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Dolfan in NYC

I Said, Hey... What's Going On?

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23 hours ago, JLSigman said:

Hey. 

I am not having some good days, and going into SAD season is not going to help. I'm doing this without insurance and medication, which sucks. Mom is getting more ill and more combative, which sucks. I burst into ugly tears at the Star Wars trailer, because sometimes I wish I was there instead of here. So keep an eye on each other, folks. We're here. It's hard, but we're here.

We are praying for you and we love you, Jen Bear!  

Feel comfort that you are not alone in your tribulation as my mom is having shoulder surgery tomorrow and she is the worst fucking patient ever.  She'll milk this for all she can and it doesn't help that there is still the issue of my pops who is crazy AF from Lewy Body Dementia.

When I went by the assisted living facility yesterday to bring him a home cooked meal, he told me about how he'd been playing football during the week and had to come out of the game for a shoulder injury.  The man has never played in a football game in his life.  He's having delusions about shit he's never done and this is really freaking me out.

The struggle will be real until my mom's shoulder heals and then I will also have to deal with sad season when she goes through her annual depression ritual since Grandma and Grandad both passed away around Christmas time.

All of these me issues (mom falling apart physically, dad falling apart mentally, new car payment stress, DMV drama, relationship of ten years gone to complete shit, having to sell the house I worked so hard to build and return to fucking renting, ad nauseum) have apparently given me a really short fuse lately and I have had to exercise extra restraint at work as there is this one pompous dickbar here at my office who is dangerously close to catching my steel toed tac boot right in the fucking knee followed up by lots of ground and pound if no one is quick to pull me off of his ass.

From what I have heard from other co-workers, they might be inclined to let me get a few shots in before coming to help him.  This tempts me to misbehave when I really should do my best to keep my composure.  What I would do to him says more about me than it does about him, right?

In the end, I like making money and his bullshit is not worth losing my job over..  This new car ain't going to pay for itself.

You cannot go off to a galaxy far away and be a Jedi, Jen.  As awesome as the lightsaber, hooded robe, and the knee length shit kicker boots would be, we kinda need your positive vibes and encouragement here.  You've been around since the board was green and yellow and had no edit features, so you know that we are all a bunch of assholes and we don't do good on our own.

Especially Rippa.

I will endure in spite of all of this madness around me and if an idiot like me can make it to the other side, you can too.

Edited by J.T.
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I've had trouble focusing for a paper this week(turns out its my blood pressure-long story on that), and I turned in a incomplete "rough draft" on Sunday. No repercussions as this is only for peer review, the real deadline is Sunday. Not a biggie, except I'm pretty embarrassed as I normally can bs 1500 words like nobody's business, but the  writers block has been nasty. Made some progress today, as I'm at a middle school with nothing to do(the kids have worksheets). Just a bit frustrated. I have a chance at a emergency job-the principal goes to my church and he asked me to apply for it, but I haven't heard anything about the interview and this week was when the other teacher was supposed to be leaving. Trying to stay positive, but my natural pessimism is making it hard. Not that my issues compare to you guys stuff. .  .

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4 minutes ago, Kuetsar said:

 Not that my issues compare to you guys stuff. .  .

Let's not go comparing miseries, my friend.  Everyone's struggle is real and significant.  Yours included.

Let's just support each other so that we can overcome our adversities.

Have you talked to your instructor about your writer's block?   Perhaps you can get an extension?

 

Edited by J.T.
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Thankfully, I don't think it will come down to that. This assignment's weird anyway. We were supposed to bring teachers together for a round table discussion on an ethical issue, then write a 1500-2000 word essay about it, with peer reviewed evidence. Not a biggie, but I burned myself out Sunday doing the transcription, and had a hard time doing the analysis section. The bigger deal was my blood pressure, as it was pretty high yesterday(based on the goddamn pain the ass HIGI station-I swear to God that thing raises my pressure 5-10 on its own) Anyway long story short, I was on Valsartan, then the doc put me on Valsartan with a diaretic that seemed to kick my butt. I ran out of my precipitation of the regualr one, then took the other one that seemed to wipe me out. Anyway i ran out of that about a month ago and have been putting off calling the doc for a refill of the regular Valsartan. I'm refilling it today, so that should help with the blood pressure/ non  motivating/writers block thing. I have a pretty good frame put together, and just need to add in some more evidence and it'll be good to go.  The problem with being able to put together an essay that will get an A at the last minute(Humble brag, I know) is i have a hard time motivating myself to do it sooner, thus I send up with this week's issue. Thanks for the concern, though.

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I love all of you guys so I'm always concerned.

If you've got that paper situation locked down, go ahead and do your thing, man.

I wish I could say that spur of the moment literary genius was one of my gifts, but it's not.

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Happy Birthday to me!

37 years young. ready for this 3 day weekend/party to begin!!

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22 minutes ago, twiztor said:

Happy Birthday to me!

37 years young. ready for this 3 day weekend/party to begin!!

Happy Birthday, dude.  I'll be 37 in two months and according to my wife (turned 37 last month) it's not that bad after all.  Enjoy your partying.

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Birthdays are for the REALLY SWELL NEWS thread guys~!  CAUSE FOR CELEBRATION~!

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My three month probationary period at the pharmaceutical company I was working has come to an end, and so has my employment. I was let go when I went in for my shift today. Majorly depressed, back to square one. 

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57 minutes ago, Nice Guy Eddie said:

My three month probationary period at the pharmaceutical company I was working has come to an end, and so has my employment. I was let go when I went in for my shift today. Majorly depressed, back to square one. 

Holy shit that sucks.  That "What now?" feeling is a horrible thing to go through (been there way too many times with contract-to-term jobs)  But hopefully it won't take long for you to get back on your feet.

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2 hours ago, Nice Guy Eddie said:

My three month probationary period at the pharmaceutical company I was working has come to an end, and so has my employment. I was let go when I went in for my shift today. Majorly depressed, back to square one. 

Nothing to be depressed about. If that's the manner in which they treat employees it isn't the sort of company that you want to work for anyway. That's just some bush-league shit. 

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Wow, that i some bs. Sorry to hear that, Eddie. Hope you can find somewhere that treats you better.

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Started some new antidepressants this week and they're making me feel sick/rough. Flu jab sucked too. Bad timing when I've things going on. 

@JLSigman. I can relate to looking after an ill Mum and what it does to you. I also understand escapism thinking there's an alternate world/timeline. Mine would naturally be my Mum here. Virtual hugs. 

Sorry you're having it rough, @J.T.. That's a lot on your plate. Best wishes.

Good luck with the paper, @Kuetsar.

Sorry to hear you were let go, @Nice Guy Eddie

Mental health. Look after yourself and those around you. Care is crucial xxx.

Edited by The Natural
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Thanks for the kind words everybody. I might have something lined up already thanks to an old co-worker I worked with for several years. Sometimes posting cryptic, suicidal messages on FB can pay off.

Edited by Nice Guy Eddie
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3 minutes ago, Nice Guy Eddie said:

Thanks for the kind words everybody. I might have something lined up already thanks to an old co-worker I worked with for several years. Sometimes posting cryptic, suicidal messages on FB can pay off.

Don't go down that route, fella.

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48 minutes ago, The Natural said:

Don't go down that route, fella.

the Matt Hardy route

but what if I re-invent myself as Broken Guy Eddie?

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3 hours ago, The Natural said:

Started some new antidepressants this week and they're making me feel sick/rough. Flu jab sucked too. Bad timing when I've things going on. 

@JLSigman. I can relate to looking after an ill Mum and what it does to you. I also understand escapism thinking there's an alternate world/timeline. Mine would naturally be my Mum here. Virtual hugs. 

Sorry you're having it rough, @J.T.. That's a lot on your plate. Best wishes.

Good luck with the paper, @Kuetsar.

Sorry to hear you were let go, @Nice Guy Eddie

Mental health. Look after yourself and those around you. Care is crucial xxx.

Sorry to hear the new meds have unfortunate side-effects. It's been years and years, but I seem to recall that when I started whatever the fuck it is I've been taking for two decades now, that it was a pretty nasty thirty-day window of my body getting acclimated to getting the proper dose of the chemical it was supposed to be making itself in the first place.  Hopefully you won't have to put up with a whole month of discomfort. Flu shots? I don't get it. It puts my wife on her back for two or three days and she gripes about the pain in the injection site for a couple of weeks. I used to have co-workers call in sick from getting the shot... Me? "Jab it in whichever arm is more convenient for you, nurse, I don't much care " Fifteen minutes later I won't be able to tell you which arm had it.

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On 10/22/2019 at 1:01 PM, J.T. said:

Let's not go comparing miseries, my friend.  Everyone's struggle is real and significant.  Yours included.

Let's just support each other so that we can overcome our adversities.

Have you talked to your instructor about your writer's block?   Perhaps you can get an extension?

 

Just march in and say "Look, if Harlan Ellison could have an extra twenty years for the Last Dangerous Visions and still not turn the fucker in, I should be good for another thirty-sixty days easy!"

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On 10/26/2019 at 12:50 AM, Nice Guy Eddie said:

the Matt Hardy route

but what if I re-invent myself as Broken Guy Eddie?

If you do, please use the word "ubiquitous" properly. 

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On 10/26/2019 at 7:53 AM, OSJ said:

Sorry to hear the new meds have unfortunate side-effects. It's been years and years, but I seem to recall that when I started whatever the fuck it is I've been taking for two decades now, that it was a pretty nasty thirty-day window of my body getting acclimated to getting the proper dose of the chemical it was supposed to be making itself in the first place.  Hopefully you won't have to put up with a whole month of discomfort. Flu shots? I don't get it. It puts my wife on her back for two or three days and she gripes about the pain in the injection site for a couple of weeks. I used to have co-workers call in sick from getting the shot... Me? "Jab it in whichever arm is more convenient for you, nurse, I don't much care " Fifteen minutes later I won't be able to tell you which arm had it.

My Saturday reply didn't come through. Apologies. Be nice if these meds can help in some way. I was torn whether to go on them and I continue to be unsure. Yeah, with the benefit of hindsight I may skip said flu jab next year. It does more to me with having CP. I've only ever had flu once or twice in my 34 years.

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Wasn't sure I'd be able to do my shift at the charity shop today which works with mental health clients, glad I did in the end. The last hour was especially busy on the tills, most I've served people in such a short space of time. You've got to keep your head and if you make an error, it's okay and start over.

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That surgery referenced at the start of the thread, and me mentioning that insurance was helping? Well, an easily fixable paperwork error by said insurance resulted in the surgery getting postponed. I'm quite frustrated.

To prevent anyone from getting too squicked out by medical details, I'll spoiler tag what this specific surgery is and why I'm getting it.

Spoiler

Trans women, if they elect to get genital reconstructive surgeries, can opt for a bunch of different gender affirming surgeries. The specific one I'm getting is the first one, an orchiectomy, which is the surgical removal of testes. This is specifically because I'm having significant side effects to my anti-androgen medication, and my doctor has told me I need to come off of it. I've been having an increase in migraines as well as occasional dizziness, and I've been getting more frequently dehydrated even though I've been drinking more water than ever. I've had to have IVs twice in the last three months.

I am not emotionally ready to undergo the recovery process of the vaginoplasty, which is both lengthy and extremely painful. Not to mention, I don't cope well with general anesthesia, and vaginoplasty requires anywhere between six to eight hours of anesthesia. Usually the orchiectomy occurs as part of the vaginoplasty, but in some cases it can happen before the vaginoplasty in order to remove the need for an anti-androgen as part of a feminizing hormone replacement regiment. Ergo, since I can't keep taking spironolactone, which is my anti-androgen, and finasteride is not an option for me, doing an orchiectomy is a good idea because it will eliminate the need for the anti-androgen, as my body will no longer be producing testosterone necessitating that I take a medication to prevent its effects.

In other words, I need to stay on HRT, but I can't keep taking my anti-androgen, but I'm not ready for the big surgery yet, so this is a stopgap until I am ready.

So my insurance, in order for me to get this surgery, requires me to get clearance from two mental health professionals in order to get this surgery. Even though it's been deemed medically necessary by my doctor, and a surgeon has agreed that it needs to happen, because it's related to my gender, my insurance says I need to prove that I'm mentally competent to make my own health care decisions by getting clearance from two mental health professionals. Fortunately I already see a therapist regularly for other matters, so that's no problem, and I got a referral for the second professional. I figured we're good. I do all the paperwork and send it in.

The letter from the second professional was rejected three days before my surgery. Nobody told me why it was rejected, just that it wasn't "suitable", and I needed to get another letter from another professional. There's no way I can get another appointment in time, so my surgery is postponed. I finally get a rush appointment with a third professional last week, get a letter from her, and submit that. I call my insurance to check in, and they said they were still reviewing, and that my case has been assigned to a specific case manager, who will call me later. I get a call Friday from the case manager telling me that the third letter was fine, but that she was confused about why I submitted a third letter in the first place. I said I was told that the second letter was rejected, but nobody told me why.

Turns out, the second letter shouldn't have been rejected. The second professional's license number got cropped off when it was faxed over, and the case manager was able to find it and append it to the letter. Instead of saying that was the issue and having me resend the letter, or asking me if I have the license number, my insurance essentially forced me to postpone a surgery... for literally no good reason. Just because they can, I guess.

American health insurance industry! What fun!

At least it's fixed now, and hopefully I can get rescheduled by the end of the year, but holy wow what a frustratingly stressful three weeks this has been for me.

Edited by Stefanie the Human
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