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Everything posted by J.T.

  1. Good list! I'd post a list but Creepshow will be 12 episodes strong this season so I may wait to binge one ep per night starting on 1 October so I only have to put together a short list of about 19 movies.
  2. Court Bauer lurks our board and saw the hurtful things we've been saying.
  3. I have no problems with being called out for improper spelling since I am something of a grammar Nazi, too.
  4. Yep. For a while there, she was making a living off of autographed booty photos of her and Zeda Zhang. People assumed she had signed a deal with WWE when she closed her merch store since the WWE prefers to make money off of your likeness rather than you doing it yourself.
  5. MLW's prospects are so murky it's not even funny. There were on VICE for a hot minute and then they were gone, and recently announced that they'd be starting back up on beinSPORTS by next Friday, but who knows what is really true. It reminds me of the West African fed that Power Uti ran, where the Undertaker always "no showed."
  6. Salina's contract expired and she did not resign. That's why the last Azteca Undergruond vignette showed Dario absorbing Promociones Dorado into his organization and "sacrificing" Selina. She closed the merch store on her website and IIRC she's now at Full Sail. It looks like her WWE name will be Natalie Class.
  7. No game should punish you for exploring. If the devs don't want you wandering in a certain direction, then that direction should either be inaccessible or it should not be there in the first place. The Ascendant Challenges forced me to get good at D2 platforming. I hated it while I was doing it, but the elation of success made it all worthwhile. If it weren't for the Ascendant Challenges, I probably would've never made it to the boss state of the Whisper mission (even if I only fired like three bullets in anger) or nearly got to the end of Outbreak.
  8. The John Pelan tribute review will also serve as our FIRST OFFICIAL TALES FROM THE DOJO REVIEW~! Our second review will be: VERSUS Directed by Ryûhei Kitamura Written by Ryûhei Kitamura and Yudai Yamaguchi 2000, 119 minutes Cast: Tak Sakaguchi as Prisoner KSC2-303 Hideo Sakaki as The Man Chieko Misaka as The Girl Kenji Matsuda as Yakuza Leader with butterfly knife Yuichiro Arai as Motorcycle-riding yakuza with revolver Minoru Matsumoto as Crazy yakuza with amulet Kazuhito Ohba as Yakuza with glasses Takehiro Katayama as Red-haired assassin Ayumi Yoshihara as Long-haired female assassin Shōichirō Masumoto as One-handed cop Toshiro Kamiaka as Samurai warrior Yukihito Tanikado as Cop with Barrett Hoshimi Asai as Short-haired female assassin Ryosuke Watabe as Yakuza zombie in alligator-skin coat Motonari Komiya as Other prisoner Ryuhei Kitamura's Versus (2000) is an insane, over-the-top romp of glorious violence involving zombies, psychotic Yakuza, assassins, two weird Tokyo cops, an immortal villain who is not quite the villain, and Prisoner KSC2-303, played by man crush worthy, Tak Sakaguchi. Prisoner KSC2-303 and his friend meet up with the group of Yakuza who arranged their escape. However, things go horribly wrong when a fight breaks out and one of the Yakuza is shot and killed. Moments later, he rises from the dead and tries to slaughter everyone, only to receive lead injection #2 from the other Yakuza, proving that there is no honor among thieves... especially if the guy calling the shots is bugshit crazy. While the Yakuza are occupied with testing this new development by murdering the second of the escapees to see he will also rise as the walking dead (probably the worst use of the scientific method ever devised), Prisoner KSC2-303 takes the opportunity to get the hell out of Dodge along with a mysterious girl the Yakuza had previously kidnapped. Prisoner KSC2-303 does not exactly give her a say in the matter, but she is smart enough to know a survival opportunity when she sees one. That being said, what female in their right mind would not follow Tak Sakaguchi right off the edge of a fucking cliff? The man is HANDSOME~! Do not introduce this dude to your wife, girlfriend, or female companion unless it is your intention to go home alone. Anyway, before you can say "zombie apocalypse," bad shit happens. Lots and lots of bad shit. AND IT IS TOTALLY KING SIZED~!!!! Did I mention that all of this gore drenched hilarity is taking place in a forest, but not just any forest. It's The Forest of Resurrection!!!!! One of the geographical locations of the 666 portals linking earth to the spirit realm.. In this case, it's the 444th portal (The number 4 is a bad luck numeral in most Asian cultures. The number 4 and the Japanese word for "death" sound identical). Versus is an absurd gib fest that it is unspeakably great and the fights are hella good as well. Sakaguchi is totally badass and Sakaki has an aura of calm menace about him that will really freak you out, but the real MVP of the ensemble is Kenji Matsuda who plays his nameless, knife wielding Yakuza leader stereotype with sadistic glee and chews on scenery at every opportunity. It's hard to tell if Versus is Ryûhei Kitamura controlling chaos and micromanaging the mayhem or if he is just allowing things to happen for the sake of artistry. Who really cares? This instant classic is nothing but the truth. In this era of #metoo, the relegation of Chieko Misaka's character to window dressing / damsel in distress might annoy you at first, but her role in this timeless chess game is far more significant that you realize. Give this dark fable time to tell its entrail splattered story and you might be surprised when it is all said and done. MILLION BILLION STARS~!
  9. So now that we know that horror / martial arts mash-ups have always been a thing, let's delve deeper into this mysterious sub-genre. As a matter of fact let's call it: TALES FROM THE DOJO~!
  10. I should be done with my Kill 'Em All playthrough in Mafia III pretty soon. I guess I will be tackling 2077 and making a legit effort to beat the game in the next few days.
  11. I imagine that the Shattered Realm content would just aggravate me. I think I peaked when I successfully completed the time trials for all of the Ascendant Challenges.
  12. I hope he woke up this morning. I am too far away to make a wellness check.
  13. The Rescue is my new SW #! moment. I'm sure it's no accident that Luke has a scene in Mandalorian 16 that mirrors Vader's march in Rogue One. Vader's attack brings terror while Luke brings hope as he cuts through his enemies.
  14. Nightbooks YA horror on Netflix featuring Kristin Ritter. Now available.
  15. Well, it looks like I am not dumping my AMC+ sub just yet.
  16. I have a 100% completion achievement for beating V. There is absolutely no reason for me to put myself through that horror ever again. Mafia IV will come out before GTA VI does. Hell.. VtM Bloodlines 2 will come out before GTA VI does.
  17. The John Pelan Tribute Review The Legend of the Seven Golden Vampires Directed by Roy Ward Baker Written by Don Houghton Starring: Peter Cushing as Prof. Van Helsing David Chiang as Hsi Ching Robin Stewart as Leyland Van Helsing Julie Ege as Vanessa Buren Shih Szu as Mei Kwei John Forbes-Robertson as Dracula Shen Chan as Kah By the Mid 1970's, the film going audience changed dramatically. Classic monster movies were no longer a sure box office bet. The Exorcist (1973) saw to that. If horror cinema was going to survive, it had to get creative. Enter The Dragon (1973) ushered in a new era of martial arts cinema and the ever resourceful Hammer Films never shied away from experimentation and risk. I mean, Jesus, just look at Twins of Evil. Anyway, some mad genius at Hammer got it into his head that marrying up the vampire story with elements of Asian culture might result in a tidy profit. Hammer reached out to kung-fu film juggernaut, Shaw Brothers, and proposed that the next Dracula film should be shot in Hong Kong. Shaw Brothers was all over it and had total buy in. Peter Cushing (Horror Express) agreed to return as Dr. Van Helsing for one final run, but Christopher Lee sadly declined (or was it serendipity?). The story was then rewritten to minimize Dracula’s involvement, focusing instead on the ancient Chinese lore aspect. Thus was born the cult classic, THE LEGEND OF THE SEVEN GOLDEN VAMPIRES; a film that our late friend, John Pelan, held close to his heart. The Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires was helmed by Hammer veteran Roy Ward Baker (director of the lesbo vampire classic, The Vampire Lovers) and written by Don Houghton (Dracula A.D. 1972, but we won't hold that against him) and sports the shortest runtime of any Dracula movie. Following the template of contemporary kung-fu movies there is a fight scene roughly every twenty five seconds. The Chinese cast is led by the legendary David Chiang as Hsi Ching, who holds his own opposite Cushing with a rather impressive performance. Most of the supporting Chinese cast members do not speak, remaining underdeveloped and are primarily on hand to fight. Rounding out the core cast are Robin Stewart (Horror House) as Leyland Van Helsing and Julie Ege (On Her Majesty’s Secret Service) as Vanessa Buren, the obligatory adventurous Englishwoman. Filling the role of Dracula with minimal screen time is John Forbes-Robertson (LIFEFORCE, MOTHER FUCKERS~!), seen in only two scenes that bookend the picture. The vampires in this picture are not of the hopping variety from Chinese folklore and, like the rest of the Chinese cast, do not have any dialogue. They are all, however, martial arts experts supported by an army of the zombies that served as punching bags for David Chiang and Cushing's Chinese vampire hunters. In an odd for the times but unsurprising twist, the vampires are prone to kidnapping women to their temple and stripping them topless before biting them and killing them. Remember, the director for this movie is the guy that brought you The Vampires Lovers and boobs = box office. Even Shaw Brothers and Golden Harvest were beginning to show more female nudity in their martial arts movies to lure in more movie goers. The picture is better than one would expect from this sort of mash-up and it did well upon release in both England and China, but languished for years in the United States before being dumped into theaters in a dreadfully re-edited version that to this day makes zero sense. The Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires is fun and fast paced and everyone involved plays it straight. Hammer fans will be happy to see the film in HD and newcomers will find it intriguing in its crazy blending of genres. RIP John Pelan. We miss you, buddy.
  18. Yeah. Making them back to back and ending the middle installment on a cliffhanger committed them to seeing everything through to the end, good or bad. I think it would've been better if they'd done the Empire Strikes Back thing and ended the middle film on a sour yet decisive note. You'd still leave room for a final installment but at least you'd have a clean break for the middle film.
  19. Everyone that watched Seven thought that the upside down credits roll was so awesome. I could tell that they'd never seen Repo Man.
  20. A WWE wedding that wasn't garbage, a decent main event, and pushing new talent at the end. A very promising launch for NXT 2.0. I'd have been a little happier if Dunne had won, but I am okay with the circle closing and Ciampa reclaiming Goldie. Who did LA Knight annoy to eat two pinfalls in one night? Dexter Lumis threatening the any objections or forever hold your peace crowd with a throwing axe was king sized. Indi Hartwell was such a beautiful bride!
  21. The Lockhart Brothers are the Mulkeys for a new generation. God bless them. Mysterious Movado has excellent punches and Fuego is putting some moves together.
  22. and Birth Ritual by Soundgarden.
  23. 1.31 Update went live today. Patch Notes:
  24. RIP Norm MacDonald. I guess they will try to pin his death on OJ as well.
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