My daughter got into every college she applied to and was very much excited about the prospect of going away to school, specifically to Buffalo State. However, her entire high school career has been a roller coaster of poor decision making and not living up to potential via general laziness or the aforementioned poor choices. Including bombing out on her recent report card and repeatedly either missing or being late to her first class of the day despite it not starting until 10:30 AM! That along with the continued handing in of homework/projects late has damaged her average in other classes as well.
So for once my wife, ex-wife, and I all agree on something, that her going away to school has all the makings of an absolute disaster. Which, as we've all mentioned in this thread, is a severe loss of hard earned money. On Sunday the ex and I met with her at a diner and explained to her that we could not, in good conscience, support her going away to school. She was devastated, understandably so, despite the fact that the school she will be going to was always her #2 school and a great school, John Jay. We also told her that if she kills it in her first year, we will support her if she then wants to transfer to Buffalo.
She mainly just wants to get out of the town she has grown up in, she lives with her mom during the week, and it is not really about the school. Since she came out as bi in seventh grade there has been a stigma around her (her school is 7-12) and she has had a difficult time. We explained that she will most likely not see these folks anymore after graduation and that going to school in Manhattan will be a completely different thing for her and away from all these narrow minded assclowns.
By the time I headed home she seemed to be doing better and the ex says that there has been no further fallout. I feel bad, but at the same time, with her current behavior, I just feel like being away at school she would be so much more concerned with being social and partying than actually going to class. And that by giving her a goal, to do well and then have the ability to transfer, we have given her something tangible to aspire to. I mean, one of three things will happen:
1. She does well, loves it there, and stays all four years.
2. She does well, but still wants to go away and transfers to Buffalo.
3. She totally shits the bed out of STILL making bad choices or spite and flunks out.
On top of all this the Mrs. and I are seriously considering having another child and feel like we need to shit or get off the pot as she's 38 and our other daughter is already 2 1/2 and we don't want them to be too far apart.
Thanks for letting me get all this out...haven't talked much about my older daughter's issues as I don't want to embarrass her & the baby thing is still in the thinking stage so it's under wraps as well.