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DECEMBER WRESTLING CHIT CHAT

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It's like wrestling a cow in a muddy pasture when you've got white pants on.

...what? Matt's thing didn't make any sense either.

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I'm not a Punk super fan or anything. But this is like hearing a Fundamentalist debate with a militant atheist about religion.

 

It's like dealing with a bunch of comic fans who only want to talk about the Avengers movie because it makes them feel like they shouldn't be embarrassed for the first time in years.

So, CM Punk is the guy who draws back the fans who distanced themselves from wrestling because they were emotionally invested in Chris Benoit as the guy they could point to as an artist rather than an embarrassment?

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... the fuck?

 

http://www.chikarasalonandspa.com/

 

Have never seen this before in a Chikara google search, and yet, first page, 3-4 links down.  So afraid to clickity ... so interested in clickity ...

 

It was once a well liked Spa, before it was shut down.  Now it is an alternative reality spa that releases youtube videos of its former employees every so often.

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Stuart Tomlinson versus Antonio Cesaro, WrestleMania 32.

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Bryan Adams in any incarnation is probably the worst promo guy in the business.

Yeah 1993 wasn't good for him at all - every program he had, he never really got his heat back - Doink, Shawn, Yoko, then Savage.....that beatdown of Savage and the lacerated tongue was pretty brutal for its time.

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Steal this idea:

 

Stuart Tomlinson uses a 'loaded goalkeeper glove' to win matches

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Needs to form a soccer hooligan tag team. A double team move of one guy being whipped in from the corner and then being "headed in"/speared could look pretty cool.

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which would lead to them bringing back one of the Highlanders as a soccer hooligan.. or WADE BARRETT SOCCER HOOLIGAN

 

FC WWE for life!

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Needs to form a soccer hooligan tag team. A double team move of one guy being whipped in from the corner and then being "headed in"/speared could look pretty cool.

 

A bunch of faces are trying to get their hands on his manager, but he steps in front to protect him. One by one they run at him only to be pushed away, and sell it like Ziggler.

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I loved Kronik in WCW. Both Adams and Clark had great looks and they had some beastly moves. And the 'mercenary' gimmick was fun too.

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My soccer gimmick is based on him taking dives and asking for yellow cards.  And of course, not using his hands.

 

Granted its less developed than my quarterback gimmick where he wears a yellow jersey during squash matches, has a nameless henchman called The Line and is named Quenton Bishop I.

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Fuck it - this is now a Punk/Austin fantasy booking thread.

 

Following up the original idea, you have the next week on RAW go over Austin being outsmarted "for the first time ever", is he past it, does he still have it. End of the night, he ends up being assaulted in the ring by the Wyatts. Punk's music plays but he takes forever to appear. The distraction is enough for Austin to take over and take out the Wyatts by himself with a chair and stunners. Beer bash to end RAW, Punk looks on from the ramp in shock.

 

You go the whole Rocky Balboa path, how the Sports Centre guys talked about who would win the fantasy fight between Rocky and Dixon. Did the real Austin turn up and still has it? Or did Austin get the upper hand only because of Punk's distraction?

 

First match at Survivor Series, which essentially becomes a mirror of Bret/Austin from SS 96. Punk attempts an OwenDriver, but his conscience gets the better of him, and hesitates long enough to be rolled up for the pin after dominating the match.

 

Austin then goes away for a while. The feud is then carried by HHH instead, who after Punk's series of high profile losses to Brock, Rock, himself and now Austin, doesn't want Punk to have the rematch with Austin. That Austin match at Wrestlemania is good for business and better off with someone else. Punk then spends the two months between the Rumble proving himself against guys HHH wants to have the Austin match instead.

 

Clusterfuck ending at the Rumble. Punk, whoever else all get eliminated, Austin runs in with chair, stunners the other guys, eliminates them, and Punk gets the win ala RR 97. Punk refuses the shot at the title, and wants Austin instead. HHH agrees, as his guy gets the shot at the title instead.

 

At this point, not too sure if you go with a redux of "I have to beat you, Rock" as it foreshadows everything too much. But think you end up with Punk aligning himself with Vince or HHH, and beats Austin to a bloody pulp. Last gasp Lou Thesz Press attempt gets turned into the Anaconda Vice, and Punk attempts to do what Bret couldn't at Mania, make Austin give up. Think that ending ties things up. Punk makes peace with the establishment and gets his big win. Austin went out the way essentially he came to the fore in the WWE.

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I really miss when WCW wrestlers would walk up without a mic, and yell at the camera post-squash match.

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the WWE never went for the "cameramen on the apron" idea as hard as WCW did, right?

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As a kid I thought that Kona Crush was going to be world champ so hard. That guy was the best.

 

And the guitar riff on that entrance music! The. Best.

 

I ended up actually not being a fan because of how he was booked. Doink straight up made an ass out of him for about a whole year, it seemed like. Did Crush EVER get one over on Doink? I was one of those kids in school that did homework before it was due on a regular basis and who really valued intelligence and craftiness in my wrestlers (big Bret Hart fan as a kid, in other words), so as soon as Crush got exposed as a "big dummy," as Bobby Heenan put it, I lost my support for him.

 

On the other hand, I really appreciated Doink for being smart as hell, even with the yellow teeth and the painted face and the general douchebaggery. 

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Punk is like Bryan in that he's over with a certain group of fans and they do buy his merch, but he can't draw buyrates or move significant numbers and is, probably, a turn off to most casual fans.

 

Punk and Bryan are the Trophy Wife, to John Cena's Big Bang Theory, essentially.

 

Although credit to Bryan, at least he can develop his character and doesn't still act like its summer 2011 when non-stop shooting was "so kewl!"

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Dammit, and I like Big Bang Theory...

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Although credit to Bryan, at least he can develop his character and doesn't still act like its summer 2011 when non-stop shooting was "so kewl!"

 

Bryan's character?  I'm not about go all March Madness in here, but saying YES a bunch seems a little simpler than what Punk is asked to do.  Could you get 4 months out of Bryan vs Heyman and Axel?  I don't think so.

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Although credit to Bryan, at least he can develop his character and doesn't still act like its summer 2011 when non-stop shooting was "so kewl!"

 

Did you actually listen to Daniel Bryan's promos during his feud with The Authority, or were you just loudly yelling "YES! YES! YES!" in your living room, and couldn't hear Bryan? Because he talked about during his promos was being "held down".

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More Austin fantasy booking. RVD returns at the Royal Rumble and screws Punk. He is there to fight on behalf of Paul Heyman, who he has forgiven. Once a Paul Heyman guy, always a Paul Heyman guy. One day, Punk will learn and come home. Punk defeats RVD at Elimination Chamber. The next night on Raw, Punk asks who Heyman has next. Sabu? Tommy Dreamer? Justin Credible and Lance Storm? Danny Doring and Roadkill? Heyman teases Jericho, but it turns out to be none other than Steve Austin. And the WWE Channel debuts with a retrospective look at the Dangerous Alliance.

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Bryan's character is that he's weird and small and the jock bully assholes in corporate hate on him for that reason, except that he can kick dudes in the face and make them feel it unlike most weird nerds. He's a granola-eating geeky Austin. I think he can pull it off being a slightly-unhinged nerd if asked to do so. 

 

Heyman and Axel poking at Bryan the nerd until he snaps and starts kneeing people in the face sounds like a whole lot of fun for four straight months, but then again, so does Mark Henry throwing Axel off of and into various things for four months, so my threshold for being entertained might just be really low. 

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More fantasy booking. RVD returns at the Royal Rumble and screws Punk. He is there to fight on behalf of Paul Heyman, who he has forgiven. Once a Paul Heyman guy, always a Paul Heyman guy. One day, Punk will learn and come home. Punk defeats RVD at Elimination Chamber. The next night on Raw, Punk asks who Heyman has next. Sabu? Tommy Dreamer? Justin Credible and Lance Storm? Danny Doring and Roadkill? Heyman teases Jericho, but it turns out to be none other than The Musketeer, and Bowler Boy. And the WWE Channel debuts with a retrospective look at the Dangerous Alliance.

Fixed

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