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Godzilla (2014)


Big Fresh

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You fucking assholes.

 

Mothra watched her friend Battra die saving our stupid asses from ourselves.  And instead of lashing out and destroying us for the maddeningly ignorant monkeys that we are, she voluntarily flew out into OUTER FUCKING SPACE to SINGLE-HANDEDLY deflect an asteroid from coming to hit earth in 1999.  Abandoning her home and family and almost certainly at the cost of her own life...all out of loyalty to an oath she made.

 

 

AND WE WENT AND MADE ARMAGEDDON ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

and you...you ungrateful fuckers are complaining about wings and singing fairies?

 

IN A WORLD FULL OF MONSTERS WHO WANT TO KILL YOU A GIANT FUCKING MOTH IS PATROLLING THE SKIES WHILE YOU SLEEP TRYING TO KEEP YOU ALIVE11111111HOWIS TAHTNOTTHECOOLESTHTINGEVER

 

 

 

Also, Mothra is what suddenly made these movies makes sense to my wife so that I get to watch them whenever I want now...yeah...in the real world outside your internet wrestling bubble, chicks dig Mothra.

 

I was angry about having to work today, but now I am cheered up.  I may even head by the new Pho restaurant for dinner!

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Fowler, goddammit, for once in the history of everything, I'm on your side.  DON'T FUCK THIS UP WITH USELESS TRIVIA!!!!

 

Useless trivia?  This is essential to understanding the greatness of Mothra.

 

Mothra is a moth-god dedicated to protecting the earth.  Battra is her opposite number, an evil butterfly-devil.  And Mothra is so pure and so good that she convinces Battra to give up his evil ways, and help stop Godzilla from doing exactly what Battra himself had set out to do just days earlier.  She is such a positive influence on Battra, that the giant insect devil himself sacrifices his life to stop Godzilla.

 

That's yet more evidence of how amazing Mothra is.

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Fowler, goddammit, for once in the history of everything, I'm on your side.  DON'T FUCK THIS UP WITH USELESS TRIVIA!!!!

 

Useless trivia?  This is essential to understanding the greatness of Mothra.

 

Mothra is a moth-god dedicated to protecting the earth.  Battra is her opposite number, an evil butterfly-devil.  And Mothra is so pure and so good that she convinces Battra to give up his evil ways, and help stop Godzilla from doing exactly what Battra himself had set out to do just days earlier.  She is such a positive influence on Battra, that the giant insect devil himself sacrifices his life to stop Godzilla.

 

That's yet more evidence of how amazing Mothra is.

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I still remember being a kid and watching Godzilla vs. The Sea Monster and watching the Mothra awakening dance number and thinking to myself, "What the fuck is this shit?"

 

Equally horrible is the King Caesar song from Godzilla vs. Mecha-Godzilla but that movie was redeemed by Mecha-Godzilla making Godzilla bleed. 

 

Kids in the theater fucking wept buckets when Godzilla went down and went apeshit insane with glee when Godzilla came back strong with new electromagnetic powers.

 

I am still saddened that the Red Bamboo terrorist organization from G vs. The Sea Monster has never appeared in any other Toho film.  Those guys were badass.  Theses guys should show up someplace else.  GI Joe sequel or something.

 

I cannot hate on Godzilla vs. Megalon.  Godzilla throws a fucking drop kick in that movie.

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Man, Ebirah, Horror of the Deep (Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster) has the weirdest damn score in the original Japanese version (no clue if they kept it for the English version) where on most of Godzilla's appearances, it breaks into this completely out of place surf rock piece.

 

Mothra is nothing but a glorified cameo in that movie, though.  And what the fuck is up with the giant condor showing up for a scene?

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Mothra is Daniel Bryan.

 

Scruffy

Domestic

Overly-sensitive

Loyal

Driven by strange visions of perfection

under the sway of brunette twins

ALWAYS LOOKS OUTMATCHED BUT WHEN PUSHED HE BECOMES RAINBOW COLORED AND WINS THROUGH WORK$RATE!!!!

 

340544_giant_monster_movies_rebirth_of_m

 

here seen taking on Batista.

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Are any of these on Netflix/Hulu/whatever?

 

I think the ones that the U.S. license is held by classic media are all on both Netflix and Hulu.  Namely, King of the Monster, Godzilla Raids Again, Godzilla vs. The Thing (Mothra vs. Godzilla), Ghidorah the Three-Headed Monster, Invasion of the Astro-Monster, Godzilla's Revenge (All Monsters Attack), and Terror of MechaGodzilla.

 

Obviously, only the English dubs.

 

As far as I know, none of the ones held by other companies are.  Which means none of Sony's (who own everything from Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah through Final Wars) or any of the other companies that just own a few.

 

If you didn't know, the U.S. rights to Godzilla movies are all over the place.  In addition to the final 11 Toho films, Sony also owns Son of Godzilla and Godzilla vs. MechaGodzilla (the 1974 one), Media Blasters owns Destroy All Monsters and vs. Megalon (which are both FINALLY supposed to hit blu-ray later this summer), Universal owns King Kong vs. Godzilla, and Kraken Releasing/Studio 23 own Ebirah, Horror of the Deep (vs. the Sea Monster), Godzilla vs. Hedorah (vs. the Smog Monster), and Godzilla vs. Gigan (Godzilla on Monster Island) which all fairly recently got barebones but beautifully transferred blu-ray releases.

 

I think the original Mothra is currently up on Crackle this month as well (again, English dub.)

 

EDIT:  Oh, and Anchor Bay I think has Godzilla The Return/Godzilla 1985, and some other company has vs. Biollante.  Neither of which is currently in print in the U.S., nor are Son of and the original vs. Mechagodzilla.)

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I was thinking that the new Godzilla movie really had more in common with a Gamera affair.  I feel bad for Gareth Edwards, he wanted to make an actual Godzilla movie, but the studio was afraid it would be seen as too goofy, so the made him cut back on the Godzilla footage.  As it is, some people are calling it "gloriously silly."

 

The movie as it stands is a fine effort, and something he should be proud of as a director, but you know he's got a cut for himself that runs more like a late showa period Godzilla.

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I find that to be a silly and flawed way to look at it because Jaws was a rogue, lone killer shark movie, not a reboot Godzilla movie where he fights other monsters and is basically earth's last defense against them.

 

You can't dangle the carrot like that in front of the audience for this type of movie and expect them to be OK with it and get that you are being "rebellious."

 

Plus Jaws revolved around the shark and what the shark was doing to the local little small town.  Godzilla was almost a minor character here.  Most of the movie revolved around the destruction by the antagonist MUTO.

 

Message to Hollywood, if you are going to keep casting Bryan Cranston in these big budget tentpoles, give him something to do for once already.  And don't mislead us to think he's got an important role.

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I also don't get the "Cranston's role is nothing" meme going around.  Every plot point was economically done, almost to a fault. 

 

He's taken out of the movie in the first act before Godzilla even shows up.  He has no connection, interaction, or reaction toward the emergence of Godzilla.  The trailers and marketing made it seem like he had a much bigger role.

 

It leaves us with Aaron Taylor-Johnson who seems to care as much about saving his family as he wants to get a root canal.

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I thought they handled the first appearance of Godzilla great. I liked the anticipation of him showing and thought he was on-screen a fine amount. Now, the fights all being fought in darkness, that's a whole different thing...

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I could've sworn that I checked Netflix like a month or 2 ago and they had NO Godzilla sans the Zilla animated series. But lo and behold, they have King, Raids Again, Vs. Mothra, Ghidorah, Monster Zero (why the U.S. Title is AstroMonster, I do not know), Terror of MechaGodzilla, and sadly Godzilla's Revenge. Why, of all the ones to secure the rights to, they decided on Revenge is both bewildering and disappointing.

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