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2015 NFL PRE-SEASON THREAD


Gonzo

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Can we plant some drugs in Phil Simms car, or, even better, a dead underage male prostitute?

Who says we need to plant one?

 

 

Not sure if that would be better or worse than Craig James killing all those hookers.*

 

* - Allegedly

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If I could put money on any QB to one day be photographed at an inappropriately-themed cocktail party for young white people, it would be Matt Stafford. IT’S PLANTATION NIGHT, Y’ALL! I MADE JULEPS!

 

I can't argue with the truth.

 

And Fowler is the Zodiac Mofo, yes or YES!

 

EDIT:

 

William Clay Ford was our old owner—he died last year, that’s why we had the WCF patches. Urban legend has it that the Ford family bought the Lions for William so he wouldn’t ruin the company. Seems like the family was onto something there.

 

That's just cold.

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The Steelers one is basically everything I've thought about the Steelers for years expressed in vile, poetic verse.

 

I am going to have to skip the Packers one as it really isn't meant for me and will make me cry. Plus the guy writing them is a Vikings fan, so, you know, he has a lot of pent up anger he probably needs to unleash at his superiors.

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Bills have topped 60K in season tickets this year, the Ralph is going to be a BEAST. . . .

 

For the first three games, at least, until reality sets in:

 

Ian Eagle: Tyrod Taylor is on the ground, clutching his ribs and screaming in agony!

 

Solomon Wilcotts: Look at the replay Ian.  Tyrod breaks for the open field and gets absolutely levelled by the free safety.  You can do that Wildcat stuff in the preseason against the Cleveland Browns, but you ain't getting away with that in the regular season.

 

Ian Eagle:  They aren't even bothering with the cart, they're going to actually bring the ambulance on the field as apparently Tyrod has a punctured lung and needs medical help immediately.

 

Solomon Wilcotts: E.J. Manuel is warming up on the sideline.

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The best thing every year about WYTS is the comments. For every team most comments are like "haha yeah, that about sums it up" except once you get to the Eagles. Then the comments are basically where PFTCommenter gets his material for the year, but with more gay slurs. 

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Outside of Washington last year, I haven't really given much of a damn about what Drew has to say, but the fan stuff more than makes up for it when it's actual fans and not people who root for other teams sending shit in.

 

Man, Zodiac was fucking vicious this year. Read his submission while at the doctor's office and people were staring at me hard with how much I was giggling like an idiot.

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Didn't both Grammaticia brothers blow out knees after kicks?

 

It's just the one but people often confuse the brothers and thus re-tell the story with the other/wrong brother's name so both are attached (wrongly) to the same story.

 

And yes, I've once again forgotten whether it was Bill or Martin.  And whether they were on the Bucs or the Cardinals when it happened.

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It was Bill and it was against the Giants (he was on the Cards at the time)

 

 

EDIT - case in point in the fuck up of names - Dick Enberg fucks up the actual call and says "Martin"

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From the WYTS today on the Cardinals:

There’s a reason they set that Will Forte show in Arizona, man. This is Florida’s Western affiliate state: an inhospitable swath of land with the same atmosphere as the surface of fucking Mercury. It is populated exclusively by new-age dipshits, bros, bro-ettes, and gun-toting loons who voluntarily live near the border despite actively hating the inevitable and perfectly natural occurrences that tend to happen near a border. It is our dystopia. Arizona is chicken fingers, discount funerals and Sheriff Joe putting together chain gangs and billing them for water. The heat alone will concuss you.

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