Dolfan Watches Every Wrestlemania On Lockdown

[WholeFnMachine]

11 hours ago, Dolfan in NYC said:

Don't worry.  Life isn't going back to normal until the late Summer at least.  Maybe there will be a Takeover of this thread NeXT?   

I actually began watching every TakeOver when the pandemic began, if you do this you’ll have hella fun, believe me.

[Dolfan in NYC]

DAY 121

WRESTLEMANIA XXXVI (or The Sounds of Silence)

Friday, March 13th.  The news has been getting more and more dire around New York City.  At work, I get into an argument with my manager because he's trying to sell me and my team on the "privilege" we're being given to keep our jobs and work remotely starting Monday.  (My argument was this wasn't a privilege when there's a virus out there that can kill us all.) I rode the subway for the last time in 2020 that day, going home.   

The city was already changing.  

New York City is full.  Alive. Noisy.  I love all of that.  But walking to the train that day, I took a video.  It was 6pm, the peak of rush hour. It was -- empty.  It was --- quiet.  

It was so quiet. 

Even around my apartment there's always the low hum of noise that you'd hear.  Cars passing by.  People yelling out in the street.  Someone playing music.  But the city was going into a lockdown. And things got very, very quiet.  

Days turned into weeks.  The numbers just kept getting worse.  I live two subway stops away from Elmhurst Hospital, which in April was the epicenter of the epicenter.  The city was very sick.  Hundreds of deaths every day.  Thousands of new infections and hospitalizations. 

The silence was deafening. 

At night, I'd have trouble sleeping.  I'm a worrier by nature, and I have two parents in their late 70's who live in Florida. I have friends who work in and around the medical industry. But the silence.... the silence killed me.  You know... the worse thing than that?  The only thing that pierced the silence?  

Ambulance sirens.  

This went on for weeks.

It would be about a month before I ventured out of my apartment for anything more than groceries.  It would be another month after that before I was able to eat at a restaurant again, outside now.   The world had changed. 

For the WWE, the pandemic lockdown hit at the absolute worst time imaginable.  They were about 2-3 weeks away from their biggest show of the year with their biggest audience of the year. Of course, the decision came down.  There would be no WrestleMania in 2020 because having 80,000 people in the same place would be the same as setting off a bomb in every Tampa area hospital.  

But Vince McMahon ended up doing what he always does.  Somehow, someway (which I'm sure will eventually be exposed as a huge bribe), the WWE was deemed essential business, and they re-wrote a ton of stories and taped in marathon secret sessions in the middle of the night, and WrestleMania was presented with no audience on the Network to a nation that could very well have been watching the last big 'sports' event for months or even years.  As Vince is so fond of saying...

The show must go on. 

And so must I.  

 

[AxB]

I know someone who got a job cleaning office buildings last week. In some of the offices, the Desk Calendars still said March 23rd.

[DJ Hero Morganti]

I got into my office two or three times a month.  Everything looks like it did when we shut down March 16.

[Dolfan in NYC]

Stephanie McMahon welcomes us to WrestleMania.  You just know she had to be talked down from saying something like, "Just like after 9/11" or "Just like when my daddy was arrested for steroid distribution"...  

We cut to WrestleMania host Rob Gronkowski.  I 100% guarantee he has no idea what the word 'pandemic' means, nor is he aware that we're in one. 

We begin with the Women's Tag Title defense.  Paige was given the task of managing the team of Asuka & new NXT callup Kairi Sane in her post-retirement career.  The name given to this team was The Kabuki Warriors which basically EVERYONE called racist Vince claptrap until Asuka said that they came up with the name themselves.  They are the women's tag champions and are defending against Alexa Bliss and another recent NXT callup Nikki Cross. 

Truth be told, I never liked Bliss and Cross as a team.  Bliss isn't a particularly likeable face and I honestly expected her to turn on Cross about 40 times in their time together. But here, they're 'best friends' because... I think the story was they both like coffee?  

And yes, the biggest thing you notice instantly is the lack of a crowd.  It's almost like watching someone stream an old video game who's turned off the background music, so these characters come out and mug for the camera and scream for a reaction that will not come.  It took me a few minutes to get used to it, frankly.  

Now the match itself is actually pretty messy, which is basically inexcusable in a pre-taped match.  Nikki and Alexa are both off their timing on a lot of stuff.  Asuka looks visibly frustrated at certain points in the match, and so does Sane.   

Nikki especially looks bad out there.  But Alexa in particular fucks up the end, when Nikki hits The Purge and Alexa crushes Kairi's knees with a Twisted Bliss to claim their second Tag Team Championships. 

Again, we're well into the Uncanny Valley here as Bliss & Cross are celebrating to no one and posing with their belts to no one.  

I'm not against the Women's Tag Belts getting 15 minutes, but Bliss and Cross were just not up to the task.  

[Dolfan in NYC]

Elias.  Again... such a weird talent.  Should be incredibly over, but then the bell rings.   (And follow that with the usual injury.)  So while it will be nice to hear a crowd once again respond to his Call "WWE stands for ..."  It will mean we have to sit through one of his matches.  His opponent tonight...  ooh, and it's been a while since I've gotten to bust out this gimmick:

His Royal Highness, Baron, of House Corbin.  First of his name. Ender of Angles. Provider of the End of Days. Master of Running Around Ringposts. Long may he reign.  

Corbin, being a former NFL player, apparently ran afoul of Rob Gronkowski and somehow got booked into a match by Gronk? I wonder if the plan was to make Gronkowski a host/authority figure/occasional wrestler before he told WWE to fuck itself and won a(nother) Super Bowl.  

Anyway, this was fine for what it was.  Two guys who are not exactly the greatest workers in the world doing a decent enough match.  This very much falls into "this could have been on any Smackdown" territory. But I'm sure this got put on here because Vince needed filler since he wasn't going to be able to do the Battle Royale. 

And much like "any Smackdown" match, Elias wins with a roll-up (with a handful of Corbin's pants).  Corbin's shocked, Elias acts like a cheeky monkey. 

I roll my eyes as Gronk and his sidekick Mojo Jojo (no... that actually would have been great) -- it's actually Mojo Rawley, celebrate. 

That's it this day.  Up next.... Love Bites!  

End of Day 121. 

[BobbyWhioux]

How close is Asuka to matching the Wrestlemania streak?

No, not Undertaker's.  Tito Santana's.

 

Edited February 11, 2021 by BobbyWhioux

[Brian Fowler]

FWIW, Bàlor/Devitt was painted up for his loss to Taguchi on his way out of New Japan.

I haven't gone back to revisit anything from last year, but overall I remember the two shows being much better than expected, and working significantly better than the empty PC weekly tv shows did, but I have no idea how it will hold up without the lowered expectations.

[Spontaneous]

I wasn't a fan of the cinematic matches but I felt Owens-Rollins and Charlotte-Ripley were good. I remember being disappointed by Bryan-Zayn but that one might age better. 

[Dolfan in NYC]

DAY 122

You could definitely hear a change in the crowd building regarding Becky "The Man" Lynch in early 2020.  She'd been playing a Stone Cold Steve Austin knock-off for over a year and it was growing... tiresome. And I think there's something to be said about a woman needing to identify as a "Man" to build herself up.  Gender inequities aside though, the character had basically run through everyone on the roster, including the now (semi-?) retired Ronda Rousey.  So, things needed to freshen up a bit.  

Enter Ronda's old 4 Horsewomen of MMA partner, Shayna Baszler.  In many ways, Shayna was Ronda's equal, or better.  Just as good a promo, just as good at executing in ring, and frankly, more experience made her a better storyteller in the ring.  So after having crushed a large portion of the NXT Women's roster, it was time for her to move up and she did so when she attacked The Man. In doing so, she showed that she was dangerous, she was going straight to the top, she was coming for the Raw Women's Championship.  

Then she bit Becky on the neck.  

Ugh.  Vince is so determined to make everything less special that HHH makes in NXT... god damn it.  

Alright, well, a worldwide pandemic apparently didn't cause the Becky Lynch Memorial Semi to be cancelled.  So she drives in through THE MOST DANGEROUS PLACE IN ALL OF FLORIDA, the PC parking lot.  I'll note, I was getting major "Apollo Creed in Rocky IV" vibes from this entrance.  And that's kind of what I was expecting from this match.  

In fact, that's kind of what we did get from this.  Shayna dominates roughly everything in the match.... until the final 3 seconds.  Becky clearly underestimated her and was overconfident and that should have led to Shayna putting her to sleep. But in roughly her only offense of the match, they blatantly rip off the spot from Baszler-Sane at a Takeover from a year before, and Becky flips over in a Kirifuda Clutch to pin Shayna's shoulders and retain the women's title.  

Looking back, this booking decision is even MORE baffling now.  Money in the Bank was after this, and it was revealed after that PPV that the winner, Asuka, was also winning the Raw Women's title as Becky was pregnant.  Mazel to Becky, but honestly, if she and her partner were seriously trying, she should have dropped the title here and made Baszler a star.  

I'm sure this is something that was justified as "she hasn't paid her dues" or some bullshit, but good lord, this was titanically stupid then.  On the re-watch, this was a squash that had a fluke finish and made no one look good.  I'll go out on a limb and say, if things had been 'Normal', Lynch would've been booed heavily at the Raw After WrestleMania(TM). 

 

 

[Eivion]

Were WWE aware of Becky & Seth trying for a kid? If not then that explains why they had Becky retain. Also Shayna's build even before that was just not good. They had her dominate the roster quickly to the point of ridiculousness, and she was not super over. Shayna is every bit as good as Ronda in the ring and far better on the mic, but she lacks even half the charisma Ronda has.

[Dolfan in NYC]

From a guy (who knew a guy) who ran a Mexican orphanage to a Che-inspired leader of men... Sami Zayn has had one hell of a career. It can be said that turning heel was the best career move for him.  Someone who was a pure babyface making a slight tweak and becoming a hugely annoying chickenshit heel was a brilliant masterstroke of character work.  The high point for this new character was he, along with his cohorts Shinsuke Nakamura & Cesaro beat then Intercontinental Champion Braun Strowman for his title in a 3 on 1 handicap match.  Sami getting the pin seemed almost incidental, but it turned out to be a character-defining trait to this day almost a year later. 

So, at the time it seemed to be widely expected that Sami would lose his title almost instantly upon the first serious challenge.  That challenge came from Daniel Bryan.  Bryan was in a small faction of his own with Drew Gulak and they began feuding with the three amigos because... I think it was to see who could be the best wrestler?  Honestly it doesn't matter.  

Sami's entrance is just so weird without a crowd screaming "Let's Go!" regardless of what side he's on.  (This is another thing that in my mind will show pro wrestling is back.)  Same thing with the Yes Yes Yes chants (though Gronk & Mojo are there to do that).  

The match itself is ridiculously short.  Mainly because it's less than 10 minutes, and Sami spends half the time running away from Bryan.  It's a master class in chickenshit heel tactics. It's only when Gulak attacks Cesaro and Nak that things truly get underway in earnest.    But what follows is good for what it is, which is a 3 minute sprint.  It ends with Bryan getting distracted by Nakamura & Cesaro and eating a Helluva Kick for the shocking upset. 

I remember being very happily surprised by the upset and maybe that gave me rose colored glasses about this match.  But in reality, it's nowhere near as good a match as they could have had.  

I'm guessing since both of these guys were vocally nonplussed about the WWE's reactions to the pandemic, they were the first to tape their stuff and get the hell out of the PC as soon as they could. 

[Curt McGirt]

Wonder if that last part was a strategy on their part. Bryan and Sami are smart guys, and I'm sure the other three are too, they could have been like "hey Vince..."

[odessasteps]

It prob helps that annoying guy is apparently Samis real personality. 

[SirSmUgly]

On 2/12/2021 at 1:20 PM, Dolfan in NYC said:

 And I think there's something to be said about a woman needing to identify as a "Man" to build herself up. 

 

 

See, I take that a totally different way. By calling herself "The man," but clearly identifying as a woman, the undercurrent is that gender doesn't actually matter when it comes to who runs this bitch and the gender labeling is irrelevant. I thought that it was used ironically. 

Edited February 15, 2021 by Smelly McUgly

[Dolfan in NYC]

Nowhere is the pandemic more apparent than the Triple Threat match ladder match for the Smackdown Tag Championships.  That being of course because, well, I believe this is the first time that a tag title has been defended in a singles match on WWE pay-per-view, because of course Miz "fell ill" leading up to the show.  I don't ever believe it's been revealed if he had COVID or not, but probably?  Anyway, Xavier Woods was also out with an exploded Achilles (ouch) and Jey Uso was also pulled out because... reasons?   

As it is, we have Kofi Kingston, Jimmy Uso, and John Morrison, the three most suicidal people in this match anyway, so I guess it's for the best.  

Now, as this match's participants were being introduced, I was sorely considering moving it to the next day's ride because the last two matches had drained me of the will to live.  Thankfully, I didn't because while this is the longest (in-ring) match of the night, it's certainly the most fun.   

It's often been said that these performers love this craft so much that they're willing to do the most insane shit imaginable in front of a crowd of a dozen people. Well, Kofi and Johnny certainly have done so in the past (I'm honestly not sure how Uso came up through the ranks or if he's just straight WWE-built from the ground up.), so they are very much at home here.  The thing is, with it being only 3 people (and zero crowd) the match feels much more dangerous and much tighter. 

Yes, for certain there are those "slow ladder climb" spots to help the others set up what they're doing, but I'm guessing this one was edited particularly well, because they were just flowing from one thing to the next.  Little time wasted when all three on the mat or floor, and some ridiculous spots from Morrison in particular, that make me wonder why he hasn't split off Miz and going after the Universal/WWE title himself.  And again, I'm pretty sure if there was a crowd, they'd be highly clamoring for the split.

The finish is definitely one of the more creative ones in the WWE ladder match history.  All three men are on separate ladders with their hands literally on the belts and the holder.  It gets unhooked, but they all have a claim to it.  (I thought for a second they were going to name these three men as co-tag champs or something insane like that.) But eventually Johnny gets knocked down, but he takes the belts down with him.   Possession is 9/10th's of the law, so he and the Miz retain their championships after a delightful little bit of mayhem.  

So, yeah, that certainly brought my mood back up. 

On our next ride, "Don't Bury Me!"

End of Day 122. 

[Spontaneous]

That ladder match felt so off without a crowd. There is little that is effective without a crowd but certainly not a match meant to illicit loud responses. They learned this lesson with Zayn, Styles and Hardy later in the year. I remember at the time people pointing out obvious crash pad concealing camera cuts/ angles but I can't blame them when there isn't even a crowd there. 

[Curt McGirt]

 Did Kofi do indies before WWE? Under what name? I don't remember hearing about him anywhere else.

[Dolfan in NYC]

Here he is in Chaotic doing an African royalty heel gimmick:

 

[odessasteps]

Kofi had a story last week I think on the pod about how he came up with his name, using the name of a guy helping him at Best Buy for his middle name. It was something like Najah (which E somehow thought was Nevaeh). 

[Dolfan in NYC]

DAY 123

Is Seth Rollins upper card Miz or lower card HHH?  

In this case, he's fully playing the role of HHH in a feud with Kevin Owens that can be boiled down to "I have a winning record at WrestleMania" vs. "I have a losing record at WrestleMania" (but wInS aNd LoSsEs DoN't MaTtEr....).  But they get a big epic promo anyway.  

So this match is fine, but as Owens later revealed, the plan originally was to have a match, pretty much strictly for the reason of him jumping off the pirate ship.

With that in mind, it's easy to see how this match was going to play out with the crowd.  The trash talking is obviously them trying to make up for there being no reactions to anything they do, but it's just so wildly disconcerting to see a pop-up powerbomb with no reaction.  

But like I said, Seth is clearly trying to take the HHH formula of "epic match" where he builds up to something humongous or gets in deep trouble and makes a super-human comeback. So Seth is basically telling Kevin how bad and fat he is the entire first half of the match, gets into trouble, and then DQ's himself purposely to get out of this.  

Owens demands the match continue as no DQ, Seth hesitates but says sure why not.  It's a Dusty finish without any stakes.  And I guess that's the big problem here.  The match is technically fine, but there are no real stakes and them battling all over the PC floor doesn't feel like it matters at all.  

Eventually Kevin gets his "big WrestleMania moment" by jumping off the sign they *just barely* fit into the PC onto Seth.  Then he drags him back in and stunners him for the win.  

The announcers are like "this is the biggest win  of his career", and I'm thinking it's very clearly not even in the top 10.  This definitely needed to be in front of a crowd, because as it was, though I liked the match enough, the overwhelming quiet just made it all seem... pointless?  

Yeah. 

[Dolfan in NYC]

SPEAKING OF POINTLESS!

Goldberg came in and was given the WWE Championship because...  fuck Bray Wyatt, I guess?  I mean, it's not like they had a years long feud simmering with Wyatt and the challenger Braun Strowman.  And it's not like they had an absolutely dynamite new character in the form of The Fiend - a version of Bray turned up to 20 on a 10 point scale, who could rival (or even outrank) Braun's power.  And it's not like they could have used the feud to put over either guy as an absolute S-tier character.  Nah, instead let's have a match with a guy who's recently very nearly killed one of our oldest stars and a big galoot who knows how to do 3 moves.  

Well, at least this is short.  

*Braun turned on his zero damage cheat*  

Spear Spear Spear Spear Jackhammer. *NOT VERY EFFECTIVE*

Powerslam Powerslam Powerslam.  *IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE!*

Goldie has fainted! 

Braun has earned you 350 Pokecoins! 

OH?  Braun is evolving!

BRAUN IS NOW CHAMPBRAUN!

For the record, it's remarkable that after less than ~200 lifetime matches or so, Braun Strowman won the Universal Championship.  It's also notable that he wouldn't have sniffed this title if Roman Reigns, who was originally scheduled for this spot, hadn't told Vince to go fuck himself because he'd just gotten over fucking LEUKEMIA and this wasn't worth it. 

I'm 90% sure Roman has a foot out of the door in WWE and he's going to be appearing in a few more major movies as soon as productions start up again.  Frankly, that's a good thing.  Get out before you get CTE, and leave the Strowman's of the world to get concussed by 60 year-olds who can't do their moves any more. 

…

Meanwhile, Gronkowski and Mojo punk out R Truth and Mojo wins the 24/7 title by betraying his friend.  This was a better match than the one that preceded it. 

 

[Spontaneous]

My favorite part of the Reigns/Goldberg/Strowman bs was HHH saying Reigns would be replaced in a unique and interesting way. Then Strowman just showed up on Smackdown and challenged oldberg.

[kafkonia]

1 hour ago, Dolfan in NYC said:

Nah, instead let's have a match with a guy who's recently very nearly killed one of our oldest stars and a big galoot who knows how to do 3 moves.  

 

 

Also Braun Strowman was there.

[Kev]

2 hours ago, Dolfan in NYC said:

For the record, it's remarkable that after less than ~200 lifetime matches or so, Braun Strowman won the Universal Championship.  

This is interesting because it is quite a quick rise to the top in one respect, but Braun had been around a good 4 years by that point and it felt like they probably pulled the trigger at least a year too late on his title run.

There must be a few other examples that beat that also. Rock and Lesnar come to mind, although not sure how much they worked in developmental/pre WWE, but definitely less TV time before they got runs at the top.