Octopus Posted February 11 Share Posted February 11 No worries on not being comfortable sharing @Villanova Grad. You do you and I hope if you’re stressed or down that things work out for ya. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nice Guy Eddie Posted February 12 Share Posted February 12 The two year anniversary of my father's passing is coming up on March 31st. I'm definitely feeling some feelings. I've been listening to Everclear's "Father of Mine" a lot lately. I'm worried about possibly relapsing with Mr. White. I've got my IOP group and my individual therapist to vent to. The DVDVR has always been supportive, so I just wanted to put it out there. 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Curt McGirt Posted February 13 Share Posted February 13 We got you man, if you wanna talk PM me. Don't even wanna think what will happen in that situation to myself. If I ever stop posting on here for any period of time you'll know something is wrong anyway. I'll leave a notice hopefully (and Eddie if you gotta take a hiatus feel free too, though sticking around might be more helpful). 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nice Guy Eddie Posted February 13 Share Posted February 13 11 minutes ago, Curt McGirt said: We got you man, if you wanna talk PM me. Don't even wanna think what will happen in that situation to myself. If I ever stop posting on here for any period of time you'll know something is wrong anyway. I'll leave a notice hopefully (and Eddie if you gotta take a hiatus feel free too, though sticking around might be more helpful). Taking a hiatus from the board probably wouldn't be helpful. Like I said, I've got my IOP group, individual therapist, and this board for support. If I disappear, I'm probably off to the races, and that will be really bad. I figured talking about it now will help for when March 31st rolls around. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
odessasteps Posted February 13 Share Posted February 13 This is just waiting to be a movie Quote Mutant wolves roaming the deserted streets of Chernobyl appear to have developed resistance to cancer - raising hopes the findings can help scientists fight the disease in humans. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Contentious C Posted February 13 Share Posted February 13 https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2024/02/12/waymo-set-on-fire-san-francisco/ File under, "A little too Blade Runner/Westworld for my tastes"... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Natural Posted February 13 Share Posted February 13 5 hours ago, Nice Guy Eddie said: The two year anniversary of my father's passing is coming up on March 31st. I'm definitely feeling some feelings. I've been listening to Everclear's "Father of Mine" a lot lately. I'm worried about possibly relapsing with Mr. White. I've got my IOP group and my individual therapist to vent to. The DVDVR has always been supportive, so I just wanted to put it out there. Here if you need to talk, mate xxx. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Natural Posted February 13 Share Posted February 13 Been thinking about my 6th March 2024 birthday: It's the last of my 30s. It's the 10th since Mum's passing. 15 years since my favourite photo ever with my Mum and my parents. It'll be 20 years since my Aunty Margaret passed away. Sucks losing a loved one on your birthday. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nice Guy Eddie Posted February 13 Share Posted February 13 6 minutes ago, The Natural said: Been thinking about my 6th March 2024 birthday: It's the last of my 30s. It's the 10th since Mum's passing. 15 years since my favourite photo ever with my Mum and my parents. It'll be 20 years since my Aunty Margaret passed away. Sucks losing a loved one on your birthday. In return, I'm here if you need to talk. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Natural Posted February 13 Share Posted February 13 1 hour ago, Nice Guy Eddie said: In return, I'm here if you need to talk. Cheers, mate xxx. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villanova Grad Posted February 13 Share Posted February 13 lol, someone started a rumor that President Biden is going to attend mass at our church when he’s in town and now my parish email address (i am on parish council) has 1,200 unread email in it. Sigh. I take parish council pretty seriously, so I would like to respond to people personally, but I simply don’t have that kind of time. Also, it’s a ridiculous rumor. The Diocese would probably never recommend our parish to the White House for a variety of reasons. Our priests are traditionalists, so it would likely be an embarrassing photo op for everyone involved. i would like to talk to Biden about his faith & get some insight into why he claims to be Roman Catholic, but I’d probably be polite and not ask even if I did somehow meet him. Not really enjoying this week so far. Am acquaintance I’ve known for about 30 years showed up in my office yesterday to ask for my help. Basically, he’s making terrible personal decisions right now and they’re impacting his work and likely will get him fired. He’s relying on his friends to save him. I maybe have enough clout to intervene, but he deserves what is coming to him, imo, so I don’t know why I would. I’m usually a “make your own bed, lie in it” type of guy. When I was a kid, my dad would tell me “if you don’t want to be embarrassed in public, don’t do anything embarrassing”. It’s still good advice. Not sure what to do. Probably will do nothing, though I don’t quite feel right about that either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twiztor Posted February 13 Share Posted February 13 9 hours ago, Villanova Grad said: i would like to talk to Biden about his faith & get some insight into why he claims to be Roman Catholic i am not religious, but i am interested in hearing you expand upon this idea if you want to share. i don't understand the different sects of Christianity, so couldn't discern a Roman Catholic from a Presbyterian from a Lutheran. Understand if you don't want to get into it, but my PMs are open if you do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Contentious C Posted February 14 Share Posted February 14 (edited) On 2/12/2024 at 3:52 PM, Nice Guy Eddie said: The two year anniversary of my father's passing is coming up on March 31st. I'm definitely feeling some feelings. I've been listening to Everclear's "Father of Mine" a lot lately. I'm worried about possibly relapsing with Mr. White. I've got my IOP group and my individual therapist to vent to. The DVDVR has always been supportive, so I just wanted to put it out there. I had a recent, albeit one-sided, contact with my all-too-alive father recently and I feel like it touched off a passel of other grindy mental health issues that have been dragging me down the last couple of weeks. I don't know what your relationship was like; maybe it's just impossible to get away from negative feelings about someone who mistreated you, or, worse yet, impossible to get away from the childhood desire to receive validation from that person, but, well...if your relationship with him was truly a lot like that song, you wouldn't be the first person I've known who grew up like that, and I doubt you'll be the last. And each and every one of them thought their lives would have been better if their father had been involved. Mine was involved. He was a massive piece of shit. I wish he'd left sooner. The two-parent fever dream only works when both parents actually give a fuck. I'm not here to compete in the Misery Olympics with you or anything, but the Bad you got may have been a somewhat more bearable Bad than the alternative. The people in our lives were probably, more like certainly, broken themselves, and there's no guarantee whatsoever they could have done better even if they tried. Maybe more of them would also be just worse of them, you know? Basically, I'm saying don't beat yourself up over the past. You - and they - had less control over it than you think. Edited February 14 by Contentious C 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Technico Support Posted February 15 Share Posted February 15 On 2/12/2024 at 3:52 PM, Nice Guy Eddie said: The two year anniversary of my father's passing is coming up on March 31st. I'm definitely feeling some feelings. I've been listening to Everclear's "Father of Mine" a lot lately. I'm worried about possibly relapsing with Mr. White. I've got my IOP group and my individual therapist to vent to. The DVDVR has always been supportive, so I just wanted to put it out there. Hey Nice Guy, you do your best, man. Hang in there and know that a bunch of weirdos here with a metric fuckton of their own issues love you and are pulling for you even though we’ve never met you. We got you, bud. PM me or anybody else posting in the thread if you need to. My dad is trash and I haven’t talked to him in 25 years, so I feel ya. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Natural Posted February 15 Share Posted February 15 (edited) Trigger warning: In a bad depressive spell. Yesterday and today particularly bad with crying spells. Mental illness is brutal. The urge to self-harm which I haven't, to have suicidal thoughts. Sick and tired of feeling this way. The Cerebral Palsy making my body work four times harder doing the same things as those without. I know I need to start doing Gym, Swimming, Pilates regularly again but when it's hard to get out of bed, feeling low, in pain, it's bloody tough to. Not sure the increased Trazodone 100mg is working out. Shame you can't bottle up when you start taking Trazodone 50mg as you feel great, only had it once or twice after. These stomach pains and headaches giving me grief as well. Feel bad/guilty dropping my depression on my Dad, my Sister, Aje, Alyson and the DVDVR MB when you've got your own things going on. Sharing is caring as the saying goes. I hope people don't get tired of me as I am. Thanks for the support here. Love, Paul xxx. Edited February 15 by The Natural 1 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Technico Support Posted February 15 Share Posted February 15 37 minutes ago, The Natural said: Trigger warning: In a bad depressive spell. Yesterday and today particularly bad with crying spells. Mental illness is brutal. The urge to self-harm which I haven't, to have suicidal thoughts. Sick and tired of feeling this way. The Cerebral Palsy making my body work four times harder doing the same things as those without. I know I need to start doing Gym, Swimming, Pilates regularly again but when it's hard to get out of bed, feeling low, in pain, it's bloody tough to. Not sure the increased Trazodone 100mg is working out. Shame you can't bottle up when you start taking Trazodone 50mg as you feel great, only had it once or twice after. These stomach pains and headaches giving me grief as well. Feel bad/guilty dropping my depression on my Dad, my Sister, Aje, Alyson and the DVDVR MB when you've got your own things going on. Sharing is caring as the saying goes. I hope people don't get tired of me as I am. Thanks for the support here. Love, Paul xxx. Shit, man, I'm so sorry to hear this. It's such a fight every day, believe me I know it, and anything I want to say just sounds like bullshit platitudes. Just know there are people here you can DM if you need to talk, and please do your best. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Contentious C Posted February 15 Share Posted February 15 (edited) I hate to bring it up, because it sounds stupid - it sounds doubly stupid on such a badly male-skewed place as this - but I was just thinking last night how, if there is any double standard in the world that is actually unfair to men instead of women, it's 100% the mental health domain. All the other double standards that exist, women definitely take the L, let's just get that out of the way. But men...well, women may get labeled more frequently as crazy, it's certainly meant more as slander towards them as a gender, but FSM help you if you tell someone you're struggling and you're a dude. "Active shooter" "dangerous" "violent" "lone wolf" etc., and those are probably the nice ones you may hear. Granted, the VKM sewer parade elsewhere does justify quite a bit of the worst of it, but...oof, if there aren't a lot of us bearing the brunt of the pieces of shit who get away with the worst. And there might be a sniggering stereotype of That Old Dude Down the End of the Bar, which we all cringe at and hope isn't us someday, but hey, that guy is probably feeling lonely, or feels broken, or is an addict, or might even be experiencing all of the above. Maybe you don't want to talk to him, or immediately get involved in whatever is dragging him down, but he's not alone. He is all around you. He might be you already. And most of us aren't remotely the dangerous kind of struggling. We're just struggling. We're just broken. Sometimes all you want is someone to acknowledge that it's OK to be broken. I'll put the rest in spoilers, for a variety of reasons. Ahead there be Dragons. Spoiler Maybe two years ago, I had a fuck-buddy, let's call her "Olivia", that I got pretty close to. She had a long-term boyfriend, but we had our fun and stayed in touch every so often since, given we live half a country apart. About a year ago, I found out one of her close friends, "Kat", someone she looked up to as a mentor, took her own life in 2022 - pills if I had to guess. I was so shaken by this, because if Olivia was hot - and she is, think brunette Kate McKinnon - then her friend was the dictionary definition of 'smokeshow'. Think Brennan Lee Mulligan's "Declaration of Independence" skit on Youtube where he gets to the "Guy Who's Awkward with Women to the Point of Having a Stroke" section; that's how beautiful Kat was. And she was clearly smart, going to grad school for education stuff, Olivia adored her on several levels and she wasn't the only one...last person on Earth you'd think it would happen to. But Kat was gone. And I didn't say anything to Olivia. I was afraid to bring it up, because I never met Kat, I only knew about her second-hand and had seen photos. I didn't want to upset Olivia, or push her away. But lately I'd been dealing with so much of my own bullshit, as detailed above, that, earlier today, I finally asked Olivia what happened. Honestly, it's the closest I've felt to her, to almost anyone, since the last time we actually saw each other in person. Not better than sex, but better than therapy. We talked about how I found out and how she got to see Kat before the family took her off life support, and somehow that knowledge and knowing she and I are still looking out for one another made my own bullshit a little less unbearable today. People can have an amazing capacity to blow you away with their empathy. But you have to give them the chance. Hopefully if you read the above, you can gauge just a teensy bit of difference between now and how I behaved here 20+ years ago. I'm glad this place still exists. Edited February 15 by Contentious C 3 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Control Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 Take care of yourself, Paul. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike Campbell Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 On 2/12/2024 at 1:52 PM, Nice Guy Eddie said: The two year anniversary of my father's passing is coming up on March 31st. I'm definitely feeling some feelings. I've been listening to Everclear's "Father of Mine" a lot lately. I'm worried about possibly relapsing with Mr. White. I've got my IOP group and my individual therapist to vent to. The DVDVR has always been supportive, so I just wanted to put it out there. Definitely here if you need to vent, my man. I've had far too many scares and close calls with my own father in the last few years. He's presently 66 and in a nursing home due to both of his knees being shot as well as picking up the hereditary diabetes that actually led to both of my grandparents passing away. It's to the point that when I don't hear from him after more than a day, I start getting worries in the back of my mind. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Technico Support Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 21 hours ago, Contentious C said: I hate to bring it up, because it sounds stupid - it sounds doubly stupid on such a badly male-skewed place as this - but I was just thinking last night how, if there is any double standard in the world that is actually unfair to men instead of women, it's 100% the mental health domain. All the other double standards that exist, women definitely take the L, let's just get that out of the way. But men...well, women may get labeled more frequently as crazy, it's certainly meant more as slander towards them as a gender, but FSM help you if you tell someone you're struggling and you're a dude. "Active shooter" "dangerous" "violent" "lone wolf" etc., and those are probably the nice ones you may hear. Granted, the VKM sewer parade elsewhere does justify quite a bit of the worst of it, but...oof, if there aren't a lot of us bearing the brunt of the pieces of shit who get away with the worst. Annnnnnd it's not just the whole "a guy with some issues is a guy who is probably going to shoot the place up" stereotype. It's everything else, too. All the toxic horseshit that society puts on you as a man. Now, disclaimer, society puts an equal, if not greater, amount of shit on women, too. But talking about guys right now...a man is supposed to not be vulnerable, to be able to take care of shit, to not complain, to not talk about feeling awful, or lonely, or anything like that. A man is supposed to provide and never complain about being needed all the time. I'm not supposed to be a self-loathing mess who is amazed I got through the day and somehow have a half decent life that I'm not so sure I deserve. I'm really happy men's mental health is gradually something people discuss seriously and without stigma. In general, I just hope we can evolve as a human society to understand that men don't need to be some certain way. And women don't need to be some certain way. We're all humans and we're all different, and expectations and comparisons rob us of joy and make life horrible. Anyway, thanks for writing what you wrote, and thank you to all you lunatics for being bros. I'm right here with you. 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Log Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 On 2/15/2024 at 3:17 PM, The Natural said: Trigger warning: In a bad depressive spell. Yesterday and today particularly bad with crying spells. Mental illness is brutal. The urge to self-harm which I haven't, to have suicidal thoughts. Sick and tired of feeling this way. The Cerebral Palsy making my body work four times harder doing the same things as those without. I know I need to start doing Gym, Swimming, Pilates regularly again but when it's hard to get out of bed, feeling low, in pain, it's bloody tough to. Not sure the increased Trazodone 100mg is working out. Shame you can't bottle up when you start taking Trazodone 50mg as you feel great, only had it once or twice after. These stomach pains and headaches giving me grief as well. Feel bad/guilty dropping my depression on my Dad, my Sister, Aje, Alyson and the DVDVR MB when you've got your own things going on. Sharing is caring as the saying goes. I hope people don't get tired of me as I am. Thanks for the support here. Love, Paul xxx. Nope, nope, nope on the bolded part. You keep sharing when you feel like you need to. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Natural Posted February 17 Share Posted February 17 On 2/15/2024 at 8:56 PM, Technico Support said: Shit, man, I'm so sorry to hear this. It's such a fight every day, believe me I know it, and anything I want to say just sounds like bullshit platitudes. Just know there are people here you can DM if you need to talk, and please do your best. On 2/15/2024 at 9:38 PM, Contentious C said: I hate to bring it up, because it sounds stupid - it sounds doubly stupid on such a badly male-skewed place as this - but I was just thinking last night how, if there is any double standard in the world that is actually unfair to men instead of women, it's 100% the mental health domain. All the other double standards that exist, women definitely take the L, let's just get that out of the way. But men...well, women may get labeled more frequently as crazy, it's certainly meant more as slander towards them as a gender, but FSM help you if you tell someone you're struggling and you're a dude. "Active shooter" "dangerous" "violent" "lone wolf" etc., and those are probably the nice ones you may hear. Granted, the VKM sewer parade elsewhere does justify quite a bit of the worst of it, but...oof, if there aren't a lot of us bearing the brunt of the pieces of shit who get away with the worst. And there might be a sniggering stereotype of That Old Dude Down the End of the Bar, which we all cringe at and hope isn't us someday, but hey, that guy is probably feeling lonely, or feels broken, or is an addict, or might even be experiencing all of the above. Maybe you don't want to talk to him, or immediately get involved in whatever is dragging him down, but he's not alone. He is all around you. He might be you already. And most of us aren't remotely the dangerous kind of struggling. We're just struggling. We're just broken. Sometimes all you want is someone to acknowledge that it's OK to be broken. I'll put the rest in spoilers, for a variety of reasons. Ahead there be Dragons. Reveal hidden contents Maybe two years ago, I had a fuck-buddy, let's call her "Olivia", that I got pretty close to. She had a long-term boyfriend, but we had our fun and stayed in touch every so often since, given we live half a country apart. About a year ago, I found out one of her close friends, "Kat", someone she looked up to as a mentor, took her own life in 2022 - pills if I had to guess. I was so shaken by this, because if Olivia was hot - and she is, think brunette Kate McKinnon - then her friend was the dictionary definition of 'smokeshow'. Think Brennan Lee Mulligan's "Declaration of Independence" skit on Youtube where he gets to the "Guy Who's Awkward with Women to the Point of Having a Stroke" section; that's how beautiful Kat was. And she was clearly smart, going to grad school for education stuff, Olivia adored her on several levels and she wasn't the only one...last person on Earth you'd think it would happen to. But Kat was gone. And I didn't say anything to Olivia. I was afraid to bring it up, because I never met Kat, I only knew about her second-hand and had seen photos. I didn't want to upset Olivia, or push her away. But lately I'd been dealing with so much of my own bullshit, as detailed above, that, earlier today, I finally asked Olivia what happened. Honestly, it's the closest I've felt to her, to almost anyone, since the last time we actually saw each other in person. Not better than sex, but better than therapy. We talked about how I found out and how she got to see Kat before the family took her off life support, and somehow that knowledge and knowing she and I are still looking out for one another made my own bullshit a little less unbearable today. People can have an amazing capacity to blow you away with their empathy. But you have to give them the chance. Hopefully if you read the above, you can gauge just a teensy bit of difference between now and how I behaved here 20+ years ago. I'm glad this place still exists. On 2/16/2024 at 3:05 AM, Control said: Take care of yourself, Paul. 16 hours ago, Technico Support said: Annnnnnd it's not just the whole "a guy with some issues is a guy who is probably going to shoot the place up" stereotype. It's everything else, too. All the toxic horseshit that society puts on you as a man. Now, disclaimer, society puts an equal, if not greater, amount of shit on women, too. But talking about guys right now...a man is supposed to not be vulnerable, to be able to take care of shit, to not complain, to not talk about feeling awful, or lonely, or anything like that. A man is supposed to provide and never complain about being needed all the time. I'm not supposed to be a self-loathing mess who is amazed I got through the day and somehow have a half decent life that I'm not so sure I deserve. I'm really happy men's mental health is gradually something people discuss seriously and without stigma. In general, I just hope we can evolve as a human society to understand that men don't need to be some certain way. And women don't need to be some certain way. We're all humans and we're all different, and expectations and comparisons rob us of joy and make life horrible. Anyway, thanks for writing what you wrote, and thank you to all you lunatics for being bros. I'm right here with you. 14 hours ago, Log said: Nope, nope, nope on the bolded part. You keep sharing when you feel like you need to. Thank you all. Much love xxx. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Curt McGirt Posted February 17 Share Posted February 17 Been sober, but the dreams are ridiculous. Last night I was actually solving a math problem of how to buy such and such an amount of vodka at the store while my dad was looking for me. You can probably guess how my subconscious is doing. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike Campbell Posted February 18 Share Posted February 18 Tuesday is going to be a long day, which I'm simultaneously excited for, but also dreading. After putting in our full ten hour day myself and the two guys I work with in the field are attending a training course for another 2-3 hours that night. It'll be great to make some extra coin, get free dinner, and also to be able to do our jobs better, seeing as my boss already informed us we're going to be a lot busier now. But holy shit 6:30 AM - 8:00 PM is going to be a long fucking day. The one thing that I'm amusing myself with is that I already showed my wife the text we all got about it, and joked that's how she knows I'm not off with my girlfriend. But I'm keeping shut and not reminding her, I'm wondering if I can expect a text around 4:00 asking me to bring home bread, or one at like 6:00 asking where I am. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cobra Commander Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 Watching some videos on the Bobbie Wygant archive (she’s a long time Dallas reporter and there’s a YouTube channel of her celebrity interviews) So now I’m hearing similarities in how Dan Blocker (Hoss from Bonanza) and Bill Watts sound while speaking: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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