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2014 NFL: WEEK THREE


RIPPA

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Dear Seattle D,

My fantasy team would appreciate a repeat of the Super Bowl and not last week, k thanx!

 

Co-signed. Fowler, could you talk to your QB about maybe not screwing me next week, hm?

 

 

If I could make Stafford not suck, don't you think I would have done it by now?

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Dear Seattle D,

My fantasy team would appreciate a repeat of the Super Bowl and not last week, k thanx!

 

Co-signed. Fowler, could you talk to your QB about maybe not screwing me next week, hm?

 

 

If I could make Stafford not suck, don't you think I would have done it by now?

 

I think you have to remove the stank from the Lions first.

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The Cardinals were 10-6 last year. Their defense was either the best overall or at least in the top 3. Not sure where this idea the Cardinals are overachieving is coming from but they absolutely are one of the better teams in the NFC.

 

Of course I may be a tad biased because I'm a total mark for Bruce Arians. After the shit way the Steelers jobbed him out, it's pretty satisfying to see him succeed.

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Winning with Drew Stanton is overachieving.

 

Point taken but I actually have more faith in them winning with Stanton than Palmer. Ever since Palmer's knee got Von Oelhoffed, he's not been a good QB. In fact, Palmer's probably the worst "good" quarterback currently in the league.

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I predict that the Carolina Panthers will do their part to make the world a better place on Sunday.


 


Cause:  Carolina opens up their first two drives with touchdowns.


Effect:  Steeler fans in the stadium become sick.  They no longer feel like eating.  Chickens saved: 50,000


 


Cause:  For the third week in a row, Carolina holds an opponent to 0 points in the first half.


Effect:  The entire city of Pittsburgh simultaneously shuts off their tv's at halftime.  Electricity saved: 11.5 million watts


 


Cause:  Run defense is stout, holding L. Bell to under 70 yards rushing and no TDs.


Effect:  The combined groans of the remaining Steeler fans and fantasy football noobs who started Bell even though they know our D is legit increases CO2 produced by 1000%.  Plants created due to increased CO2:  78.6 billion


 


Cause:  By the fourth quarter the game will be well in hand as Carolina has a 3 TD lead.  


Effect:  Steeler fans will leave the stadium in disgust well before the fourth quarter.  Traffic will flow as smoothly as if a game never occurred.  Families will be in a pleasant mood the following Monday.  Workplace productivity will be through the roof.  Total dollars generated in Charlotte on Monday alone: 1.9 trillion.


 


Cause:  A late field goal will add shame onto an otherwise boring game for neutrals.


Effect:  Pittsburgh will look to tuck their tail and run, but Luke will cut their tail off and use it for his War Headdress for next weeks WW3 vs. Baltimore.  Total asses beaten: 53


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