RAW 4/28

[Cobra Commander]

ok, so the face commentators (Cole/Lawler) spent the Brie/Paige match insisting that the face wife (Brie Bella) of the face champ (DBryan) didn't deserve a title shot, and that an impromptu match was unfair, when Paige (also a face) won the title in an impromptu match

 

that totally makes sense!

 

then again, they could have shown the mask still in place pre-match, before Kane comes out in one of his other masks and terrifies the masses anyways

[Greggulator]

That opening segment was absolutely epic. Anything Bray touches is gold right now. He (and anyone in creative helping him) are coming up with this next-level stuff and it's epic. I became a huge mark for his stuff in FCW/NXT when he had all of the not-so-subtle Biblical references that became more and more subtle. They weren't just great lunatic heel promos -- they had poetry and artistry behind them. He's somehow elevated that stuff now into becoming one of the most compelling characters on television, and not just in wrestling. Attacking Cena by taking over the C-Nation is a great twist -- and showing he's doing it via a children's choir all wearing sheep's masks is just so beyond anything I could ever imagine doing.

I was totally fine with Cena's promo afterwards. Like Bray said a few weeks back -- that's who he is. He deflects his pain by making jokes and doing power points. He doesn't want to let Bray get to him. And by trying to prove that point, he has.

Usos vs. Rybaxl was really good. Easily the best Rybaxl match.

The final segment was a blast, too.

[Hagan]

Not a bad show, per se but I think they've gone slightly askew on things that were effective pre-Mania. 

 

- I think Cesaro/Heyman WILL work eventually, but it's not working now. Maybe it's the fact that Cesaro went from a burgeoning babyface back to a heel. I don't think anyone wants to see him fight Swagger or, really, RVD, either. It's not that Paul shouldn't be hyping up the Brock thing and trying to get heat, but it just seems we've gone too many weeks from seeing the Cesaro that was uppercutting dudes from a billion angles and then swinging them to the moon.

 

- I don't think the Kane stuff is dooming Bryan or is meant to make him look weak, but, due to a couple of real-life events, we've gone a bit from seeing Bryan kicking heads in to him having to emote and act, which isn't what got him over. First it was comedy, and then it was great ring-work and being a great babyface. And, while Steph has generally been great, the faux-babyface act just feels a bit played. Hunter has dropped the pretense so Stephanie should do the same.

 

- I really, really like the opening segment, but, again...we need more Harper/Rowan mauling people.

 

Now that I type this out I guess I realize that what's missing is that with all these new guys bumped up to de-facto main eventers that have to carry promos and angles after having plenty of time for matches when they were upper-midcard, now we have a mid-card filled up with a lot of stale acts. The dismantling of the tag division after it's brief, glorious resurrection has definitely hurt the match quality too (though I liked the Usos match fine).

 

Oh...Paige and Brie was really good for the time it was given, not that the announcers gave a shit. 

 

And not sure what the problem was with Flair's promo. It was fine. It seems like every time like Hogan, Flair or Piper show up, people are convinced it's going to be embarrassing so they over-exaggerate everything. 

[piranesi]

BATISTA FASHION WATCH

This Week:

Donald Pleasence hosting a key party on the set of THE EIGER SANCTION.

[Cobra Commander]

That Kane/Bryan/Bella segment reminded me of some discarded Attitude Era angle that someone decided to try and throw back out there.  I'm guessing they're saving the Brie kicks Stephanie's ass bit for the ppv, if they even decide to go there.

although in the attitude era, Kane would have Tombstoned Brie Bella

 

also, the whole RVD/Swagger/Cesaro triangle match should be kinda interesting?

[piranesi]

I hate that Bryan has caught whiny-stupid babyface syndrome.  I mean he was always kind of dumb and headstrong and didn't think things through.  But he's misdirected by lights and music more easily than the average newborn.

 

But I hate all the "My wife is asceared and my head hurts!!!" 

 

[FSW]ROCK TOOK HIS BEATINGS AND CAME BACK STRONG LIKE A GODDDAMN MAN![/FSW]

[Libs]

RVD actually looked slightly less horrible this week against Barrett, I thought. Not good, not even mediocre, but at least less like a guy who should be clinging to the glory days in front of a gym full of 20.

 

Cesaro might be able to work with the guy that showed up tonight.

[Phantom Lord]

It's too bad Brie and Bryan had to go and get married for real. Kane kidnapping Brie because he wants her to be his wife would have been so much more fun.

 

Okay probably not, but it would be amusing to see Brie try to emote any kind of emotion. I swear there was a shot of her right as Kane grabbed her the first time where she poked her head up and was like "umm...oh yeah I'm supposed to be scared".

[Greggulator]

RVD's promo against Zeb was so terrible. That dude is so worthless now.

[Petey]

BATISTA FASHION WATCH

This Week:

Donald Pleasence hosting of a key party on the set of THE EIGER SANCTION.

I respect you.

[bink_winkleman]

HATED the children's choir.  HATED HATED.  First time in a while I've gotten that ashamed, embarrassed feeling for watching WWE.  Lamest trope ever in horror movies, really corny as fuck in this setting.  Absolutely loved the vote thing getting to Cena's head, though.  He was great here.

 

Bryan's mic work was pretty horrible tonight.  Which makes me very sad.

 

Heyman's knock-knock joke was incredible.  Incredible.

 

Kane bringing back the Rape Hole was just weird.  

 

Pretty good show.  Looking forward to Sunday, for sure.

[PetrolCB]

Zeb should play up that we could become a nation of RVD-esque burnouts if complete legalization goes through.

[piranesi]

Tonight @DeanAmbrose sold a spiinebuster like he had just freebased a tube of VX gas from THE ROCK.

 

That moment was like scraping a hot piece of metal across a drop of your blood.  Your reaction to it determines if you are a soulful human being, or a THING monster who needs to be burned.

[pipGofern]

Okay probably not, but it would be amusing to see Brie try to emote any kind of emotion. I swear there was a shot of her right as Kane grabbed her the first time where she poked her head up and was like "umm...oh yeah I'm supposed to be scared".

I try to cut Brie some slack because I like her but the way she delivered that "bitch!" line was like she took acting lessons from Chris Klein.

[piranesi]

 

I try to cut Brie some slack because I like her but the way she delivered that "bitch!" line was like she took acting lessons from Chris KATTAN.

 

 

Slight edit for accuracy.

[PetrolCB]

Okay probably not, but it would be amusing to see Brie try to emote any kind of emotion. I swear there was a shot of her right as Kane grabbed her the first time where she poked her head up and was like "umm...oh yeah I'm supposed to be scared".

I try to cut Brie some slack because I like her but the way she delivered that "bitch!" line was like she took acting lessons from Chris Klein.

If Cena still rapped, I could hear him dropping this line.

[Greggulator]

I really would like the Bray/Cena match to end with an ATF siege of some sort.

[piranesi]

I really would like the Bray/Cena match to end with an ATF siege of some sort.

 

If they were committed to this angle they could find a MakeAWish kid whose wish was to turn on Cena. 

 

This angle is so bizarrely abstract.  On one hand, they are saying that if Bray literally escapes a cage, then his "idea" will figuratively escape into the world and destroy us all.

 

And then they literally show us a choir of children who figuratively represent Cena's fanbase turning on him, but who literally are just a group of local theater kids or whatever who want to get on t.v., which makes them figuratively exactly symbols of what Wyatt claims to despise anyway.

 

Meanwhile John Cena is claiming to defend the people against someone who would take away their free will by denying that what they say they want is what they really want and imposing order on them by fiat of his own personal faith in his own true goodness, which is exactly what he claims Bray Wyatt is doing.

[Cobra Commander]

It's too bad Brie and Bryan had to go and get married for real. Kane kidnapping Brie because he wants her to be his wife would have been so much more fun.

 

Okay probably not, but it would be amusing to see Brie try to emote any kind of emotion. I swear there was a shot of her right as Kane grabbed her the first time where she poked her head up and was like "umm...oh yeah I'm supposed to be scared".

Kane can always kidnap Nicki Bella and make her his wife.. then we could get Kane/Nicki v. Bryan/Brie at the next PPV

[JRGoldman]

Can we talk for a minute about JBL saying Flair 'has never looked better'? Does better now mean drunker? Flair has never looked drunker is probably also false, but at least I'd have to think about it.

I was bored for all of raw, and so was the crowd. It seemed like they planned on a few things to really get big reactions, but nothing really did.

[piranesi]

 

Kane can always kidnap Nicki Bella and make her his wife..

 

Ugh.  That would be like aiming for Eva Gabor and getting Zsa Zsa.

[mco543]

I think JBL was pretty shitfaced tonight too. Maybe not as much as Flair but it's close.

[offspring515]

That opening was terrific. Bray turning kids, the only fans Cena has left, against him is brilliant.

Everything after the tag match was pretty bad. Speaking of tag teams wtf happened to this division? Usos beat Rybaxel clean tonight. Matadores are playing distant second fiddle to El Torito. Rhodes are seemingly done. 3MB is a joke team. Wyatts and Shield are occupied elsewhere. PTP and Real Americans broke up. Tons of funk are no more. Usos are great but they have nobody of consequence to fight.

Just let Bryan wrestle. He'll pull something very good out of Kane but long promos and acting aren't his thing.

Sort of amazing that Shield/Wyatts had the fans losing their minds and now going against "bigger" stars in Evolution nobody gives a shit.

Speaking of not giving a shit Paige has to stop with the primal scream after every move. Tepid response the first time and complete silence after. It was pretty embarrassing to see her keep trying it.

Bad show leading into the PPV. Decent card on paper with 4 strong matches. I assume Cesaro/Swagger/RVD is being added too.

[Cobra Commander]

 

 

Kane can always kidnap Nicki Bella and make her his wife..

 

Ugh.  That would be like aiming for Eva Gabor and getting Zsa Zsa.

 

but Nicky as the evil Bella also opens the door to a skit where she goes undercover and Bryan doesn't realize he's with the evil Bella now

[Greggulator]

 

I really would like the Bray/Cena match to end with an ATF siege of some sort.

 

If they were committed to this angle they could find a MakeAWish kid whose wish was to turn on Cena. 

 

This angle is so bizarrely abstract.  On one hand, they are saying that if Bray literally escapes a cage, then his "idea" will figuratively escape into the world and destroy us all.

 

And then they literally show us a choir of children who figuratively represent Cena's fanbase turning on him, but who literally are just a group of local theater kids or whatever who want to get on t.v., which makes them figuratively exactly symbols of what Wyatt claims to despise anyway.

 

Meanwhile John Cena is claiming to defend the people against someone who would take away their free will by denying that what they say they want is what they really want and imposing order on them by fiat of his own personal faith in his own true goodness, which is exactly what he claims Bray Wyatt is doing.

 

 

The choir was that from a local high school. Man, I'd do anything to go to that next board meeting since there's some outraged parent who just watched Nancy Grace. "You let the kids sing at Raw at the behest of a backwoods religious cult leader who made them wear sheep's masks!"

The abstract nature of this is great. I look at it like this: If Bray beats Cena at a cage match, then who can stop him? He's already swayed the masses to the point where a high school choir is willing to join The Family and that was after a loss at WrestleMania. If Bray beats Cena at Extreme Rules, we could very well see Common Core initiatives include "The Whole World" as mandatory requirements for grade advancement.