The Hardys Not Really Dumpster Fire But Kinda Sad But Kinda Awesome Thread

[SirSmUgly]

I finally saw this because I don't get Pop, and I just lost it at "It's a dilapidated boat!" I don't know why, but of all the ridiculous stuff in that whole match, that line got me the most. Even more than the line about the xylophone. 

[Phantom Lord]

2 hours ago, Cyanide said:

And now I have the image of Matt Hardy lording over all the competitors like Calypso from Twisted Metal and am mad this is not already a goddamn thing.

 

This is perfect. They just use all of Jeff's dirt bikes and stuff. Boom, now you got the Twisted Metal/Running Man hybrid. Oh this is Gold. Too good for TNA though.

[zev]

What if the ref wasn't really a Licensed Official? Can Jeff get a do over rematch at Bound For Glory?

 

[Rev Ray]

I'm disappointed to learn that Senor Benjamin is Matt's father in law because I was going to tweet him that he deleted a brother but gained a new one #SenorBenjaminHardyBRAND.  

 

But since he's already family....

[mattdangerously]

4 hours ago, Phantom Lord said:

Anyway Matt becoming a maniacal overlord of TNA is the only thing that must happen. He must take over the company and move it to Cameron and operate it out of the Hardy Dome.

Impact would cease to have matches. It would just be the roster fighting for their lives in a real life version of the Running man on Matt's compound as his Drone army chase them.

It would be surreal enough to work.

I read this, and immediately pictured Impact becoming a hybrid of Lucha Underground and Battle Royale, with the TNA roster fighting to the death on the Hardy Compound, with Matt Hardy in the Beat Takeshi role. 

It would be a better way to close out the promotion than the AWA Team Challenge Series, at least.

 

[Rev Ray]

Will the twist be that Dixie signs a WWE castoff who has no qualms about killing the TNA originals since he has no connection to their trials and tribulations and friendships forged at Sunglass Hut?

 

I would love if the Hardy Dome becomes the home base....

 

FUCK IT.  Have them build an arena on the Hardy Brothers property line and have Matt and the Deleted Brother Nero captain the Team Challenge Teams mattdangerously mentioned.  Dirt Bike Challenges!  Capture the pinata for Maxel's second birthday challenge!  Craft lawn designs on your brother's lawn challenges!  Winners get to DELETE the losers artwork while riding on Matt's lap on his orgasmower.

[Rev Ray]

 

[Spritenaut 32]

Just re-watched the director's cut.   Missed a lot of the throwaway bits the first time around.  Vanguard-1 cracked me up when he rang the doorbell.  So polite.  And how the hell did he ring the doorbell without an appendage?

Matt's look of triumphant glee as he rides his lawnmower across Jeff's yard will never not be funny,

The ref using logic to decide that the pinfall didn't count since it wasn't Jeff dressed as Willow the Wisp amused me, particularly since the ref didn't have a problem with Senor Benjamin tasing Willow to save Matt in the first place.  Or wonder about the likelihood of Jeff putting on makeup and changing clothes during his two seconds underwater.  It's going to be a dark day if all refs start using logic to decide when to dq somebody or count a pinfall. 

Why was Willow the Wisp carrying a flag anyway?

 

[Rev Ray]

Just now, Vader does my taxes! said:

Just re-watched the director's cut.   Missed a lot of the throwaway bits the first time around.  Vanguard-1 cracked me up when he rang the doorbell.  So polite.  And how the hell did he ring the doorbell without an appendage.

Matt's look of triumphant glee as he rides his lawnmower across Jeff's yard will never not be funny,

The ref using logic to decide that the pinfall didn't count since it wasn't Jeff dressed as Willow the Wisp amused me, particularly since the ref didn't have a problem with Senor Benjamin tasing Willow to save Matt.    It's going to be a dark day if all refs start using logic to decide when to dq somebody or count a pinfall. 

Why was Willow the Wisp carrying a flag anyway?

 

1.  As it's be alluded to, Vangaurd is misspelled.  I also insist if it has a holographic projector, how do we know it doesn't have a telescoping doorbell ringer installed.

2.  It truly is a gift that keeps on giving.

3.  His role was to count the pinfall or submission on Matt or Jeff.  He missed Willow pulling the switcharoo, so he counted the pin.

4.  It wasn't a flag, it was his signature umbrella.

[Greggulator]

I love the first thing Jeff pulls out to use as a weapon is an ivy covered lattice.

[steve]

I saw the "Vangaurd" spelling, but I've decided that instead of a typo, they spelled it the way Broken Matt would pronounce it.

I don't want to criticize this, even if it is TNA.

[Rev Ray]

Maybe it's his way around making vangaurd one a trademark with the unique spelling.

[FluffSnackwell]

5 hours ago, mattdangerously said:

I read this, and immediately pictured Impact becoming a hybrid of Lucha Underground and Battle Royale, with the TNA roster fighting to the death on the Hardy Compound, with Matt Hardy in the Beat Takeshi role. 

It would be a better way to close out the promotion than the AWA Team Challenge Series, at least.

 

Or it would be as grand as the AWA Team Challenge could've been if only Jake "The Milkman" Milliman had won the deciding match by squirting milk out of his nipples into his opponent's eyes.

P.S., I know fuck all about Milliman and couldn't pick him from the Maytag Repairman but it did stick in my gray matter after all these years that he clinched the series for his team.....blast you AWA on ESPN!

[FluffSnackwell]

5 hours ago, zev said:

What if the ref wasn't really a Licensed Official? Can Jeff get a do over rematch at Bound For Glory?

 

Yeah, another brilliant comment from the peanut gallery (I was watching with) was how did they get a ref out there? This is made even better by the fact that I originally missed that cut scene (hell, all the cut scenes) because I only saw the last fifteen minutes of Impact and then I find out just what kind of misgivings the ref really did have about reffing this madness.  

[Matt D]

Cross-posting my write up without further comment:

 

 

Write up:

 

 

The pre-match antics stressed Matt's heel advantage, having picked the time and prepared the place and gotten into Jeff's head by destroying his precious lawn. Even though this is, for the sake of comparison, an empty arena match, they played to the crowd at home the whole time, starting with Matt intimidating the referee and then with his heat-garnering violin rendition of "Cool, Cocky, Bad" for an audience that can't even boo him. Despite that, Jeff arrived, albeit sans theme music, to cut it off. Matt refused to show ass, though, keeping his back to Jeff until he made it into the ring.

 

Here, a brief note about the early camera work. Matt's stable at this point consists of a 90s-esque WWF gardener gimmick elderly Virgil of sorts, his wife as an annoyingly supportive valet in multi-colored garb, his baby as a mascot, and a legion of nameless drones. In order to suspend disbelief on why the drones (bruised from an earlier pre-match assault on Jeff which he fought off with his own symbolic instrument) aren't interfering, I think we're supposed to imagine that they're the ones flitting around the ring managing the camera work. What we got out of that, at least in the early going, were a lot of Dunn-ian quick cuts. Instead of the usual WWE style that whips about right at the point of impact so that the moment of it is dulled and lost, this switched right before, so that we almost fell into the impact of the blows. 

 

On to the match itself. Matt ambushed Jeff first with a quick punch, winning the first few seconds of exchange until he was shrugged off of a bulldog. Jeff was too quick to rush in (obviously thrown off his game by Matt), and ran into a foot, but since we're in the shine, he recovered quickly and hit a far too early superplex, which, in the context of this match, was basically an overglorified armdrag. Due to the TV format, and presumably the production costs for a company that may or may not be funded by racist corporate biker twins and/or over the hill (also) bald, moody artiste types, they only have around ten minutes of actual in-ring work that they can show. By symbolically using the superplex in this function during the feeling out process/shine, they define the initial scope of the match immediately at a higher point, which will allow for the later explosive escalation. Jeff followed the superplex by bouncing off the ropes and hitting a bit splash for a nearfall. While a strange move for him, it's also a heightened version of a normal pinfall which hits the higher tone that they were in the process of defining.

 

Immediately thereafter, Jeff pulled out the trellis, a table stand-in given the setting. While yes, this wasn't just Matt's homefield advantage, but also the strange redneck distopia that Jeff was used to, the fact that he didn't even sell, as a character, the strangeness of finding the trellis under the ring, took me out of the match a bit. Matt was going out of his way to react to everything and, at times, it felt like Jeff was just moving on to the next spot. He could make it work as a flustered stoicism at times, but here I was half expecting for the spot to fail, and for him to simply continue to pull out multiple trellises until he hit it correctly as Matt just had to lay there, like a modern-day Sabu at his very worst. Regardless, the spot did work correctly and led to another nearfall.

 

Much like the superplex functioned as an armdrag, however, Matt's twist of fate out of nowhere, his full on finisher, were this not a gimmick match, served as a TRANSITION. Once again, it's a precarious balance. If at any point of the match, they lost the beat, lost the tenor and tone, failed to symbolically level out the point where they were at, the entire structure would collapse and the match could never build to the later points it was trying to reach. The ladder would be missing a number of rungs. Instead, due to the lack of time alotted, and the dramatic end point, they started higher up the rungs and as such, Matt's finisher served as a transition and a transition only onto his well-scouted (inoculated?) brother who was not nearly worn down enough to be put away by it.

 

This allowed Matt to get back into the match, the escalation continuing now with the kendo stick shots and the introduction of the actual ladder, the images of violence climbing further up those proverbial rungs, with the choking in the corner and the outright biting. It's only when Matt stumbled back towards reality and went for an actual move, in this case, the side effect, that Jeff was able to elbow out and, in a stroke of synergy, used the phony Twist of Fate and his own Swanton finisher as yet another transition, though really one that would be an extended hope spot, not cut off by any quality of Matt's, but due to Jeff's own reckless abandon, which has been costing him matches and momentum within matches for well over a decade. He climbed the tree (ladder-assisted) and went for the Swanton onto Matt who was prone on a ladder; Matt moved, though this wasn't as definitive as it should have been. Jeff still went for the pin after this and Matt had to scramble to regain some distance and the advantage. They could have punctuated that moment better, especially considering what was to come.

 

Now, as the third act began, and the hope spot was cut off due to Jeff's own recklessness, Matt, having seen his brother's resolve again first hand and knowing he couldn't defeat him through sportsmanlike means (especially after the two defeats that led up to this match), brought the world's most destructive chain out from his tights. For a match that used a superplex as an arm drag and finishers as act break transitions and hope spots, the only place to go was to high explosives. Matt launched the fireworks across the ring as Jeff desperately defended himself with a trash can lid. It seemed all for naught as the smoke cascaded around them. Matt, limping, selling, calling out, with another weapon in hand stalked around the ring to finish the job only to find that Jeff, hulked up and in the midst of his babyface comeback had gotten the "chain." As fireworks flew back the other way, Matt ran from the comeback, only to get chased down by his brother, at the height of his righteous fury and power. Here, however, Jeff slipped on a banana peel (or a splotchy bit of mud) and Matt was able to put on the late match sleeper, assisted not by the ropes, but by a lake instead. 

 

Companies have house styles. You know when watching a WWE TV Tag Team match when they're going to go to commercial. A TNA main event style match will, at this point of near-finish, almost always have some bullshit Jarrettesque run-in. Here it came in the form of a fake Sting, the Mountie's Stun Stick, and a false finish the valet. The confusion allowed for Jeff to recover from the sleeper and lock in one of his own. Once again, his hubris, always his failing, now mixed with that righteous babyface fury took over, and unsatisfied with a simple choke out victory, Jeff climbed up the Hardy Boyz symbol, meaning to leap off of it onto Matt one more time. The viewers were well prepped with this due to its call back nature. The first time he went up, it backfired, so wrestling conditioning told us this should work. Moreover. We'd already gotten the false finish on the Fake Willow, so Matt was thoroughly protected at this stage. There was every reason to see this as the blow off and for Jeff to win. They utilized the callback of Matt setting the scene earlier on however, and Chekhov's Gun went off, with Reby slipping him the hair spray (or well, something inflamed instead of flammable) allowing Jeff to get shoved off the top so that Matt could heelishly steal the win.

 

Good match that fit the feud so long as you could accept the shifted scale where they started higher on the rungs, allowing for a consistent climb towards a higher peak. Jeff dropped the selling of the situation a couple of times early on in a way that came off as more than pissed off stoicism, unfortunately. This, more than any match in history, perhaps, needed total commitment, but it's likely a problem we would have had with Jeff in almost any match. Matt on the other hand played his role perfectly. In general though, it followed the traditional structure for this sort of a grudge match that went around 10 minutes in a hardcore/falls count anywhere setting, just further along the spectrum with different tools used in the same old places. 

[Brysynner]

17 hours ago, clintthecrippler said:

I just got sent a GIF from this match by a lapsed fan co-worker asking just what the fuck was going on. So it appears that at least on an Internet viral level this is crossing over beyond us message board geeks at this point. 

Good on Matt and Jeff for somehow making themselves relevant again in 2016, even for just a fleeting moment.

And good on TNA for staying the fuck out of the way and indulging their insanity. I can't imagine anyone in TNA creative had a hand in any of this besides Matt and Jeff and Senor Benjamin themselves.

I thought Jeremy Borash was the main creative force for this?

[RIPPA]

BTW - the video y'all have watched isnt the true director's cut. It was just a guy compiling all the parts that aired on IMPACT

Jeremy Borash was on WOR and stated there is a true Director's Cut and is longer and has plenty more wacky (like apparently Jeff has the giant alien on the side of his house - something like that)

[The Natural]

33 minutes ago, RIPPA said:

BTW - the video y'all have watched isnt the true director's cut. It was just a guy compiling all the parts that aired on IMPACT

Jeremy Borash was on WOR and stated there is a true Director's Cut and is longer and has plenty more wacky (like apparently Jeff has the giant alien on the side of his house - something like that)

WANT!!!

[The Natural]

Enjoy:

[The Natural]

Tempted to have the above as new signature lol. Still thinking about the Final Deletion and cracking up.

[Ace]

8 hours ago, steve said:

I saw the "Vangaurd" spelling, but I've decided that instead of a typo, they spelled it the way Broken Matt would pronounce it.

I don't want to criticize this, even if it is TNA.

 

Considering Maxil's birthday card was from "Momy and Dady", I think it was intentional.

 

[Bustronaut]

I assumed "Momy + Dady" was Spanish

[piranesi]

31 minutes ago, Ace said:

 

Considering Maxil's birthday card was from "Momy and Dady", I think it was intentional.

 

 

Does that mean the kid's name was supposed to be named Maxwell?  Because that's some next level dedication to Kayfabe not to mention long-term booking.

[RIPPA]

HA!

I just noticed that if you watch the shot of Jeff gardening - right at the end you can see the drone operators standing on the side of the house (right side of house/left side of screen)

[The Natural]

43 minutes ago, RIPPA said:

HA!

I just noticed that if you watch the shot of Jeff gardening - right at the end you can see the drone operators standing on the side of the house (right side of house/left side of screen)

The Final Deletion is the gift that keeps on giving!!!