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Larry Rydell

A thread for nitpicking about movies/tv shows

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Im still trying to work out how James Bond is any sort of hero in Goldfinger.

He gets caught multiple times, discovers Goldfinger's smuggling and Fort Knox plans through sheer luck and isn't even the person who disarms yhe bomb at the end!

If it wasnt for the bomb disposal guy's great timing and Pussy Galore's change of heart then Goldfinger's plan goes off without a hitch.

Also he flat out RAPES Ms Galore in the barn scene. Go watch it again if you dont believe me. There's no "aggressive foreplay" it's just straight up rape.

For a movie that is so often brought up by casual fans as being the 'best' Bond movie, it's really quite terrible.

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The "I'm well aware of their maneuvering capabilities" line is one of the most absurd, jump the shark moments in movie history. That's why picking on ID4 and F&F movies is low hanging fruit. It would be easier listing everything that actually made sense.

 

The one that instantly comes to mind for me is Far from Heaven with Julianne Moore and Dennis Haysbert. It is an unintentionally hilarious moment in a movie that's suppose to be 100% serious. The movie itself is an interracial love story set in the 50s that's not really a love story. Basically, Julianne Moore plays this aloof stay-at-home wife in denial that her husband (Dennis Quaid) is extremely gay and has sex with strange men. There is one scene where Julianne Moore and Dennis Haysbert have some argument outside in public. Julianne's character turns around to leave and Dennis grabs her arm slightly. This being the 1950s, that's a no-no.

 

Out of nowhere, some blonde, hulking white dude with an over-the-top Bill McKinney-esque southern drawl from across the street screams, "Hey boy! Hey boy! Hands off!".

 

The problem with this is the movie is set in suburban Connecticut. So either you really believe this guy took a plane from across the country to land in Connecticut just to scream at Dennis Haysbert from way across the street or someone got a little overzealous with the casting. You can't even buy the transplant thing with how it's done.

 

If you're a Bill Burr fan, this is the "Get out of the pool!" thing x100. Just hilarious and heavy-handed.

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How about the fact that the cult in Paranormal Activity is supposedly all-powerful and planning to take over the world, but somehow don't bother about the fact that all their schemes and plans are essentially getting video taped and distributed by annoying suburban people and teenage boys?

 

Shouldn't a nefarious scheme to take over the world be kept, you know, private?

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Michael Myers driving from Illinois to California in one day on one tank of gas in H20.

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We do not speak of the Rob Zombie Halloween movies. As far as I'm concerned, they did not happen.

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We do not speak of the Rob Zombie Halloween movies. As far as I'm concerned, they did not happen.

They're a hell of a lot more realistic than most of the original sequels.  I can forgive the ending of the first Halloween; even if it makes no medical sense that he should be able survive all that damage, it works for the story.  But that ends in a DAMN hurry after the very first sequel.  There's no way that Myers isn't blind AND dead after the ending of the original part 2, period.  Let alone the other 24,601 times he gets shot in the rest of the franchise.  

 

The Scream movies are practically MADE of plot holes.  There's plenty of bullshit in every single Saw installment.  When it comes to horror movies, you'll have an easier time listing all the ones that AREN'T completely physically impossible.  

 

And oh yeah, I know I shouldn't expect anything resembling intelligence out of a WWE film, but 12 Rounds was downright insulting in several different moments.  Too many to even bother counting, but probably my favorite is when John Cena more or less no-sells being shot through BOTH arms as if they were just flesh wounds.  

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Michael Myers driving from Illinois to California in one day on one tank of gas in H20.

Hyper milin' son.

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I'm getting pretty damn tired of TV shows/movies depicting any town with a population of less than 5 million as some little hick town.

 

If it's not NY/LA.Chicago it's freaking Mayberry.  The latest offender is Sleepy Hollow, which last night showed a "Population: 144,000" sign, but its police force is literally three people.  Let's compare this to say, Ferguson, MO, which has a population of 21,000 and a police force of 72!

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I'm always amused by tv/movie "small towns."

 

Motherfucker, I'm from a town of 871 people (as of the 2010 census.)  That's a small town.  250,000 people?  Not so much.

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Sidney not carrying a gun by the time Scream 4 rolled around always sort of bugged me.

 

I'm not even a big gun person or anything but come on, you've been through this THREE times before, know you're always going to be a target for crazy people...so why the hell aren't you packing?

 

I mean, yeah, you could argue it would ruin the movie if she just shot the guy, but she could have it taken off of her or the killers could remove the bullets beforehand without her knowing. You can get around something like that. But just the idea she wasn't even taking basic precautions tainted the idea of her as a "smart" horror heroine. 

 

Maybe she was listening to those media "experts" that are saying the best way to survive a home invasion is to get some wasp spray. 

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Police foot chases like in Gotham last night bug me. 

 

Bad Guy is blasting at cop while running ahead of the cop.  Cop keeps having to take cover and stop running every time dude turns and fires. It's usually on a rooftop.  Cop pops out of cover, has a clean shot and yells "stop or I'll shoot!"  Cop was lying.  He proceeds to holster his gun and descend down a fire escape after this guy.  Cop drops down last part of fire escape...Bad Guy is now the best hide and seek player ever.   Cop unholsters gun (what's the point, it's just for decoration obviously if he isn't willing to use it on someone shooting at him).  Bad Guy pops out of shadows with a large knife and knocks the gun out of Cop's hands.  It's now a knife / fist fight.  Cop has good defensive skills, but is overwhelmed and about to get a knife in the chest.  Cop's partner isn't a liar with a gun and plugs the bag guy in the chest.  Original Cop says thanks, mate.

 

Not one shot fired by the original cop.  Real big city cops like the NYPD, for good or ill mostly ill (contagious shooting), pretty much go overboard and empty their magazines at the first sound of gunfire. 

 

If producers wanted a fist fight there are easier ways to get there than that convoluted cliched mess. 

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If you're a Bill Burr fan, this is the "Get out of the pool!" thing x100. Just hilarious and heavy-handed.

"Wash your hair, motherfucker."

The ones that kill me are action movies where guys blast through walls when fighting. A good example is the Rock spearing that pole down during the big gunfight in The Rundown. Also, Bane punching a hole in that concrete pillar during the final fight of The Dark Knight Rises.

If I'm watching the T-1000 shove Arnold through a concrete wall, sure thing. He's a metal robot. But two dudes made of bones and skin, come on. It takes me out of the movie a little bit.

On a related note, too much wire work during fight scenes. One guy punches another and sends him sailing 40 yards, airborne. If it's The Matrix, sure; The Expendables, no.

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The Russian crowd giving Rocky a standing fucking ovation. Just stop.

 

 

 

If we wanna do Rocky IV.....

 

 

Apollo is the heel, not Drago. His insistence on showing up Drago - who just wants a chance to ply his trade - is what led to his demise. His only babyface traits are that he's American and we know him from the other movies. But taken by itself, he's clearly the heel..

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If you're a Bill Burr fan, this is the "Get out of the pool!" thing x100. Just hilarious and heavy-handed.

"Wash your hair, motherfucker."

The ones that kill me are action movies where guys blast through walls when fighting. A good example is the Rock spearing that pole down during the big gunfight in The Rundown. Also, Bane punching a hole in that concrete pillar during the final fight of The Dark Knight Rises.

If I'm watching the T-1000 shove Arnold through a concrete wall, sure thing. He's a metal robot. But two dudes made of bones and skin, come on. It takes me out of the movie a little bit.

On a related note, too much wire work during fight scenes. One guy punches another and sends him sailing 40 yards, airborne. If it's The Matrix, sure; The Expendables, no.

 

 

Agreed.  Fighting in movies and TV is pro wrestling 10 punch in the corner level dumb.  One-punch knockouts exist only when the plot calls for it.  Otherwise, dudes just wail on each other and there's usually never evidence of damage later.  Not even a  black eye.

 

Don't even get me started on gunplay, where everybody should be fucking deaf by now.

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One punch knockouts happen, and the knocked out people never wake up all groggy and confused. They just lay there happily unconscious for several minutes, or as long as it takes for the babyfaces to leave the scene. And the heroes never question if they might have given the heel jobbers a serious concussion or brain damage (which they would have).

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Otherwise, dudes just wail on each other and there's usually never evidence of damage later.  Not even a  black eye.

 

Having just revisited Saturday Night Fever a few days ago, that's a BIG annoyance.  Tony Manero gets the absolute SHIT beat out of him in a gang fight (his face is repeatedly slammed against a concrete floor).  In what can only be at most three days later when he shows up for the big dance contest, he's wearing one small bandage to represent his injuries.  The rest of his face is fine.

 

 

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Police foot chases like in Gotham last night bug me. 

 

Modern car chases with the cops after the criminal bug the shit out of me.  Why do the cops always try to box in the bad guy or shoot out the tires on the bad guy's car?

 

Do these mother fuckers not have the Interceptors with the PIT package?

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The Russian crowd giving Rocky a standing fucking ovation. Just stop.

 

If we wanna do Rocky IV.....

 

Apollo is the heel, not Drago. His insistence on showing up Drago - who just wants a chance to ply his trade - is what led to his demise. His only babyface traits are that he's American and we know him from the other movies. But taken by itself, he's clearly the heel..

 

It was hard enough to believe that two caucasian men were competing for the heavyweight boxing title at the tiume, but not now Eastern Europe and Russia has had some badass representation in the boxing world lately.

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The Russian crowd giving Rocky a standing fucking ovation. Just stop.

 

If we wanna do Rocky IV.....

 

Apollo is the heel, not Drago. His insistence on showing up Drago - who just wants a chance to ply his trade - is what led to his demise. His only babyface traits are that he's American and we know him from the other movies. But taken by itself, he's clearly the heel..

 

It was hard enough to believe that two caucasian men were competing for the heavyweight boxing title at the tiume, but not now Eastern Europe and Russia has had some badass representation in the boxing world lately.

 

It wasn't a title fight, Rocky vacated his title so he could go fight Drago in Moscow. It's mentioned briefly in the press conference scene and again at the start of Rocky V, when the Don King style promoter tries to set-up a fight with Rocky and new champ Union Kane.

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I was actually paraphrasing a Chris Rock joke, man.

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Face/Off

Castor Troy is at the bad guy hideout. SWAT team comes right thru the windows and ceiling. Gina Gershon wants to keep her son from getting scared by all the gunfire and carnage, so she puts headphones on him, playing some song like "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" or some shit. Presumably, the volume of said song is louder than the gunfire.

The threshold for pain from extremes in volume is around 140 decibels. Gunfire from most guns is in the 150-160db range. Why is the kid not screaming his head off as his brain is liquified by the last song he'll ever hear?

So Gina Gershon is the world's worst mother.

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Something else that really bugs the hell out of me is when there's a dance or whatever and everyone busts out into a dancing flashmob like they all secretly met for months practicing choreography. 

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The Russian crowd giving Rocky a standing fucking ovation. Just stop.

 

 

 

If we wanna do Rocky IV.....

 

 

Apollo is the heel, not Drago. His insistence on showing up Drago - who just wants a chance to ply his trade - is what led to his demise. His only babyface traits are that he's American and we know him from the other movies. But taken by itself, he's clearly the heel..

 

 

To be fair, America's only babyface trait is being American. We're Hulk Hogan of the fucking 80's.

 

 

Something else that really bugs the hell out of me is when there's a dance or whatever and everyone busts out into a dancing flashmob like they all secretly met for months practicing choreography. 

 

Not Another Teen Movie touched on this. Actually, Not Another Teen Movie is fucking brilliant. No, really.

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