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Kayn Rand

More importantly, Nova invented beating Cena for a belt and not becoming a #1 Guy.

What are you talking about!?!? 9 AOL CDs is probably just one day's worth of mail.

His incalculable intangibles are immensely immeasurable in their infuriating intransigence.

Awesome before and after photos on wwe.com:

I'm for keeping the World Title, but you gotta split the brands again, so each show has one top title.

I personally would've pushed Carmouche vs Davis as the Main especially after Rousey-Carmouche.

.....Dad???

When someone defeats Zombie Kofi, can Papa Shango yell "MAKE MY MONSTER GROOOOW" And from a cloud of smoke comes Ezekiel Jackson in tattered Kofi Gear?

Cena with a D.A. and a leather jacket would be hilarious. His finisher could be called the "A.Ayyyyyyyyyyyyyy!"

This is all leading to WWE Studio's next Kane movie.

Guys, this show had John Cena doing a Ricky Morton impression before making the hot tag to Goldust who was a house of fire beating up Claudio Castagnoli while Dutch Mantell did commentary. What just happened? Luke Harper rules and actually got the crowd to boo, which us no small feat for a midcard heel. I wish there was still a TV title, because Raw would always be awesome with him killing jobbers with a big boot in sub ten minute matches every week. Punk probably should have eaten the pin off the boot out of the springboard, or they should have not done the spot. Can Mark Henry return so we can get him and Harper throwing bombs at each other at Survivor Series?

Kayn Rand He's going to start giving promos plagiarized off of Wikipedia?

EAT THAT DINO PACKER SCUM. I'M SENDING INCOGNITO TO SLAP ALL YOUR REAL MOTHERS IN THE FACE. AND AFTER HE DOES THAT HE'LL MILK THEM SO I CAN HAVE FRESH MILK WITH MY EGGS AND BACON TOMORROW MORNING. BECAUSE THEY ARE COWS YOU GREEN BAY SHITS.

Mr. T is in the tandem bike race with that one girl who was always helping THE A-TEAM. Everyone remembers her, right? She was like fifth A-Team-member. He's doing really badly against Chad Everett. He's having trouble with the pedal coordination. He's down! Right now NBC is a distant last. Cue Alec Baldwin punchline. Shari Belafonte-Harper, do you have an overall strategy for this tug-o-war? "Kill." Howard Cosell: "There seems to be a lot of humor out there. But not anymore. That ends now. Tension as we prepare for the most punishing event of them all. Trembling fingers approach the torturous sinews of the unforgiving rope. William Shatner is fixated on the water in the middle of the ring. His eyes, a roadmap of the human psyche, from anxiety to ecstasy the passageway is pain and struggle. I give you...The Tug-O-War!" This is biblical.

So Nnamdi Asomugha is done in San Fran I would feel bad for him but he is with Kerry Washington so no

The next one is earlier, but must actually be a few years in...1978? 79? Because we start by recapping the contentious ending of the previous year. The running storyline turns this into a Wargames style feud between Team Robert Conrad, Team Gabe Kaplan, and Team Telly Savalas. I know I would want to be on team Savalas, just for the smooth jazz you know is coming out of his trailer and for the laid back orgies he hosts where you don't have to participate, but you can if you want to...no pressure...and no shame...your body is what your body is, friend! It all feels the same, baby! Meanwhile I bet Conrad makes you do pull ups and shit...and Gabe Kaplan also hosts orgies. Gabe Kaplan orgies.[shiver]Damn...we go dark early here as Robert Conrad pulls the all the wrong cards:"Savalas is Greek. He's from a long line of athletes. Gabe is Jewish. he wants to arbitrate. I'm German, I want to kill both of them!"I love cheap heat, too, Bob...but Jesus, this is all a work, you know! It's for the kids, Bob...for the Kids!Another running story is that the obstacle course features OJ Simpson vs. Bruce Jenner. If we only knew then! If only now-Me could go back and take out the man who caused the greatest trauma to us all in the following decades. Admit it, you would have a hard time choosing too. You realize that in decades from now, this will be studied by alien cultural historians reconstructing the end of the American Empire?None of this matters, as Kristy McNichol is like 14 years old and is literally flying past everyone. She Rudy The Rabbit's the shit out of this thing. Later generations who learn from this will always have a Michael J. Fox or a Scott Baio or an Emmanuel Lewis on the team for just this event.Jane Seymour!!!!!!! Game, Set Match....They show her falling in the obstacle course in super slo-mo. There is lierally nothing she can do that she does not look breathtaking doing. She says, "After this, I think I'd like to become a sportsman!" Sportsman!!!! That probably means, like Fox hunting and squash to her...OH, My God, how much do I love her!!!Kristy MicNichol! She was on, like, every teen magazine I ever saw back then. The guy who played Grizzly Adams! Barney Miller! Washington from the Sweat Hogs!!!!! This is stacked. Bald Bombshell called it. This is so much better tha the 80s casts. Mike Farrell???? Sonny MOTHERFUCKING BONO!!!!! this is frighteningly awesome.Dunk tank toss. Hal Linden is the first dunk victim. He is going full speedo like Marc Singer from last night but his package is sad in comparison. Abe Vigoda's head appears in a Garrett Morris style circle. He mocks Hal Linden's manhood. That seems a little much. No one else is treated like this. They give up on the baseball tossing altogether and decide the contest based on overall scrote weight, determined by water displacement. Sonny Bono takes it. Who knew? (Cher, I guess?).KURT RUSSELL IS IN THIS SHIT?????? For what? Something called THE QUEST, which is apparently like an epsisodic version of THE SEARCHERS, which is a terrifying thought.Penny Marshall is doing the driving range. Her hsuband Rob Reiner screams "Don't embarass the family!" Seriously, Rob Reiner? You are saying those words? I wonder why we can't have Carl Reiner vs. Gary Marshall in a who's socks are higher battle?Jane Seymour is in something called SEVENTH AVENUE at this point. She is so fucking beautiful. Emma Samms, the second most beautiful woman in the world, is a piece of crap in comparison. I know that's cruel. But beauty is exponential.Levar Burton, Loretta Switt, Linda Lavin?? There were giants then. Leading to the commercial breaks they do this great Laff-A-Lympics thing where they have the cartoon heads of Kaplan, Conrad, and Savalas, smiling or crying based on who is winning. What a world! Now it gets real as we do the football thing. Conrad is chewing glass. he is all muscle and anger and I'm pretty sure he wants to reach through the t.v. and slap me in the face for not painting the garage. Fuck you, Robert Conrad/Dad! I Like Books and Comics and Video Games...DEAL WITH IT!!!!!Damn, I let a little too much out there. BAT of the NET STARS brings these things to the surface. Somehow the connection of Gabe Kaplan to Penny Marshall is unstoppable, though, and the Jewish Football dominance that we all remember from the late 70s is in full effect. Conrad is burning copies of The Diary of Anne Frank. Come on, Robert! It's a Fucking Game!!!!!Tug-O-War is once again Team-Conrad vs. Team-Kaplan. It goes on forever. This is about more than the 20 grand. This is about everything in human history. Kaplan is tryign to pull out Conrad's arms. Conrad is screaming SCHELL JUDEN!!!! SCHNELL!! It is a terrifying display of what is buried deep inside men. It is the beginning of 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY. We are animals.McNichol is in tears. This is not for children. We are revisiting the darkest corners of our history. She doesn't realize. How could she? She should have been protected from this. We all should have been protected from this.The tape moves first toward Kaplan. Minutes later, it drifts back. Conrad is exhasuted. He is bleeding. I've never seen anything like this. The crowd is chanting "Please End This" "I am Scared" and "We are not enjoying this!" Kaplan is weeping tears of blood. He is communing with the dead. A young Quentin Tarantino watches at home and begins to write a story. He calls it "The Basterds." Film history is set in motion yet again.Five minutes in, Kurt Russel is convulsing now. Telly Savalas is in his trailer ordering Chinese takeout, "Battle of Where? Are we in Reno? let me sing you a little song, baby..." At least someone in this has retained their sanity.The tape slowly drifts back toward Kaplan. Ron Howard is drenched in sweat. He looks so scared. I feel for him, but I can't help him. I have to look out for myself, kid. Conrad has wrapped his legs around the rope. He is praying in a tongue I do not recognize. This is astounding. Kaplan is giving up. He is in so much pain. If you've never seen this, you have to find it on Youtube. You can see his eyes die. You can see the ghosts of his people release him from his struggle. Kaplan's team is dead weight now. The only question is does Kurt Russell, the only one still conscious, have enough strength left to pull their limp bodies forward on his own?Oh, God! Conrad has won!!!!! Dear God! The crowd is throwing bottles. Kaplan's corpse is carried off the sand by Rob Reiner who eerily is heard murmuring "waste not, want not."I can't go on. There are more on tonight, but I'll have to DVR them for later. I have so much to process. Too much has been forced up from this. Goddamn you, Network Stars!!!!!!

They're Back!!!!! ESPN Classic is finally living up to its potential: I don't understand the order of these? Last night was XV, XVI, and XVII...But tonight starts with XIV and then...? Are they going to go backward now?Morgan Fairchild cohosts with Cosell. He is wearing the exact same blue suit jacket as last year. He has one outfit per sport. Fairchild, meanwhile, has six costume changes. She looks like a magnificently confused bird. Her hair is literally in the same style as Big Bird, at least in front. The highlights are similar too.An astounding number of early 80s television stars were mustachioed, and I don't just mean Nancy McKeon.Jesus, they are playing Simon Says!!!!!!Catskills comic Lou Goldstein is Simon!!!! Goldstein is forcing the women to perform sex acts on him to stay in the game. If you think I am kidding, just funny message board foolin' around? You are sadly mistaken. This is happening. Until he comes across Betty Thomas. He does not ask Betty Thomas to molest him. She Thez presses him. You go, girlfriend. She is taken out by security her final works "I'll [expletive] in your mouth, Goldstein!!!! I'll [expletive] your actual mother!!!"Goldstein is surprisingly good at tricking them (or they are profoundly stupid. But Mr. T is UNBEATABLE. He understands the need for authority. He is setting an example for the kids out there. He has disciplined his mind to control every nuance of his bodies movement. Betty Thomas tries to tickle Mr. T to distract him. He is unreachable. Goldstein calls him out of the game. he refuses to move. Goldstein is telling him to leave and he will not. He is staring straight ahead...the thousand yard stare...The End of Days Stare. He is Ghost Dog. He is, in his mind, being interrogated by the Viet Cong . Goldstein relents. Mr. T has DEFEATED the Simon Says system by refusing to acknowledge the reality around him. He has proven that his mind is stronger than the entire political system. He is, in his mind, reliving Ali's fight over Vietnam. He is Kunta Kinte'ing this thing...does that mean "Simon" in Simon Says is Simon LeGree? Mr. T has brought together history, politics, literature, and celebrity competition in a work of grand performance art. I am shattered.Heather Locklear actually gives an interview about how she collapsed earlier in the day due to "some dizzyness". She weighs between 70 and 80 pounds. She is laughing about this like it is a normal part of her day. She is the Mr. T of not eating.With Locklear pulled aside to have carrot juice intraveniously administered behind her knee (the only spot on her body that is where a needle will not bend against bone), we are down to Addrian Zhmed, Nancy McKeon, and Mr. T. Goldstein uses his Simon Says powers to take T's jewelry. T threatens him and he retreats and orders Zhmed to attack Mr. T. Zhmed convinces T to eat a muffin that he has laced with sleeping drugs. As always, T falls for this. With his last breath he peels Zhmed's head like a grape. Goldstein had not given Zhmed permission to die screaming and he is out. Joe from Facts of Life is your winner.ABC wins the competition so early, that the infamous Tug-of-War is meaningless. But because they are actually playing for actual money, like, money to take home for themselves!!! NBC and CBS will still do it, because the difference between 2nd and 3rd place is $5000 apiece. In 1982, there is a recession on, so this all makes total sense to the average viewer that Tom Wopat needs that 5 large, baby. He's in deep to a fat little man in a white suit.Most of these moustache guys are from, like DALLAS and FALCON CREST, and weird shit that my parents watched. Hey, Tracy Nelson!!!! That's SQUARE PEGS!!!!!! I had such a crush on her!!!! One of the Tug-O-War teams has Tracy Nelson and Danielle Brisbois on it...combined weight 130 pounds. The other team has Mr. T and Nancy McKeon..combined weight 743 pounds. This should be over almost instantly. HOLY SHIT, MR. T Lost this???? This shit is worked!!! T has that same look that Brett always had after a loss. His comment: "I don't make no excuses. They're the best. They won. No excuses. Although, I probably shouldnt have eaten that cupcake that Face Man gave me just before the contest. I'm kind of sleepzzzzzzz"

Some bumps are too crazy to take.

"Semi" delusional.

THE DEVIL'S FAVORITE DEMON WILL LEARN A FULL WINDSOR KNOT AND LIKE IT.

Here's the back of that dress...

How the hell is Matt Stafford available on the waiver wire?

The Thor in the poster has a "I've made a huge mistake" face.

Man, you know you're old when Piranesi posts his Battle of the Network Stars Workrate Reports and you not only recognize the names, you can instantly tell what show they were on and what character they played. Ah...youth... By the way, Emma Samms pops up on General Hospital from time to time and still looks pretty spectacular.

People are sleeping on Harper/Punk. Harper's best match on the big stage and it was probably Punk's best match since Brock. It's usually way too hard to pick a definitive worst post in the Raw threads, but this week we have a clear winner!

Over the last ten years, David Stern has been a better heel than most pro wrestlers.

Bones is going execute Glover, there's nothing interesting about that.

Who woulda thunk the Kane character would be this versitile and could be reinvented 15 years after his debut? Harper is boss. Good match with Punker.

I'm going to buy TNA and my booking strategy is to offer a weekly reward of $500 for the best fan submitted fantasy booking of that week's episode of iMPACT.

I never understand the people who complain every week about how long the show feels. Well why the hell are you watching it in real time? Raw, and TV wrestling in general is the perfect DVR show. You aren't SUPPOSED to watch all those recaps,PPV commercials, and Divas matches. Those are there to drag the show out for ad revenue. Fast forward on.

Because people are stupid

I've only watched the first half of this show (up to but not including the 6 man) but it seems like a hell of a lot of fun to me. That said, I'm skipping all the recaps and hype and it makes the show hum along, I would probably stop watching Raw if I couldn't DVR it. But, Harper-Punk was awesome, Orton-Big E. was awesome and that was quite a bump Khali took on the meathook.

Unfortunately, Brett Favre retired in 2007 and disappeared after walking into a corn field, never to be seen again. He can't help now.

Terry looks about the same as he did in '97, which is remarkable since he was 53 then. Dory doesn't look a day under 200.

Libertarian Kane will be great. "Do you know how much internet sale taxes are when something's getting delivered to Hell? It's a travesty!"

Let Me In is great. Let the Right One In is a stone classic.

And why do you take worthless 40pt nobodies like the Blues first line guys in exchange for your first round picks?

1984 now adds some big guns: Tony Danza, Tracy Scoggins, Parker Stevenson...and for NBC.. JANE BADLER AND MARC SINGER!! FROM V!!!!!! If I see Jane Badler in a bathing suit, I'm fucking done, man. Just overwhelmed. Also, I did not remember that these people were competing for money...like, for themselves...$20,000 each for the winning team. How fucking bizarre? Why was this tolerated? Kayaking!Michael J. fox vs. Tony Danza vs. Parker Stevenson.Tony Danza is an inept fool. No sruprise.Kim Fields vs. Heather Locklear vs. Charlene Tilton.Tilton is all muscle. Locklear has apparently passed out from malnutrition.Teri Coply is the purest distillation of the 1980s I've ever seen.Devane and Shatner are in a fight over Tony Danza interfering! The decision will be made by Commissioner Bob Uecker. Devane has apparently assaulted Uecker. This is serious business. $20,000 is a month's worth of cocaine if you are William Devane. Mark Harmon vs. Shatner are QBs in the touch football finals. The O/D lines are three plays men, then three plays women. It is bizarre.Teri Copley is playing corner. She's mauling Tracy Scoggins. They are actually fighting now. Marc SINGER tips Shatner's pass and Mark Harmon intercepts!!!! And a 2nd Singer pick!! Shatner is Matt Schaub!Oh, shit. That hot chick from HUNTER is in!This all falls apart, though, when no one can cover Michael J. Fox. It's kind of unfair, because he's like 15 and the rest of them are all on Quaaludes.Mark Harmon is way hairier than you might think. Like, his shoulders are hairy. Like, Peter Falk hairy.Cossell just called Mark Harmon "an egoist of the worst possible magnitude." He is also complaining that NBC chose Kim Fields when they had obvious free safety Mindy Cohn right there. Brenda Vaccaro is making a mockery of the dunk tank event. Joe Buck is outraged "A disgusting act!" Meanwhile, Mark Singer's package is magnificent, but there is no reason he needs to be in a Speedo to throw the balls at the dunk tank. Come on, man! Leave Podo and/or Kodo in your trousers. (anyone who gets this has just unlocked the TBS programming achievement) After messing up on the obstacle course, Teri Copley had the folloiwng exchange with Cosell: "But I did so much better in rehearsal." "In sports, dear, we call it practice." "What?" Kim Fields literally could not get her boobs under the trampoline. She is stuck. WE ARE WINNING THE COLD WAR, MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!!! Where the fuck is Jane Badler? Your 1984 winner:

That's Dory's middle school photo.

Will you stop? I'm the only one to like this comment? Seriously?! Come on people. I didn't see anything. My monitor went out.

despiiite all my rage homicide still can't climb up this caaaage

Richie Incognito is the most despicable Miami Dolphins player since Ray Finkle and Finkle kidnapped Dan Marino and a dolphin

Will you stop?

I wrote an essay on wrestling commentary, using a 10 minute match between Kerry Con Erich and the Warlord as an example. I'd love to hear people's thoughts on it: http://jaedmc.blogspot.com/2013/11/the-importance-of-wrestling-commentary.html

I'm the father of a 4 year old autistic daughter, and while it can be really tough sometimes, I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. I freaked out last year around this time when her mother and I got the diagnosis, trying to figure out why this happened and wondering if my old lifestyle had a part to do with her diagnosis. I had to be talked off the ledge by my friends(as well as some of the posters on this very board) until I could come to grips with it. I don't feel sorry for her per se, but I feel bad that she has an upward battle, even though she's not gonna lose as long as she has me at her side. Her issues aside, I love the little things in life that she did, like saying "daddy" as her first words, or using the potty for the first time. I'm also willing to make a fool out of myself just for her. Being a dad is pretty fucking cool.

http://youtu.be/dWX9BKDOlsQ?t=13m6s I don't want just any pile driver. I want that one.