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Also, my gf started her night shift last night. Man was that depressing. We've had a great 4 days or so and the closer it got to when she had to leave yesterday, the worse my anxiety got. And then she was gone. It sucks. You have this person who you're so connected with and who you're so used to being there in bed nearly every night just not be there. The worst part is how many divorce feelings it invokes. Entirely different scenario, but the loneliness is all too familiar.

Then there's the whole part of shifting my thinking for what I'm going to do. She wanted to go to my daughter's last day of art camp and swimming camp, but she was beyond tired and is sleeping. That's all fine. I understand the need to sleep, it's just at this hour that's different. It's going to be somewhat of a repeat tonight too because she'll try to stay up later than usual while I'll need to get to bed because my daughter is bound to get up at 6 to 7 am. It's been very hard to wrap my brain around the thought of not going to bed with someone who is basically my wife.

Oh, and this was only supposed to last for a few months...until she dropped the news on me the other day that the person who does the schedule said she would be on nights indefinitely, which contradicts what the boss for that floor, the one who gave my girlfriend the offer and hired her, told her. My girlfriend said if that's the case then she's going to look for a different job at the same hospital or a different one since she doesn't want nights and wants days to be with us, but she really likes the floor she was hired onto. So now it's a matter of letting these feelings get worse and telling her to stick with what she likes or think more about our relationship.

I hope these feelings get better. I hope the sadness and loneliness fade away over time. On the bright side, we met at the courthouse after she got out of work this morning to file our marriage certificate paperwork. It makes me incredibly happy to know I'll be married to her soon. I'm not going to lie though, I don't want to get burned again and part of me is afraid to take this step knowing that her job situation is going to be stressful on us.

Everything is a challenge, you know?

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On 23/06/2017 at 3:12 PM, Michael Sweetser said:

"Patio Gas" is either going to be my next band name, or next wrestling gimmick name.

Wouldn't Patio Gas be Pete Gas' European Nephew?

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On 6/24/2017 at 4:57 PM, AxB said:

Wouldn't Patio Gas be Pete Gas' European Nephew?

Irish, to be exact.

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I hate this date as my wonderful Mum passed away three years ago. My Mum was just 53. I love and miss her all the time xxx

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On 6/23/2017 at 3:55 PM, Craig H said:

On the bright side, we met at the courthouse after she got out of work this morning to file our marriage certificate paperwork. It makes me incredibly happy to know I'll be married to her soon. I'm not going to lie though, I don't want to get burned again and part of me is afraid to take this step knowing that her job situation is going to be stressful on us.

Everything is a challenge, you know?

Congrats!  It sounds like things are going better than you feel like they are, aside form the less-than-opportune work situation.  Hang in there.

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Well. an interesting date (at least for me), I'm sorry @The Natural, that this day is a big negative for you...  On this day in 1988 OSJ decided it was time to quit drinking, yep, 29 years, longer than some of my friends have been alive. I likely wouldn't be here if I hadn't quit, so for all of you that can enjoy a few drinks, by all means have at it, me, I've never wanted a "few" drinks in my life, ;-) 

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10 minutes ago, OSJ said:

Well. an interesting date (at least for me), I'm sorry @The Natural, that this day is a big negative for you...  On this day in 1988 OSJ decided it was time to quit drinking, yep, 29 years, longer than some of my friends have been alive. I likely wouldn't be here if I hadn't quit, so for all of you that can enjoy a few drinks, by all means have at it, me, I've never wanted a "few" drinks in my life, ;-) 

Thank you, @OSJ.

Congrats on the length of time you quit drinking the alcoholic variety.

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On 6/26/2017 at 0:55 AM, The Natural said:

I hate this date as my wonderful Mum passed away three years ago. My Mum was just 53. I love and miss her all the time xxx

I can sympathize. This Saturday is the 1 year anniversary of my dad's passing. This is a rough few weeks actually. There was Father's Day (June 18th), then he and my mom's wedding anniversary (June 29th), the day he passed away (July1) and his birthday (July 8)

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I can elaborate if need be, but have been dealing with physical and emotional issues that can bother me a lot.  Finally decided to see a doctor and counselor setup through work, reason I haven't before is I'm terrified to find out how fucked up things are with me.

But I will say this:  While I can't guarantee I won't say stupid shit in the future I apologize for all the stupid shit I've said while on here.  And while some of my opinions might not mean much I hope there's some that were worthwhile.  While I'm unsure who would have me on ignore I'm sure there are some that do and that saddens me.  But that's my fault for being stupid/not worth paying attention to.  I love the hell out of you guys and thanks for putting up with me for the past 15 years.  Thinking about the really stupid shit I said back then I'm ashamed for all that, but that's one of life's lessons.

This isn't meant as a pity party but if you see it that way so be it.  This is just a long-winded apology I felt a need to get out, hope y'all understand.  Take care.

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On 6/26/2017 at 0:41 PM, OSJ said:

Well. an interesting date (at least for me), I'm sorry @The Natural, that this day is a big negative for you...  On this day in 1988 OSJ decided it was time to quit drinking, yep, 29 years, longer than some of my friends have been alive. I likely wouldn't be here if I hadn't quit, so for all of you that can enjoy a few drinks, by all means have at it, me, I've never wanted a "few" drinks in my life, ;-) 

And now the cigarettes... You're gonna run out of bad habits John

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On 6/29/2017 at 4:24 AM, BrianS81177 said:

I can sympathize. This Saturday is the 1 year anniversary of my dad's passing. This is a rough few weeks actually. There was Father's Day (June 18th), then he and my mom's wedding anniversary (June 29th), the day he passed away (July1) and his birthday (July 8)

Thanks for the sympathies which I offer in return. Hope you're okay, @BrianS81177 

March is a bad month for me as it's my birthday/Mother's Day. December is as well, Mum's birthday on the 8th and Christmas, our favourite time of year. I tell people though it's every single day without that loved one.

My mental health started to slide when Mum's health did but it's worse now since my Mum's passing. It's a battle, man. Apart from a couple people in my family, my family ain't the best and you guys/gals know more about it/this than the majority do. That's how I think off you from across the pond.

Thank you.

EDIT: Didn't expect my first post of the day to get this heavy.

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On 7/2/2017 at 5:51 AM, NikoBaltimore said:

I can elaborate if need be, but have been dealing with physical and emotional issues that can bother me a lot.  Finally decided to see a doctor and counselor setup through work, reason I haven't before is I'm terrified to find out how fucked up things are with me.

But I will say this:  While I can't guarantee I won't say stupid shit in the future I apologize for all the stupid shit I've said while on here.  And while some of my opinions might not mean much I hope there's some that were worthwhile.  While I'm unsure who would have me on ignore I'm sure there are some that do and that saddens me.  But that's my fault for being stupid/not worth paying attention to.  I love the hell out of you guys and thanks for putting up with me for the past 15 years.  Thinking about the really stupid shit I said back then I'm ashamed for all that, but that's one of life's lessons.

This isn't meant as a pity party but if you see it that way so be it.  This is just a long-winded apology I felt a need to get out, hope y'all understand.  Take care.

Best wishes, @NikoBaltimore.

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On 2017-07-01 at 11:51 PM, NikoBaltimore said:

I can elaborate if need be, but have been dealing with physical and emotional issues that can bother me a lot.  Finally decided to see a doctor and counselor setup through work, reason I haven't before is I'm terrified to find out how fucked up things are with me.

But I will say this:  While I can't guarantee I won't say stupid shit in the future I apologize for all the stupid shit I've said while on here.  And while some of my opinions might not mean much I hope there's some that were worthwhile.  While I'm unsure who would have me on ignore I'm sure there are some that do and that saddens me.  But that's my fault for being stupid/not worth paying attention to.  I love the hell out of you guys and thanks for putting up with me for the past 15 years.  Thinking about the really stupid shit I said back then I'm ashamed for all that, but that's one of life's lessons.

This isn't meant as a pity party but if you see it that way so be it.  This is just a long-winded apology I felt a need to get out, hope y'all understand.  Take care.

If people need to start apologizing for stupid shit they say around here, you would be well down that list.

In all seriousness, seeking out help is a good thing. Taking the first step is tough, but you have done it. Keep it up, and I hope everything works out for you.

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I'm frustrated as hell, I feel stuck, and I feel lost.

I work in the service industry. I had the best, most lucrative job I've ever had for four years. New manager fucked it all up. I quit in September of last year. I've been in bartending vagabond mode ever since. I can't find a place that I like and I'm just scraping by. I live near Detroit and can't get anyone to give me an interview or even a callback. I managed and tended bar at one of the busiest restaurants in the city from the time it opened and it just doesn't seem to really matter to anyone.

I had an interview yesterday at a country club and it was remarkable how different it was. Basically, their gist was "Hey, your friend from high school that works for us and you haven't seen in fifteen years vouches for you and you have the experience. Take a couple days and think about it, but we'd love to have you." Awesome, right?

It's an hour away most days and the pay is a little over half what I was making.

Can't get a band together and I'm completely discouraged when it comes to dating.

A lot of my friends are in serious relationships or married and having kids. It gets pretty lonely.

Been considering moving away, either to the Twin Cities, Chicago or somewhere on West Coast.

I'm just trying to keep my head up and keep myself occupied.

At least when I come home every day, my dog flips out and gives me about 20 hugs and kisses.

I'll get through this just like I always do, but goddamn, man. This shit is exhausting.

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Take it from one who has been lost and stuck far more than once in his near-sixty years. There is one truism in life, good or bad, this too shall pass. A lot of your friends will likely be divorced in five or ten years and working their asses off to pay an ex-wife and pay for kids that hate them. Twin Cities is sort of nice if you can stand the climate, Chicago is a cesspool, and the West Coast is expensive as hell. Have you thought about Reno Las Vegas? I can't imagine a good bartender/bar manager having much difficulty landing a good gig in either city. Starting a band anywhere near the D is vastly over-rated, even Iggy is broke. ;-)

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7 hours ago, The Natural said:

Happy 4th July to my American friends here.

Things are not going well here, can we be a colony again?

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Quote

US, South Korea conduct exercise in response to North Korea missile launch

Poor JT

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1 hour ago, odessasteps said:

Poor JT

Indeed!

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On 7/4/2017 at 0:35 AM, OSJ said:

 Starting a band anywhere near the D is vastly over-rated, even Iggy is broke. ;-)

Good thing the music I like to make doesn't make much money to begin with. ;)

Thanks, man. I'll get through this, but it's hard not to get discouraged and I have a lot of days that are just an absolute trial to mentally  and emotionally get through. On second thought, I don't think I'm lost. I know exactly what I want to do: Find another lucrative job, work my ass off to get out of debt, and get healthy. The last one includes regular exercise, meds and therapy. I can afford the gym right now. The rest of it, not so much, and it's really frustrating. I've got plans, but they're all on hold. If I can find a place to make bank, the rest falls into place.

Band stuff and lady stuff is really beyond my control outside of what I'm bringing to the table, and all I can do is work on that and hope for the best.

I can handle the Twin Cities. The economy is kicking ass in Minnesota, and I love winter because I can actually breathe that time of year. Moving is just a thought, and maybe it'd just take the edge off all this ennui I got kickin' right now. Better than drinkin', that's for sure.

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Fuck, I forgot! About 20 minutes after my original post, my buddy texted me about getting me a job as a barback where he works. I've been trying to get a job there for almost a year. It's one of the only places in town that I know of where I could actually make more than what I was making at my old job. Yeah, it's barbacking, but it's a foot in the door. AND this place offers health care.

Doing my damndest not to get my hopes up, but at the very least, it's good knowing that I've got help in this.

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8 hours ago, southofheavy said:

Good thing the music I like to make doesn't make much money to begin with. ;)

Thanks, man. I'll get through this, but it's hard not to get discouraged and I have a lot of days that are just an absolute trial to mentally  and emotionally get through. On second thought, I don't think I'm lost. I know exactly what I want to do: Find another lucrative job, work my ass off to get out of debt, and get healthy. The last one includes regular exercise, meds and therapy. I can afford the gym right now. The rest of it, not so much, and it's really frustrating. I've got plans, but they're all on hold. If I can find a place to make bank, the rest falls into place.

Band stuff and lady stuff is really beyond my control outside of what I'm bringing to the table, and all I can do is work on that and hope for the best.

I can handle the Twin Cities. The economy is kicking ass in Minnesota, and I love winter because I can actually breathe that time of year. Moving is just a thought, and maybe it'd just take the edge off all this ennui I got kickin' right now. Better than drinkin', that's for sure.

Sounds like you'll be fine! Pretty much anything beats drinking, at least from my standpoint of 29 years sober, I learned that I really didn't care for sleeping in alleys and abandoned buildings all that much, (especially in winter). Sounds like are bio stuff is on a whole different wavelength, I fucking hate snow, cold, and can't breathe in humid locations, Twin Cities is my idea of hell on earth. Of course, the HQ for Los Ingobernables DVDVR is up here in the high desert, dry, dry, dry...

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Just so no one thinks I'm always the bearer of sweetness and light, right now it sucks the big one. I am all out of my pain meds, ran out Tues, and was told Weds. they were "too far behind" to fill my scrip yesterday. How fucking hard is it to count out 120 pills? Dipshits. Anyway, yesterday was no problem as some residuals build up in your system, I could feel the back and knees starting to do their thing a little bit last night, but no big deal. Now it's at about an 8 on the scale and every keystroke feels like a little bolt of lightning. Still, that beats just lying down and suffering through it. The scrip is ready now, took them all of yesterday and six hours today to fill what's supposed to be overnight service, but what the fuck, I'll feel more or less okay in another hour or so. Right now it hurts like fucking hell. That is all.

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