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jstout

the dumbest wrestling card ever

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I do this "humor" thing on Facebook. Too convoluted to explain. Anyway, I just had the idea to "promote" the ultimate small-town wrestling card for a show that will be held inside a barn. Probably with the cows still inside.

 

Can you guys come up with "matches" for the show? The more outlandish the names and stips the better. If you wanna throw in real wrestlers, that's fine, I'll figure out a way to fake it or expain it, but let your imaginations run wild. Thanks for any help, I wanna see what you guys come up with.

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Davy Richards on a pole inside of a steel Davy Richards where if Davy Richards loses Davy Richards has to leave town for 30 days while Davy Richards wears a tuxedo and Davy Richards has to get a Davy Richards miner glove and Davy Richards has to wear a blindfold.

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Oh and Terry Funk vs. a horse.

 

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Straw Hat on a Pole match with the Straw Hat being the Farmer's Belt Championship.

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I'm gonna have to do The Birds of War vs. Da Maniac and Cricket the Terrorist with The Trashman as referee. That's a given. Good start.

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Put Tracy Smothers in a ring with 8 sheep

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Yoshi Wanzmi vs I. R. Studd in a "Battle for the Babe" contest. The winner gets to have for his valet, May B. Mann.

 

Dick Tugger vs  2 Fresh vs the referee in a 3 man battle royal. The winner gets fired.

 

"Big" Bubba Frisco vs Heavy Metal in a hog pin filled with bacon grease match. The winner gets to keep the bacon grease.

 

Penelope Williams vs Razorblade Rachael in a Hardcore Steel Cage Piss Break Before The Main Event Match. The winner gets free medical care.

 

THE MAIN EVENT:  Frank Lee Kewl  vs Jack Hoff in TNA Contract on a pole match. Jack Hoff no shows.

 

 

Ehh, I guess I could have done better if  had  some sleep today.

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Allan "The Boner" Ticklefingers vs. Rusty Shackleford in a naked butter wheelbarrow race. Winner is shot. Bill for the bullet is sent to loser's family.

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Mixed Tag Match with the Cow and the Horse as the partners.

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Somehow the cow turns heel (as revenge for being used in a cow-tipping skit at the start of the show).

 

Because Vince Russo is booking.

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If you don't have a Hayride match (based on the King of the Road match) you have failed.

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Somehow the cow turns heel (as revenge for being used in a cow-tipping skit at the start of the show).

Because Vince Russo is booking.

Later in the night, we find the promoters turned the cow, veal. The wrestlers were getting hungry and catering ain't cheap.

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There has to be a Farmer's Daughter match where the skeevy heel wins and she becomes his valet.

 

The loser is the nice guy that loved her but it turns out the nice guy is a stalker and she can't stand him and likes the heel,  She does the turn breaking up a pinfall after the face hits his finisher and reveals that he posted secret pictures of her on the web.

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There has to be a Farmer's Daughter match where the skeevy heel wins and she becomes his valet.

 

The loser is the nice guy that loved her but it turns out the nice guy is a stalker and she can't stand him and likes the heel,  She does the turn breaking up a pinfall after the face hits his finisher and reveals that he posted secret pictures of her on the web.

 

Ahhh, but is the face her brother and the heel her cousin, or vice versa?

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Nah, the face is her daddy. Which strangely enough is also her her brother and cousin. The heel is her uncle-granddaddy.

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Put Tracy Smothers in a ring with 8 sheep

This is a wrestling card, not an orgy.

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Straw Hat on a Pole match with the Straw Hat being the Farmer's Belt Championship.

 

I completely read that as a Stu Hart On A Pole Match, with Stu Hart's skin being used to make some sort of title belt.

 

I like my idea better.

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Table vs Ladder

He wants ridiculous, not matches that've already happened.

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Teddy Hart and his cat vs. Necro Butcher and a mutant sized barn rat.

 

Stan Hansen as guest commissioner for the night just so someone eats a lariat.

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Dairy Queen night crew vs the staff at Mr. Gattis, winners get Joel's Corvette for the weekend

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