What are the WORST films you have seen?

[Jingus]

I Heart Huckabees. Had to turn that off. Don't even know what to say about it really, I just hated it.

I had a very sullen 3/10 review for that one, but realized that my closing line was a subconscious ripoff of Roger Ebert's opening line in his review of the same film. Couldn't bear to post that kind of plagiarism, and it was only three paragraphs anyway, and the summation is "this movie makes no goddamn sense and I have no idea what the point was nor who could possibly like this shit".

[JRGoldman]

A big "Screw You" to Jingus for reminding me that The Spirit was a thing. Jesus God that movie was just so fucking awful. That might be my pick, actually. 

[Jingus]

A big "Screw You" to Jingus for reminding me that The Spirit was a thing. Jesus God that movie was just so fucking awful. That might be my pick, actually.

That movie is its own special little kind of terrible, isn't it? As a standalone flick it's worthless enough on its own total lack of artistic merit. But as an ADAPTATION... let's just say it resembles the following: "Dude, I'm on page 5 of your script for The Diary of Anne Frank... what's the deal with Anne joining the Bund Deutscher Mädel and informing on her own family?"And now, because it's become a habit, here's more long angry reviews of bad movies:

The Exorcist 2: The Heretic: 0/10That. Was. FUCK. The. What?!Holy shit.......I need a minute here, guys.......nope, no good, need another minute.Goddamn.This is one of the worst fucking movies I have ever seen in my entire life. It leaps and soars above mere badness. It transcends atrocity. I barely know how to even begin the process of describing this awe-inspiring piece of crap.Yeah, it's dissection time.-The plot is stupid beyond belief. A priest named Father Lamont (Richard Burton) is sent out to investigate the death of Father Merrin (Max Von Sydow) that happened in the first movie. (Nobody seems even slightly concerned with the other deaths that occured back then.) Why did it take the Vatican almost four years to do an investigation of these bizarre circumstances? Who knows, who cares, this movie doesn't even begin to concern itself with details like that. He journeys to... uh, I guess it's New York City, they never quite get around to establishing that. Anyway, he journerys to wherever to find the infamous Regan MacNeil (Linda Blair, proving why she never became an adult star) and ask her what the fuck happened. And, well... I can't even really claim to be typing vaguely here to avoid spoilers, because I absolutely do not give the tiniest shit as to whether I spoil this movie. It's because I genuinely don't know what happened here. The movie is so clumsy and incompetent in its storytelling that you have to take vague guesses at what the hell is going on.-Bad casting alarm! First of all, Burton was allegedly a mere 51 years of age when they filmed this. I do not believe that. He quite literally looks more like John Wayne at the same time, gaunt and shriveled, than like the dashing and powerful movie star he was just a few years earlier. He so thoroughly embarasses himself here that it's hard to articulate just how awful his performance is. I mean, the kind of one-man wrecking crew of cinema, bullshit that Nicolas Cage is the only one to do these days. Just horrible. Also, this movie's other main character is a kind, nurturing, lovable psychiatrist who treats Regan with (allegedly) progressive and humane techniques. She's played by Louise Fletcher. Yes, the woman immortalized as NURSE RATCHED just two years prior to this is now playing a good shrink.-Also, what's with the cameos? Max Von Sydow craps on the original film by appearing in some flashbacks here, and even he looks like a first-day actor with zero talent or presence. Ned Beatty stops by just for some weird comic relief. James Earl Jones is the closest the movie has to a decent performance, but he's only in two scenes and plays a really nonsensical character.-The script. The dialogue. ARGH. It's, fuck, I don't even know how to put it into words. It's like Uwe Boll bad. It's like Ed Wood bad. The movie is obsessed with this metaphor involving locusts, Christ only knows why or what it's supposed to be about, but locusts are brought up again and again for seemingly no reason whatsoever. Its theories on Catholic spirituality are so ludicrously wrongheaded that I wonder if any of the people involved ever went to a single mass in their lifetime. Its ideas about mental illness and psychiatric treatment are so loathesome as to cross the line into insulting and offensive; check out the scene with the "autistic" girl, or the roles played by real-life retarded kids and downs syndrome victims and shit like that.-The very definition of "unintentional comedy" is when Richard Burton comes upon a small cardboard box which is on fire. His solution to this? Beat the shit out of the box with a broom. Thus spreading the fire all around him. Until Nurse Ratched picks up a fire extenguisher which was sitting like five feet away and sprays the fire out. He's still beating the smoking box with his smoking crutch afterwards. No, it was not supposed to be funny. The whole fucking movie is full of scenes like that. (2013 DVDVR EDIT: and I forgot to mention, this scene was actually the subject of a god-damned prophecy where some kid drew a shitty crayon rendering of the above subject, and we're supposed to find this terrifying.)-The editing is crap all over, but the scene transitions are the worst. One second Burton is in New York, the next he's back in Rome with nothing in between. (At least, I guess it's Rome. It's some church-y building where he meets an old cardinal who yells at him because he's the hero in a horror movie and the authorities are required by law to claim he's evil and crazy.) Another time, he's climbing down a sheer cliff, his face dripping sweat and taut with fear, and... the movie abruptly cuts to Regan in some kind of garish Broadway dance number. (The choreography of which is apparently six teenagers in stupid costumes just kind of walking around in a vague rhythm.) The cut is so jarring and stupid, it's the kind of thing which forces a bad laugh from the audience.-And the central story doesn't even make one lick of fucking sense. The demon (this time given the name "Pazuzu") does approximately zero possessing of young Regan this time around. No, it's more interested in the old priest instead, wanting to gain control of his soul by... uh... undisclosed means, and then use him to... um... they never quite said what. Also, the whole movie leans on the first film's plot like an old lady on her walker. It even goes to great pains to make the climax take place in the same room as the first film.-Every line of dialogue sounds like it was dubbed in afterwards. And dubbed badly. I mean, it's really poorly done on a technical level, badly mixed and equalized, to where it sounds like everyone phoned in their lines from different continents.-REALLY FUCKING TERRIBLE special effects. What the fuck was the deal with these fucktrocious special effects? The main one is a laughable closeup of a shitty locust puppet which stays absolutely stationary while it "flies" over a blatant rear-projected background. It looks like ass. But it's hardly the only one, the entire movie is loaded up with some of the just plain damn funniest bad f/x work I've ever seen. If you've ever had the displeasure of watching this movie, just think back to the scene where a guy "falls" "down" "a cliff" and how all three of those things looked patently and distinctly false, and have yourself a hearty laugh at these clownshoes's expense.-What's with the stupid set for the mental hospital? It looks like a daycare set on a Star Trek flick that was only half-built. It's a nightmarish maze of hexagonal rooms, all shoved together like a giant beehive, built entirely with transparent glass walls on all side. We're supposed to believe that insane and retarded kids live here full-time, and are happy and healthy for it.-Underage tits. Or, as the movie emphasizes them, UNDERAGE TITS. It's worth noting that none of the female characters in this movie ever wear a bra. Ever. None of them. Which is most notable with young Regan. I suppose it's not technically The Exorcist 2's fault that Linda Blair spent the years between the original movie and this one growing a really impressive rack. But it is absolutely the movie's fault that it stares at them so obsessively. Blair is never wearing a shirt which does not emphasize her heaving bosoms, and the camera shots quite seriously seem like they're more centered on the girl's chest than her face. And half the time she's just wearing something straight-up see-through, with jailbait nipples on parade. The grand finale is the worst, where she's dressed in frilly transparent lingerie and withered old Richard Burton starts making out with her, in the only legitimately disturbing image in the whole movie. And of course Linda was seventeen years old at time of filming. It's all presented in such a "we'll be able to publicly deny that we're selling a sexy teenager while still selling a sexy teenager" hypocritical and clinical manner.-At one point, Burton turns towards the audience and stares directly into the camera lens. He proclaims "It was horrible... horrible! Yet also fascinating." Then he turns away and walks off. Firstly: once again, NOT INTENDED TO BE FUNNY. Secondly: he did sum up the whole movie real nice there.It all comes together in one of those mind-boggling Frankensteinian creations where you watch it in appalled shock, jaw hanging open, wondering how any human being could've ever thought that any of this was a good idea. I know that director John Boorman was a man unafraid to shit out a turkeyturd, he did after all make Zardoz right before this movie. But he also made Deliverance right before that one, a fine film which indicates that Boorman has some serious talent in there somewhere. Which makes the overwhelming rotten stench of abject failure that permeates every nook and cranny of The Exorcist 2: The Heretic like a tiny apartment filled with decomposing corpses. It is a truly worthless film, one which alternates between contemptuous outrage and soporific boredom, and makes me feel like a worse person for having seen it.Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen: 3/10I actually expected it to be worse. I read all the anti-hype about this, the most critically reviled movie of the year. I heard exhaustive, scene-by-scene breakdowns which pretty much spoiled everything in the whole film. So I went in wanting to despise it. I was all like, "Alright, Michael "No-Soul" Bay. Hit me with your best shot. Fire away!" And... for a while, it wasn't great, but I didn't loathe it. Had a few decent moments here and there. Some of the jokes were amusing. And if you just fire enough machine guns and blow enough shit up, the action will become at least mildly exciting sooner or later. So throughout the movie, I was thinking, "Gee, this isn't as bad as I'd heard. Like a 4/10, maybe even a 5." Indeed, it was not until after the movie was over that I thought back over the film (and back, and back, and back... holy shit this was a long movie) until I realized just how much bad shit was included. Upon mentally reviewing all the parts that made me wince, yeah, I realized that it was indeed a turd.Plot: . . .I mean, seriously, what the hell. What do you say? Stuff happens. It doesn't help that the movie's plot seems to reset itself about every thirty minutes, arbitrarily providing an all-new goal and motivation for everything that's going on. And while the plot holes are lame enough while the gears are churning, in retrospect absolutely nothing that happened here made a damn bit of sense. The new storyline with The Fallen actually retcons the plot of the previous movie in a "it's okay, none of the stupid audience members will remember!" sort of way. And some of it is just utterly impossible; what the hell is with the D-1000 model disguised as a girl!? I can buy alien robots, but I can't buy an alien robot that somehow turns into a perfect simulation of a human. The Decepticons this time around have pretty much whatever fucking powers the plot wants them to. Teleportation? Liquid metal? Reproduction? S'all good, apparently. The movie even forgets about its own plot at times; towards the end, every single Autobot aside from Optimus just kinda vanishes during the last battle and is never seen again.Also doesn't help that the acting uniformly sucks. Shia Labeouf is actually worse than I've ever seen him. I dunno what happened to the dork, but he looks significantly less talented than he did before. Megan Fox is a barbie doll. Seriously, why the fuck is this girl a star, any generic supermodel could've done the part in the exact same way. Everyone else in the supporting roles range from mediocre to shameful, with the sole exception being John Turturro. It's like he took one look at the script and decided it was a challenge. "Hey, I make a regular habit of stealing the show in Coen Brothers movies, I'm sure I can teflon myself and come out of this looking good." Well, except for the inexplicable close-up look we get at him wearing a thong, from both front and behind. Ew.Unfortunately, the Transformers themselves are treated pretty much the same as last time. That meaning, you can't tell hardly any of them apart. They mostly all look identical, especially the interchangeable Decepticons. A few are given personalities, but the vast majority are just CGI blurs. It's impossible for any old-school Transformers fans to recognize any of their old favorites here, you pretty much have to go look up which robot is which. Even the voice acting, aside from the invaluable Peter Cullen as Optimus, is crap. Like, they have Tony Todd doing the voice of The Fallen, the new villain. I couldn't tell it was Tony Todd. Had no idea it was him until I saw his name in the credits. THAT'S BAD. His voice is so ludicrously remixed that he sounds like Doctor Claw, it could've been fuckin' anybody doing the voice and it wouldn't have mattered.Aside from all those problems (and the fact that the movie is closer to Three~! Fucking~! Hours~! than not), the single biggest complaint I have is the racism. Goddamn, but this is a motherfucking racist fucking movie right fucking here. So awesomely racist that it's hard to properly describe. Like, okay, it's like Black Guys In A Silent Film racist. Blatant, literal minstrel show. There are many examples, but the main ones are of course Skids and Mudflaps, two bumbling moronic robots who assemble between them a jaw-dropping checklist of as many Funny Stupid Negro stereotypes as the movie could possibly cram in. I'm assuming the fact that they're inorganic robots is the only reason they weren't shown chowing down on watermelons stuffed with fried chicken and wrapped with chitterlings. I'm not fucking exagerrating, I'm fucking amazed that you can fucking get away with this fucking bullshit in this day and age. They do everything but demand to know where de white wimmen be at. And most incomprehensible? These two spear-chucking tree-swinging jungle bunnies are the most prominent Transformers in the movie! I think they have more screentime than any other robots, including Optimus Prime. They definitely have more dialogue than any other transformers. This means that the filmmakers thought that these sickening caricatures were the coolest thing in the entire film. And what's worse, the box office grosses appear to suggest that America agrees with them.Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li: 1/10Argh. They just didn't care. That's the only possible explanation. A bunch of crusty old white movie executives were sitting around and said "Gee willickers, those damn kids today sure do love them vidya-games. Make another movie out of one of them, and we'll swim in the money like Scrooge McDuck. MWA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAA!" That's pretty much the entire reasoning for a freaking Street Fighter movie to be made in freaking 2009. There were probably teenagers watching this movie who weren't even born when the original masterpiece Street Fighter 2: The World Warriors came out. Why they fuck would they care?This movie reeks of mercenary apathy. The screenwriter was apparently a fan of the games, but he was also a fucking moron with no talent. Aside from him? I don't know if anyone on this movie ever picked up a game controller ever in their fucking life. The fight scenes look nothing like the moves we see in any SF game; in fact, they tend to rely on gunfights more than anything else. The story is made into jumbled hash. None of the characters even look like who they're supposed to be, let alone match their backstory. There's no effort made to even meet video game fans halfway. The filmmakers assumed that since it's based on the game, the fanboys would show up. They did not. Look at that pathetic $8M domestic gross, and smile with hope that our species is truly evolving upwards.And aside from that, it's just a plain awful movie. It's not even the type of movie you can laugh at. It's incompetent in a dull, maddening way that actually made me angry as the movie dragged on. As usual for this so, point-by-point:-First and foremost, screenwriter Justin Marks. He SUCKS. Worst dialogue I've heard in recent memory. Yes, worse than Transformers 2 or Exorcist 2 or The Hitcher or whatever else I recently saw that really sucked. I mean, utterly fucking incompetent tin-ear dialogue that anyone reading this could've improved with a quick rewrite. Hell, I could've improved it, and I always considered writing dialogue to be my particular weakness. And pretty much everything else he does in the script also sucks. The plot not only makes no sense, but repeatedly contradicts itself in various glaring errors. Marks is also one of those guys who apparently learned everything he knows from watching movies, seeing as how this film is entirely constructed from ancient cliches that were worn and tired even decades ago. Also notable: Bison's evil plot appears to be totally ripped off from Robocop 3 of all fucking places, while Chun Li's character arc appears to be wholly stolen from Batman Begins.Well, at least penning this bomb made sure that this special olympian will never write another movie again, right? Right? Well, if by "never again" means "currently has scripts in development for everything from Shadow of the Colossus to Voltron to 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea", then sure, right.-The casting... oy vey, this is gonna be a long review. First and foremost: why did they even bother calling this guy "Bison"? (Very notably not "M. Bison", by the way, for whatever reason). He doesn't look like M. Bison. They hired blonde, pale, blue-eyed Neal McDonough for the part. He speaks with an inconsistent Irish accent. He never even wears Bison's costume, or anything close to it, he's always just in a business suit. Instead of being head of a criminal underworld, he's the boss of a freaking real estate investment corporation. This "reimagining" of the part left me longing for Raul Julia.-Not that the rest of the cast is any better. For most of our Asian characters, we've got a bunch of actors who are so predominantly white that they make Beyonce look like an Ethiopian in comparison. Kristin Kreuk plays Chun-Li, and let's face it, this girl looks absolutely fucking white. Which is made all the more confusing in early flashbacks, when we see the younger girl version of Li played by a much more Asian-looking girl. How did her eyes widen out and her skin lose all pigmentation as she grew up? That shit happens over and over in this movie, with "Chinese" or "Thai" folks who are so Generic Pseudo-Ethnic that they could be playing Mexicans, or Greeks, or Pakistanis, any damn thing. Except for Vega of all fucking people, played by the indian dude from Black Eyed Peas. Yeah, the Spanish character looks more oriental than the orientals, thanks, you fucking stupid movie.-The characters are all fucked with. So, Chun-Li was a concert pianist? Gen was a nice middle-aged man who was apparently invulnerable to bazookas? Balrog was a trigger-happy henchman and definitely not a boxer? Rose was Bison's daughter? Charlie was a slimey and incompetent Interpol detective? Once again, They Just Didn't Care. It did the exact same thing that the Van Damme version of Street Fighter did, making up whatever fucking characterizations they liked for everyone. And oh yeah, I have now named every single Capcom character in this movie. That's right, a grand total of seven characters taken from a possible cast of hundreds, and two of them don't even do any martial arts whatsoever.-Kristin Kreuk sucks. I've never watched Smallville, but I've heard many people lament how awful her Lana Lang is on that show. Based on evidence here, I tend to agree. She appears to have exactly one facial expression, a blank wide-eyed stare. No emotion in her voice aside from constant petulance towards whoever she's speaking to. Inadequate martial-arts ability, not a good quality in the lead star of an alleged kung-fu flick. And she provides us with the worst goddamn narration I've ever heard, like Harrison Ford's slack voiceover in the theatrical Blade Runner but even more insipid.-In fact, none of the cast is any good. This may be indicated by the titles "and co-starring Chris Klein". The weird thing is, Klein sucks here in a completely different way than how he usually sucks. Typically, he's a cardboard cutout, a black hole of charisma, a dimestore Keanu Reaves. Here, Klein seems to be convinced that he has the David Caruso part, and proceeds to be bizarrely hammy and smarmy as a detective who spends the entire movie doing nothing but sexually harassing his partner. In fact, the two detectives have a LOT of time in the movie, which is odd considering how unconnected and inconsequential their entire subplot is. Cut out the entire thing, and it changes the rest of the story not a whit.-Oh wait, there is one good performance. Michael Clarke Duncan makes a fine Balrog, even if he does spend zero seconds wearing boxing gloves. He has this twinkle in his eye that says "yeah, I know this movie is fucking garbage, but I'm getting paid and having fun and I wanna spread it around".-This movie is also overloaded with what the good folks at TV Tropes refer to as Fridge Logic. Usually, this is the sort of plot hole which you don't notice at the time, until after the movie is over and you're getting a snack out of the fridge and you suddenly go "Wait a minute, where did he get the jellybeans from?" Except in this movie, the errors are so egregious that you pretty much go "wait a minute, how did she change clothes after her house has blown up?" and "wait a minute, how'd that guy inexplicably survive his certain death?" and "wait a minute, why hasn't she even mentioned her dead father ever again?" and... but you get the point. The script is one of those poorly written pieces of amateur horsehocky that never even stop to think how any of this stuff works.-One thing that especially pissed me off, SPOILERS:Bison and Balrog die. This is a PREQUEL. Street Fighter 2 and all its sequels and spinoffs haven't happened yet! There's even made mention of an upcoming martial arts tournament at the end of the movie. The ENTIRE PLOT of SF2 is that Bison ran the tournament!Also, did anybody notice that Chun-Li broke Bison's neck in front of his daughter, much like Bison broke Chun-Li's father's neck right in front of her? The movie is too stupid to realize this. They never deal with the fact that Bison's apparently loving, sheltered, naive, innocent daughter just saw her father brutally murdered.So yeah, this fucking sucked. Sucked in such an incompetent, tossed-off, "teenagers will like it because of the source material, it doesn't have to be any good" attitude that it made me feel personally hostile towards those that made it. Don't watch this one, guys. There's no fun here. It actually made me feel like going back and rewatching the 1994 version of Street Fighter to see this material handled much better, and I wasn't exactly a fan of that piece of shit either.Disaster Movie: 3/10It’s odd that I’m coming to despise these movies less and less as time goes on. Maybe I’m just becoming immune to their gangrenous horrors. After all, their almost total lack of quality is no longer a surprise. When I watch one of these fucking things now, I know exactly what I’m in for. Yet I also can’t shake the feeling that, rather like Uwe Boll, shit-mongers Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer are slowly getting… uh… well, “better” is certainly not the proper term. “Less horribafuckus”, perhaps? “Took a remedial course in filmmaking and picked up a half-measure of something that might look like competence if you squinted hard”? “Starting to realize that hey, these movies fucking suck and maybe we can make them suck a little less”? Because the fact is, after viewing Disaster Movie, I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was not so wretchedly awful as Date Movie and Epic Movie were. And come to think of it, neither was Meet the Spartans, not really, though Disaster Movie is even perhaps a teeny bit more likely to give you a giggle or two than that one was. It’s truly odd, watching something which is so abominably bad, yet still oddly not as bad as it used to be.Those of you who’ve seen any of the previous movies know the drill here. This isn’t really a movie. It’s a long stretch of clumsy “parodies” that are mostly just recreations of previous films except with an obvious twist. Hey look, it’s Carrie from Sex in the City, except played by a horse-faced man! Complete with people saying the specific words “Carrie” and “The City, Sex In” just to make sure that the audience doesn’t get lost. Part of that may be that these filmmakers always do a uniformly horrible job of celebrity impersonating. At one point, we run into Hannah Montana. Who is clearly played by a middle-aged woman. And sounds, I must assume, absolutely nothing like Miley Cyrus. (She’s basically doing the Jillian Hall gimmick of bad singing which is so bad that you become annoyed at the person doing it for being intentionally worse than any singer has ever been in real life.) And none of her dialogue seems to have anything to do with Miley or Hannah or anything related. If the characters didn’t say “oh my god, it’s Hannah Montana!” you literally wouldn’t know who this woman was supposed to be.It’s also interesting, sometimes, to watch the work of directors who are literally incompetent in several different areas. First and foremost, acting. Good lord, but does the acting always blow in these films. It blows in a way which sends the impression that the directors either do not know anything about directing actors, or simply do not care about the performances. I’d say something like “the acting and impressions are so lame that they wouldn’t pass muster on MadTV”, except the inclusion here of several MadTV actors make that into not-a-joke. It's also not a joke that Kim Kardashian literally does not appear to be in any way a worse actor than any of the legitimate professionals in the movie. That sort of thing represents a deep lack of talent in the directors themselves, with no real other possible explanation.The curious repetition of many of the jokes is another thing that sticks out. Why is it that, every time one of the characters is hosed down with something icky, they just stand there and take it? They don’t try to block it, or move, or even ask whoever’s doing it to stop. They just stand completely still and allow someone to keep peeing in their face or whatever with nothing more than a slightly embarrassed expression. It just looks wrong, nobody would react like that, and my natural instinct is to wonder why the hell this person doesn't just get out of the way. It reminds me of the little kid’s rant in the R. Kelly episode of The Boondocks, pointing out just how unnaturally submissive such behavior is.So you may be wondering why I even went as high as a 3. Well, despite my generalities earlier, there actually are a few cast members who make a positive impression. I don’t know what the hell Crista Flanagan was doing with her hands, it looked like she was struggling with a moderate case of cerebral palsy, but she does a surprisingly decent vocal impression of Ellen Page as Juno. Somehow, her dialogue was written as more of an actual satire of an existing property and less “hey, she said something stupid, LOL”. In smaller parts, the dudes imitating James Marsden as the enchanted prince and Edward Norton as Bruce Banner also did fairly uncanny jobs. But for me, the absolute winner was Nicole Parker’s where-the-fuck-did-that-come-from standout as Amy Adams’s Enchanted princess. Seriously, this right here pulled the movie from a 2 to a 3 all by itself. She nails the part in almost every inflection, but especially the voice. When she happily chirps “That was more fun than sex with a camel!”, I laughed, and not one of my derisive “oh, look, they think that they’re making a real movie, how precious” kind of contemptuous snorts. No, it was actually funny. There are, oh, at least half a dozen moments like that involving that character. By most comedy standards, being able to count the laughs on your fingers is not considered a good thing. In a movie like this, however, you take your entertainment wherever you can get it. Any port in a storm.

[Burgundy LaRue]

I really want to rant about Insidious. But i don't want to have to think about it.

 

The first hour of Insidious was great in its creepiness, a fantastic haunted house/vengeful ghost story.  Once "The Further" was introduced, it all went downhill.  Such a shame.  It's a good movie IMO, but the last third took it down several notches for me.

[Victator]

The Happening is one of those movies that really made me angry. It was so terrible and militant in not making sense. Like how even halfway in the movie, people not trying how to stop others from killing themselves. It is not even like it is this sudden thing, people act weird for a few minutes before doing it. Not once do they try to restrain someone acting weird. Or that part where the rednecks kill the kid and nobody wants to get retribution. I also really hate Death Proof, but I can't call it bad. Because it is the best made foot fetish film ever. 

[John Austin]

You know I actually like the 1994 Street Fighter, sure they had different roles than their video game counterparts, but at the end, they all got in their costumes somehow, including Balrog and his boxing gloves.  It was hammy, stupid, but by god, after watching it again the other day, still very fun. 

 

I'm not a horror guy, but I do agree with your assessment of Chaos Jingus, but I had to watch to see what the talk was, I watched a few minutes of it and yeah, couldn't finish it, it was that stupid, IMO.

 

The only movie I had walked out of was Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, I fell asleep watching that, and when I woke up it was still going on, so me and my buddy left.

[Newb82]

The Happening is one of those movies that really made me angry. It was so terrible and militant in not making sense. Like how even halfway in the movie, people not trying how to stop others from killing themselves. It is not even like it is this sudden thing, people act weird for a few minutes before doing it. Not once do they try to restrain someone acting weird. Or that part where the rednecks kill the kid and nobody wants to get retribution. 

I can buy not trying to interviene, especially since in the beginning it was all groups of people offing themselves. For a while, everyone seemed to think it was either some sort of chemical weapon or THE WIND only killing people if they're in groups. In either scenario, getting close enough to people who are about to die to physically try to stop them probably means you're dead too.I can't defend the last point. I would have liked even an angry "when this is over, I'm coming back here and burning your fucking house down".

[cool arrow]

To this day, Dune remains the only movie I've ever walked out of, and I paid a dollar to get in.  I was told at the time that if I had read the book it would make sense.  But I hadn't, so it didn't.  (Still haven't, come to think of it.)

[J.T.]

The Crow: Wicked Prayer is OMG levels of awfulness but the correct answer to this thread is Leonard, Part Six... or Leonard, Part Sux as it is referred to on IMDB..

 

A film so unbelievably bad that it is astounding.  It should be studied in film school as an example of what not to do.

[piranesi]

You are all fools and soulless monsters.  I HEART HUCKABEES will stand the test of time.

 

As long as there are college Freshman discovering quantum gooberism and French philosophy for the first time, I HEART HUCKABEES will be awesome.

 

I thank God there will always be college freshmen and I thank David O. Russell that ever so often I can go back and pretend for a few minutes that I'm one of them.

 

 

 

Also by far Mark Wahlberg's best performance, since he was essentially playing himself trying to understand how to play an actor playing things.

[Craig H]

I think Star Trek V fits the bill for me as well. It's so poorly made that it's incredible.

 

Waiting is another movie that is such a shitshow of a film. Luis Guzman nearly saves it, but, my god, it's so bad. 

 

And while the entire movies aren't the worst I've seen, the 2nd and/or 3rd acts of almost every Mike Judge movie are just terrible. Office Space starts out incredibly well, but then Peter gets promoted, they bust up the printer, and the movie jumps off a fucking cliff. Idiocracy is an even better example. That movie comes at you like a hurricane and then about 30 to 45 minutes in, I wanted it to be over. I've never seen another writer/director just be completely incapable of wrapping up their movies like Mike Judge. It's like he has a ton of great ideas that he gets down on paper, but gets bored and says fuck it and just puts anything down to finish things.

[Ace]

Oh man, Batman & Robin is so much better than it's reputation.  It's just so NOT what people want Batman to be, that they miss that it's actually a pretty damn good neon psychedelic camp film, with a really strong lead performance from Clooney.  Sadly, Arnold (who I love) drags it down some with really, really bad one liners, but, beyond that, it's awesome. 

 

 

Actually, what I thought was the worst thing about the last two Batmovies wasn't Schumacher, it was Chris O'Donnell. 

[Brian Fowler]

Oh god, The Crow: Wicked Prayer.  I got this on a blu-ray two movie thing for like 7 bucks with City of Angel.  Oh good god, the pain.

 

And Heretic (I refuse to even call it The Exorcist II, given that it is quite possibly the worst sequel ever when it comes to shitting all over it's predecessor and not following up the themes or ideas or...  ANYTHING... of the first film) is the perfect example of why you don't hire a director that HATED your most successful you had released to date to make a sequel to it.  Which, really, I wouldn't have though Hollywood needed an example of that, but they fucking did.

[Execproducer]

I think Star Trek V fits the bill for me

Ouch. I mean, I wouldn't even begin to argue that it is a great movie, but it is better than its rep. It is certainly a pretty good concept that could have been executed better. Maybe Shatners limitations as an actor, which in some bizarre way makes him GREAT, would doom anything that he directed. Dude is the proto-Nic Cage....maybe not the greatest talent, but absolutely fucking fearless. " I NEED My PAIN!!!!! ". That one line alone makes it better than the worst movie you've ever seen.

[Death From Above]

The camping scenes at the start and end of V are great. Spock getting hung up on contemplating the philosophical consequences of the words to Row, Row, Row Your Boat is one of my favourite Trek gags ever.

 

Captain, life is not a dream.

 

... ... Go to sleep, Spock.

 

Yes Captain.

 

The stuff in between is mostly a mess, which everyone who's worked on it has admitted to, but that's what happens when you don't work with the big special effects groups and farm it out to "some guy". There's a bunch of stuff when they fight "God" that ended up getting cut because it looked so bad it was unusable. That and even for Star Trek that script is way out there.

[Execproducer]

The camping scenes at the start and end of V are great. Spock getting hung up on contemplating the philosophical consequences of the words to Row, Row, Row Your Boat is one of my favourite Trek gags ever.

 

Captain, life is not a dream.

 

... ... Go to sleep, Spock.

 

Yes Captain.

 

The stuff in between is mostly a mess, which everyone who's worked on it has admitted to, but that's what happens when you don't work with the big special effects groups and farm it out to "some guy". There's a bunch of stuff when they fight "God" that ended up getting cut because it looked so bad it was unusable. That and even for Star Trek that script is way out there.

While I liked the same stuff you did, this film marks the 2nd in a row where I am pretty much done with Spock. Which I believe puts me in sync with Nimoy, because I'm pretty sure that after WoK he was like ( In the voice of Jesse Pinkman) "Fuck it, I'm done. I'm just cashing checks from here, BITCH!!!!!!"  Crappy FX? Whatever. Didn't hinder TOS. Yeah yeah yeah, they spent millions on the film, where do you see it?  Again, I would never argue that it was a great, or even very good film, but I would rather do a Star Trek V marathon than ever watch Ron Burgandy again. I think where the film really fails is that, like his mentor Roddenbarry, V is a re-hash of stuff already done ("The Apple"), but not really progressed. There is also the problem of editing. Star Trek has always had that attitude of battleships fighting it out on the ocean, and they sure as hell cut it that way.

 

I do remember a thing from Eweekly way back when, when some actress of Garry Shandling fame  was recounting  her experiance on T.J. Hooker where the Shat asked her what her motivavation for being the hooker/drug dealer/unsavory person was, and she claimed to have disrespected him to his face.

[The Natural]

The Crow: Wicked Prayer is OMG levels of awfulness but the correct answer to this thread is Leonard, Part Six... or Leonard, Part Sux as it is referred to on IMDB..

 

A film so unbelievably bad that it is astounding.  It should be studied in film school as an example of what not to do.

 

The Crow: Wicked Prayer is a great shout. Just awful.

[MonteCarl]

The Happening is the worst thing I've ever seen. Bad writing. Bad acting. Bad directing. Bad story. Bad Bad Bad. I actually got mad while watching it with how bad it is. And it's not even bad in the way that you can make fun of it and laugh at how bad it is. It's just BAD.

[Mr Harms]

What about Outlaw with Danny Dyer? That is some atrocious shit. I know I should know better than to watch a Danny Dyer movie, but I didn't understand how bad things could be.

[offspring515]

And while the entire movies aren't the worst I've seen, the 2nd and/or 3rd acts of almost every Mike Judge movie are just terrible. Office Space starts out incredibly well, but then Peter gets promoted, they bust up the printer, and the movie jumps off a fucking cliff. Idiocracy is an even better example. That movie comes at you like a hurricane and then about 30 to 45 minutes in, I wanted it to be over. I've never seen another writer/director just be completely incapable of wrapping up their movies like Mike Judge. It's like he has a ton of great ideas that he gets down on paper, but gets bored and says fuck it and just puts anything down to finish things.

 

I love Office Space through and through, but I agree with you on Idiocracy 100%.  45 minutes into that movie I was loving it and laughing my ass off.  Then it just stalled out and flopped around for another hour and I ended up hating it.

 

As to the worst movies, I hate to throw my wife under the bus here because I already did it in the Netflix thread, but she has the worst taste in movies.  I mean I like some cheesy shit (Austin Powers was my favorite movie for a long time), but she has the taste of a 12 year old girl when it comes to movies.  I got to see Crossroads AND From Justin To Kelly in the theater.  Crossroads had a still super hot Britney Spears dancing around in her panties and short shorts for much of the film and it still had no redeeming qualities.