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APRIL 2015 MOVIE THREAD


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If I want to see people get hit by a truck I have my childhood memories of Super Dave Osborne, the greatest daredevil superstar entertainer of all time. Who does Paul Blart think he is to infringe on Super Dave?

 

and no CGI.  Good old-fashioned "mannequin in a helmet" technology!

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Reading Reel Terror by David Konow. Dear God, does the shooting of Texas Chainsaw Massacre sound like hell.

 

Like we've all heard the horror stories about the makings of Apocalypse Now and The Shining, but this might be the first time I've ever heard an actor say in all seriousness, like Edwin Neal does here, that the experience of shooting a movie was worse than when he served in Vietnam.

 

The stories surrounding TCM are terrifying.  Here's one--for the last day of shooting, Tobe Hooper wanted dead animals for some scenes, and sent for some that had been picked up by the local pound.  The pound brings out 500 pounds of dead cats/dogs and dumps them in front of the house.  Hooper realizes he can't use domesticated animals like that, changes his mind and wants the dead animals gone. Someone decides the best way to get rid of them is to pour gasoline on the carcasses and set them on fire--where the stench of flesh and fur seeps into an already hotbox of a horror house where Grandpa's makeup is melting and the fire mixes in with the aroma of rotten cow corpses and various bones.  Everyone was already puking their intestines out and now THIS.

 

Good grief.

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Reading Reel Terror by David Konow. Dear God, does the shooting of Texas Chainsaw Massacre sound like hell.

 

Like we've all heard the horror stories about the makings of Apocalypse Now and The Shining, but this might be the first time I've ever heard an actor say in all seriousness, like Edwin Neal does here, that the experience of shooting a movie was worse than when he served in Vietnam.

 

The stories surrounding TCM are terrifying.  Here's one--for the last day of shooting, Tobe Hooper wanted dead animals for some scenes, and sent for some that had been picked up by the local pound.  The pound brings out 500 pounds of dead cats/dogs and dumps them in front of the house.  Hooper realizes he can't use domesticated animals like that, changes his mind and wants the dead animals gone. Someone decides the best way to get rid of them is to pour gasoline on the carcasses and set them on fire--where the stench of flesh and fur seeps into an already hotbox of a horror house where Grandpa's makeup is melting and the fire mixes in with the aroma of rotten cow corpses and various bones.  Everyone was already puking their intestines out and now THIS.

 

Good grief.

 

 

OK, that story was NOT in the book. Bloody hell.

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Holy crap, you guys, it may have actually happened.  

 

Paul Blart 2 has been out for a week, and it has captured the rarest unicorn of all.

 

It has a 0 on Rotten Tomatoes.  

Up to 2% now because one guy gave it a 'Fresh' review.

 

I actually liked the first Blart.  It's a wispy, wafer-thin comedy about how Blart is fat and can't do anything right, but there's a little bit of heart in there and some laughs (I think Kevin James falling down is generally pretty funny) and, really, it's miles above something like the first 'Grown Ups' movie which was not only mostly laugh-free but also genuinely kind of despicable.  This second one looks a lot like someone saw the first one and said "Get his family and love interest away from it, and have him get beat up more".

 

While recovering from this bastard of a bad tooth and some minor dental surgery (Followed by an ensuing 10 days of not being able to open my mouth wide enough to eat anything except soup and Boost (I'm getting there, 'Best of 2014' movie folks be patient)), and in between playoff hockey, I've chosen some weird movies to watch on TV over this period.

 

Happy Gilmore: Watched a censored version of this on CBC and it was fascinating.  Like when they changed "I'm gonna beat the living piss out of him" into "living crap" which makes sense.  Then later, when he says "I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast" they changed it to "pieces of scum".  Why wouldn't you just throw another "crap" in there.  'Pieces of scum'?!  What the hell?!  Also it was bizarre that they censored Chubbs saying the word 'damn', but it was okay when Shooter McGavin said 'Damn you people, this is golf!"  This is one of those great 90s comedies that actually has more scenes in it when you watch it on TV then there are on the DVD (Ace Ventura 2 is another one).  If you watch the DVD, Happy goes and gets his grandma out of the abusive old folks' home and Ben Stiller totally gets away with it.  But if you catch the right TV edit, there's a scene where Gilmore confronts him and throws him out a window...followed by the bizarre line "He's really strong" by Stiller.

 

22 Jump Street: So it turns out I have a limitless capacity for watching this movie.  That said, I'm not sure there's a funnier moment in the film than the kid's face when his toy version of the Ice Cube character says "Don't fuck my daughter" during the end credits.

 

Drive: Watched this on M3 (Basically Canadian VH1).  More fascinating editing.  All the swearing? Intact (Including Ron Perlman saying "That is one motherfucking fine-ass pussy mobile, motherfucker!").  All the violence?  Intact (Including someone getting their head blown off, someone getting a shower-rod impaled into their chest with a shower of blood and a dude getting his head stomped in).  What did they censor?  Why the word 'ch-nk', of course.  Early in the film Perlman's character, the most vile despicable character in the film, notes his partner's chinese food and asks why he's eating "ch-nk food" in his restaurant?  That was censored.  Okay, someone got a little carried away and thought they should remove racial epithets, I can sort-of understand that.  Maybe overly sensitive, but I get it.  Except later in the film, Perlman's character is complaining about how the rest of the mob calls him a 'k-ke' to his face and that was left in.  I'm totally baffled.  Oh yeah, the movie is still awesome, btw.

 

Pure Luck: Man, I LOVED this movie when I was little.  And it's still...pretty funny.  Danny Glover is a P.I. trying to locate a millionaire's missing daughter.  Because of the daughter's clumsy, unlucky nature, he gets stuck with bumbling accountant Martin Short as his partner, in the hopes that Short's terrible luck will lead him down the exact path as his missing daughter.  It's just 90ish minutes of slapstick, with Short falling, bumbling, falling some more, tripping and falling.  Apparently it's based off a superior French film, but that has Gerard Depardieu as the hardened detective and I just can't jive with that idea.

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The Fatty Arbuckle movie they were going to make with Farley is a huge "what if." It could have pushed the direction of his career into that drama/comedy sweet spot that a lot of comedic actors try to reach.

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I think Farley benefits a lot from nostalgia. He was at his peak when a lot of us were the right age for that humour. I rewatched TOMMY BOY not that long ago, and oh man, it's not that good.

 

Adam Sandler would have almost certainly put him in all his films. So, yeah.

 

He was still 100x funnier than Kevin James though. There was something there. As opposed to James, who's just not funny at all.

 

And we were also cruelly denied his spoof of Rob Ford on SNL.

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I think Farley benefits a lot from nostalgia. He was at his peak when a lot of us were the right age for that humour. I rewatched TOMMY BOY not that long ago, and oh man, it's not that good.

 

Adam Sandler would have almost certainly put him in all his films. So, yeah.

 

He was still 100x funnier than Kevin James though. There was something there. As opposed to James, who's just funny.

 

And we were also cruelly denied his spoof of Rob Ford on SNL.

 

 

Farley wouldn't have lived long enough to make it to the era when Sandler became a box office success. He was like a Greg Giraldo where he was his own worst enemy.

 

Plus, you gotta remember, the critics tore Farley a new one when Beverly Hills Ninja came out. He REALLY didn't take that well.  People were looking at him the same way they look at Kevin James now, except Farley had the veneer of "this guy was really funny on SNL a few years ago so lets give him a pass I guess".

 

Shit. Eddie Murphy and Sandler are proof enough that if you continue doing shit movies, you will eventually wear out your welcome and undo all that goodwill. Plus, his fans would've outgrown him and his antics.

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Tommy Boy has about a half a dozen jokes that are just fucking amazing, still hold up perfectly, and land like a motherfucker.

 

 

But... There ain't much there in between those jokes.

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I think Farley benefits a lot from nostalgia. He was at his peak when a lot of us were the right age for that humour. I rewatched TOMMY BOY not that long ago, and oh man, it's not that good.

 

Adam Sandler would have almost certainly put him in all his films. So, yeah.

 

He was still 100x funnier than Kevin James though. There was something there. As opposed to James, who's just funny.

 

And we were also cruelly denied his spoof of Rob Ford on SNL.

 

 

Farley wouldn't have lived long enough to make it to the era when Sandler became a box office success. He was like a Greg Giraldo where he was his own worst enemy.

 

Plus, you gotta remember, the critics tore Farley a new one when Beverly Hills Ninja came out. He REALLY didn't take that well.  People were looking at him the same way they look at Kevin James now, except Farley had the veneer of "this guy was really funny on SNL a few years ago so lets give him a pass I guess".

 

Shit. Eddie Murphy and Sandler are proof enough that if you continue doing shit movies, you will eventually wear out your welcome and undo all that goodwill. Plus, his fans would've outgrown him and his antics.

 

 

Yeah, maybe.

 

I do think, unlike Sandler and James, he had a genuine quirkiness to him that could ,at times, be very hilarious. Sandler and James do that stuff and it usually feels very forced. Farley really was quite crazy though (on and off screen) and it added something to even the more tired schtick.

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I think Farley benefits a lot from nostalgia. He was at his peak when a lot of us were the right age for that humour. I rewatched TOMMY BOY not that long ago, and oh man, it's not that good.

 

Adam Sandler would have almost certainly put him in all his films. So, yeah.

 

He was still 100x funnier than Kevin James though. There was something there. As opposed to James, who's just funny.

 

And we were also cruelly denied his spoof of Rob Ford on SNL.

 

 

Farley wouldn't have lived long enough to make it to the era when Sandler became a box office success. He was like a Greg Giraldo where he was his own worst enemy.

 

Plus, you gotta remember, the critics tore Farley a new one when Beverly Hills Ninja came out. He REALLY didn't take that well.  People were looking at him the same way they look at Kevin James now, except Farley had the veneer of "this guy was really funny on SNL a few years ago so lets give him a pass I guess".

 

Shit. Eddie Murphy and Sandler are proof enough that if you continue doing shit movies, you will eventually wear out your welcome and undo all that goodwill. Plus, his fans would've outgrown him and his antics.

 

 

Yeah, maybe.

 

 

No, it ain't maybe. He is dead for a reason.

 

We are talking a guy who had a really fragile ego and grew increasingly self-conscious about his fat guy schtick.

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*dreams of an alternative reality where Farley became the comedy version of Keith Richards and/or Jake Roberts and somehow survived everything thrown at him while everyone wondered how he was still alive*

 

Then again, I remember thinking 3 months before Amy Winehouse died, "Hey, at least she's finally got herself together" so what do I know? Yeah, he probably was doomed, no matter what.

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I think it was a tv show about Gram Parsons where they were interviewing one of his friends, and they asked him "If he hadn't died, what do you think he'd be doing now?"

 

The guy thought about it for a second, and then replied "If he hadn't died, he'd still be dead."

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I don't know. Is it ever too late for anyone? Seems mean to say that. Look at Robert Downey Jr.

 

You can always turn it around, I guess. Although most of the time, yeah, it's not going to happen.

 

It's always based on the actual circumstances. In the case of RDJ, I think he probably doesn't feel his career is where it should be since he is basically Tony Stark now. However, that's way better than being arrested, in rehab, or dead. Farley was on a much toxic course, and his act already had a limited shelf life. At some point, Jack Black would've replaced him as the go-to funny, energetic fat white guy. Even if he would have somehow survived all that shit, he would likely be a recluse today and only be doing animated movies every few years. I don't think people would've enjoyed Chris Farley being a ham sandwich away from 500 pounds and looking like George RR Martin after a speedball binge everytime a picture came out of him.

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 I don't think people would've enjoyed Chris Farley being a ham sandwich away from 500 pounds and looking like George RR Martin after a speedball binge everytime a picture came out of him.

 

 still would be better than Paul Blart or Adam Sandler.

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