mattdangerously

There is a 0% chance this won't end with a Keith Morrison narrated episode of Dateline NBC, complete with multiple scenes of Teddy in an interrogation room. NBC loves stories about pretty white girls who go missing.

There are other places on the internet that you can post your Miz slashfic, man.

What do you think Taka Michinoku should have been doing in late 90s WWF that he wasn't already doing? His upside in the promotion wasn't that high.

Now kiss

Goto would've been more accurate.

Where's our Big E Fashion Watch? The man has been giving us gold all day long.

Triple H just made a joke on Smackdown about getting demoted, so...

But it's still only four sentences.

That's the look of a dog who's tired of being shown the Samoa Joe/Necro Butcher match.

The scary thing is, I heard a very similar story from my boss today. I'm pretty sure he watches Info Wars now.

Percy Pringle's debut in Florida is wild, man.

ROH has been running shows without fans in attendance for months.

Dude, that's half the card.

"Hey John, we're doing a pirate theme for the Wrestlemania poster. Would you like to wear a--" "Nope."

They barely used stages during the Hogan era.

"Read a book, fuck" Not necessarily in that order. But definitely not at the same time. That would be rude.

Brad Shepard is not a reliable source, even relative to other dirt sheet writers.

Yeah but this is still Jimmy Havoc

Ashlee Simpson is no longer the worst lip syncer I've ever seen.

It's sloppy as fuck, too. The line work is bad. You can't even say, "Well, at least it looks good" because it looks so amateurish.

Clearly the only solution to the Smackdown ratings woes is to book a Goldberg-Fiend wedding.

In late 2006, Kevin Federline was the best thing in wrestling.

Not a real card, sadly.

How could Goldberg be the best thing in wrestling in 2001 when he wasn't even in wrestling in 2001? That's like saying Eddie Gilbert was the best thing in wrestling in 2001.