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Cristobal

By Cristobal
in LAND OF CONFUSION

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Teflon Turtle

Teflon Turtle

Posted
Posted

Well, I jinxed something by complaining about snow in the weather thread. I found out I need to get my furnace replaced.

I am not very technically-minded, but to my understanding there's good and bad in the situation. The bad...obviously nobody wants to see $5,000+ go out the door on...well...most things, I guess? I don't know, I've never understood people who buy stuff like boats and have guilt-free fun with it. I'm financially OK but have never spent a day in my life with "I can burn money and not notice it's gone" status.

The good: this was an old furnace that came with a house I bought two years ago, and I knew I was only gonna get a few winters out of it. I was trying to milk it as long as I could, with my original goal being to recoup/save back most of what I lost on the down payment on the house, hopefully before needing to make any major repairs or upgrades. However...apparently this thing was throwing off pretty high amounts of carbon monoxide. Thankfully everything seemed to be venting appropriately, but I stood there with the tech and watched the screen on the test instrument read something like ten times beyond what's considered a safe amount of carbon monoxide for a furnace to throw off, keep rising, and eventually error out. So...unless the measurement instrument was calibrated to "fraud" levels, I feel like I may have potentially dodged a bit of a bullet here. 

Weird Monday.

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writeradam84

writeradam84

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Posted

After much thought, I finally decided to sign up to get my certificate in UX Design today. My friend recommended it to me and said he really enjoys it and encouraged me to dive into it so I did.

My current job is pretty much a dead-end job and pays awful with two days a week in office (which means I have to drive 45-60 minutes each way AND pay for parking downtown which the company does not reimburse). 

Anyway, the course is a six-month course (which I’m aiming to complete in four months) because I’m figuring I can use downtime during my work from home days and power through course material. Afterwards I’ll hopefully be able to land a decent job that keeps me busy.

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The Natural

The Natural

Posted
Posted (edited)
On 10/29/2023 at 4:32 PM, The Natural said:

Rough depression spell. Third abscess for me this year. On strong antibiotics. Feel sick.

One of the worst depression spells this year. Like to see my doctor every four weeks but this time it's five. Had to see two different doctors last week and today till then. I was crying on the way down there and in the waiting room but nobody checked in on me. Feeling worthless and having urges to hurt myself/suicidal thoughts suck. It's so taxing mentally and physically. Irrational thoughts I'm a burden. I shouldn't be feeling like this when I've got the family and friends I do while mourning big time the ones I've lost. I've had tech issues when it comes to Facebook which hasn't helped my frame of mind either. Keep feeling sick as well. It's my Mum's Birthday and Christmas next month which is always a trigger point. Just had a big cry to try and get it out of my system.

Edited by The Natural
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NikoBaltimore

NikoBaltimore

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I'm sorry to read all that's going on, man.  Along with all that you're doing with this time of year I'm hoping you have on hand a crisis number to call in case things go south.  This time of year can be depressing enough for some but in your case I can't imagine how especially taxing it is.  Hang in there, dude.  You got people here that care and from the sounds of it same goes for those you know.

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The Natural

The Natural

Posted
Posted (edited)
12 minutes ago, NikoBaltimore said:

I'm sorry to read all that's going on, man.  Along with all that you're doing with this time of year I'm hoping you have on hand a crisis number to call in case things go south.  This time of year can be depressing enough for some but in your case I can't imagine how especially taxing it is.  Hang in there, dude.  You got people here that care and from the sounds of it same goes for those you know.

Cheers, my great friend. Wasn't sure whether to make that initial post which how much you and the board have helped me while not wanting to let anyone down either. Its why I wasn't sure whether to tell my Dad/Laura what I'm going through as well. I'm fighting every day but it's so fucking taxing alongside what the Cerebral Palsy. I am putting my all into beating this bastard.

Edited by The Natural
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Robert C

Robert C

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Wife's aunt died yesterday.  Honestly glad she's at peace now.  Wife and I volunteered in dementia wards for years, and I'm not sure I've seen a worse case.

So now I get to deal with my wife's family. 

I can just about handle my inlaws.  They're the sanest of the bunch.  I just have to protect my wife from their low grade insanity, which never comes out if I'm around.  I've had 25 years of practice at that.

And at least I won't (I think) have to deal with the worst of her family.  The thieving bastards' (like steal a relative's life savings level of thieving) and gang members probably won't make an appearance, since they'd actually have to spend money to get there.  (I had to stand in as a pallbearer at her grandfather's funeral after one of her cousins went on the run - the police were looking for him over a gang related shooting the day before the funeral.)

So this time I get to deal with the medium grade level assholes.  My wife's jackass uncle who lives in a $5 million house, but didn't want to spend money on a funeral, despite his wife's very clear wishes.  The cousin and her POS husband who couldn't possibly help with any of this shit for her mom, despite their supposedly endless wealth and lack of any real responsibilities.  

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Johnny Sorrow

Johnny Sorrow

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Posted (edited)

Quick update. I, in no way, going to be back to work a week later from my accident. I tend to try and, for lack of a better term, no sell when I'm hurt. Turns out falling off a ladder and landing ribs, knees, and face flat on the ladder requires significant time off from work.

I'm currently at about 87% back. I have a sexy scar on my chin, my knees are ok, but blunt force trauma to the chest and ribs really spreads the lingering pain around the body. 
Thankfully, I'm approved to go to work a couple of days next week and do some desk work and then I'll be doing training of three new employees in the field for awhile until I'm back full time. I've been going stir crazy.
 

Edited by Johnny Sorrow
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Tabe

Tabe

Posted
Posted
21 hours ago, Johnny Sorrow said:

Turns out falling off a ladder and landing ribs, knees, and face flat on the ladder requires significant time off from work

I'm not an expert but I'm going to suggest that you not do that again. 

Glad you're recovering and feeling better! 

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Technico Support

Technico Support

Posted
Posted
On 11/9/2023 at 8:53 AM, The Natural said:

One of the worst depression spells this year. Like to see my doctor every four weeks but this time it's five. Had to see two different doctors last week and today till then. I was crying on the way down there and in the waiting room but nobody checked in on me. Feeling worthless and having urges to hurt myself/suicidal thoughts suck. It's so taxing mentally and physically. Irrational thoughts I'm a burden. I shouldn't be feeling like this when I've got the family and friends I do while mourning big time the ones I've lost. I've had tech issues when it comes to Facebook which hasn't helped my frame of mind either. Keep feeling sick as well. It's my Mum's Birthday and Christmas next month which is always a trigger point. Just had a big cry to try and get it out of my system.

Sorry, I just saw this.  Hang in there, buddy.  It's a real bitch and I don't know what to tell you.  Going through this stuff myself at times, it feels hollow to say "try to keep in mind that the stuff you're feeling in that moment isn't true."  I guess just try to remember that you have friends here.  Do your best; we're rooting for you.

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Contentious C

Contentious C

Posted
Posted (edited)

I watched some complete waste-of-skin asshat at Costco leave a flatbed shopping cart IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DRIVING LANE (not even along the side where the associates sometimes let them collect so they can take back 20+ at a time - literally in the middle of a lane where you park) and walk back to his fucking car.  I very, very loudly yelled at him to put it away, but his shitbag response was, "No other choice, man."  So I even more loudly yelled a string of epithets I won't repeat here, but the term "shopping cart felon" sprang to mind later as a good name for a website if you could catch pieces of shit like him in the act.

I wish now I'd taken a picture of his license plate, just in case I ever ran into his worthless fucking ass again, maybe his car would "accidentally" get dinged by someone else who couldn't put their cart away.  Then again, getting so mad at such a fucking stupid person is probably a waste of time, since if you're too motherfucking lazy to put away a shopping cart, you're probably also too lazy to do some introspection about why you're that fucking lazy.

Edited by Contentious C
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Gonzo

Gonzo

Posted
Posted
On 11/11/2023 at 11:39 PM, Johnny Sorrow said:

Quick update. I, in no way, going to be back to work a week later from my accident. I tend to try and, for lack of a better term, no sell when I'm hurt. Turns out falling off a ladder and landing ribs, knees, and face flat on the ladder requires significant time off from work.

I'm currently at about 87% back. I have a sexy scar on my chin, my knees are ok, but blunt force trauma to the chest and ribs really spreads the lingering pain around the body. 
Thankfully, I'm approved to go to work a couple of days next week and do some desk work and then I'll be doing training of three new employees in the field for awhile until I'm back full time. I've been going stir crazy.
 

Did you at least reach for the belt two or three times before you fell off the ladder?

(In all seriousness, glad you're not more seriously hurt.)

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Johnny Sorrow

Johnny Sorrow

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Posted (edited)
3 hours ago, Gonzo said:

Did you at least reach for the belt two or three times before you fell off the ladder?

(In all seriousness, glad you're not more seriously hurt.)

I actually was retrieving a rodent trap from a drop ceiling. I fell with it in my hand, so...I won?

Edited by Johnny Sorrow
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Sammo~!

Sammo~!

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On 11/9/2023 at 5:53 AM, The Natural said:

One of the worst depression spells this year. Like to see my doctor every four weeks but this time it's five. Had to see two different doctors last week and today till then. I was crying on the way down there and in the waiting room but nobody checked in on me. Feeling worthless and having urges to hurt myself/suicidal thoughts suck. It's so taxing mentally and physically. Irrational thoughts I'm a burden. I shouldn't be feeling like this when I've got the family and friends I do while mourning big time the ones I've lost. I've had tech issues when it comes to Facebook which hasn't helped my frame of mind either. Keep feeling sick as well. It's my Mum's Birthday and Christmas next month which is always a trigger point. Just had a big cry to try and get it out of my system.

Hang in there friend. I'm rooting for you. 

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writeradam84

writeradam84

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Just a quick update …

Completed my first course in my Google UX Design certification program last week! Already about halfway through the 2nd course which is mire focused on UX research. It’s a bit more hands on with which is nice because I can put into practice what I’ve learned from the videos and the readings. It also slowly helps build a portfolio step by step.

So far I’m really enjoying everything too and learning a ton of new stuff.

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The Natural

The Natural

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On 11/13/2023 at 5:20 AM, NikoBaltimore said:

.

 

On 11/13/2023 at 3:09 PM, Technico Support said:

Sorry, I just saw this.  Hang in there, buddy.  It's a real bitch and I don't know what to tell you.  Going through this stuff myself at times, it feels hollow to say "try to keep in mind that the stuff you're feeling in that moment isn't true."  I guess just try to remember that you have friends here.  Do your best; we're rooting for you.

 

On 11/15/2023 at 7:59 AM, Sammo~! said:

Hang in there friend. I'm rooting for you. 

Thank you, appreciate these messages of support. Means a lot.

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The Natural

The Natural

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I had my appointment with Dr Eldridge last week who I'm predominantly seeing while Dr. Jundi is on maternity leave. My Trazodone has been increased. It was before but didn't work out. Hope it does this go round. I'm crap at making decisions. Dr Eldridge offered me a monthly appointment for three weeks or five. Picked three and regretted it ever since. I've tried to make it for five ever since but there's nothing with her. Five was best as it'd have given more time for the medicine to kick in and it was the last week before Christmas. I think speaking to her later in one of my trigger months would have been better. Should have asked if I could speak to her twice in December for that reason but I'm too timid to speak up if I want something. People say I'm too nice for my own good, speak and ask/defend myself. Started the increased Trazodone on Monday. Feeling dodgy.

It's been a really rough time with a regrettably relapse of self-harm. Rang First Response and Samaritans as I was told when I was struggling, neither picked up. I was crying on the phone when I spoke to Ellie, my BEEP contact and Julie from Hope. Both were worried about me. Ellie asked if I can get to Eccleshill as she runs a weekend pilates class. It's further than the one I go to but I'm going to take up Ellie's offer. I like Ellie a lot. Kudos to Ellie reading my text seeing I was upset and ringing to check on me.

What has really messed me up is realising that next month will be the ten year anniversary of Mum's last Birthday and last Christmas when she was alive, December 2013. Every year is a milestone - Birthdays, the anniversary of Mum's passing, Mother's Day, Christmases, each is important but some seem to have even more poignancy/weight to them. The first year, the fifth, the tenth, the twentieth etc. I need to remind myself that as much as I love and miss my Mum, least she's at peace now free from her many illnesses. What's also replaying in my mind is what Mum said to Laura shortly before we lost her and I understand how she felt.

Thanks again to the DVDVR MB family for hearing me out, having my back. Can't put into words what it means to me. My much missed Mum's mantra was "As long as you try your best, that's all that counts." Please know I am. Love, Paul xxx.

Edited by The Natural
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Curt McGirt

Curt McGirt

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I'm gonna just leave this in spoilers because I respect everyone's boundaries and I don't want to trigger anyone. This is very hard, and despite all therapy it hasn't stopped, and I care about everyone here too much -- or maybe the extremely small ego I have is poisoning my perspective -- to not be open as to my condition. And I want to let you know in some way. I'm not sure if it'll be therapeutic. But it'll be known, by the community that I love. 

Spoiler

How to start? Therapy feels like a waste and a trap. I've been downgraded into a lesser group, in-house, from the phone group I was on who was all people on court ordered therapy (they lived together mostly, and openly talked about "dropping" As in piss test.). At the same time it feels harder, even though it's what you might call a "lesser sentence". We all got called into a room to discuss and watch a video and pick songs (which I'm horrible at because I have to pick something positive) and it doesn't help. I still go out every day, and drink. And I know the eventual outcome. I've been working on it, in a negative fashion, for years. At the same time if feels like the one thing I'm good at in my life. I'm highly functioning, until I'm not. And when it happens it grabs me by the ass. Another injury. Another health problem. More pain, and not just mine. Because I'm a loner, everyone else left the room and I sat there by myself drinking coffee when we went on break. I have a good report with both her and my other councellor, but they're not working for me, and I actively hate my psychiatrist who has been a problem for a lot of people for years now apparently. Everyone has bipolar (and I probably do) according to him, but at the same time either my drinking is throwing off the meds or I'm not getting what I need, but you can't speak right personally to a man who can't even remember your fucking name.

I live with my parents, because I'm incapable of caring for myself anymore. That's enough guilt to bury anyone's life. They want to help, wish that they could help, but I've become the liar that every addict is. I know as much and maybe they do too.

The same time as all this my uncle of 80 is dying. My father is ten years older and his birthday was just last week. I've never been close to this uncle (he's a hard old Navy prick that loves watching Patton, and the other uncle is a hardcore Promise Keeper Christian, besides the other uncle on my mom's side -- that's another story) but my dad is my best friend. I lost my other best friend this year because he sexually assaulted another friend of mine, and I went radio silence on him. After 20 years of friendship, very close friendship. He never even bothered to ask why. It feels like I cannot trust anyone anymore, and at the same time despite these therapy sessions I feel like I'm just learning how to lie better. My honesty in my entire life is embarrassingly strong. I guess a bone-in liar would tell you the same thing, but it isn't. If you knew me in person, you'd say "Curt doesn't lie for shit." And it shames me.

On top of all of that, my withdrawals are horrible. Tingling extremities, puking from nasal drainage (and you can't hide that, which just compounds things with the folks), fear of seizures again, failure to eat food period. And that compounds EVERYTHING. 

I'm just trying to hang in there, and despite my familiarity with many of you, it feels like I'm anonymous enough on the board to be dead honest, which is hard with even close friends that I keep in touch with on Facebook and Instagram. I've had a good circle of friends that have gone to the four winds in different states and even countries and they all have their own problems, which means I don't want to dump my personal shit on them. Y'all are my favorite people, even if I don't know your names. You listen, non-judgmentally, and supportively. I'm turning 40. I don't have no partner even and didn't expect to survive this long. Now I feel that I have to. 

Anyway, that's my story. I'm Curt. Born fuck-up. Thank you for listening.

 

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onelegbrynn

onelegbrynn

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Hi friends! Your friendly, neighborhood one-legged girl here! I just wanted to pop in for a bit and say Hi. I haven't been around for a while (personal stuff ... both good and bad) but things are finally settling down! Hoping to get more involved here as we end 2023 and go into 2024. I've missed ALL OF YOU!!! I see a lot of people right now going through a lot of different things. For those of you who are going through rough times with the holidays coming near and maybe just need a friend and someone to talk with, please don't hesitate to reach out. I'm here for you and happy to be that friend. To those of you doing great things, keep doing what you're doing! You have my full support!

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Curt McGirt

Curt McGirt

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Posted (edited)

Had a good long talk last night with a friend in Des Moines who used to live here. Since it's the first, and because I absolutely need to, I'm gonna white knuckle it. This is gonna be hard. I got another friend in Salem who hit me up for a similar, serious talk last night, and my uncle is in Hospice, so there's still those two things to deal with. My birthday's on the 8th. I have to make it through the New Year, for sure. 

Not like you don't already, but you'll be seeing a lot of me on here probably

Oh, just as an aside, my uncle said he saw a pair of fucking angels yesterday, one dressed in blue and one in white. He's feeling no pain. 

Edited by Curt McGirt
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