2014 Summer Blockbuster Movie Pool

[_MJ_]

Reminds me. I need to check out The Watch.  People said it was good flick and Gyllenhaal is in it.  He's good in most of his projects.

 

I just checked The Giver early Rotten Tomato score.  Not looking good so far.  Damn you, Taylor Swift.

[EVA]

Reminds me. I need to check out The Watch. People said it was good flick and Gyllenhaal is in it. He's good in most of his projects.

THE WATCH, not END OF WATCH.

[Brian Fowler]

Don't forget that this year lost a huge box office draw in the Fast and the Furious.

 

Very true, as that's an absolute oddball franchise that is actually getting more ticket sales as it goes on.

 

Not many franchises have their 5th and 6th installments outdraw the 1st and 2nd.

[Niners Fan in CT]

Plus, Fast isn't based on a comic book or adult fiction. They are literally pulling shit out of their ass and it works....  It sooooo works.

[Brian Fowler]

The only one I ever saw was the first.

 

I really, really, really didn't like it.

 

Maybe I should give these later, Rock infused ones a shot though.

[Bustronaut]

5 is OK, 6 is amazing.

[Brian Fowler]

True story:  Groot is lessening my hatred of Vin Diesel (although I maintain that his performance in the first FF was the single worst job of acting I've ever seen in a big budget movie.)

[Elsalvajeloco]

True story:  Groot is lessening my hatred of Vin Diesel (although I maintain that his performance in the first FF was the single worst job of acting I've ever seen in a big budget movie.)

 

You clearly haven't seen his followup performances. You also haven't seen Angelina Jolie in Alexander and Orlando Bloom in Kingdom of Heaven.

[Brian Fowler]

......  I actually own both on dvd

[Niners Fan in CT]

I would have also accepted Orlando Bloom in Pirates or Orlando Bloom in Troy. Wasn't there a thread based on terrible acting in big movies? Ah fuck, my memory is shot.

[Elsalvajeloco]

......  I actually own both on dvd

 

All respect lost*

 

 

*Edward Norton was awesome in his extended cameo as the leper king in KoH though.

[Brian Fowler]

I have a terrible habit of buying random shitty movies out of the 5 dollar bin at Wal-Mart.

 

Although I think Alexander is somewhat underrated.  It's not necessarily good, but it's not the complete disaster people seem to view it as.

[Elsalvajeloco]

Although I think Alexander is somewhat underrated.  It's not necessarily good, but it's not the complete disaster people seem to view it as.

 

Maybe it's because I saw it the other day, but it would be hard to call it anything but a complete disaster. I think Oliver Stone in pre-production said, "how can I expose the acting limitations of every actor in this film?"

 

He delivered in spades.

 

- First off, it's clear that Stone shouldn't be directing epic blockbusters like this. Whatever D.B. Weiss and Benioff do for Game of Thrones to make Westeros feel like a real and grandiose place, Oliver Stone did the exact opposite in Alexander. Alexander's empire feels so isolated compared to what you expect. If you didn't know jackshit about history, you would think he only controlled some desert, what may or may not have been India, and a few countryside villages. That's the most integral thing about Alexander the Great and he (and the special effects units) managed to fuck it up.

 

- The accents....the accents. I know the generic British accent thing is played out, but I would've been perfectly fine with it over what we got. Val Kilmer doing an Irish accent for no reason. I don't know what Rosario Dawson was going for. Her tits were on the screen so I'll allow it. But Angelina Jolie? OH GAWD. If she was a rung lower on the Hollywood ladder, this would have been a career killer. She was disastrously bad everytime she was onscreen. It's not even debatable. She sounded exactly like a cross between Tatiana Maslany's narration in Eastern Promises and Michelle Pfeiffer in The Russia House but 60x angrier. It would be perfectly fine if she was in a Cold War thriller, but she was suppose to be Greek. Plus, Jolie was chewing so much scenery. At some point, the director or a producer had to reel her in. However, they failed to do that and resulted into something offensively bad.

- Colin Farrell was not good at all. He had the same problem Bloom had in Kingdom of Heaven except he wasn't as generic and boring. It felt like another actor should've been in that role. You had the best of the best playing Mark Antony (Burton, Heston, young Marlon Brando, etc.) and I'm suppose to believe COLIN FARRELL is Alexander the Great. Come the fuck on!

- The movie was super schizophrenic and LONG. It was so long that it couldn't decide if it was a soap opera, drama, or an action film. It became like three movies in one because they started doing flashbacks like an hour in and Val Kilmer (Alexander's dad) is no longer dead. Somehow, despite bouncing back and forth several years, Angelina Jolie doesn't really age. Therefore, you have to piece this shitshow together and figure out what era they are in. In addition, you had the long gay romance that wasn't a gay romance with creepily staring Jared Leto. That went nowhere and then Jared Leto died. YOU STILL HAD AN HOUR TO GO IN THE FILM!

 

- Sir Anthony Paycheck™

Man, I can't believe I sat through 3 hours of that. Best part? The Hound shows up out of nowhere and has a speech. Worst part? He didn't use the word "cunt". There are several speeches in Alexander and most of them are pretty bad (especially when Angelina Jolie goes into some bullshit monologue about snakes and women or some shit) or rhetorical.

 

[Niners Fan in CT]

I think most everyone only remembers Rosario Dawson.

[Brian Fowler]

That is certainly the party I remember best.

[Elsalvajeloco]

Oh, I forgot the belly dancing scene with her. Every doomed epic film needs that Heaven's Gate overly choreographed roller skating sequence that lasts FOR-FUCKING-EVER. Then you had rapid cuts between her dancing badly and Colin Farrell's pervert face. Just so terrible.

[Death From Above]

I've never seen this movie but you guys are selling it as can't miss bad cinema. Very Scott Foy-ish of you all.

[Elsalvajeloco]

You've been sufficiently warned.

[Brian Fowler]

There are also multiple different cuts.  I think three.

 

And I maintain there are some really good stretches and parts (although I must admit it's been years since I watched it) but it's fucking long. 

 

Checking IMDB, there are actually FOUR different cuts.  Theatrical (runs 175 minutes), Director (167), Final* (214) and Ultimate (206)

 

*Once again today, I find how badly Hollywood understands the word "final."

 

So, yeah, it ranges from really damn long to fucking hell, does it ever end.

 

 

It was one of those movies that came out in that big post-Gladiator glut of really long epic films.

[RIPPA]

Expendables 3 is at 33% - which seems appropriate

[The Z]

Expendables 3 is at 33% - which seems appropriate

 

I think it's funny that the Expendables trilogy went from 41% to 65% to 33%.

What was so different about that second one? Was it Chuck Norris?

[Niners Fan in CT]

JCVD was a hilarious villain.

[Chaos]

We previewed Alexander at a theater that a few of my friends worked for at the time of the movie's release.

 

It was tied to a pretty crazy night in general, and our screening didn't finally begin until I would guess nearly two in the morning.

However, the movie was pretty unwatchable, and I finally walked out at I'm not sure what point anymore.

[S.K.o.S.]

UPDATE 15 OF 21 - through August 14

 

Standings

1 [↑ 2] hobo joe - 44 points (22/22, tiebreak 0.379)

2 [↑ 5] -MJ- - 44 points (22/22, tiebreak n/a)

3 [↑ 8] The Natural - 48 points (28/20, tiebreak 0.038)

4 [↓ 1] Chaos - 48 points (22/26, tiebreak 0.328)

5 [↑ 9] DreamBroken - 48 points (28/20, tiebreak n/a)

6 [↓ 4] The Erotic Terrorist - 50 points (28/22, tiebreak 0.128)

7 [↓ 6] Suicide King of Spades - 50 points (22/28, tiebreak 0.538)

8 [↑ 17] The Veeg - 52 points (30/22, tiebreak 0.599)

9 [↓ 3] Control - 52 points (28/24, tiebreak 0.657)

10 [↓ 7] Ligerbusa - 52 points (28/24, tiebreak n/a)

11 [↑ 12] Cameron Swift - 57 points (24/33, tiebreak 0.145)

12 [↑ 13] pipGofern - 58 points (24/34, tiebreak n/a)

13 [↑ 18] RossWB - 60 points (30/30, tiebreak 0.062)

14 [↑ 21] Hoffman - 60 points (18/42, tiebreak 0.244)

15 [↑ 27] JRGoldman - 60 points (30/30, tiebreak n/a)

16 [- 16] Kevin Wilson - 63 points (32/31, tiebreak 0.213)

17 [↓ 14] Niners Fan in CT - 64 points (24/40, tiebreak 0.064)

18 [↑ 20] Rippa - 64 points (28/36, tiebreak 0.209)

19 [↓ 10] Super Ape - 64 points (30/34, tiebreak 0.51)

20 [↓ 11] The Z - 66 points (38/28, tiebreak 0.05)

21 [↓ 19] Dr. Bathroom - 68 points (32/36, tiebreak 0.063)

22 [↑ 23] Lacelle - 68 points (33/35, tiebreak 1.656)

23 [↓ 15] Paco - 69 points (41/28, tiebreak 0.245)

24 [↑ 25] ivpvideos - 69 points (28/41, tiebreak 0.785)

25 [↑ 28] CSC - 71 points (34/37, tiebreak 0.237)

26 [↓ 22] Ultimo The Great - 72 points (39/33, tiebreak 0.197)

27 [↓ 26] blitzkrieg - 72 points (38/34, tiebreak n/a)

28 [↓ 24] Mike Zeidler - 73 points (33/40, tiebreak 0.641)

29 [↑ 30] jaedmc - 80 points (43/37, tiebreak 0.029)

30 [↑ 32] Raziel403 - 83 points (46/37, tiebreak 1.658)

31 [- 31] caley - 85 points (46/39, tiebreak 0.202)

32 [↑ 33] The Damn Yeti - 87 points (42/45, tiebreak 0.301)

33 [↓ 29] Elsalvajeloco - 88 points (60/28, tiebreak 0.048)

34 [↑ 36] MushroomJones - 91 points (56/35, tiebreak 0.012)

35 [↓ 34] Death From Above - 92 points (38/54, tiebreak 0.324)

36 [↓ 35] SorceressKnight - 96 points (50/46, tiebreak 0.439)

37 [- 37] Sublime - 103 points (36/67, tiebreak 0.333)

 

Box office

1 [- 1] Transformers: Age of Extinction - $231,752,475 (28 days)

2 [- 2] X-Men: Days of Future Past - $210,594,250 (28 days)

3 [↑ 9] Guardians of the Galaxy - $197,545,821 (14 days)

4 [↓ 3] Maleficent - $193,615,390 (28 days)

5 [↓ 4] Dawn of the Planet of the Apes - $192,851,280 (28 days)

6 [↓ 5] The Amazing Spider-Man 2 - $188,957,297 (28 days)

7 [↓ 6] Godzilla - $188,144,600 (28 days)

8 [↓ 7] 22 Jump Street - $165,261,139 (28 days)

9 [↓ 8] How To Train Your Dragon 2 - $146,203,361 (28 days)
10 [- 10] Neighbors - $132,600,495 (28 days)

11 [- 11] Lucy - $102,219,505 (21 days)

12 [NEW] Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - $89,242,236 (7 days)

13 [↓ 12] Edge Of Tomorrow - $87,227,625 (28 days)

14 [↓ 13] The Purge: Anarchy - $69,494,380 (28 days)

15 [↓ 14] Hercules - $66,041,222 (21 days)

16 [↓ 15] A Million Ways To Die In The West - $41,158,955 (28 days)

 

Rotten Tomatoes

1 [- 1] How To Train Your Dragon 2 - 132/143 = 92% (28 days)

2 [- 2] Guardians of the Galaxy - 199/217 = 92% (14 days)

3 [- 3] X-Men: Days of Future Past - 205/224 = 92% (28 days)

4 [- 4] Dawn of the Planet of the Apes - 213/235 = 91% (28 days)

5 [- 5] Edge Of Tomorrow - 211/235 = 90% (28 days)

6 [- 6] 22 Jump Street - 161/190 = 85% (28 days)

7 [- 7] Godzilla - 180/246 = 73% (28 days)

8 [- 8] Neighbors - 141/193 = 73% (28 days)

9 [↑ 10] Lucy - 101/159 = 62% (21 days)

10 [↓ 9] Hercules - 61/99 = 62% (21 days)

11 [- 11] The Purge: Anarchy - 65/113 = 58% (28 days)

12 [- 12] The Amazing Spider-Man 2 - 133/250 = 53% (28 days)

13 [- 13] Maleficent - 91/182 = 50% (28 days)

14 [- 14] A Million Ways To Die In The West - 59/180 = 33% (28 days)

15 [NEW] Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - 18/92 = 20% (7 days)

16 [↓ 15] Transformers: Age of Extinction - 29/168 = 17% (28 days)

[S.K.o.S.]

Coming to you from a conference room in a hotel in downtown Portland.