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Where the fuck did you go to school? John Hughes High?

Only if its a vespa, and he stops mid ramp to sip his Turkish coffee.

Goddamnit! I've been working on a script for years, where she was going to play me in my life story. This fucking hurts so hard.

Quality:

Dolph ziggler. He has experience as a caddy

Guys. http://instagram.com/p/kL_ubEirut/# Guys Guys

Which is weird because usually Chicago just doesn't bother supporting their teams when they quit.

We're all still sleeping on Dean talking about "all the paperwork" that needs to get done when defending a mid-tier title. That is so awesome. I really want to see that in action now. Justin Gabriel issues a challenge for Main Event so something and there are like 45 pages of waivers and those "initial here" stickers they put on documents when you refinance a mortgage. I'd love to see Dean waiting by the FAX machine (in Shield gear) waiting for all of these to get through as he gets more and more ADHD frustrated, especially when the Xerox jams up when he has to make a second copy for himself. I imagine it COULD be a legitimate gripe.

My roommate asked me why Billy was allowed to wear shorts that looked ridiculous. I said "because he's the ass man" she asked what that meant..."well he loves to love them, he loves to watch them..."

I watched Raw last night, for the first time in recent memory. Things that never change: -Triple H still cuts an endless opening promo and verbally buries a popular younger star. -Kane still gets questionable-at-best changes to his character, costume, haircut, and general gimmick at the drop of a hat... and he still somehow makes it work every time. -Mark Henry is still eternally returning from whatever kept him on the shelf most recently. -Vince still has an inexplicable love for swamp-assed hillbillies. -Billy Gunn's ass is still not funny in any context. -The US title is still being booked like they forgot it exists. -Batista is still pretty damn clumsy for being an "athlete". -And he's still better than the majority of the Divas, who are still anorexic and implanted and can't wrestle their way out of a pre-biodegraded paper bag. -A celebrity is still guest-hosting Raw and getting one over on the wrestlers. -Betty White is still old. -The company in general still refuses to listen to its fans and insists that the fans must enjoy who they are told to enjoy. -Daniel Bryan continues to be the greatest man alive, seeing as how he totally called Triple H on his own self-booked plot hole ("Hey, remember when Randy was pretty much raping your wife right in front of you? ...no, seriously, you should really remember that, I am concerned for your health, time for a catscan!") -John Cena STILL wrestles in the main event, STILLLL has Randy Orton as his nemesis, and STILLLLLLLLLLLLL manages to shake off the nastiest-looking DDTs and beat you with a glorified rear chinlock. -Fucking Lawler and motherfucking Michael Cole and auntfingering JBL are still our announce team. ...what year is this again?

Just because you're working hurt doesn't give you an excuse to just phone in the finish....and now you're on a messageboard no selling your own nephew? That's some pretty selfish shit right there. Well, I'll do the job tomorrow. I mean to be fair, He's beat me more times than Snuka's beaten Metal Maniac.

RAW spoiler (show is still going on) in GIF form

Great correction by Dave today

THIS is pro wrestling, people. THIS.

If it falls off the bone, it's not a tear. Just good marinating.

So if its Daniel Bryan vs. Triple H instead of Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus at WrestleMania XXX, please let it be Sheamus vs. Antonio Cesaro.

Rumblings are Santino was guaranteed a title run because of it.

It beats "I watched 90s All Japan a lot, so let me do all their finishers as transition moves".

Do... do you live with every nerd's fake Canadian girlfriend?

Because we can.

Antacular would need a bigger soapbox.

So, baby girl, Roman Reigns' face character is going to be based on Bernie Mac.

Baltimore: "It's cool Sam, you could maybe murder a guy and as long as you're a winner, we'll play you."

They were chanting it during a Henry and Ambrose match. You are going to co-sign that? These are people that I don't want anywhere near me. I'd buy a 3-Disc set of Cole and JBL shitting on live audiences.

Watched the Wyatts/Shield bit and Roman Reigns rolling his shoulders before stepping over the barricade made me feel like a lady.

Because they don't want to further piss off someone they actually want to bring back? At least with Bret, there was zero chance he was returning. But I can easily see HHH cutting a promo in Chicago, the Punk music hits, the fans go apeshit, the music ends, and HHH just laughs and points at everybody for falling for it. Nah, that would make Hunter a HEEL and not SUPER COOL.

Carny lingo that somehow got morphed into 90's rhyming slang. When "Playground" by Another Bad Creation came out, all guys named Mark suddenly became Mizark because of a lyric in that track. ("It's the Mizark chillin' in the pizark but I gotta break because my momma said "Be home by dizark.")

If only there was some sort of drink one could toast her memory with...

And even better is the version of that photo that Cassandro posted That is like the greatest prom photo ever

The better Cassandro photo from last night

AO/DC pt. 2

The Diet Butcher:

Hope you feel better soon, Kyle Casey. Ditto for Burgandy LaRue, stomach bugs suck. Sorry about the little one, Red is Dead. You might need the Mr. Bean matchsticks trick ; ).

Rewatched the Staredown. This totally feels like that time in high school when the big, arrogant football jock douchebag who sexually harassed your ex-girlfriend and the metalhead bully who burns himself with a lighter and once physically threatened one of your pets bump into each other in the cafeteria. You don't like either dudes but man oh man is it going to be joyous to see them tear each other half to death.

Cameron's finisher should be thepowerbomb.com

Just because you're working hurt doesn't give you an excuse to just phone in the finish....and now you're on a messageboard no selling your own nephew? That's some pretty selfish shit right there.

Tonight's show was friggin' great. Kiss ass Randy was so pathetic and slimy. I love the past run as the entitled spoiled brat. HHH not giving the crowd a Bryan match is great heeling and the whole trend of what makes Bryan so popular -- when we're deprived of him, we only want to see him more. A dude kicking Kane a bunch of times in 2014 should not get the reaction it did. But it did because the crowd loves Bryan and that's the only chance they got to see him. I also loved the terse personal review thing. Wyatts vs. Rhodes/Rey was AWESOME. Great stuff. The running Sister Abigail was so great. One of the best endings to a match in a long time. They're doing a really great job of having Bray come up with all of these insane ways of hitting the move, like after catching Bryan on the floor at Royal Rumble. Kudos to Rey for taking that move AND for eating a Roman spear. He's essentially come back to put new dudes over. The end promo was par for the Bray Wyatt course. The Shield dissension stuff is really great. "Do you know how much paperwork there is..." That was so hysterical and one of the great cop-out heel bs not wanting to defend a title lines. I can just picture all of the initials someone has to do before signing a US Title match. They should show that stuff. The Sheamus promo was actually good. He's usually intolerable. But I liked this version of him of a dude who has fun fighting and wants to grab a beer with Christian afterwards. The match itself was terrific and stiff and wonderful. Cesaro looked like an absolute world beater in this and the next big thing. Zeb is awesome, too. Just great stuff from four guys who know what the hell they're doing. The Batista/ADR stuff is a total snooze. I really like ADR a lot, too. But man oh man is Batista a total turd. He's best as a Hollywood wanna-be douche and not as the coolest guy in the room. They're just having him there right now -- he's in a holding pattern. Road Dogg does seem like the kind of guy who would roofie an older woman. The Usos are doing so well as they get set up to be the next big thing. Billy Gunn's only worth comes from feigning food poisoning. Road Dogg was really good on commentary and I usually hate that dude. The Ambrose/Henry match was very smart. It wasn't a classic or anything but I liked the psychology in it a lot. I loved Reigns and Seth clowning on Dean before the match. I loved Dean's "oh man" face. Henry did a great job just tossing Dean around and Dean made it seem like he was about to die in front of our eyes. Then Dean got control of the one weakness Henry has, and went after that. BUT MAN THAT SHOWDOWN. That felt like a movie western right there. Just six bad dudes staring each other down as the crowd eats it all up. That was one of the most electric moments they've had. I legitimately muttered an obscenity watching that unfold. This is seriously the feud of the year right now. I really cannot wait to see this match. The main event was very good. I loved Cena's promo to sell it during the show -- We're the two best of our era, the new guard is coming up, let's see who is going to be the one to hold down the fort before we get put to pasture. The match itself told that story so well. Two old foes who know each other incredibly well. I loved Orton's reaction after the top rope hangman's DDT. That was so inspired. And the end felt right -- Cena IS the best of his generation, but Randy's really good, too. Now who can get through him at Elimination Chamber? Great night.

The podcast host? Why is that a big deal?

Well it is either talk about this or about the New Age Outlaws trying to treat Betty White like a 1999 Philly hotel ring rat with the drink. Obviously Betty is well aware when someone is trying to run a train on her

Sometimes a bird and a cat fall in love. Who is to say that is wrong?

For no particular reason, I'm going to assume this one post is answering the other.

Dude put a good 15 minutes into that.

I think they look at Steen, say "We already tried Super Porky" and move on.

There really needs to be a stable with Regal, Sheamus, Cesaro, and Barrett.

The most impressive thing about last night was the in-ring quality without Bryan or a Shield six man. They have a pretty deep bench of guys who are killing it lately.

I used to hang out with a dude that bought the Billy Gunn shirt that on the front said "all this..." And on the back said "and a really great ass too!" Not only that but he's top tier in turning out to be a normal dude that contributes to society out of my friends from that time period.

I am still irritated Henry didn't win the US title because it meant not getting the Henry/Big E Langston unification match

I honestly wasn't going to mention it, but she had that truly awful post a few pages back. Couldn't resist.