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Lamp, broken circa 1988

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  1. It's May 4th, and you know what that means: It's been a decade since MCA passed away, and I've watched this every year on the day. RIP MCA, and thanks for everything.
  2. TUNIC [4] If I described what I had seen or what I was preparing to do tomorrow in the path of reaching the True Ending, I would be giving away too much of Tunic's magic. It is an exceedingly clever game, which covers the distance its mechanical action lacks. Strong recommend, don't read about it at all before you start it, good luck. KIRBY & THE FORGOTTEN LAND [4] Good god I've been playing a lot of really deeply good games this last month. Kirby is the most relaxing of the three I've beaten/come close to beating in the last month. It's also 3 for 3 on games that at some point dip into completely existentially galling territory. So that's cool! I think little kids might find the home stretch of this game super scary! So my list of games I intend to see the end of this calendar year now stands like this: Tunic (which could happen tomorrow or monday) Dark Souls II Scholar of the First Sin (which might not happen this year, depends on if they fix the online) Demons of Asteborg (which I might not finish because it kinda blows tbh) Hitman 3 (when I left off I was in Mumbai, intimidated as hell from how huge the map is) L.A. Noire (coinciding with when the action button review starts) ULTRAKILL Yakuza Like A Dragon (I'm at like chapter 3 or 4?)
  3. ELDEN RING [4] Beat it. King of 3D video games. Good luck to the future. FOREST GOLF PLANNER [3] RAILROAD INC CHALLENGE [3] Some phone games! The first is the new game from the people what make the good sim games, Kairosoft. One of my favorite games of all time is Sid Meier's SimGolf. This is not as good, but, it's good! The second is a take on a boardgame I like, only now that it doesn't have physical limitations they do all sorts of weird shit like power ups and daily challenges. Only problem with it is that it swallows battery alive and my phone is pretty old at this point so I can only play one game before my phone warms up too much to be comfortable. STARTED NORCO Hell of a first impression! It's a little pulpy and a little silly, but they're definitely trying to write a dark gritty point and click thing and all the style they pack in on the edges can make it work. I got into a staring contest with a stuffed monkey and reacquainted myself with my home town by talking to the robot named Million in my mom's backyard. I will see more of this game.
  4. That fight tormented me until I decided to change my strategy to the silliest thing I could think of, and that worked the first time I tried it.
  5. I am presupposing you have purchased Game Pass, because the general answer of "what should I do with an xbox" is "game pass." With that in mind, here is A Condensed List of Games On Game Pass I Think Are Excellent in order of Excellentitude. Kentucky Route Zero Hollow Knight Gears of War Judgment Titanfall 2 The Hitman Trilogy Dragon Quest XI S Yakuza Like A Dragon Streets of Rage 4 Outer Wilds Children of Morta if you have someone to play local co-op with Banjo Kazooie Nuts & Bolts if you're looking for system exclusives, those are all in development at the moment lol check back in a year or so also yes i think gears of war judgment is better than titanfall 2, based on this completely non existent scale called excellentitude i just made up
  6. I am at the last boss. I have reached phase 2 of the last boss one time out of 20 attempts. I have also never gotten to the last boss of a Souls game before, so that's neat. The First Phase seems like a learnable thing, it's just that I'm struggling with reading timing on some big attacks. I find that a common thing this game does is that the camera faints a movement that their body doesn't make. It's a vicious trick, and it's ingenious, because technically they're slower attacks, you're just getting mentally juked. For anyone looking for some kind of measurement of the time investment to reach the last boss, it took me about 92 hours, and I'm currently level 122. I skipped large chunks of the side content (namely one of the rivers, volcano manor, and all of the hidden areas). I can imagine myself doing two more playthroughs (one Max Poise/Shield run, one where my entire goal is a sword that is a callback to other From Soft games) but honestly after I finish the first one I'm going to take a break to mainline another game.
  7. MARIO KART RELAPSE [3] "i'm looking for a switch thing to play, hey the SNES player has Mario Kart, hey I have Mario Kart 8, hey they just announced that DLC that's got that course I love from the DS game, maybe it'll have the other ones, oh look I bought it" one hour process, this. But hey, after falling off Forza Horizon 5, I'm having a good time with that there Mario Kart. BALAN WONDERWORLD [3] ok hear me out It was half off and I've seen so many videos about it that I resolved that goddamnit, I need to see this game for myself. Here's the thing, and this kind of links back into why I keep putting scores on things and why I use my specific scale: I think people's measurement metrics for what makes games good is predicated on this "Is This GOTY Calibur" and some games are not that no matter what. So when you're making your ordered list of the best platformers of the modern generation then yeah Balan Wonderworld aint Mario or Astro or Time Hat Time or whatever. Approaching it as it's own game, it's fascinating. It comes from the mindset of developers who had hardware limitations and engineered solutions in the hardware limitations, but modern hardware doesn't have the same limitations? So they feel like artificial hardware limitations? But at the same time, the levels have enough honest geometry that it's fun to crawl around and see where you can get that seems impossible or awkward, and that crawling around in the margins of what a game should be doing is really key for how I learned to enjoy games. The art design is surreal and the sound makes a lot of cooing squeaking noises and there are musical numbers at the end of every stage and if you 100% a zone you get the musical number in English and not french-sounding gibberish. It's a game full of strident, fascinating, old-fashioned Decisions. I don't know that I'd recommend anyone buy it, but I had to see it for myself and I'm glad I did.
  8. I'm 50 hours in with my dex build (Twinblade) and I'm continually just floored with this game. For fifty hours, every time I've picked up the game I've had some experience that has drawn wonder or excitement or fear from me. Usually the times where I feel fear are the times that I stop, even though there's a few sections of the games that are primarily full of a childhood fear of mine. Maybe I'll conquer it. Maybe I'll pay a friend with tacos to play through those areas for me. I'm undecided. At this point my opinion is the extremely reasonable take of "I think this is the best 3D game." Sadly, Tetris exists, so I can't say it's the best game of all time, but "tied with Tetris" is pretty fuckin good in my book! At the end of the month I'm going to be alternating between this and Kirby and that will be funny. I don't expect I'll have it beat by then because I'm taking my time and also I don't like playing games for more than two hours at a time. I also know that I am probably not doing new game plus with this character, and I know what I'm doing for my next character: Max Poise. Sick of getting interrupted lol
  9. maybe I'm just in a bad headspace but all that's coming to mind are the dudes I'm glad are gone lol shout out to satanpro and rickvirginianwa or whatever his name was, the traveling road show that destroyed the politics sub. every time someone complains about the politics ban I just imagine the next post is that penny arcade avatar and want to skip to the next page inherently, like a reflex or a stress response also shout out to that guy who quit posting here because he didn't like Nakamura's Boma Ye (that was the entirety of the reason), and to the dude who got cashed like ten minutes after trump won for taking his victory lap in the monthly photos thread also someone else mentioned the "I HAVE A WORKOUT BIRTHDAY MEETING BUT TATU IS THE BEST FUCK JERRY LAWLER" guy and the few days that SLL followed him around like the arrows from Throne of Blood is the thing I most regret not taking screenshots and logs of from the old board. tragically he was kind of right about jerry lawler, but that was still funny. dude started putting roleplay wrestling entrances with music in his replies. legendary L
  10. To make up for the fact that the only gaming update I'm going to have for the rest of the month (maybe longer) is "Elden Ring Good," here's every good phone game I've run into. Retro Bowl is the best football game made in the last like 10 years. If you only get one thing I recommend, get this. Runner up: the Monument Valley games are excellent puzzle platformers that suggest you play with a headset, and I totally agree. The Room games are great spooky puzzle boxes. Very reminiscent of old flash escape room games. Slice & Dice, a very simple but straightforward and fun dicerolling RPG. If you want a game about rolling some dice and doing some RPG battles with absolutely no story, this'll work! Holedown is my personal favorite "watch balls bounce off things for points" because it's just a game with some of that and then no microtransactions. Desert Golfing and its sequel Golf On Mars are great "I am in a waiting room and tired and need something to focus on." Polytopia is the best Civ knockoff on phones, it's maybe a 20 turn game and that's enough time to get some really weird shit done. 10000000 (Ten Million) and its sequel You Must Build A Boat are fantastic slide puzzle RPG games, also light on story but engaging enough to see to the end. Baikoh and Petal Crash are good old-school puzzle games. Baikoh is a word puzzle game, where as Petal Crash is a more Junk Blocks Arcade Versus Puzzle Game kind of thing. If you end up liking Petal Crash a lot you can get it on Steam where it has good netcode. Typeshift is a really good word puzzle game, with daily challenges that escalate as the week goes on and a HUGE amount of regular puzzles. Million Onion Hotel is a puzzle game that will beat the living shit out of you and have a completely nonsensical story, so, uh, there's that. Card Thief is a really strong run-based card game about stealing shit, if you like doing weird card games. Reigns also works here but the trade off is that it's more simplistic but brilliantly written. Pocket City seems like a very good sim city, but I usually don't like sim cities, so I don't know if that means it's actually good or not. Lastly, Kairosoft makes a billion different sim games of all kinds, and the one I'll stick my head out for is Home Run High. They have hundreds of other subjects so odds are good that if you have some thing you like (lets say F1) they have some sim game about it. For all your "numbers going up" needs, turn to Kairosoft
  11. 26 hours in and here are some takeaways I've had I feel lucky to be here for this. Things have been Hard and this has been a huge light in my life rn. If I play too long I miss my dad, because when I was a kid dad played all sorts of weird RPGs (might and magic, shining force, fatal labyrinth (which is a genesis roguelike(which is probably the reason I hate roguelikes because I was done with them by the end of the genesis between that and Toejam & Earl)), and I can only imagine what his reaction to this would have been. I've been compiling a list of things to scream about after 90 days, when people would be more ready to hear anything about what's in this game. Every time I've sat down with this, without fail, I have seen something that's taken my breath away, or confused me about how it's even supposed to be possible to fight this, or made me feel like my imagination was never good enough because how do you come up with this. Grinding via assisting people with the first main boss is hilarious. I guess that's the biggest takeaway here: this game is So Much that it's caused me to rethink my ideas on whether art can be an endeavor undertaken by hundreds to create a single thing. I will not respond to additional questions on that take because it's one of those conversations no one likes having with me. Elden Ring is a scale of good that pushes my brain around every time I play it.
  12. 13 hours in as a bandit. So like, I've skipped most open world games since Breath of the Wild, so the sheer size of this is blowing me away. What's wilder is, every night I play (with one exception) I come away with some other thing I have found that makes me scream and laugh and curse. I will avoid mentioning direct things here but uh yeah this game nuts also I think I'm like wildly underlevelled lol Maybe I'll just go kick it somewhere else and level up by doing other dungeons, because the boss I'm at now is A Lot To Deal With, and the first area I went in otherwise was Also A Lot To Deal With. This game is A Lot To Deal With. I will say this: as someone who's never finished a souls game, this is the first time I've sat around thinking that this would be a cool game to try with other playstyles, as opposed to my default of "man I don't know how else you're supposed to do this and I'm not gonna learn." I do feel sad for one of my friends because they've beaten all the other souls games and they're trying to rush headlong into this and getting frustrated. They rolled deprived, and I cannot get them to internalize "honestly most of the time the right answer is to run the fuck away". I hope it takes at some point.
  13. Hello. I'm finishing this. January and February were hellish months and that's why this took so long. First, I'm going to take a moment to post my own top 5 in case that would help people find new music. I am going to do it in spoilers as well. Now. "Ultrapop" by The Armed "The Powers That Be" by Pharoah "Jubilee" by Japanese Breakfast "Cavalcade" by black midi "Inside (The Songs)" by Bo Burnham I know black midi. I detested Schlagenheim because it made me think of all the great post-punk bands from the 2010s that informed so much of how I write my own music, yet didn't make it at all. And then the literal british art school kids came out and have a bit crusher and it's the new thing. Ok! Sure! Let's all make shit up! My opinion on this new form of British Post-punk both harshened (Black Country New Road is fucking terrible) and softened (Squid's "Bright Green Field" is fantastic) over the year 2021, and then everyone I knew yelled about this record. I didn't listen to it then, but I guess it's time to do it now. Thanks again for participating in this! I do, despite the tone of some of these reviews, really enjoy doing this because it puts me out of my comfort zone and gives me an opportunity to investigate why I feel and think and that makes a big difference in my own travels towards creative satisfaction. I can only hope y'all get an equivalent amount of entertainment from watching me writhe around sometimes. Hope to see you again!
  14. Game update! HOLLOW KNIGHT [4] Cleared The Radiance a few days ago, which is exactly as much true ending as I am hoping to achieve. I said my piece on the last two times I wrote about it but yeah. Best Game 2017, top 10 all time, great great great great. Bring on Silksong, I crave it. GEARS 5 [3] If wrestling has taught us anything, it's that a slow start to a great finish can save a match, and a hot start to a rushed finish can ruin it. Gears 5 is the latter. There's these two big open world sections with all these weird nuanced and cool encounters (again, I didn't drive in the open world at all) and that was all great. Then you hit the home stretch of this game and gosh, I've never seen a game run up against its deadlines in front of me like that. The pacing of end of the game is "OH NO THE BRIDGE IS OUT AND I CAN'T BRAKE", and it ends on some Finish The Fight shit. Like... cool? I guess? I feel like a lot of steps got skipped? Oh well. We're taking a break for a bit before we do Hivebusters and the Gears 1 remake, so here's the current rankings. Gears of War Judgment Gears of War 2 Gears of War Gears of War 4 Gears 5 Gears of War 3 Entirely possible we finish every released Gears shooter before the next one comes out. PLAYED LIKE AN HOUR OF INFERNAX Yo you ever hear of Castlevania 2? Like, what if that but gory and edgy?! I know right?!?!?! Aint that so radical?!?!?! Pass me the [90S CHIP FLAVOR]s bro, we're gonna listen to Guns 'n' Roses all night and kill shit. \m/ STARTED ELDEN RING it's a from game. the servers werent online for the xbox yet. i rolled bandit cuz I've never done a dex class. idk.
  15. i feel like everyone forgets that square is the people what put out Final Fantasy and Dragon Quest and so they have to frame anything that's not one of those as a failure so shareholders don't go "why isn't this making final fantasy money, you're fired." tomb raider was a "failure" and they funded two more sequels and then got the marvel license. Square clearly believes in Crystal Dynamics. I bet Guardians will get similar treatment with that belief and the explicit justification of the critical response, and in the case of a game like this where the trailers are all brain poison but the critical response is extremely high, that tends to lead to higher sales of a sequel like some kind of knock-on award. or it wont and I'll be surprised.
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