Straight-up Squash Matches

[Curt McGirt]

Fireballs! Railroad spikes! Moonsaults! Fans throwing bottles! 

[Gordi the BJW fan]

Dang. Yikes. Criminey! 

I was not expecting this thread to take a turn into a somber meditation on man's inhumanity to man.

There have been some nasty, harrowing, alarming, nerve-wracking, vicious beat-downs posted here in the last couple of days.

Oh, my stars and garters! 

Here's a literal squash match, with none other than a wresting-gear-wearing Masanobu Kurisu on the receiving end of the literal squash!!

 

I also like how squash matches can give you a quick look at a given wrestler during two very, very different parts of their career:

 

[BobbyWhioux]

I could go on and on (and have) about how Yoko is probably my favorite squash guy, partly because of his capacity to make it literal
 

here he is against the future Justin Credible and, what I like about this, besides getting to see Yoko work in all his Could-Have-Been-Finishers to complete the Technical Merit score on his Short Program, is the way he -- being in the buildup to a PPV title bout with Hogan -- goes from his belly to belly into his legdrop as quickly as his frame will allow.  He's imitating Hogan. Sadly the McMahon/Savage/Heenan team is too deep into shtick and shilling to point it out, but squash matches are wonderful opportunities to work in little impressions and parodies like this without it looking too much like breaking character or immersion. Over a month of weekly squash match heavy TV, super card opponents are taking turns fucking with each other, via the jobber, so that it's not just time filler.  "I know how to your move."  or "This guy's as big as you and I'm gonna throw him around like he's nothing."  Stuff like that.

I think there's one or two from this period where Yoko just finishes the match after the legdrop, though I'm still not finding them.

Even in a squash match, sequence matters and there's a chapter of a story to be told.  It's not just getting your shit in under the 3 minute wire.  And I like when guys remember that

[LP Steve]

Pretty typical Ernie Ladd squash, but supplemented by a great pre-match promo threatening to run Dirty Rhodes out of Florida and do something to Bubba Douglas that I as an old white man will not repeat.

[Pete]

On 5/9/2020 at 5:31 PM, Control said:

Tatsuo Nakano could have his own sub thread.

If you squint it looks like Vader vs Bill Dundee with the hottest crowd imaginable.

[Pete]

If we ever get a Squash Match HOF, the MX are going in on the first ballot. This is just a masterpiece. Corny's absolute face-melting burn on Dusty at the end is the cherry on top.

[Control]

2 hours ago, BobbyWhioux said:

I could go on and on (and have) about how Yoko is probably my favorite squash guy, partly because of his capacity to make it literal
 

 

It's pretty wild that Yoko had such a 1-dimensional gimmick, couldn't use the mic, and was pretty limited in the ring, and yet got two title reigns, beat Hulk and Hart, and main evented a couple of Wrestlemanias.

[DouglasC]

There is no way in hell that Paul Fisher had even a minute's worth of training before this match. He can't even lock up or run the ropes correctly. His knee almost ends up in the second row off a clothesline. Yegads.

 

 

Edited May 13, 2020 by DouglasC

[Pete]

Not the usual light-hearted squash fare from the MX as they just fucking maul the Mulkeys. I believe Randy Mulkey broke his tailbone on THAT bump to the floor.

[Southside Jim]

https://youtu.be/NKLLNCr32Yk?t=143

[Pete]

2 hours ago, DouglasC said:

There is no way in hell that Paul Fisher had even a minute's worth of training before this match. He can't even lock up or run the ropes correctly. His knee almost ends up in the second row off a clothesline. Yegads.

 

 

2:20?! That was maybe one minute bell to bell.

Love Sarge's good-natured interactions with Wiz as he took off his gear... you could really see the rapport they had, while simultaneously getting over how completely unconcerned they were with the schlemiel he was about to wrestle.

[SirSmUgly]

I came to this thread to see Koko hit some jobber with a Ghostbuster and Yokozuna thrust-kick some scrub, and I got it. This thread was a resounding success. 

[Curt McGirt]

No Road Warriors on here yet? Well here's one. You personally can just look up "Road Warriors squash" on Google and find tons. This one is notable because a good part of squashes should be the selling from the jobbers, and here Sam Houston just kills it. His limp doll reactions make it great, even though they don't even do the Doomsday Device. 

[BloodyChamp]

I approached this thread grumbling. At the old board squashes were oversold and some of the novels people typed about them were so contrived. But the good ones sure are good. Meanwhile I appreciate the others for the glimpse back in time not only in wrestling but my life in general. The announcers voices, the clack of the ring ropes etc are sounds from the background even when I wasn’t watching. Like I’d get up and go play during a squash or something but never not hear it just in case something good happened.

 

 

[MADCAP]

I can’t find it online anymore, but there is a MVC vs Stan Hansen/Joel Deaton match in AJPW that has Hansen being destroyed in a total squash. If someone has it, can you please post it?

[Gordi the BJW fan]

Well, now, this is mildly mind-blowing

EDIT: As, for various reasons, is this:

 

 

Edited May 16, 2020 by gordi

[tbarrie]

14 hours ago, gordi said:

Well, now, this is mildly mind-blowing

 

Dear God, talk about giving the jobber too much.

[Curt McGirt]

Not only is this a great technical ass-stomp, but there is the incredible combination of Gordon and Lance together on commentary. You'd think they'd cancel each other out but they work just fine in a low-key setting. 

[Curt McGirt]

On 5/16/2020 at 12:59 PM, tbarrie said:

Dear God, talk about giving the jobber too much.

That should've given AJ a job, and likely what Shane and him were trying to do. Too bad management never watched Metal.

[clintthecrippler]

22 minutes ago, Curt McGirt said:

That should've given AJ a job, and likely what Shane and him were trying to do. Too bad management never watched Metal.

My recollection is that AJ Styles WAS offered a developmental deal after this, but had a fairly successful side business going at the time (landscaping, I think?) that paid better than WWE's development deal at the time and also didnt want to uproot his family from Georgia to Louisville. 

[Curt McGirt]

That's a pretty cool story then, in that he waited until they needed him. Give or take. I'd like to read into it that way, anyway.

[Southside Jim]

 

[Southside Jim]

 

[Southside Jim]

 

[BloodyChamp]

On 5/13/2020 at 1:42 PM, Pete said:

If we ever get a Squash Match HOF, the MX are going in on the first ballot. This is just a masterpiece. Corny's absolute face-melting burn on Dusty at the end is the cherry on top.

You weren’t joking about a burn. And they were done in the style of Rodney Dangerfield which was genius lol!