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MARCH 2015 TV THREAD


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Oh shit.  This show is on, like, now!  I thought this was all for something that wasn't airing yet.  Man, the CW is like invisible to me at this point.

 

What I've seen so far is pretty bad.  It's like methadone for if you really miss other shows that it's a less interesting version of and are too lazy to locate and rewatch them.

 

Plus in the first few minutes I watched I saw someone do the "scratch the side of a pencil across a notebook to reveal what was on the missing page" and that shit is unacceptable.

 

I mean, yeah, some of the Buffy pilot stuff was nearly as clunky but HOLY SHIT THIS FINAL VOICE OVER IS DOING ALL THE WORK THAT IS SUPPOSED TO BE DONE BY ME WATCHING PEOPLE DO AND REACT TO STUFF!!!!

 

It's kind of like how you could tell at some point that THE SIMPSONS was being written by people who grew up watching THE SIMPSONS

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Plus in the first few minutes I watched I saw someone do the "scratch the side of a pencil across a notebook to reveal what was on the missing page" and that shit is unacceptable.

Yeah, that sleuthing technique needed to be retired after...

(NSFW)

 

11-theresult.jpg

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Oh, and this upcoming CW pilot is the most CW thing ever.

 

 

CHEERLEADER DEATH SQUAD (Drama)

WRITERS: Marc Cherry, Neal Baer, Dan Truly

CAST: Alan Van Sprang (Reign), Gia Mantegna (The Middle), Aylin Bayramoglu (The Glee Project)

When a disgraced CIA agent-turned-teacher at an elite Washington D.C. prep school realizes that his students have high-level access through personal connections, he trains a select few to be his eyes and ears into the world of international espionage and help him earn his way back into the agency.

 

 

 

If it made it to series I'm sure the name would be changed but if it ended up "Gossip Girl meets Nikita" I'd probably check it out. 

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I think Durst is going to go away for a long time, now, but I think he'll be ruled mentally unfit to stand trial.  I mean, if you're a defence attorney, he's got all the earmarks of schizophrenia. For instance, in that last episode

when he goes into the bathroom, he basically carries on a conversation with two different viewpoints, with himself: "Arrest him."  And just the stuff he does, like walking up the stoop of his brother's place, then walking away.  I think he has a lot wrong with him, aside from being, you know, a murderer.

 

By the way, the best part of that episode, aside from the ending is when they show the two letters to DA Jeannine Pirro

and she goes "Beverley" is spelled wrong on both...then spots the similiarity of the letters and goes "Son of a BITCH!"

 

Such a great series.

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Here's a weird little gem.

I was watching SILENT NIGHT DEADLY NIGHT and kind of IMDBing along [NOTE: The guy whose girlfriend gets impaled on the deer antlers would go on to play the skeevy Shock jock in HALLOWEEN 6: THE CURSE OF MICHAEL MEYERS and then would go on to produce THE CLOSER]  and I wondered if any of the random extra little kids in the orphanage scene at the end like actually became actors or anything.

Sadly no.  Like two of them got as far as 3 or 4 total credits.  But one of those two was in something called EVIL IN CLEAR RIVER.  

MV5_BMTY3_MTE5_NTYx_M15_BMl5_Ban_Bn_Xk_F

Sweet mother of god, that is Randy Quaid in a straight-up lightning battle with Lindsay MOTHERFUCKING LIFETIME MOVIE LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD-WINNING WAGNER!!! in 1988 when both of them were at the absolute height of the craft!

This is a new thing to me.  I did not know it existed or what it was about.  But based on the VHS cover art I decided to guess first and then click.  My guess would be that Lindsay Wagner is a world famous genetic biologist (this, I'm sure is a thing that someone can be...in a movie) whose marriage to corporate fiend Randy Quaid ended when she found out that he was using her biogenetic codeprint (another thing that is real...probably) to create a small army of thugs in his bid to take over what looks to be Bennington, Vermont.

She is on the run, pursued by Randy Quaid's dimwitted gang of torch wielding Frankensteins, who crave human blood and homemade preserves, when she stumbles into the local waffle house owned by country photographer Greg Evigan (unpictured).  They're trapped.  But can she trust him?  Is he even real?  Or just her own greatest creation?  Thus...the battle begins.

Now, let's let IMDB's plot summary fill us in the real thing:

 

 

Pete Suvak is a loved and respected high school teacher and mayor of a small Canadian community. After concerned mother Kate McKinnon finds out that Suvak is teaching Nazism and "Jew-bashing" to her son and others, she takes action to have him removed from the school. That doesn't help anything as he still has the community behind him. So the next step is to take Suvak to court.


OH SHIT COURT, YO!!!! THIS SHIT IS GOING COURTSIDE!!!

So, that is insane.  It was made for ABC, which leaned heavily on Canadian-themed legal drama in the late 80s. It was not a winning strategy but I'm sure everyone remembers their slogan "We, the jury, find Prime Time exciting, Eh?"

If you've ever wondered how Randy Quaid would play "local mayor and Jew hating holocaust denier" well...
3798_3.jpg
the correct answer is "drowsy and confused" and for some reason in front of a1930s radio news microphone.

I don't have this in front of me and I'm not going to spend $2.99 to watch it on Amazon, so instead I'll steal a page from HOW DID THIS GET MADE and quote some Amazon reviews of it:



5.0 out of 5 stars lindsay Wagner is so awesome!!!!, March 2, 2013

Lindsay is so excellent in this movie, I love it. and so sad and anger. I watched it and so emotional in this scene!!!
I am fan Lindsay Wagner ever since. I'll give 5 stars for Lindsay!!!!!! Yeah, you go girl!!!

 

 

Fuck yeah, girl.  Go to Hallmark and cash in!!! So that's one for not denying the holocaust.  But you know what, that's just one side of this story about a neo-nazi teaching schoolchildren to hate and trying to murder a local parent.  I'm sure there's another side to it, liberal media:

 

 

3.0 stars out of 5: Think for Yourself,
This movie really seems to be presenting censorship and the prosecution of a thought crime as an heroic struggle. If you don't like what someone is saying or teaching it seems like open debate is the best remedy. Truly kooky or dangerous ideas should speak for themselves. Having a teacher fired without even parental consensus, and taking away their teaching credential seems more than enough-but sending them to prison because their views are politically incorrect?! I hope and pray that this big brother legislation is not on its way to the U.S.!

On a side note, while I abhor the smoking police, any parent that smokes that much around their children should really keep their mouth shut about their well being!

 


FUCK YOU LINDSAY WAGNER LBITARDS!!! THIS ONLY GETS 3 STARS FOR OBAMAING!!!!

There's another weird review by someone who claims to know the people involved and claims the lady made it all up because she was in love with the guy..which seems....unlikely. Apparently, this was based on a case that went to the Canadian Supreme Court, which I am led to believe is a group of beavers that meet in a treehouse and decide how many beer caps you can trade for one Eric Lindros rookie card.

 

 

From Wiki:

 

James "Jim" Keegstra (March 30, 1934 - June 2, 2014) was a former public school teacher in Eckville, Alberta, Canada, who was charged and convicted of hate speech in 1984. The conviction was overturned by the Court of Appeal but re-instated by the Supreme Court of Canada. The decision received substantial international attention and became a landmark Canadian legal case.

 

 

The more you know, guys.  But I'm still left wondering if Greg Evigan is a clone or not.  $2.99.  That's not that much right?
 

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Oh, and this upcoming CW pilot is the most CW thing ever.

 

 

CHEERLEADER DEATH SQUAD (Drama)

WRITERS: Marc Cherry, Neal Baer, Dan Truly

CAST: Alan Van Sprang (Reign), Gia Mantegna (The Middle), Aylin Bayramoglu (The Glee Project)

When a disgraced CIA agent-turned-teacher at an elite Washington D.C. prep school realizes that his students have high-level access through personal connections, he trains a select few to be his eyes and ears into the world of international espionage and help him earn his way back into the agency.

 

 

 

If it made it to series I'm sure the name would be changed but if it ended up "Gossip Girl meets Nikita" I'd probably check it out. 

 

 

Thinking about it, teenagers would actually make great spies.

 

You ever tried getting information out of a teenager?

 

"Who are you working for!?!"

 

"People."

 

"Which people?"

 

"People I know. Dammit, why won't you let me have my own life?"

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http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/author-tells-cops-linked-durst-missing-girls-article-1.2153040?cid=bitly

 

I doubt they'll be able to bring charges against him on this, but holy crap, HBO might have stopped a serial killer.

 

That makes up for the terrible Sopranos ending.

 

The last ten minutes of The Jinx were the most bloodcurdling in television history.  What an amazing documentary.

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Anybody watching American Crime? I saw a ton of ads for it while catching up on Revenge, and a big fan of Felicity Huffman, so decided to give it a shot. Two episodes in, I'm not quite sure what to make of it. It's hardly the OMG, IT'S SO INTENSE AND EDGY thriller that ABC pitched it as - at least not yet. So far, it's a multi-layered crime drama where nothing is really fleshed out yet. We get that Felicity and ex-hubby (Timothy Hutton) are divorced and don't like each other. We get that their son was murdered and his wife attacked. Beyond that? Oh yeah, Felicity is a little bit racist and has a problem with "illegals" and "those people". But not really enough has been revealed about anything else to even decide if the show is good. It has a bit of an awkward style, with audio that's time-shifted in comparison to the action on-screen and also editing that cuts out a couple seconds of stuff at a time. Very obviously trying for "edgy" and "dramatic". Anyway, jury's still out for me but I'm going to keep watching for now.

 

I am watching.  It is fucking great!

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I will just again point out that JT has me on ignore since I brought up iZombie like two months ago

 

The house is nearing completion, we've got two weddings to attend in the next five weks, and don't get me started on the baby showers.  I am surprised that I remember my own name sometimes.

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Been catching up on The Jinx episodes, I'm on episode three right now. I get they're trying to show Durst's "human" side but, yeah, I'm not buying it. He comes off as a monster posing as human. Even the story about his mother feels more like something he tells people to gain sympathy.

 

Man, his poor wife. She knew he was going to kill her sooner and later and couldn't do a thing about it. 

 

And the theme song is amazing.

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Anyone else in here unsophisticated enough to admit watching and enjoying "Trailer Park Boys?"

 

TPB is awesome. The last movie wasn't that great, but they are always consistently entertaining. No need to be ashamed for enjoying. Those guys are basically set for life up here. They tour around the country making appearances in character, they're a damned cultural institution.

 

Lahey and Randy are one of the greatest romances of our time.

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I thought the last movie was pretty good. It's interesting in that it finally involved hard drugs ("I need some more white liquor, Randy") and for the first time ever, Lahey and the boys actually got into a fistfight. There's always been gunplay, explosives, but never a good old "I hate your stinking guts" brawl between the two sides. Both things kind of go against the whole vibe of the series but they did them in a way that it worked. It was certainly better than the first film, which was the worst of the lot by far. My favorite is Countdown to Liquor Day personally. 

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Been catching up on The Jinx episodes, I'm on episode three right now. I get they're trying to show Durst's "human" side but, yeah, I'm not buying it. He comes off as a monster posing as human. Even the story about his mother feels more like something he tells people to gain sympathy.

 

Man, his poor wife. She knew he was going to kill her sooner and later and couldn't do a thing about it. 

 

And the theme song is amazing.

I found that I actually almost started feeling sorry for him in Episode 5 when they talked about him basically persona non grata with his own family, and when they took him out to the family business and the security kinda swarmed around him.  Of course that's the episode where

any pretense of whether or not he's guilty is completely thrown out the window by the end of the episode.

 

I was thinking, early on, that he most likely killed his wife, definitely killed Morris Black (not in a self-defence way, I mean) and probably didn't kill Susan Berman.

 

By the end of that one, I knew, oh yeah, he killed them all.

 

By the way, my completely uninformed opinion on the Durst is that he's actually a closeted homsexual or bisexual and was in a relationship with Morris Black, things went sour, and he killed him.  Might have even been a factor in the deterioration of his relationship with his first wife.  I have no facts to back any of this up, just a gut feeling I get that could be completely wrong.

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Hulu put up the first four (and probably only) episodes of Tommy Wiseau's sitcom The Neighbors. It's way less competent and coherent than even The Room. It has all of the absurdity you'd suspect, and if you want to see non-actors try to improv through bizarre setups with no actual jokes this is the show for you. It's also pretty racist and sexist, but it seems to come from a place of genuine ignorance and tone deafness from Wiseau, who seems to have no idea how human beings interact. The set design is astounding; it's like he read about Breaking Bad using colors as a theme and integrated that in the most one-dimensional way possible. A blonde female character who only wears pink bikinis has a completely pink apartment decorated with a flat-screen TV they sloppily painted pink and one of those pink blowup electric guitars you can win at carnivals. The scenes are bridged together by the same still shot of B-roll and the same public domain synth music (this happens about 12 times in each episode). Wiseua plays two characters, both in terrible wigs, who behave and sound exactly the same. If you like so-bad-it's-good then it's totally worth a look, but it's honestly so insane it might be too much even for fans of The Room. 

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I think one issue with The Jinx is that Durst simply isn't that interesting. Which is crazy to say about a man who's killed a lot of people, but still. He's not Hannibal Lecter. Truthfully, I don't think he's even that smart. (He does a shitty job of covering up his murders but his money has gotten him out of it.) This is not a criminal genius. IMO, if you had a prolonged conversation with the guy, you'd be bored after a while.

 

I think the real story is how Durst, and his actions, fuck up everyone else. The guy who found corpse of Morris Black, for example. Or his wife's friend who's clearly still living with the guilt of not doing more. Even Susan Burman, although I haven't gotten to her episode, seems more interesting than him. Like, oh my God, did she really think hanging out with a serial killer was not going to end hideously?

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I think one issue with The Jinx is that Durst simply isn't that interesting. Which is crazy to say about a man who's killed a lot of people, but still. He's not Hannibal Lecter. Truthfully, I don't think he's even that smart. (He does a shitty job of covering up his murders but his money has gotten him out of it.) This is not a criminal genius. IMO, if you had a prolonged conversation with the guy, you'd be bored after a while.

 

I think the real story is how Durst, and his actions, fuck up everyone else. The guy who found corpse of Morris Black, for example. Or his wife's friend who's clearly still living with the guilt of not doing more. Even Susan Burman, although I haven't gotten to her episode, seems more interesting than him. Like, oh my God, did she really think hanging out with a serial killer was not going to end hideously?

Susan Berman's dad was a noted gangster, I'm sure she wasn't afraid of hanging out with possible killers.

 

Different strokes and all, but I think Durst is fascinating.  The way he clearly thinks he's more clever than everyone else (How else do you explain his motivation for even doing the show?!  At his own request?!) but obviously isn't.  The repeated blinking.  The matter-of-fact way he reveals casual bits of stuff that some wouldn't divulge ever (His casual mention of lying on the stand, his casual admittance of lying about calling his wife).

Or his wife's friend who's clearly still living with the guilt of not doing more.

 

Wait until you get to the episode, where she admits that she feels sympathetic toward Durst and you're sitting there going "Wait..what?!"

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