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Harley has the hair of a man who will beat the fuck out of everybody posting in this thread.

Did he usually miss the toilet?

"Son, we live in a world that has Quarterbacks, and those Quarterbacks have to be guarded by fat men with pads. Who's gonna do it? You? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for Martin, and you curse the Dolphins. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That Martin's hazing, while tragic, probably saved Tannehill's career. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves Tannehill's career. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that sideline, you need me on that sideline. We use words like toughness, grit, intangibles. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very entertainment that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you put on some pads, and get in your stance. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to. "Did I order Martin's hazing, YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT I DID!"

Harley has the hair of a bad ass who has been pampered by being the king of men.

I may be to blame for Lance Storm chopping off his blonde dye job rattail. I was at an ECW Arena show when someone laid him out. He was doing a stretcher job right past me and my friends and we all were screaming at him to cut his haircut. For some reason, whoever was pushing him in the stretcher stopped him in front of us for about a minute. So he was subject to our abuse about his haircut. Next time he showed up in ECW, it was gone. On a different note but with the same picture: Ever wonder how a wrestler who wearing a European Singlet (doublehook model) like RVD urinates when in gear? Of course you have! I was at an ECW show in Asbury Park. I ran into the bathroom and was by myself. All of a sudden, I hear the gravelly voice of Bill Alfonso say "It's all clear!" In walks RVD, in his gear, who uses the urinal right next to me. He turned pretty much perpendicular to the urinal and pulled up his right pant and peed essentially down the side of his thigh. ECW! ECW!

So, you're saying that Vince Russo could teach you something about restraint? I was crash TV before there was crash TV. I'm the Ramones, Vince Russo is Blink 182.

This is AWESOME fucking pro wrestling right here.

THE RELLIK IN MEEEEEEEE IS THE RELLIK IN YOUUUUUUU just came on the radio

They're Back!!!!! ESPN Classic is finally living up to its potential: I don't understand the order of these? Last night was XV, XVI, and XVII...But tonight starts with XIV and then...? Are they going to go backward now?Morgan Fairchild cohosts with Cosell. He is wearing the exact same blue suit jacket as last year. He has one outfit per sport. Fairchild, meanwhile, has six costume changes. She looks like a magnificently confused bird. Her hair is literally in the same style as Big Bird, at least in front. The highlights are similar too.An astounding number of early 80s television stars were mustachioed, and I don't just mean Nancy McKeon.Jesus, they are playing Simon Says!!!!!!Catskills comic Lou Goldstein is Simon!!!! Goldstein is forcing the women to perform sex acts on him to stay in the game. If you think I am kidding, just funny message board foolin' around? You are sadly mistaken. This is happening. Until he comes across Betty Thomas. He does not ask Betty Thomas to molest him. She Thez presses him. You go, girlfriend. She is taken out by security her final works "I'll [expletive] in your mouth, Goldstein!!!! I'll [expletive] your actual mother!!!"Goldstein is surprisingly good at tricking them (or they are profoundly stupid. But Mr. T is UNBEATABLE. He understands the need for authority. He is setting an example for the kids out there. He has disciplined his mind to control every nuance of his bodies movement. Betty Thomas tries to tickle Mr. T to distract him. He is unreachable. Goldstein calls him out of the game. he refuses to move. Goldstein is telling him to leave and he will not. He is staring straight ahead...the thousand yard stare...The End of Days Stare. He is Ghost Dog. He is, in his mind, being interrogated by the Viet Cong . Goldstein relents. Mr. T has DEFEATED the Simon Says system by refusing to acknowledge the reality around him. He has proven that his mind is stronger than the entire political system. He is, in his mind, reliving Ali's fight over Vietnam. He is Kunta Kinte'ing this thing...does that mean "Simon" in Simon Says is Simon LeGree? Mr. T has brought together history, politics, literature, and celebrity competition in a work of grand performance art. I am shattered.Heather Locklear actually gives an interview about how she collapsed earlier in the day due to "some dizzyness". She weighs between 70 and 80 pounds. She is laughing about this like it is a normal part of her day. She is the Mr. T of not eating.With Locklear pulled aside to have carrot juice intraveniously administered behind her knee (the only spot on her body that is where a needle will not bend against bone), we are down to Addrian Zhmed, Nancy McKeon, and Mr. T. Goldstein uses his Simon Says powers to take T's jewelry. T threatens him and he retreats and orders Zhmed to attack Mr. T. Zhmed convinces T to eat a muffin that he has laced with sleeping drugs. As always, T falls for this. With his last breath he peels Zhmed's head like a grape. Goldstein had not given Zhmed permission to die screaming and he is out. Joe from Facts of Life is your winner.ABC wins the competition so early, that the infamous Tug-of-War is meaningless. But because they are actually playing for actual money, like, money to take home for themselves!!! NBC and CBS will still do it, because the difference between 2nd and 3rd place is $5000 apiece. In 1982, there is a recession on, so this all makes total sense to the average viewer that Tom Wopat needs that 5 large, baby. He's in deep to a fat little man in a white suit.Most of these moustache guys are from, like DALLAS and FALCON CREST, and weird shit that my parents watched. Hey, Tracy Nelson!!!! That's SQUARE PEGS!!!!!! I had such a crush on her!!!! One of the Tug-O-War teams has Tracy Nelson and Danielle Brisbois on it...combined weight 130 pounds. The other team has Mr. T and Nancy McKeon..combined weight 743 pounds. This should be over almost instantly. HOLY SHIT, MR. T Lost this???? This shit is worked!!! T has that same look that Brett always had after a loss. His comment: "I don't make no excuses. They're the best. They won. No excuses. Although, I probably shouldnt have eaten that cupcake that Face Man gave me just before the contest. I'm kind of sleepzzzzzzz"

No. Freight Train.

On the other side of the picture, Rob Van Dam is wearing a bathing suit, which freaks me out even more than Storm's hair.

Cena with a D.A. and a leather jacket would be hilarious. His finisher could be called the "A.Ayyyyyyyyyyyyyy!"

Not hearing him say Cena things, you say?

NWA World Champ Dory Funk Jr. vs. Johnny Valentine at Maple Leaf Gardens in Toronto on February 11, 1973

This wins Fin Gate @EvilMikeTomlin: The Dolphins have definitely faced worse. Remember when Dan Marino was held against his will by some guy who turned himself into a girl?

Luxury apt purchased. Stripper invited over. Green juice drank.

I knew I should not have searched for wrestling haircuts on Google Image search. That was a huge mistake.

The amount of rational people playing a game in which you hurl yourself at each other as hard as fucking can, dressed in gear that makes you a human missile, is probably very very small.

I know everyone loves Bobby and I do also but Ventura has to be the greatest color Guy ever right? He put over everyone, added all the realistic little touches we discussed and he called out hypocrisy..

Harley had no time to worry about his fucking hair. He had to worry about fish hookin' fools and tearing eyes out of the socket. The best cut for Harley was a Perm. It was permanently set and he didn't have to worry about it getting messed up when he was stompin the shit out of dudes. Harley Race could wear a dead skunk on his head and he would still be cool.

Battle of the Network Stars workrate reports are the best thing to happen to this board since SMACKDOWN COMIX.

From the age of 9-12 I booked my own wrestling federation with my wrestling toys. I still think it was better than anything TNA or WWE has put out in the last 10 years. When Superman made his debut and ran through the ranks, even beating the unbeatable Sting and Hulk Hogan, it took the 4 Horseman, Lex Luthor, and chair made of Kryptonite to take out and injure the Man of Steel permanently. My fed also featured a Wargames match on every card and there were at least 15 championships at all times.

You know, the Mean Street Posse might be the only timely thing in wrestling history.

Ah yeah, the VanUrinator.

I think we've been at it long enough that you know the answer to that question. March Madness is a lawless land, overrun with barbarous brutes and swindlin' scalawags. The Lord of the Flies kids had it better than us.

(rellik is killer backwards btw)

The next one is earlier, but must actually be a few years in...1978? 79? Because we start by recapping the contentious ending of the previous year. The running storyline turns this into a Wargames style feud between Team Robert Conrad, Team Gabe Kaplan, and Team Telly Savalas. I know I would want to be on team Savalas, just for the smooth jazz you know is coming out of his trailer and for the laid back orgies he hosts where you don't have to participate, but you can if you want to...no pressure...and no shame...your body is what your body is, friend! It all feels the same, baby! Meanwhile I bet Conrad makes you do pull ups and shit...and Gabe Kaplan also hosts orgies. Gabe Kaplan orgies.[shiver]Damn...we go dark early here as Robert Conrad pulls the all the wrong cards:"Savalas is Greek. He's from a long line of athletes. Gabe is Jewish. he wants to arbitrate. I'm German, I want to kill both of them!"I love cheap heat, too, Bob...but Jesus, this is all a work, you know! It's for the kids, Bob...for the Kids!Another running story is that the obstacle course features OJ Simpson vs. Bruce Jenner. If we only knew then! If only now-Me could go back and take out the man who caused the greatest trauma to us all in the following decades. Admit it, you would have a hard time choosing too. You realize that in decades from now, this will be studied by alien cultural historians reconstructing the end of the American Empire?None of this matters, as Kristy McNichol is like 14 years old and is literally flying past everyone. She Rudy The Rabbit's the shit out of this thing. Later generations who learn from this will always have a Michael J. Fox or a Scott Baio or an Emmanuel Lewis on the team for just this event.Jane Seymour!!!!!!! Game, Set Match....They show her falling in the obstacle course in super slo-mo. There is lierally nothing she can do that she does not look breathtaking doing. She says, "After this, I think I'd like to become a sportsman!" Sportsman!!!! That probably means, like Fox hunting and squash to her...OH, My God, how much do I love her!!!Kristy MicNichol! She was on, like, every teen magazine I ever saw back then. The guy who played Grizzly Adams! Barney Miller! Washington from the Sweat Hogs!!!!! This is stacked. Bald Bombshell called it. This is so much better tha the 80s casts. Mike Farrell???? Sonny MOTHERFUCKING BONO!!!!! this is frighteningly awesome.Dunk tank toss. Hal Linden is the first dunk victim. He is going full speedo like Marc Singer from last night but his package is sad in comparison. Abe Vigoda's head appears in a Garrett Morris style circle. He mocks Hal Linden's manhood. That seems a little much. No one else is treated like this. They give up on the baseball tossing altogether and decide the contest based on overall scrote weight, determined by water displacement. Sonny Bono takes it. Who knew? (Cher, I guess?).KURT RUSSELL IS IN THIS SHIT?????? For what? Something called THE QUEST, which is apparently like an epsisodic version of THE SEARCHERS, which is a terrifying thought.Penny Marshall is doing the driving range. Her hsuband Rob Reiner screams "Don't embarass the family!" Seriously, Rob Reiner? You are saying those words? I wonder why we can't have Carl Reiner vs. Gary Marshall in a who's socks are higher battle?Jane Seymour is in something called SEVENTH AVENUE at this point. She is so fucking beautiful. Emma Samms, the second most beautiful woman in the world, is a piece of crap in comparison. I know that's cruel. But beauty is exponential.Levar Burton, Loretta Switt, Linda Lavin?? There were giants then. Leading to the commercial breaks they do this great Laff-A-Lympics thing where they have the cartoon heads of Kaplan, Conrad, and Savalas, smiling or crying based on who is winning. What a world! Now it gets real as we do the football thing. Conrad is chewing glass. he is all muscle and anger and I'm pretty sure he wants to reach through the t.v. and slap me in the face for not painting the garage. Fuck you, Robert Conrad/Dad! I Like Books and Comics and Video Games...DEAL WITH IT!!!!!Damn, I let a little too much out there. BAT of the NET STARS brings these things to the surface. Somehow the connection of Gabe Kaplan to Penny Marshall is unstoppable, though, and the Jewish Football dominance that we all remember from the late 70s is in full effect. Conrad is burning copies of The Diary of Anne Frank. Come on, Robert! It's a Fucking Game!!!!!Tug-O-War is once again Team-Conrad vs. Team-Kaplan. It goes on forever. This is about more than the 20 grand. This is about everything in human history. Kaplan is tryign to pull out Conrad's arms. Conrad is screaming SCHELL JUDEN!!!! SCHNELL!! It is a terrifying display of what is buried deep inside men. It is the beginning of 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY. We are animals.McNichol is in tears. This is not for children. We are revisiting the darkest corners of our history. She doesn't realize. How could she? She should have been protected from this. We all should have been protected from this.The tape moves first toward Kaplan. Minutes later, it drifts back. Conrad is exhasuted. He is bleeding. I've never seen anything like this. The crowd is chanting "Please End This" "I am Scared" and "We are not enjoying this!" Kaplan is weeping tears of blood. He is communing with the dead. A young Quentin Tarantino watches at home and begins to write a story. He calls it "The Basterds." Film history is set in motion yet again.Five minutes in, Kurt Russel is convulsing now. Telly Savalas is in his trailer ordering Chinese takeout, "Battle of Where? Are we in Reno? let me sing you a little song, baby..." At least someone in this has retained their sanity.The tape slowly drifts back toward Kaplan. Ron Howard is drenched in sweat. He looks so scared. I feel for him, but I can't help him. I have to look out for myself, kid. Conrad has wrapped his legs around the rope. He is praying in a tongue I do not recognize. This is astounding. Kaplan is giving up. He is in so much pain. If you've never seen this, you have to find it on Youtube. You can see his eyes die. You can see the ghosts of his people release him from his struggle. Kaplan's team is dead weight now. The only question is does Kurt Russell, the only one still conscious, have enough strength left to pull their limp bodies forward on his own?Oh, God! Conrad has won!!!!! Dear God! The crowd is throwing bottles. Kaplan's corpse is carried off the sand by Rob Reiner who eerily is heard murmuring "waste not, want not."I can't go on. There are more on tonight, but I'll have to DVR them for later. I have so much to process. Too much has been forced up from this. Goddamn you, Network Stars!!!!!!

Here's the thing. Daniel Bryan is little. As his name would indicate, The Big Show is big. Therefore, Show is the better choice to push and he should be allowed to use Bryan's schtick. If you don't get that, then I don't know what part of "you don't understand the business" is unclear. Good day, sirs.

Korporate Kane was amazing, btw. I loved the way he got the chairs and threw them into the ring, I feel like he's The Authority's offensive coordinator. After weeks of having their 3-1 advantages blow up in their faces, they hire Kane to direct the offence: "No, no, he's a damn giant, you've got to get the chairs! Here. Here. Here! Now beat him with the chairs. Good, good. Now if he gets up, I'll try to set him on fire." I hope he doesn't wrestle for months, just coordinates for Orton and The Shield, then finally has to team up with Orton at a later date.

More importantly, Nova invented beating Cena for a belt and not becoming a #1 Guy.

This is all leading to WWE Studio's next Kane movie.

That's Dory's middle school photo.

The fantasy booking in this thread is pretty interesting - First things first you change the name. Rumor has it that Bischoff & Hogan spearheaded the idea of rebranding it "IMPACT Wrestling" but Dixie felt the TNA name had too much cache to toss away, so you got the half-assed "TNA presents IMPACT Wrestling" or whatever nonsense, and it just confused people. TNA is a stupid fucking name. Always has been always will be. Yeah, "TNA" has notoriety, it's notorious as the butt of jokes to wrestling fans. IMPACT Wrestling (or the IWF as I'd brand it) is a fine name. - Second, you're a niche product inside a niche industry. Forget about trying to be the WWE, it will NEVER HAPPEN, and that shouldn't be your goal. Focus on the things that wrestling fans want to see that WWE doesn't give them. - There's a lot of wrestling fans who want to see serious womens matches, a serious womens division, and to see women treated with respect as serious athletes. Hell, this isn't just wrestling, society as a whole takes female athletics way more seriously than in the past, and it's the 21st century, gender equality isn't going away. This is one of the few things TNA did really well at one point, and for whatever reason just stopped focusing on. I would put a huge amount of effort and emphasis into the womens division. There's enough talent out there to make the division really special. - Gimmicks and VIOLENCE. And I don't mean stupid fucking gimmicks like TNA is famous for, or juice just for the sake of it, or people falling off ladders through tables, but legit old school violent matches that are treated like the matter. I saw a WWE clip recently where Shawn Michaels was just crimson mask covered in blood, and it was shocking to me because, well, it wasn't that long ago that you'd see something like that in WWE, but it feels like forever. There are a lot of wrestling fans who want to see that sort of realism again. - FOREIGN TALENT. I've heard lipservice to the idea that WWE wants latino stars, but I don't see the proof in the pudding. Their biggest hangup is having guys who speak english and have "the look". I think Del Rio is a great worker, but we all know that's not why they hired him and pushed him like they have. Newsflash....you don't have to speak English well or at all to get over. Look at baseball. Look at UFC. Look at boxing. Huge latino stars in those sports who barely speak english. Have an interpreter for their interviews. Who cares?! If I was running a promotion one of the main things I'd do is find the best latino talent I could. The luchadores got over big in WCW almost 20 years ago now! and most of them couldn't cut promos. Yeah, I'd make it a point to have language coaches so guys could say basic stuff in English as needed, but it's really not a big deal. Japan as well. When Japanese guys are brought over and treated and pushed with respect, if they're good they get over. Historically that is the case. TNA hasn't pushed ONE Japanese guy well. Not one. WWE has a better track record, and that's saying something because their track record sucks. TNA has had Tanahashi, Okada, No Limit, LIGER walk through their doors and not done shit with them. There is amazing talent in Japan right now that would get super over in the US. Use them. Make relationships with Japanese promotions. - Disassociate your identity from WWE as much as possible. No more "WWE" guys on the roster. If your name is associated with WWE you're out. No more Mr. Andersons. Angle I would just fire anyway because he's such a lunatic, but no more Kurt Angle. No more Jeff Hardy. Etc. etc. ECW took off when they created their own stars, or reinvented people's careers. They didn't trade off the fame that WWE or WCW gave someone, at least not the way TNA does. When they did it was done in a way that put ECW and native talent over. And eventually ECW as a brand was established, and they'd bring in guys from WCW or the WWF and it didn't feel like a shitty copy of what those companies did. Those are my big things. I think there is so much potential there for a company that does those things. That's the kind of promotion I'd love to watch, and I feel like a lot of people out there would get behind it

Some may find M:TG dorky or whatever, but nothing is worse than that one kid who liked Digimon and wrestling in elementary school. I will now show myself out the door.

Fire is the only way you foolish foolish men.

Like I wrote... I believe their going for an evil road agent Tony Garea type character. So I don't think you're off with that idea. Oh man, I want that vignette with Kane at Gorilla. Kofi: "So yeah, Alberto and I could use some advice on that finish. He goes for the arm-breaker, I make the ropes and try to slide out but he grabs me and tries to haul me... back... in..." *Kane sits there glowering at Kofi* Kofi: "...right. I guess we'll work it out in the ring...?"

I have never wondered about this. You, on the other hand, probably lament daily that this didn't happen a dozen years later when cameras on cell phones became standard and you could have taken a pic.

Goldust never worked in ROH, which is what matters to most voters.

If we're talking about mullets then we have to talk Magnum TA. So fluffy and soft. Its like what a cloud would feel like if clouds had mullets. James

Who woulda thunk the Kane character would be this versitile and could be reinvented 15 years after his debut? Harper is boss. Good match with Punker.