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So, How's It Going?


Gonzo

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Yeah, I don't see how it can get any worse; I just learned that one of my best friends in the world took his own life last night. He was only 22. I'm just fucking gutted, the tears just won't stop. 

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I'm happy to hear the good news, @Matt D. I hope all goes well with the little one.

So sorry about your car, @Ace. It's such an invasion of privacy to know someone is rummaging through your hard-earned stuff without permission. Does your complex have surveillance cameras that may provide clues? What a bummer, I hope you can recover the car or get a replacement soon.

And wow, @OSJ. There is nothing words can say to describe your loss. I was watching a random video clip yesterday, and it talked about how every day we wake up means that our destiny is not yet complete. I believe that. But we also realize that when the darkness reaches into us, the sunrise means little. My thoughts are with you.

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Thanks folks... It may seem kind of weird to be hanging out with someone who has a difference of some  thirty-some years in age,  but Alex  was so much like me at that age (sans being all fucked up on alcohol) that it was uncanny. He and his dad, (who is six years younger than me) were our next door neighbors for three years and our cats were all inter-related. It's just so fucking awful, in the past we'd talked about our both being bi-polar as fuck and how thanks to the right meds the condition seemed to be well in the past tense. He'd recently taken on a second job and a girlfriend so we hadn't hung out for about a month, I was beating myself up pretty good yesterday as I had been meaning to give him a call to come pick up some review copies of some recent horror and sf books, but didn't get around to it. 

Talking to his dad today, I guess things with the gf had been a whole lot less than optimum and apparently he'd started drinking again, (something he'd stopped four years ago.) There was no note, all we know is that he played midwife for Bella as she had her three kittens and then he went to bed fairly early only to get up in the wee hours of the morning and headed up to the park with a gallon can of gasoline and his lighter.  It's just fucking awful, he had his whole life ahead of him...  Only thing I can say is this: people,  if it ever seems hopeless, it never really is; we get through this thing called life by leaning on each other, not by going it alone. 

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On ‎23‎/‎08‎/‎2017 at 2:52 PM, JLSigman said:

Been seeing a psychiatrist and working on diagnosis and treatment. He said I have definitely been ADHD since young, then proceeded to describe in detail most of my college experience and post college work experience. I felt vaguely called out. ;-)

He added wellbutrin at first, which did help a lot with focusing, but raised some anxiety issues. So now a little (tiny dosage) klonipin added to see how it goes. I'm hopeful, which is a nice change.

 

On ‎24‎/‎08‎/‎2017 at 2:09 PM, NikoBaltimore said:

On the medication front I was recently prescribed Lexapro to help with anxiety.  The first night or two taking it my brain was in a fog bug since then it's worked quite nicely.  For years I've been hesitant on taking anything even though my wife's been on it for years.  But two weeks into it I now wonder why I didn't take it sooner.  This was prescribed by my doctor when going for a physical, so I can only imagine what I'd need when seeing a psychiatrist.

Doctors have tried me on different tablets, it's trying to find the right one. It's less anxiety with me, more depression. Hope one can bloody help me.

On ‎31‎/‎08‎/‎2017 at 9:48 PM, OSJ said:

Yeah, I don't see how it can get any worse; I just learned that one of my best friends in the world took his own life last night. He was only 22. I'm just fucking gutted, the tears just won't stop. 

Sorry to hear this. Best wishes.

On ‎31‎/‎08‎/‎2017 at 10:01 PM, Matt D said:

Bloodwork on my super pregnant wife came back wonky. Her weekly appt is tomorrow. We're still two+ weeks away so we'll see what they say. 

 

18 hours ago, Matt D said:

Just out of the appointment. We're ok. They think it was contamination from skin cells that caused the troubling results. Still a week or two away but all seems well. Thanks for the well wishes.

Phew. Best wishes to the both of you.

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Gents: There's a reason that we put off taking taking tranqs, mood elevators, or whatever despite seeing our SOs deriving tremendous benefits from same. It's because we're guys and have that stupid as fuck macho bullshit going on. "Pills. I don't need no stinkin' pills." I had this attitude gently overcome by my wife, who has been on fluoxetine for years with terrific results. "Did you take your new pills today?" "No, I didn't feel like it." "Would you skip your oxy because you didn't feel like taking it?" "Of course not , that would be all kinds of stupid, you know I can't even walk without it."  "Here's a clue, you can't function without your fluoxitne either, you just don't realize it, when you don't take your medicine, the next day you spend  all day back in that room listening to Jim Cornette  or bothering people on those message boards..." Yeah, that pretty much nails it. : -)                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         

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WARNING: DO NOT READ THIS WITHOUT KNOWING WHAT IT IS. IT PERTAINS TO MY FRIEND'S SUICIDE AND PULLS NO PUNCHES, I HAD TO PUT THIS SOMEWHERE FOR CATHARSIS, l JUST  COULDN'T KEEP IT INSIDE, BUT I DON'T WANT TO BLINDSIDE ANYONE WITH THIS EITHER. 

Stopped by to see how Ramsey (my friend's dad) was holding up, and as expected, he's going to move to his place in Vegas and his job is cool with him making the transfer. A lot of questions got answered, and while they explain a lot, it sure doesn't make it any easier to comprehend. Alex had apparently been drinking a lot, unbeknownst to anyone around him. His relationship with his GF was apparently nothing but a bad one that had devolved to nightly screaming at each other sessions over the phone. What's really awful is that his last minutes were recorded on his cell, he's drunker than fuck and telling her that he's doused himself with a gallon of gas and he's going to do it. You can't hear her response and then the screaming starts.  It's fucking awful, but I keep telling myself that he doesn't have to hurt any more.

Yeah, I go through the bullshit beating myself up that I should have called him and maybe I would known something was wrong and I could have said something that would have made a difference. Total bullshit, Alex was a smart guy, one of our many points of commonality was that we both have  IQs in the 160s. If he wanted to keep something hidden (and he obviously did), then he was more than capable of doing so.  The bottom line if I've learned anything in these sixty years (and I hope that I have), is to let the people you love know that they are loved. Don't ever let one of your regrets be "I wish I had said ----------to them." Don't put it off, say it!  For those that read this, thanks for doing so, and I'm sorry to drag this into your lives. If it helps anyone in any way to get through the next twenty-four hours, then I'm glad I posted it.

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Step mom finally returned home after three years in a rehab facility. She suffered from SEVERE muscle atrophy and basically had to learn how to walk again. She tried coming home last August and was there for less than twenty hour hours. Hopefully she is home for good now. Pretty sure it's a relief to my dad, as he spent every night with her when she was either in the hospital or in the rehab facility, he never left her side.

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Thanks for the positive vibes, folks; means a lot.  Looks like his mom isn't going to come out, there won't be a memorial or anything. I'm not surprised that his mom isn't coming out here. Alex moved out here to live with his dad as soon as he turned 18 as both mom and her squeeze are tweakers and he didn't want to be around that shit.  The loose ends have been tied up (I mentioned our cats were inter-related) , anyway, the two females are Sierra and Bella are going to Ramsey's ex-girlfriend, (Bella is the mother of our Jackpot and Seven),  the one we were worried about is Twister, who we originally adopted, but who refused to make the move here. He just loved Alex and basically adopted them as his humans. If they left the window, he'd go into their house and sleep on the bed. Once we moved, it became a ritual of waiting for him to show up at the old place, about half-a-mile from here, go up and retrieve him, rinse repeat. Anyway, he doesn't get along with other cats at all, it works at Ramsey's because the two females are completely standoffish to other cats and humans alike and the two males are practically feral, disappearing for weeks at a time. Twister's going out my sister-in-law's place out on the rez where he'l be the only cat, so he's going to be just fine. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Well, here's one for you: In about a month, I am leaving Florida in order to take a job offer in, of all places, Paducah, Ky. 

I am not shameless enough to post my GFM link right here right now, but I probably will shortly or at least point the board over to @jdmann, where I've been having fun putting my cut-out head onto Kentucky iconography. Case in point:  

https://photos.app.goo.gl/lhu1lUVFTuXYBsdJ2

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