NFL 2013: WEEK 3

[elizium]

 

The Steelers being fucking awful is great, but too bad it has to be against the Bears thus rendering it a completely joyless experience.

At least the Packers lost...

 

 

They didn't lose, they spotted the Bears a lead.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yep...

[Josh Mann]

So Von Miller's would-be corrupt collector is based in South Florida. OF COURSE HE IS.

[Craig H]

JAY CUTLER GIVES NO FUCKS

[Newb82]

A crappy secondary - four starters = Geno Smith looking good.

 

Don't expect that every week, Jets fans.

[RIPPA]

Stolen from CBS Sportsline (or whatever the fuck it is called now)

 

 

BY THE NUMBERS

0: The number of wins combined for the Giants and Redskins through six games. Just like all of us would have guessed. Via Elias, this is the first time in history both teams have gone 0-3 to start the season. The NFC East, it's fantastic.

 

0: The number of times the Chargers have lost to a team called the Tennessee Titans before Sunday (via Spreadapedia). San Diego last lost to that franchise in 1992 when the Titans were known as the Houston Oilers. The last time the Chargers had lost to a team called the Titans was Oct. 28, 1962 when they fell to the New York Titans in an AFL tilt.

 

0:12: This was the amount of time it took for the Bengals to score two touchdowns vs. the Packers in the first quarter. Of course, it took them another 35:18 to score their next touchdown after that.

 

1.000: The all-time winning percentage for Browns quarterback Brian Hoyer since he joined the squad. This makes him, statistically-speaking, the best quarterback of the last 19 who have played for Cleveland since 1999. In second place on the list: Jake Delhomme's .500 record when he went 2-2 as the starter. -- via Tony Grossi

 

2: Losses for the 2013 Falcons, who didn't lose their second game last season until Dec. 9.

 

4: When Packers games are decided by four points or less during the Aaron Rodgers era, he's 5-17 as a starter. If the game is decided by more than four points, he's 48-10. -- via ESPN Stats Info

 

4: The number of penalties in four consecutive plays gathered by Jets cornerback Kyle Wilson as he attempted to cover Steve Johnson in the fourth quarter. One was a personal foul penalty, and another was for unsportsmanlike conduct. Wilson was yanked from the game immediately. -- via Brian Murphy

 

17: The number of consecutive games the Bengals have not allowed a 300-yard passer from their opponent. -- via Andrew Siciliano

 

21: The number of consecutive games the Lions had lost while playing in Washington before grabbing their first franchise win there Sunday. In fact, Detroit had NEVER won in Washington before.

 

27: The number of catches Patriots receiver Julian Edelman has made this season. In his last two seasons combined, Edelman recorded 25 receptions.

 

45: The number of years it's been since an NFL player recorded a punt, a PAT and a touchdown pass in the same game. Sam Baker was the last to do it Oct. 13, 1968. Cleveland's Spencer Lanning accomplished that vs. the Vikings on Sunday. -- via NFL Communications

 

54: The number of games it's been since a Browns quarterback threw for at least three touchdowns, like Hoyer did Sunday. The last time was Dec. 6, 2009 when the illustrious Brady Quinn accomplished the feat. That's a span of 54 games. -- via the Browns

 

61: Despite the loss on Thursday, Eagles quarterback Michael Vick notched a career-high 61-yard run. Funny, I would have thought his career-high would have been higher.

 

66: This is the number of games Ravens running back Ray Rice had played consecutively in the regular season before sitting out Sunday with a hip injury. -- via the Ravens

 

99: The number of games 49ers tight end Vernon Davis had played consecutively before he was inactive this week with a hamstring injury. -- via Cam Inman

 

115: The number of career sacks made by Cowboys linebacker DeMarcus Ware. He's now the franchise's record holder.

 

175: Two years ago when the Cowboys faced the Rams, then-rookie running back DeMarco Murray had a career day, rushing for 253 yards on 25 carries. So, how did he perform Sunday vs. St. Louis? He had his second-best rushing day ever, accumulating 175 yards and a touchdown on 26 carries. It was Murray's first 100-yard day since Week 1 of 2012.

 

351: Before Ronnie Brown plunged into the end zone Sunday, the last time the Chargers had scored a rushing touchdown was Oct. 7, 2012. That's 351 days ago.

 

1,464: This is the number of total yards allowed by the Redskins through the first three games. That's tied for the second most in NFL history. -- via ESPN Stats Info.

 

1955: This was the last time the Packers forced six turnovers from their opponent and still managed to lose the game. Even though he wasn't coaching the team back then, this probably would have caused Vince Lombardi to down yet another cup of coffee. -- via Trey Wingo

 

8,000: Lions receiver Calvin Johnson reached the 8,000-yard career mark Sunday in his 95th game, tying Torry Holt as the fourth-fastest in NFL history to reach that mark. For the record, Lance Alworth holds the NFL marks, doing it in 83 contests. But Johnson can feel good about this: his nickname (Megatron) is just a little bit stronger than Alworth's nickname (Bambi). -- via ESPN Stats Info

[odessasteps]

So, about the cardinals safety who lost part of his finger

..

Yowza

[supremebve]

So, about the cardinals safety who lost part of his finger..Yowza

One of the most painful things that has ever happened to me is having a finger smashed between two helmets in MIDDLE SCHOOL.  I broke my arm the same year and barely remember what that felt like, but I remember my finger being smashed by two 7th graders fucking sucked. I don't even want to know what it would feel like when two professional football players smashing my finger, it had to be horrible.  Still the most painful injury ever is still turf toe, every time I thought it was getting better, I would bump it going up the stairs or on an end table, and I would have to start the whole process again.  So my point is that I could have played in the NFL...or I'm extremely bored at work.

[The Erotic Terrorist]

I don't usually look at TMZ but when I do it's for stories like this:

 

Baltimore Ravens wide receiver Jacoby Jones was hurt early this morning after a brawl erupted on a party bus filled with his Ravens teammates ... TMZ has learned.

It happened after a night of partying in Washington D.C. celebrating Bryant McKinnie's birthday.

Sources at the scene tell us ... at about 3 AM, as people were leaving Opera Ultra Lounge, people on the bus began fighting.  In addition to teammates, we're told at least one stripper was on board.

One eyewitness tells us he saw a bottle being swung at Jacoby Jones -- it connected with his head and hurt him.  We're told an ambulance was called "for a bleeding male" but he was not taken to the hospital.

Our sources say a stripper named Sweet Pea is the one who hit Jacoby with a gigantic Ace of Spades bottle and this may have triggered the brawl.  We're told the bottle smashed over his head and he was "bleeding everywhere."

We're told Jacoby's friends tried to retaliate against Sweet Pea but Bryant McKinnie tried to stop him, and a fight broke out between the friend and Bryant.

[RIPPA]

As pointed out on my Twitter feed - the best part of that story is that TMZ misspelled Ravens in the URL

 

RAVINS~!

[Death From Above]

Our sources say a stripper named Sweet Pea is the one who hit Jacoby with a gigantic Ace of Spades bottle and this may have triggered the brawl.

 

I am so thankful I am alive in the 21st century so I get to be witness to things like this.

[Burgundy LaRue]

Don't eff with girls named Sweet Pea.  They're anything but.

[Elsalvajeloco]

There should be before and after stats for players who get into altercations with exotic dancers and/or at strip clubs.

[Mr. Monday Morning]

Poor, poor London fans.

 

I am not even mad about this game next weekend. Unlike Jags-Niners, which is going to be a beatdown of monstrous proportions, at least both teams are fairly evenly matched in the comical incompetence stakes. Should turn out to be pretty entertaining for one reason or another.

 

Plus I'd really, really love Peterson to truck the shit out of Polamalu.

[Ryan]

 

Our sources say a stripper named Sweet Pea is the one who hit Jacoby with a gigantic Ace of Spades bottle and this may have triggered the brawl.

 

I am so thankful I am alive in the 21st century so I get to be witness to things like this.

 

I wouldn't be surprised if that kind of shit's been happening to NFL players for decades. Maybe not with such great names.

[supremebve]

 

I don't usually look at TMZ but when I do it's for stories like this:

 

Baltimore Ravens wide receiver Jacoby Jones was hurt early this morning after a brawl erupted on a party bus filled with his Ravens teammates ... TMZ has learned.

It happened after a night of partying in Washington D.C. celebrating Bryant McKinnie's birthday.

Sources at the scene tell us ... at about 3 AM, as people were leaving Opera Ultra Lounge, people on the bus began fighting.  In addition to teammates, we're told at least one stripper was on board.

One eyewitness tells us he saw a bottle being swung at Jacoby Jones -- it connected with his head and hurt him.  We're told an ambulance was called "for a bleeding male" but he was not taken to the hospital.

Our sources say a stripper named Sweet Pea is the one who hit Jacoby with a gigantic Ace of Spades bottle and this may have triggered the brawl.  We're told the bottle smashed over his head and he was "bleeding everywhere."

We're told Jacoby's friends tried to retaliate against Sweet Pea but Bryant McKinnie tried to stop him, and a fight broke out between the friend and Bryant.

 

The Deadspin version of this story pointed out McKinnie's past with strippers, including him being sued for $375,000 for unpaid strip club bills.  How on earth do you end up owing a strip club $375,000?  How do they allow you to leave after you don't pay your $375,000 tab?

[Burgundy LaRue]

McKinnie probably pulled the Tip Drill approach.

 

*ashamed that I know about this*

[Elsalvajeloco]

 

 

I don't usually look at TMZ but when I do it's for stories like this:

 

Baltimore Ravens wide receiver Jacoby Jones was hurt early this morning after a brawl erupted on a party bus filled with his Ravens teammates ... TMZ has learned.

It happened after a night of partying in Washington D.C. celebrating Bryant McKinnie's birthday.

Sources at the scene tell us ... at about 3 AM, as people were leaving Opera Ultra Lounge, people on the bus began fighting.  In addition to teammates, we're told at least one stripper was on board.

One eyewitness tells us he saw a bottle being swung at Jacoby Jones -- it connected with his head and hurt him.  We're told an ambulance was called "for a bleeding male" but he was not taken to the hospital.

Our sources say a stripper named Sweet Pea is the one who hit Jacoby with a gigantic Ace of Spades bottle and this may have triggered the brawl.  We're told the bottle smashed over his head and he was "bleeding everywhere."

We're told Jacoby's friends tried to retaliate against Sweet Pea but Bryant McKinnie tried to stop him, and a fight broke out between the friend and Bryant.

 

The Deadspin version of this story pointed out McKinnie's past with strippers, including him being sued for $375,000 for unpaid strip club bills.  How on earth do you end up owing a strip club $375,000?  How do they allow you to leave after you don't pay your $375,000 tab?

 

 

If you're dropping 30k-40k every trip there like some celebrities, that adds up really quickly. He probably build up a good history and rapport with the manager and then just decided to stop paying. I'm surprised it's not higher. If you have a place where NFL players show up, you're not going to turn them away. Only in the most drastic instances (such a certain celeb throwing counterfeit money at the girls) do you start turning those type of people away.

[LooseCannon]

Honestly, Sweet Pea sounds more like a tranny hooker name rather than a stripper name to me.

[Elsalvajeloco]

And if it's anyone who knows his tranny hookers, it's LooseCannon.

[James F'n X]

The worst Seahawks fan in the world rips on the Giants for their 0-3 start (and gets paid actual money to do it):

http://www.sbnation.com/2013/9/23/4762950/panthers-shutout-giants-eli-manning

[J.T.]

Don't eff with girls named Sweet Pea.  They're anything but.

 

I would not be shocked if that were her actual birth name and not her club gimmick.

[Fat Spanish Waiter]

Melton's done. And the Bears, as usual for such a nickel and dime classless shithouse franchise, had franchise tagged him so he's fucked next year.

[muhammedboehm]

Melton's done. And the Bears, as usual for such a nickel and dime classless shithouse franchise, had franchise tagged him so he's fucked next year.

Then he as a member of the NFLPA needs to fight to have the franchise tag removed from the CBA.

[Big Z]

I take it you only like the prove-it franchise tag when the Lions did it with Cliff Avril. Melton only had 1-2 good years before being franchised, and was mediocre this year before the injury (he had the worst defensive grade on the Bears last night).

[Fat Spanish Waiter]

They did it to Forte too.