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Lamp, broken circa 1988

WORST COVERS EVER

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On 1/28/2019 at 1:13 PM, christopher.annino said:

I'm no huge Simon & Garfunkel fan but Disturbed doing "Sound of Silence" is a musical atrocity, plus you just know that singer douche hears it and thinks it's a fucking work of art or something. 

If Paul Simon is going on record telling you your rendition of his song was outstanding and praised it up and down, then I'd be pretty stoked about it too.

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I'm not gonna lie. I'm frustrated with y'all. I need worse covers. Every time anyone posts "A person I don't like plays a song with all the right notes" I just get that much more depressed at your ability to understand a task.

Points go to the nu metal George Harrison cover, the Five Finger Death Punch cover of LL Cool J and that Duran Duran thing (lord, that Duran Duran thing). As few of the right notes as possible. That Bono cover of Hallelujah has literally none of the right notes. That's what I'm looking for. Sink lower into this muck, you fucking cowards.

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Are you really expecting to get anything out of someone that doesn't know Paul Simon sucks ass?

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See, most of the covers I like are the more out-there ones, so it's hard for me to think of shitty ones. Then again, I'd never heard of this Bono monstrosity til now. 

The Google machine tells me that Attack Attack covered Katy Perry. I ain't subjecting myself to that for anybody.

 

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3 hours ago, Lamp, broken circa 1988 said:

I'm not gonna lie. I'm frustrated with y'all. I need worse covers. Every time anyone posts "A person I don't like plays a song with all the right notes" I just get that much more depressed at your ability to understand a task.

Points go to the nu metal George Harrison cover, the Five Finger Death Punch cover of LL Cool J and that Duran Duran thing (lord, that Duran Duran thing). As few of the right notes as possible. That Bono cover of Hallelujah has literally none of the right notes. That's what I'm looking for. Sink lower into this muck, you fucking cowards.

if you sink too far you end up with good muck

 

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17 hours ago, Death From Above said:

Are you really expecting to get anything out of someone that doesn't know Paul Simon sucks ass?

What, you don't think The Capeman soundtrack is the pinacle of music in human history?????

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On 12/13/2018 at 7:14 AM, Brian Fowler said:

Pick a Five Finger Death Punch cover. Whichever one you chose, it's the right answer

QFTMFT. This thread should nothing but those abominations.

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I'd say it should be everything except those.  Who cares if a shitty band does a shitty cover?  Isn't that just them hitting their ceiling?   Should we start a thread about the worst-dressed Popes, too?

It's way worse when it's a good/great band and an otherwise good/great song that somehow turns out putrid.

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I like Coal Chamber's cover of shock the monkey, mainly because it gives us all an excuse to say MONKEY in a death metal voice. Ozzy has a whole album of shitty covers that were worse.

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On 1/29/2019 at 7:29 PM, Lamp, broken circa 1988 said:

I'm not gonna lie. I'm frustrated with y'all. I need worse covers. Every time anyone posts "A person I don't like plays a song with all the right notes" I just get that much more depressed at your ability to understand a task.

Points go to the nu metal George Harrison cover, the Five Finger Death Punch cover of LL Cool J and that Duran Duran thing (lord, that Duran Duran thing). As few of the right notes as possible. That Bono cover of Hallelujah has literally none of the right notes. That's what I'm looking for. Sink lower into this muck, you fucking cowards.

By this argument, the UB-40 cover of "Red Red Wine" (that made Neil Diamond decide "nope, this song's a reggae song now") would fit your claim, but my example (which was technically proficient, but managed to get the whole song wrong with one word change) does not. 

So, even that argument doesn't hold water for the whole duration of "what constitutes a BAD cover song."

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6 hours ago, driver said:

QFTMFT. This thread should nothing but those abominations.

The first thing that popped into my head when I saw the title of this thread was their cover of Bad Company, with Godsmack's butchering of Rocky Mountain Way being a very close second!

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Just thinking of that Aerosmith cover makes me want to punch somebody, out of hatred for both bands. That should be a baseline definition for "worst cover". 

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hey, anybody want to apply Marx's model of overproduction to pop music

well too bad

Cover songs that hit all the wrong notes are, if nothing else, a distinct product from the original. We as a world have created too much music to possibly listen to in a hundred lifetimes and the deconstruction/rebuilding (or outright cannibalization) of the previously written and recorded is unarguably inevitable and probably moral in the long run. I'm not saying a death metal cover of "Aguas de Marco" is in the same boat as the Bomb Squad cutting up Uriah Heep to make a PE track, but at some point you have to admit doing a straight-up remake of a song that was already fine is a lot more evil than trying and failing to change the flavor of a pre-existing text.

No failed genre experiment in this thread is ever going to approach the evil of Pat Boone's "Tutti Frutti".

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3 hours ago, SorceressKnight said:

but my example (which was technically proficient, but managed to get the whole song wrong with one word change)

While I'm at it, YUP. Second grossest thing posted in this thread by my count and I'm willing to accept it as the worst if anybody would like to argue it.

Technical proficiency, damn it to every last firey pit, is such a great way to hide sinister intent. I bet you a case of the good stuff that Miss McGuire wasn't the one that changed the lyric, either. Compare this to the Patii Smith change - I don't need their fuckin' shit / Hope I die because of it

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On 1/29/2019 at 7:29 PM, Lamp, broken circa 1988 said:

I'm not gonna lie. I'm frustrated with y'all. I need worse covers. Every time anyone posts "A person I don't like plays a song with all the right notes" I just get that much more depressed at your ability to understand a task.

Points go to the nu metal George Harrison cover, the Five Finger Death Punch cover of LL Cool J and that Duran Duran thing (lord, that Duran Duran thing). As few of the right notes as possible. That Bono cover of Hallelujah has literally none of the right notes. That's what I'm looking for. Sink lower into this muck, you fucking cowards.

I would rather listen to that Bono hallelujah five times in a row than FFDP play all the right notes with none of the emotion. Their cover of Bad Company or Gone Away are crimes against art. Bono's Hallelujah is merely a failed experiment. 

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The thing is, I can go see cover bands fuck up just as bad as, say, Aerosmith did with that Come Together. Or for an egregious example that no one's mentioned, the Panic At The Disco cover of Karma Police where they add an additional vocal melody over the bridge because that's what pop punk bands do. What I'm saying is, all that stuff's dull. It's the Everyband's Fuckup. It is not noteworthy in any way other than the paradoxical nature of why so many rich people try to live inside the skins of other rich people.

And you say "failed experiment" like they're academic papers failing to prove a hypothesis, when what I see (and what I want) is the hulking flesh masses begging for death with their shitty little vocal chords. In more literal horror story terms,  y'all are talking about Misery, and I'm looking for I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream. A machine beyond comprehension grabbing life by the genetics and condemning it to eternal shame, despair and suffering while screaming "LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I HATE YOU" into the surface of it's nervous system. You know, the good stuff.

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I just don't find it nearly that bad. 

I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm not putting it on a playlist, but I didn't find it some unspeakably awful thing. I'd much rather hear things like that than things like what you are complaining about. 

Like, to meet you at your metaphor, Bono was more like a Fear Street book. Nothing scary.

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The entire Tom Jones "Reload" album is kitschy, insincere bullshit.  It was only enjoyed by shitty people who thought it was OMG SO RANDOM to hear an overrated Vegas lounge singer cover songs you never thought he would.  It's Richard Cheese & Lounge Against the Machine with none of the style, wit, or self awareness. Check out this cover of "Kiss."  No feeling whatsoever, just karaoke being performed by a used car salesman.

 

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7XlaecQCKkY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RyhBRY_2mpk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1yKTAzY4KMc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tx4JIlDtJsI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WAbT1gUWEl8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7BzcfMZguAM
 

At the risk of BL going on a Dylan rant, here are several people wasting my precious time by covering "Don't Think Twice, It's All Right."
Dear musicians: If Albert Hammond Jr. can't pull it off, you sure as hell can't.

 

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51 minutes ago, MORELOCK said:

At the risk of BL going on a Dylan rant, here are several people wasting my precious time by covering "Don't Think Twice, It's All Right."
Dear musicians: If Albert Hammond Jr. can't pull it off, you sure as hell can't.

 

One of my favorite Dylan songs too... if not my favorite.

EDIT: I'm also open to hearing Susan Tedeschi try to sing anything. Her voice is that amazing.

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