s the future of the company, shit man Dante Martin is good is he the future of the company? wait holy shit Daniel Garcia is the future of the company!”

Road Report - QUAKE THAT LAKE! PREFACE: The Night Before And so our journey begins, not with a whimper but with a misread text. The night before I was an extra hour later at work (long story) making sure derps are set for the week (I was taking Wednesday-Friday off). I’m kind of a savior figure where my hard work and sacrifice redeems the soul of the company and I’m a hero to those who benefit from the cross my tentacles are nailed to. If not, me being under-appreciated as my inky blood drips out of the punctured holes in my forehead, caused by the crown of thorns pressed against my oblong skull-less forehead by non-believers who shall eternally be damned by not liking my zingers. My wife texts me asking when I’ll be home because her brothers are coming over and she’s trying to make a homemade hormel dip and lil-Octopus is making it difficult she hasn’t started yet. She probably told me and me being a great listener totally heard and a great rememberer totally remembered. I quickly finish scheduling a skid to be picked up and delivered tomorrow. I head home to a family enjoying the presence of my smiling baby. Wife (for privacy reasons we’ll call her by her name, Jasmyne) asks if I can run to the gas station to grab juices and waters. I ask my brother in laws what type of drinks they would like. They politely say anything is fine. I tell “Jasmyne” (for those who didn’t read the previous parentheses, “Jasmyne” is “my wife”) that I’ll get some ice teas and “Jasmyne” (again, “Jasmyne” is “my wife”) says only I like ice teas. Ok, what should I get? “Jasmyne” (“my wife”) says I should see what her brothers want. I tell “Jasmyne” (“wife”) that they don’t have a preference. So “Jasmyne” (see previous few parentheses for character description) says just get whatever. I find ice teas to be whatever but I guess ice teas are among something else, as opposed to whatever. So I go to the gas station to get whatever and myself something else. I’m in the mood for something else so I’ll get myself something else, but “Jasmyne” (woman I married) says only I like something else but I can still get myself something else as long as I get others whatever. So as I’m going to the whatever section of the gas station, I get a text from my work friend (who is going to the show with me. My other friend, we’ll call him by his name “Ryan”, got COVID. So work friend, again we’ll call him by “work friend” is going to the show with me) says sorry something came up and logistics and something something running late got held up. I can’t read this fully, I’m focused on getting the right whatever so “Jasmyne’s” (my wife’s) family can have something to drink with the dip “Jasmyne” (wife) is making. As I grab some whatever I text back “work friend” that it’s totally cool if it’s too busy right now he doesn’t need to go because I know I asked him short notice. I’m now walking to the something else section to get myself ice tea and “work friend texts back that he’s excited to go but totally understands if someone who knows the product wants to go and he’ll not go if that’s what I want. What? I say he should go if he wants and we’ll make whatever work if he’s running late. “Work friend” is confused, I’m confused. But I got to focus on quenching the thirst of “Jasmyne’s” (wife’s) brothers. Long story short, “Jasmyne’s” (wife’s) dip is other worldly. I get a tear in my eye thinking back to that dip. It was cheesy but not over powering. I felt satisfied but not full. I read “Jasmyne” (the women I have a child with) the confusing text from “work friend” and realize it wasn’t confused all. He was talking about at the shift he was gonna hit me up before I left but got pulled away in a meeting and we couldn’t go over where we’d meet before the event. I apologize for my poor reading comprehension and we’re ready for a day of fun. CHAPTER 1: The Journey to Fun is Paved with Good Intentions Lil Octopus is dropped off at my brother Giraffe’s house. I’m in the car ready to decide what to eat before the fun. I know I have a few quick chores I’d like to get done at home before wrestling, but I should eat first. I’m leaning toward Taco Bell because it’s quick and easy. But that’s not fun for a write up. My friends on the internet don’t want to read about me biting into a Doritos Gordita Crunch w/ Extra Nacho Cheese, slurping it down with an ice cold Baja Blast, and then devouring both a Spicy Cheesy Beef Burrito w/ Creamy Jalapeño sauce wrapped in a Chicken Quesadilla AND a soft shell beef taco w/ avocado ranch. They would think I’m basic. The last thing I want is @Curt McGirt to find me uninteresting. I need good thinking music. So I turn on Who Shot Ya by Notorious BIG. I start to imagine I am a wrestler and entering the ring in the big blowoff match in my feud with Eddie Kingston. The stipulation up to this point after I brutally sneak attacked him is that we couldn’t touch each other or we’d be banned from wrestling for life. So he comes in all mad. I enter (sadly I can’t use the name Octopus because that spazzy Gresham-fucker has it. So I go by my @Matt D approved CHIKARA name, Auteur OctoRock) and the music playing is Who Shot Ya. The titantron is footage of me attacking Kingston and I am in a Ric Flair robe. My entourage of El Satanico and Toshiaki Kawada are all waving flags that say “Death to the Mad King” and I have on a shirt that says “Fuck Derek Jeter” (this is at Grand Slam so it’s causing a lot of heat). Kingston loves Jeter and is pissed off as I dance. The bell rings and he punches me in the face. The jolt of the punch wakes me up from my day dream where I am in an athletic sport with a sexier body and slightly taller. I see I am parked at El Lorito. I’m ready for Mexican food. I meander up to the bar and Georgio is working. Nice lad. He gives me chips and salsa and asks what I’m having. I get a tall Pacifico. The tap and the mug is a little frozen, so the top portion is like an icy. Not ideal, but I use the lime to mix that ish in and it was cold and delicious. I know what I want food wise and Georgia sees it in my eyes. At the same time we say it. We utter it. We announce it. Chori Polo. Then there she is. The waitress that the other waiter last time said had a crush on me. She looks at me longingly, pain in her eyes. I say his and she smiles. Smiles longingly. She then walks by me. Walks by me longingly. Takes the order of other patrons. Takes their order at me longingly. It’s really tough being me because every time I go to a restaurant or a store or traffic or anywhere there usually ends up being a woman that totally wants me because I’m so awesome. With grace and humble care I have to regularly let them down. None of this is said out loud but everyone knows what’s going on and I handle the situation smoothly like a gentleman. It’s tough being a good guy and having to break this many hearts. But I’m a great husband and despite their being a market for me, I have to remain a limited edition and be faithful to “Jasmyne” (my wife) even though it’s clear her brothers wouldn’t have mind it if I just fucking got ice tea. CHAPTER 2: Return to Form Fast forward to me at home. I trim up my neck and my cheeks. Keep the beard long but taming it. Lots of loose hair cut and I shower. I lather up my neck and cheeks with soap. I make the dumb move of overly soaping and I rub up my beard. It’s due for a good cleaning. I get out and I just feel my beard is so much drier. I cleaned out the man juice that keeps it from overly frizzing. I regret this and need to shower again with a new cream. I grab all I can find is “Jasmyne’s” (the love of my life’s) conditioner. It helps a little but my beard is slightly drier that usual. I know my skin will be itchy later and I’m less likely to do a selfie now that my beard isn’t up to snuff. Should I cancel? What’s the point of going to a show if I can’t take a picture of myself watching it? I would cancel, but “Work Friend” is excited. I must brave forward, dry. And forward I go. “Work Friend” is ready. We are going to meet at my old work (a camera shop) that’s not too far from his place (North East Minneapolis) and not far from Target Center. The original plan was to meet at a brewery, but honestly the parking wouldn’t have been as nice and there has been some carjackings the past year, so I was feeling more something I’m familiar with. The drive itself was uneventful. Fiona Apple was the music of choice, specifically the song Every Single Night is worth mentioning. I go into my old work and see they are understaffed today (a few people sick) and it is busy. So I start helping a few people on the sales floor. Get a guy a box and start selling him on some old super 8 film cameras. Pretty junky, but cheap. Talk about a Pelican case with another guy and grab a film order for a gal. Then go in the film cooler and grab a beer (they were always well stocked) and chill in the inventory room. A few old buds go back there as the shop is winding down and we all share a laugh and tease each other. Good fun, if there was more money I’d probably never have left. But honestly, I needed the change and the world became different during the pandemic. “Work Friend” shows up and we load up his bike in the back of my car. We decide we shall not Uber but march the mile and a half to the show. It’s hot out but not too hot. I fear sweat but I think we will be fine. I need the movement and fresh air. We joke and talk life on our journey. Tossing the Hennepin bridge and making our way to the heart of the city. It’s a strange feeling walking through there. Areas I loved have either been gentrified and friends forced to move or have broken down. This isn’t the part of the city that had the riots/ demonstrations. But it’s a part that has been hit hard economically. Right before that, especially on the North East side has been changed to expensive high rises. A mix of wealth and struggle. After the bridge we hop from Hennepin and go to 1st. Honestly, no need to pass the library and the area surrounding that. By the time we get to the Target Center, I am just the right kind of ready to sit. The heaviness of the beer and the heat has left me thirsty and prepared for the show. CHAPTER 4: Inside the Belly of the Beast Get ready for wrestling. I want an overpriced drink and a shirt to remember the fun by. The line isn’t bad before the show so I scope out the options. I’m not feeling a shirt with heavy back designs. Plus, I don’t know if I really want a specific wrestler shirt. I would do BCC, but I opted for a purple AEW shirt. Purple is a Minnesota color (Prince and the Vikings) so I feel it would be a good memory of the fun to come. (picture taken the following morning) I’m thinking about overpriced Nachos. I tell myself I’ll do that once I find my seat because Dark is starting up. We get to our spots and I realize how dumb I am. We are in the middle of a section so I’ll likely not grab food until just before Dynamite. Fuck, I want food but I already sat. Directly in front of me sits two dudes and both have nachos. The portions look big. Wet sauce, yet crispy chips. I really fucked up. We have Serena Deeb kicking the shit out of some poor jobber and I can only focus on the Jabaroni’s crunching on chips and slurping the dripping cheese sauce. Oh how I wish I was slurping that cheese. Why do I make the decisions I make? Then it happens. They both finish. They are done. And they awkwardly keep the paper bowls on their laps. Those dumb fuckers, I’m the genius! They hang on to the carcass of yum. Fearing putting it under their seat due to the wet, I realize my decision to hold off was the right one. I proudly sip my overpriced but heavy Jameson Ginger. Dark was neat. I won’t spoil because I’m not sure when their posted. 2 notes, Cinnabon Man got a big pop and people stood to clap for him before his match. Heartwarmingly, local talent Free-Range Kara was a jobber and surprisingly got a good cheer. People were chanting and cheering for her and I’m fairly sure she wasn’t even really announced as her gimmick name. Hopefully that comes across on YouTube. Dark ends and we go to pee before the start of the show. We walk to a farther bathroom with no line. Peeing goes without a problem. Totally normal average urination. I decide on overpriced Buffalo Tenders with fries. Easy eating and less wet then nachos. Show starts up and I hear Darby’s music. Oh snap, they’re starting with the Coffin Match?! Fun will happen indeed. CHAPTER 5: Boom Goes the Dynamite! COVER YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU’RE COFFIN: The Coffin match was beautifully violent. Both men allowing themselves to be so bruised and battered. People started freaking out over the tables being grabbed. When the second table didn’t cooperate, people chuckled. But the moment Brodie climbed the ropes it got intense again. Everyone erupted when Darby moved. On tv, I’m sure the ending half was overbooked, but it was very exciting live. When HoB showed up I was pumped up. There was an adorable kid behind us that kept yelling “I SAW THE COFFIN MOVE. THA COFFIN IS MOVING” the crowd started chanting “We want Sting! We want Sting!” He comes out of the coffin and everyone starts shouting. Sting and Malakai have a stare down on the ramp and Darby wins. Allie’s thin floppy body and visual lack of protection of his body is just mesmerizing. Having him be tossed around by Brodie is just a smart matchup. It’s hard to cheer against him. Plus he has such a unique look and demeanor that he really is one of a kind. He gets compared to Jeff Hardy for being young and art-rock-hip and even Foley for his wild bumps. But he’s his own monster. I fear for the kids inspired by him to go crazier but love what he is doing now. Fun note - I called the singer of his theme song CC Allin and “Work Friend” laughed and corrected me. LUCHA MADNESS: Very likely up until this pint the best match I’ve ever seen live. I’ll pray on it, because that also includes Austin Aries vs Takeshi Morishima and Claudio Castagnoli vs Mike Quackenbush. I explained to “Work Friend” that internet people don’t like Penta’s taunts but Penta’s taunts are actually neat. Everyone in the stadium nodded in agreement. This was fun. Each person fits my test of greatness which is, “Do your eyes follow a specific worker the entire match?” It sounds silly, but I wish I could have focused on everyone. I heard an explanation of enjoying hockey is gradual development of being able to see more. You start following the puck when you’re new. Then you can start noticing specific players or positions as well. Then you get to a spot where you’re noticing things being done away from the puck that actually helps develop the play. Then you can see the rink and the game that happens within it. A good tornado tag match is like that. Andrade is a fucking star and I wish I had white pants like him, Rush is a spectacular wrestler who just breathes doing the little things great even when the camera probably isn’t on him, Fenix is a spectacle and effortlessly does mind blowing feats, and Penta has so much charisma he is like a lucha James Brown. I hope they fight every show. I’d love to rewatch this and see what the camera saw, it was wonderful. People chanted “throw it back” for the mask but obviously that didn’t happen. Good ending, arguably overdone of losing a mask but it still hits when it happens to a luchadore. For me, at least. Andrade and Rush are just so good. I can’t express enough. Rush has great looking punches and strikes. Everything he does is believable. Fun note - At the end of the event, “Work Friend” said this match was his favorite part of the show. DINODINNER: Luchasaurus is cool and everyone likes him. I spent a long time explaining the Jungle Boy vs Christian Cage feud to “Work Friend” and the match is a squash. Which is good! But funny with how much backstory I put in. CUTE BACKSTAGE CUTE: I just told “Work Friend” I’d send him a long video or two. All in all, I’m pumped for what’s to come. HEY RICKY YOU’RE SO FINE, YOU BLOW MY MIND: Starks is a star. He has it. I won’t ramble about this match, but I will say I loooooooooved Starks running away after the match and celebrating in the crowd. So much more realistic than a super beat down of the Factory. Not everyone needs to be super human. TBS? CARGILL, YES!: Jade. Jade is great. I’m sure Madison Reign is too, but the crowd didn’t really know her. But they knew and loved Jade. Jade is money. But importantly, ATHENA IS MONEY. I knew when she was hired the cocky, petty, fun personality I loved on UUDD was going to be unleashed. If she stays healthy she is going to be so big. If I ran a wrestling company (Derp Elite Wrestling) she would be one of the faces of the company. I’d put her on Conan or whatever late night talk show is big and watch me make money off the likability of other people. THE LONG HOLD: The entrances to the main event were magic. Lionheart with old footage on the titantron. I was ready to sing Judas like a douche but instead enjoyed the unique experience of the match. Mox going through the crowd and standing among them to lift his title looks just as cool live as it does on tv. In the back of my head I was skeptical. I knew it would be good but I had a feeling this would be putting Jericho over as a technical wizard and Mox selling the entire match. For the most part, that’s what it was, but a really good version of that! Good stretching and fighting for positioning. Mox sold wonderfully and Jericho looked great. The earring getting ripped out was sick and I loved it. You can’t go wrong with ear blood. The long Walls of Jericho (Walls of Lionsomethingsomething?) was interesting. I felt it was to not over work Jericho but the longer the hold was in and the more Moxley sold that he was in and out of consciousness and in absolute agony people went from the edge of their seats to slowly a buzz to an insane fever pitch. People were yelling for Mox. Just brilliant crowd work! I didn’t think about it being picture and picture so that’s now funny to me. I was watching it happen and went from ok this is cool to holy shit I’m pumped and the whole arena is going apeshit. The guy next to me that I didn’t know asked if I thought Jericho could win it. I told him because how much Mox was selling early I didn’t think so. But in that moment I thought Moxley would pass out. He got to the ropes and I was ecstatic. Then Sammy tosses in the bat. I don’t know if this came off on tv but he way over tossed it and went out of the ring and a stagehand sneak handed it back to Jericho. When he used that I thought it was over. Then I thought it was over with the Judas Effect. I never been emotionally worked this much in a match live before. Maybe this is the greatest match I’ve ever seen live? It’s at least better than a drunken Sandman stumbling against local ICP Foley hybrid, Horace the Psychopath. When Jericho tapped we all exploded. A definitive win against Stretch Armstrong, the favorite Hart graduate. Post match fight. When Kingston was out there was loud “Eddie! Eddie! Eddie!” Chants. I thought it was going to be Danielson making the save. They had a promo picture for him speaking at Rampage earlier, so they twisted me!!! I brought my phone out and I was all excited. Oh snap, Punk! I’ll post that video later. Stare down good fun. Claudio made me smile with how pumped up he was with Mox on the ramp. Punk hops around on his leg and does his famous leg Chris-cross-applesauce. Show ends. Kahn says thanks. Derp derp derp. I won’t go into Rampage but fuck, I was so tired by that point. Only thing I’ll mention is that the biggest pops of the night all together was local guy Dante Martin. We all chanted “612! 612!” Which is the area code. Then a lot of people nearby talked about wrestling graduates from Robinsdale Highschool. Good fun. CHAPTER 5: This is the End, my “Work Friend”, the End Good event. Walking out was easy peasey. We were tucked out but decided to walk back instead of Uber. It’s a nice night out. Not too dark but very late. We know the derp roads to derp. I’m going to get some slices on the way back and surprise “Jasmyne” (my wife) with one. We would go there after late night derpin around or dancin or derpin downtown. There’s two different spots a block away from each other that are pretty much the same in terms of quality. Very good. Just depends what angle you’re walking closest to. We chose Pizza Vista and I almost didn’t recognize it from one of the doors being boarded up with wood over the glass. The sitting area was taped off and oddly enough it looked like broken stacks of wood piled on top of everything. Meh, the world ending. I went basic today (sorry Curt) and got 1 sausage pepperoni and 2 pepperoni. “Jasmyne” (wife) will get 1 of the peps. We walk back to the car and eat our pizza (I just eat the sausage pep) and talk with a Target Center worker was was on the floor for the show and had fun but we all agreed it was loooong. Especially how early they have to get there to set the building up. Long story short I drop “work friend” off at his place so he doesn’t have to bike late and I ramble about how the industry went from George Hackenschmidt to the Monday Night Wars. He had a fun time and we’re friends. “Jasmyne” (my wife) asks if I want to pick us up Taco Bell on the way home and I tell her about the pizza. She’s happy and we quietly eat the pizza while lil Octopus is asleep in the other room. I talk about the show and she tells me about her day. A good way to end a fun night.

I am "on a break" until the start of Secret Santo... but I feel I owe y'al! at least a mini road report after you gave me all that good advice. The advice was absolutely on point as well. And I don't wanna let Octopus down. Enough unhappy octopi in the wrestling world today already. Basically: I am glad I went. All the matches were good. It was nice to see some old friends again. Live pro wrestling is the best pro wrestling. BUT Corona precautions are still in full effect over here. It is VERY WEIRD to sit quietly, clapping politely, while dudes are getting slammed into thumbtacks. It's sad to see old friends but not share drinks with them, to not chat with them or the wrestlers I know. to not embrace anyone. To not take pictures with anyone... The wrestling - per se - was good, though. Often very good indeed. I woke up nice and early to catch the Death Before Zero Hour pre-show, and the PPV up until half-way through the Deeb vs Martinez match which is when I had to go and catch my train. My free ticket was literally in the top corner of the arena, but those were still pretty good seats. It was in the small hall. nice venue. Good neighbourhood. I'd estimate about 300 people in attendance. Atmosphere was friendly and happy but subdued due to the Corona restrictions. You could get a picture with Okabayashi with a social distance screen between you and he... but non fan club members had to pay for it. I am willing to pay for pics with Joshi legends only, out of respect for tradition. Every match had something for me to hang my hat on. Dark match was Dyna Mido vs a grouchy veteran. I met the Dynamite Kid tribute guy at the Matrix Charity Show party years ago. The match was brief and amusing, due to grouchyness. The actua! first match featured my boy Quiet Storm, who very recently became the first gaijin to win the Osaka Pro championship. He is massive. Next match featured my boy Ultimate Spider Junior. He's really fast and athletic. Nice contrast in matches. A fair bit of comedy in every match. I wonder if that's something BJW does in Osaka. Osaka=comedy. Spidey was supposed to semi-main in a Jr. Title match but Sekifuda got injured, if I understand correctly. Daichi Hashimoto & Daisuke Sekimoto vs (my boy) Shigehiro Irie & Takuho Kato was an excellent little match. Irie is great. Shinya's kid kicks REALLY hard. Sekimoto is even more massive than Quiet Storm. Then there was a trios comedy death match! It must be an Osaka thing. Yukking it up between staple gun and cinder block spots. Ishikawa was in this one. Surprisingly, (spoiler!) he got pinned (if I'm remembering correctly). TLC & Pushpin Death Match: This was the weirdest match to watch without yelling. Yankee Two Kenju (Isami Kodaka & Yuko Miyamoto) vs Abdullah Kobayashi & Jaki Numazawa ended with a piledriver from the top rope! (Through a Japanese table)! That had echoes later! Thanks to Curt and Beard I was properly pumped to see Miyamoto and Kodaka. They were great. There was some thumbtack-based comedy, too. Then there was a break and they replaced the whole ring canvas. That was interesting. UWA World Tag Team Title Match: Eisa8 & HUB (c) vs Brahman Brothers (Brahman Kei & Brahman Shu) , Okinawa Pro vs Michinoku Pro (kind of)! Straight up comedy match. My first time seeing the Brahmans live, I believe. I guess we got this to make up for no Jr. Title match. BJW Tag Team Title Match: Astronauts (Fuminori Abe & Takuya Nomura) (c) vs Kazuki Hashimoto & Koji Kanemoto was f'n excellent!! They beat the hell out of each other! Just vicious strikes and really snug holds. Lots of hatred. Thanks to Dean and Beard and my friend Rod I was mentally prepared for this level of violence. is it racist to assume that every Japanese wrestler who kicks really hard and is named Hashimoto and works for Big Japan is related to Shinya? Because I was surprised that Kazuki Hashimoto is apparently not related. Good heavens, he kicks hard. Fuminori Abe is my new favourite wrestler. BJW World Strong Heavyweight Title Match Yuji Okabayashi (c) vs Daimonji Sou was 20 plus straight minutes of Big Meaty Men Slapping Meat. These lads gave us a Main Event! it was weird just to go home after the show. My wife was surprised that I came back sober. i got back just in time to catch Tana vs Naito (very epic G1 match that Rod saw live) and then I watched the rest of the ROH PPV. And I have to say, that long Bricoes vs FTR match held me rapt for all three falls. Pretty impressive! What a match! what a day of wrestling!

I'm giving AEW 40 bucks tonight. I got no problem stealing WWE ppvs from sketchy Chinese sites.

Dolfan, please ban TK for shitposting. Thanks.

Here's the Porksweats DVDVR Road Report Live From Grand Rapids, MI Did I eat? I actually didn't, I took an adderall this morning to help focus on a big file at work so I was pretty content from some Jamaican Jerk Chicken from my work's bistro. As I've mentioned, I actually live downtown here so the arena was only a few blocks up to walk. I would've gone earlier and attended the meet and greet to see The Acclaimed, Danhausen and Shida but I had to wait for my wife to get out of work (luckily she got out an hour earlier so we could get there to catch the Dark matches!) We got some pretty strong seats, we weren't floor but we were only a few rows up from the floor, eye level with the turnbuckle tops, and only had 2 rows in front so even if there was standing, we were barely obscured. You know what I did eat after all, we both got some draft labatts paying out the ass, seriously they were cheaper in Detroit which is crazy and my wife got a pretzel that I had a few bites from. We did miss the first Dark match because we were checking out the merch, didn't see anything that called our names so we got our seats and sat down as Vickie Guerrero was saying that her stable of Vickie, Nyla and Shafir are the Beast Of Burdens? Seems like she should swap that. We got a Kris Statlander match next, did not catch her opponent's name. She made quick work of her and ended with a big boot but when she did, her other leg buckled and she hobbled back to the back after, I hope she's alright. Justin Roberts hyped the crowd between, asking if we wanted Sonny Kiss, stating they're always listening backstage for who we want and we were all going crazy for it, which leads to Kiss coming out with two other wrestlers I sadly didn't catch the names of either. Their opponents? The Trustbusters! Slim J made us all believers, Parker is great at squashes and Daivari brings the whole thing together. When the match was done, Daivari holds back Parker and Slim J and has a few words with Sonny who wasn't the one eating the pin. Is Sonny joining them? Sure, I'd like that alot. On deck we had Leva Bates/Emi Sakura/Serena Deeb vs Ruby Soho/Athena/Hikaru Shida, my wife instantly declared her favorite in the match to be Sakura, I was just happy we got the return of Leva Bates. Soho easily was the most over. Right team won (Soho/Athena/Shida). After, I got up to use the bathroom but came back in the middle of Uno/Ten vs JD Drake/Peter Avalon, crowd was chanting for Ten. Couldn't tell if it was because of this match or if they really want Shawn Spears to return. Avalon looked like a star. Double helping of JD Drake as he accompanies Anthony Henry against Orange Cassidy, Henry had a pretty combative match and made me realize this was a match I've always wanted. Cassidy wins, we go wild. The Best Friends come down (with Danhausen), and they all hug. Danhausen was in the middle of it very confused. Tony Khan comes out~!!! Says he loves Michigan, thanks the auto industry (also did this same spiel in Detroit), and Ryan Nemeth comes out to interrupt and try to get Ohio over. He doesn't. Tony says he'll remember this. Battle of the Belts - REDACTED (you guys can wait until tomorrow as I don't want to spoil.) Before Rampage, we got both Eddie Kingston with a quick shoutout for the BOTB, he gave the devil his due (gave props to Cesaro), he also thanked us for being there because otherwise who are they busting their asses for? JR gets his entrance. Tony comes back down and does more crowd hyping, Justin Roberts asks if it's possible for us the fans to get Moxley first as there are so many signs, Tony asks the time until Rampage. 1 Minute to go, Tony says we'll see in 60 seconds won't we. Didnt expect Moxley to come down through the crowd from up top, but was pleasantly surprised when he walked by my section on the floor on the initial approach. Crowd was hot, Ol' Mancer came down next. Alot of people in my section were pulling for him. I'm surprised we had so much energy for it considering how BOTB ended, but I loved every minute of it. Mance's first chop you could hear anywhere in the arena, truly earthshattering and I can only imagine how it came across on TV. Nemeth comes back down and starts insulting Michigan again, then TAKESHITA COMES DOWN and lays waste. Brief Wheres Dolph Ziggler chant, I'd love to see Dolph/Takeshita. We got to see the clip from last week with Orange backstage, GR loves Danhausen. Up next Rayne/Grey. We cheered Rayne, booed Grey, then just got really fucking bored. You can definitely tell Grey came from OVW. Chants that broke out during the match: Armbar, Fight Forever/Please Don't. Never heard a crowd breathe a bigger sigh of relief for a finish, and thank god Jade came down. Will the Rayne/Jade match be any good? I can definitely say it's going to be better than this. Main Event, most of this match was watched on the screens as the action took place on the opposite side of the ring where we were sitting. Tony Nese rocks, I'm so glad I got to have him main event a show I went to. He's a natural in that end of 10 O'Clock hour with countless 205 Lives under his belt. Epilogue: Blood and Guts was a better AEW experience, but I definitely got the Van Andel arena figured out now going forward, the arena was mostly packed. Only real empty spots were by the section where the camera was. I did have to have some words with a guy with a sign though, he wasnt blocking me but our section was hard cam side but to the right out of frame, so we were rarely if ever in shot and he kept holding up a sign trying to get on Botchamania. I didn't really care about that but every time he put it up, I had a guy directly behind me bitching but not saying anything and a dude behind him yelling constantly about him and it was just bringing the vibe down, so I told the sign guy to look at the screen and notice we are totally not on camera and all he's doing is making everyone else around him fucking hate him. I felt bad but then he kept shittalking Tony Nese during the main event so like, thats his prerogative All in all, great time was had. It's nice to be home.

All of these glowing Tweets about Vince from wrestlers have a real "first hour of the Benoit tribute RAW" feel to them.

Fixed that for you.

Wrestling good.

Our view.

Vin Scully opened every Dodgers broadcast with “Hi everybody and a very pleasant good evening to you wherever you may be.” Vin died Tuesday, and Excalibur is an LA guy, so he opened the show with those words to pay homage to Vin. It was a one-off tribute, I'm sure. I would imagine the Brodie phrasing will be back on Rampage.

Really? Dax cuts a heart-felt promo about his daughter surviving a life-threatening heart condition, and they release a t-shirt with 100 % of royalties going to the American Heart Association, and that's "corny" and "cringe"? Fucks sake. Think it's time for me to take a short break before I start saying stuff I regret.. I'll be back on the 31st for the start of Secret Santo

"That's some good info on a violent mob wanting to overturn the election, Jesse, but one thing you won't want to overturn is Omaha Steaks. Flip 'em once on the grille and they're done to perfection. 39.99, promo code proudboy."

I’m bringing a work buddy along that doesn’t know wrestling but is interested. So I plan on playing along with any shenanigans that arrises. Also, I’m being naughty and taking the rest of the week off. So I will drink beforehand and have overpriced drinks there. I’ll do a road report.

Can we pause for a minute to note that Cassidy's been on a tear since he got back: The UE six man, Ospreay, Ethan Page, Tony Nese, Wardlow, the fun six man the other night, the Lethal match. It's been a great string of performances for him.

Jeff Jarrett over here killing another territory

Speaking of Dan Spivey....

There are times when announcers can get away with being critical, but it actually needs to make sense within the guideline of the match and within a character. If it's feedback on how to improve one's work or gimmick, saying it on the show is inexcusable, because as you said that should be delivered personally. There's a major difference between: - "Wrestler X didn't catch all of that superkick, they might not be able to get the win from it!" and - "Wrestler X barely caught that superkick, they really need to work on their execution!" The former is contextualizing the move not connecting within the confines of the match, the latter is saying "hey, snug that up some, it was obvious you didn't hit it" and should be delivered privately. And when one says "well, what's the difference?", the difference is that an announcer's job is to take things like a blown spot and cover for them. Nobody performs in any sport with 100% accuracy, so if a wrestler blows a spot and the announcer mocks it or laughs at it instead of trying to cover, well, what's the point? (Obviously there will be spots blown so bad you just can't cover, and with that you just have to move on.) Some announcers decide that they'd rather point out flaws to make themselves look like the smartest person in the room rather than help cover for the overall presentation. Those announcers don't typically work long. Jim Ross has been one of those announcers for a long time now, and the whole reason he gets away with it is because he is Jim Ross.

Sorry I'm late. Deleted a giant thread accidentally and had to RESTORE IT. JANE! your playing a game called- called hard to get by it's real name! It is the SUMMER! Summer of Orange Cassidy! Winter is coming. And his name is Wardlow. The Best Friends are managers and say that they will CHEAT! Yesssss. They should play JANE all through the match. Wardlow pulls his pockets out! They are just fucking around now as Cassidy puts Wardlow's straps up. The Best Friends are EJECTED! Wardlow is very agile. Wardlow is very strong also. Danhausen is NEUTRALIZED but OC gets in an Orange Punch! Wardlow YEETS Cassidy across the ring with an overhead suplex! He is very strong! Jesus! I AWAIT THE INTERNATIONAL FEED tomorrow as we suffer through picture in picture. JAyzeus, Wardlow overhead suplexes OC again and it is NASTY. Wardlow Gorilla Presses OC into the ring and then jumps from the floor to the apron! Wardlow is a freak. Wardlow does a Davey Boy Smith delayed vertical suplex and crushes OC with an Irish Whip. Cassidy gets a comeback! OC counters the Powerbomb with a DDT! Wardlow hits an F-10! Which I've never seen him do before! For two! OC counters a powerbomb with a rana! and hits a tope! Great nearfall on a Beach Break! Wardlow is fucking great. That was how you make a little guy look good even though you are just RIDICULOUSLY overpowering. Wardlow IS Vader. Chris Jericho talks shit about Eddie Kingston's friends! Jericho is great. Jericho quotes an AC/DC album title! Awesome! KONESUKE TAKESHITA! Cinnebon Man is over in Savannah! MOX waits for Billy Zoom to hit his guitar solo! I hope there is blood. LEG LARIAT by Takeshita followed by a Flairesque chop! Takeshita goes for the Jumping Lariat but Mox cuts him off with a Lariat. Piledriver by MOX is sold like a Piledriver by Konosuke. GERMAN SUPLEX ON THE APRON to Mox. Best part of the match is Mox kicking Takeshita in the teeth through the ropes. And we suffer through the picture in picture. IATIF! Mox is busting open Takeshita in picture in picture. OH MAN! CINNABON HARDCORE! HOLY SHIT! This match is the best Takeshita match so far. AWESOME BRAINBUSTER by Takeshita! AWESOME TOPE CON HILO! LOVE MACHINE SPLASH! FOR TWO! BLUE THUNDER BOMB TO COUNTER THE SLEEPER! EVEREST GERMAN motherfucking SUPLEX! In the greatest nearfall of the year! Death Rider and Bulldog Choke and what a fucking match. I didn't even notice that Mox bled until after the match. GREAT FUCKING MATCH. The crowd was fucking molten for that nearfall. That was awesome. Christian Cage is a heat machine! Luchasaurus as a poor man's Lance Archer is waaaay better than Jurassic Express Luchasaurus. Table doesn't break! Then it breaks! Jake Hagar is the Secret Wrestling Machine. Claudio opts for HOSS BATTLE! BEEL by HAGAR! Avalanche Vader Bomb by Hagar! Is Hagar going to win? (well. no) As we suffer though picture in picture, Hagar beats on Claudio, Claudio makes a comeback and Hagar cuts him off. Claudio DEADLIFTS fucking Jake Hagar and suplexes him! Jesus, Claudio is stronger than Wardlow and maybe as strong as Jeff Cobb. Is Claudio a ROBOT?!? Claudio springs off the second rope and hits an uppercut! SWEET FUCKING DROPKICK by Claudio. Savannah is the best crowd in the South? Could be. A Giant Swing! A Scorpion Deathlock! Daddy Magic and Cool Hand! Hagar gets a two count on a Urinagi! RICOLLA BOMB! Claudio is a fucking freak. Jake Hagar is The Wrestling Machine. That was really good. Serena Deeb is from Oakton, which is sort of Northern Virginia but more like Fredericksburg but West. I assume she is going to mangle Anna Jay after making Anna Jay look like a contender. Serena IS mangling Anna! As we suffer through picture in picture, they heat this baby up- as Deeb beats a batch of heat onto Anna. I will find out tomorrow if the crowd gets behind Anna's STRUGGLE to escape the HORROR of Serena Deeb's onslaught. Deeb is spindling Anna and we go to big screen and Anna goes on offense! Anna looks fucking GREAT as Deeb leads her through an actual wrestling match. That was DEFINITELY the best Anna Jay match. It was good. Leila Grey is doing the Toshiro Mifune in Seventh Samurai! YAAAY! Tay Conti reminds us that she and Anna Jay were tagteam partners at one point. I had forgotten and was wondering why Tay was there, then I remembered the death match. Ah crap, it's a TRIPLE THREAT MATCH. Nick and Shane Strickland go all Strange Style! That's fun. The Young Bucks put this match together and they are going for maximum fun. The Bucks are great at putting a million moving parts together. Ricky Starks and Powerhouse Hobbs are the most over in Savannah. The psychology of the match is all fucked up because it's a three way. The match is built around Keith Lee, which is smart. They go total HOSS FIGHT! LOVE MACHINE SPLASH BY HOBBS! Hobbs is a freak. Great nearfall on the Ring Walker Diamond Cutter! They do very long set-up for some nearfalls. THEN MORE NEARFALLS! My recording ends! I find the channel and rewind! I hate three ways but this was good. NEW CHAMPS NEW CHAMPS! Shane Strickland and Keith Lee! That was a great episode. AEW RULES THE FUCKING MOTHERFCUKING FUCKING WORLD!

That ending was visually incredible, though, with the chain and Brody's selling/body language/perfect drop and spin into the coffin which slammed shut on it's own. Like, you could do take after take of that and never have it look as fucking GREAT as it did

Better yet, just print the picture and then fold it like one of those things in the back of Mad magazine.

I think QT can make some good creative changes. I guess you could call it a Factory reset.

Right now it's Excalibur, Taz, Schiavone, on the rare occasions we actually get it.

Great-O-Khan like

Goddamn, can we just appreciate for a second that we had a Nick Gage death match and a barbwired death match in this promotion for free. Fuck, I love this promotion.

Watching a giant "tough guy hardcore" dude beat the shit out of a scrappy little skate punk was some "parking lot during a Hatebreed show in 1998" nostalgia.

Happy birthday to a heck of a wrestler, a great technician in the ring, and a jam up guy: Alexander Otsuka! He's one of the best ever to do it. Probably all-time top 20 for me,in terms of how much I enjoy his matches. Maybe celebrate by watching this:

I just assume everyone disparaging the web shows live deeply unsatisfying lives.

I'm not a mod...but guys y'all need to chill. This isn't a good look for anyone who lurks and might want to actively join our community. Cut it out before this gets locked again. Please and thanks.

My two cents, as someone who has never paid for an autograph: It should always be the signer/celebrity's option and comfort level, regardless of pandemic. I got to meet Simon Pegg years back at a book reading and signing (actually was able to meet him beforehand privately as my friends worked at the bookstore). I didn't ask for a photo, but he offered to pose with us and did the arms on lower backs pose. Likewise with Springsteen, the books were pre-signed but there was a 30-second photo op so I stood next to him and when he did the lower back arm I did the same. I've never bothered a celebrity at an airport or a bar, although in retrospect I wish I had yelled some choice words at Ted Cruz at DFW.

Asking Dean to not have a wall of text is like asking Picasso to paint people "normal looking".

Fuck it, I want to double down because it makes me pretty angry. In pro wrestling anything can work and anything can be effective. It takes 3-4 things. Conviction from the person delivering the offense: they have to believe in what they're doing and project that belief, embody it. Reaction from the person taking the offense: this is selling; the person has to show that it has an effect upon them through their physical reactions. The announcers putting it over: it was done with conviction, it was sold with conviction; just explain and express that it worked and come up with reasons how and why and put it in context. Consistency over time: if these three above things all happen and they happen repeatedly, the fans become conditioned to accept what they're seeing. JR crapping on something that was done with conviction and is being sold not only means he's failing at what he's doing, but he's actively betraying not just the wrestler doing the move, but the wrestler that dared to sell it. It means that any other time that wrestler sells anything, it's put to doubt. It means that any other time the initial wrestler does any offense, it's put to doubt. The only one who potentially gets any credibility out of it is JR himself, who comes off like a maverick who calls things fake even when the wrestlers aren't brave enough to avoid doing them or to avoid selling it or the fans in the audience aren't brave enough to avoid reacting to it. Only JR is above all of them. He has to go. He 100% has to go. What an absolute liability. What a horrible announcer. A bad announcer who fails to do his job and get something over is one thing. A terrible, wretched, counter-productive announcer who actively sabotages the product is something else entirely.

In my anatomy/physiology class, the chapter this week is on bones. There actually IS an External Occipital Protuberance! I should have never doubted Gorilla Monsoon.

"A thing changed! That must mean this previously correct fact was wrong! I am very smart!" - person with a Twitter account and far too much time on their hands

Walking out because the serial sexual abuser is facing consequences is definitely worse.

I've been trying to limit how often I bring up misogyny because apparently I strike some raw nerves when I do so, but... yeah. Two notes about this: 1) $30,000 for conventions is actually fairly cheap, especially if you break it down to a per day cost of $10,000 or $15,000. Let me pluck a convention out of thin air: GalaxyCon books a lot of wrestlers for their conventions, and with a couple of exceptions, their pricing is pretty consistent no matter which wrestler. I'll just link to Hangman Page, but it doesn't matter because it's the same for any wrestler unless you're Sting (where it's higher because, well, it's Sting) or an indie wrestler (where you are basically setting up as a vendor piggybacking on the AEW wrestlers and legends there, not as a contracted talent brought in by the convention, and are charging your own rate). So $40 for an autograph, $40 for a table selfie, $60 for a combo of the autograph and table selfie, or $60 for the professional photo op. And that's for a run of the mill wrestler. (For those curious, Sting is $60 for an autograph and $70 for the photo op, no table selfies.) Sasha isn't going to be charging those rates because Sasha falls within a unique category, because she will be able to draw wrestling fans and Star Wars obsessives due to her appearance on the Mandalorian (however big or small the role might have been). Who else is appearing at GalaxyCon Raleigh? Katee Sackhoff, who was in the Mandalorian with Sasha. Note her autograph pricing. $120 for an autograph on Star Wars items. $80 for an autograph on non-Star Wars items, or an 8x10. $80 for a table selfie. $100 for a professional photo op. Her prices are going to be higher than Sasha's, but those Mandalorian appearances put Sasha in a unique category and conventions will likely put her close to this tier. Sasha's a double draw for these conventions thanks to that Star Wars connection, so I dare say $30,000 is underpaid. 2) Let's also analyze if the men charging high price tags are worth it on indie wrestling shows. Short answer: no. Remember how I said Ric Flair charged $16,000? Do you also remember how I said the promoter didn't make their money back? You also have to accept the upcharge on security and venue costs to accommodate the higher than usual amount of fans. Flair got paid, as did the other names brought in (Ricky Morton, Bobby Eaton, the Barbarian), but local talent got nothing. And what did the local promotion get from it? A one night bump in attendance, then right back to square one for the next show, which didn't happen for four months because the promotion lost too much money to run again until then. That promotion was averaging 100-150 for their shows before Flair, and it averaged 100-150 after Flair. All to get a five minute rambling Flair promo where he called the promotion by the wrong name. I worked on indies for close to a decade, and I don't think I ever saw an instance where bringing in a name of that magnitude helped long-term attendance. It was great for a short-term bump but it never really did anything to maintain the audience because the elevated costs just ended up torpedoing later shows. Maybe that's just poor cost management by the promoters I worked for, but really, when you book a name, you draw in people to come see that name. Once that name is gone, you'd better hope you've hooked the people who came to see that name, and 99% of the time that just doesn't happen. Way too much risk.

Regal, in his long talk about good pins, said that JR is helping wrestlers by telling them something to improve. He's of the mindset that it's the wrestlers' job to give the announcers positive talk about it. Obviously, that's wrong. If he wanted to help them, he'd tell them backstage. Announcers should give the fans plausible reasons for why things are happening. JR saying that "Serena's personality, her character is inconsistent" was probably the worst thing I've heard him do in a while and then Taz covered by saying she was upset about Anna getting all the focus since it's her hometown. One is a good color analyst. One is the absolute shits. I'm skipping the main because there's only so much time in the world and I've had enough triple threat tag matches this year, but this show was exhausting in a good way. There was a sense that things would pick up after Forbidden Door and they'd lay in new stories or work to establish some of the new status quo. We saw that over the last week or two. This one set up a couple of things for the ROH PPV but in more indirect ways in heating some people up even more without having it dominate. Loved Cassidy vs Wardlow. The deal with Cassidy is that it's about how people react to him and then how he reacts to them. It's the most character driven stuff imaginable because it's not about "spots" or "counters" but about emotional interactions. It's more about watching Spider-Man fight the Rhino than two boxers going at it. He's going to use everything at his disposal and goad his opponent and it becomes more cinematic, something which still has narrative, that still is grounded in reality, that's still within the confines of pro wrestling logic and that uses pro wrestling moves as diction to a degree, but it's very expansive to what wrestling can be. They create towers out of these elements because Cassidy is so good at layout, because he can DO all the fundamental stuff well, and because it's all about the emotional state of his opponent and just who his opponent is as a person. Cassidy and Moxley are pretty much the two poles here. You can find out so much about who a pro wrestler is a as a character by having them wrestle either Moxley, who will punish them until they are raw and you can see under their skin and bones to their very soul, or Cassidy, who will drive them to distraction and frustration, basically doing the same thing Moxley does but to their mind. I know in the past, on the indies, there were plenty of times where it didn't work, where it left the confines, where it tore down instead of building up, but that's not at all the case in the last year of AEW. Anyone who doesn't realize that just doesn't watch the matches. Mox vs Takeshita was much better than Kingston vs Takeshita. Things were more earned, more registered. Everything meant more. There was more of a sense of hierarchy instead of everything being equal. Mox especially used the commercial break well just to bite, rip, and tear at Takeshita which allowed for more contrast. I thought Luchasaurus vs Griff worked. He's no longer doing stupid kicks and is instead playing to the size differential. I liked after the chokeslam he went to embrace Christian and then remembered that Christian was a dour asshole and sort of backed off. Very interested to see how they work as a team. The Claudio vs Hager match was another TV showcase for him, which probably is unnecessary, but is still good. It was really hard hitting in the first half. They just went at it. Claudio really looks like he's living best life in how he's interacting with the crowd and just executing stuff in the moment. Finish was a little goofy but ultimately fine since it made Claudio look like a world beater. I have to admit, I was pretty burnt out from all the good wrestling by this point but I have a lot going this week. Best part of the Anna vs Serena match was Serena leaning on her during the commercial break. What a roster, huh? Geez.

They should pull the trigger on her. For one thing, you need an actual title change on one of these Battle of the Belts. Run it for a couple of months where Baker gets more and more jealous of her being champ. You can use ThunderStorm as an attraction and feud them with TayJay or something. Rosa doesn't need the belt right now.