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MARCH 2015 MOVIE THREAD

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GOT DAMN WHIPLASH

Total face-melter of a movie.

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Kill the Messenger was great because Jeremy Renner. The story is better told on the Rick Ross doc on Al Jazeera, but... Jeremy Renner. Fuck that guy kills it every time.

 

Except in Thor. And The Bourne Legacy. And arguably The Avengers. And, erm... S.W.A.T.?

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Renner reminds me a lot of turn of the century Affleck, on screen, except he's handling it better.

 

He's a great actor who is seriously miscast as an action movie blockbuster leading man.

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Since today is the 13th, I'm gonna watch Part IV: The Final Chapter.  What is everyone's favorite Friday the 13th film?  Mine is Part 6: Jason Lives with Part 4 right behind it.

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I love the first movie because it tries to be too smart for its own good.  It wants to be a murder mystery / American giallo and doesn't even come close, but you appreciate the ambition.

 

Next is Part 3D because of the birth of the Hockey Mask and of course Undead Jason from Part 6 is fucking awesome and Horshack from Welcome Back Kotter earned a paycheck in that movie. 

 

I was devastated when Jason murdered Sissy in Jason Lives even though I knew that the black person always dies early in the victim queue of a slasher movie..   :(

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Part 3 is great too! The biker gang was by far my favorite part of the film but I loved everything else as well.

 

I think I'd rank the series as: 6, 4, 3, 1, 2, 5, Remake, 8, X, 7, JGH.

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I always liked to think all those murders could have been avoided if people just realized Jason only wanted some people to play hockey with.

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Hey, the black guy in 8 not only gave Jason a run for his money but was the last of the kids to get killed. 

 

3 and 5 are the dumbest, sleaziest, and funnest of the run for my money. 1, 2 and 4 are the legit best as far as being solid movies goes however. And I like Jason X as the self-aware funny Jason film more than Jason Lives as the self-aware funny Jason film.

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Jason X is such a guilty pleasure of mine.  I would have loved to see the 11th film see him terrorize some kind of undersea study station ... get into it with a shark.  I think Jason vs. Shark is a totally missed opportunity.  Maybe the undead shark from Fulci's "Zombi."

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I watched 'Sex Tape' last night.  I'm not sure I've seen a movie with as much of a plot that does not work in any way shape or form as this one does.  Like if it was the plot for a sitcom, it would be still be bad, but as the backbone for a 100+ minute movie it's just dreadful.  So Jason Segel and Cameron Diaz are a married couple who decide to make a sex tape.  They do so, on Segel's new iPad and Segel doesn't delete it.  So, by some sort of divine intervention, his iPad uploads the tape automatically to the Cloud, which shares said sex tape with everyone Segel has given an iPad to (In another stupid detail, Jason Segel gives all his old iPads (Of which he has many) to friends and family members and their mailman).  So this is a complete misunderstanding of how the iPads, the Cloud and the internet, in general work, but then it gets even dumber.  Segel keeps getting these repeated text messages from an unknown number telling him how much they enjoyed their sex tape. So...

it turns out to be the son of their best friends who has copied the file onto his computer and submitted it to Youporn (Who must have really been paid/paid well to be featured so prominently in the film) and unless they pay him $25,000 he will make sure it's uploaded on there and shared with the world.  So, in any sane universe, Segel would talk to the kid's father and say "He just tried to blackmail me, take away his computer, phone and iPad until he shows us he deleted the file" instead Segel brings it up, the father dismisses it, and Segel and Diaz drive to Youporn headquarters to destroy their servers

It's the worst.

 

The other major problem is Diaz and Segel aren't a very interesting couple.  Rob Corrdry and Ellie Kemper as their friends, are much more interesting and funny, and really you'd rather watch them at any point in the film then the main couple.

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Has anyone seen It Follows yet? I'm hearing great things from people I don't really trust implicitly. I'd like to have a better idea before I take the VOD plunge. 

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Part 6 was always my favorite, simply because I had the VHS as a kid and watched it a ton.  I loved Sissy in Jason Lives, mostly for the suspenders/sweatpants look.  James Rolfe has done a nice little retrospective on the series at cinemassacre.com if  you are so inclined.

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I really don't get why Jason Segel is so insistant on ruining his career by being in movies with Cameron Diaz.

 

Motherfucker, gain some weight back and start being funny again. You are not Chris Pratt.

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I actually totally enjoyed 'Bad Teacher'.  It loses its way in the last stretch (As most movies about awful lead characters are wont to do) but it was a perfectly acceptably funny comedy.  Diaz had some great lines and my favourite exchange: "I love how his eyes sparkle." "I want to sit on his face."

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2 and 4 are, IMO, head and shoulders above the rest of the original 8. But I went way more in depth on that this post October in the Halloween thread.

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NOT SO FAST MY FRIEND.

Sean Penn is poised to fill the void with his entry into the Grumpy Old Men of Action genre, THE GUNMAN.

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I don't know why filmmakers don't follow the Liam Neeson format: find an aging dramatic hero with gravitas who is looking for a pay-day and plug him into an action flick:  Daniel Day-Lewis plays an ex-SAS operative who has to defend his family from remnants of the IRA while on vacation in South America; Jeff Bridges is a rancher who must defend his family after accidentally discovering a cross-border drug tunnel under his ranch; Johnny Depp is a goverment assassin turned insurance claims adjuster who runs afoul of the Russian mafia when investigating a standard home insurance claim; Forest Whitaker as a retired Navy SEAL who has to save his grand-daughter after she runs afoul of inner-city gangsters; Tom Wilkinson as an ex-DEA agent battling thugs in Chinatown; or Tom Hanks is a divorced father who meets-cute with Meg Ryan, then figures out she's actually a member of a sleeper cell of Islamic militant terrorists and has to save his family from her.

 

Seriously, tell me you wouldn't want to watch every one of those movies!

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Daniel Day Lewis is too much of a method actor to do action films.

 

Like he would actually kill people and get in car chases with the cops just to get into character.

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Shit man, Shoot-Out In Seattle needs to happen now.

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Something I thought about earlier.  Is Neeson this generation's Charles Bronson?  Would Taken=Death Wish?

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I would say no because I don't think Bronson ever sailed as high, at least not critically, as Neeson. They could both be seen to be cashing checks at this point, But Bronson really never had any better options. Neeson is Nic Cage minus the style.

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Doing arm chair analysis here, but I feel like ever since his wife died, he just stopped wanting to do serious work.

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Morgan Freeman is a blind piano teacher whose adopted daughter befriends a Chinese man who thinks he's an attack dog!

 

Oh, wait...

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Doing arm chair analysis here, but I feel like ever since his wife died, he just stopped wanting to do serious work.

That actually makes a ton of sense.  It always slips my mind that his wife died.  I think The Grey was probably his last non-killing everyone in sight role.

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