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I think seeing the actual Car at the lot at Universal Studios freaked me out more than the robo shark from Jaws did.

 

 

That fucking horn, I swear.  I probably should've reviewed this when I was still a contributor to Movie Feast.

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NOVEMBER 27TH AND 26TH~!

 

WAY OF THE TURKEY MARATHON~!

 

TWO DAYS~!

 

ELEVEN MOTHER FUCKING KUNG FU CLASSICS~!

 

GIVE THANKS FOR THE CREATION OF THIS BEAUTIFUL NETWORK~!

 

FUCK YEAH~!

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STARTING @ 6PM ON CHRISTMAS EVE AND LASTING UNTIL DECEMBER 27TH~!

 

IT IS THE MOTHER FUCKING EL REY KAIJU CHRISTMAS MARATHON~!

 

THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING~!

 

FUCK YEAH~!

 

Here is the full line-up:

 

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 24th 
 
"Gojira" at 6 PM ET
In the very first Godzilla film a 400-foot-tall mutant dinosaur called Gojira, awakened from the depths of the sea, becomes a rampaging nuclear nightmare, complete with glowing dorsal fins and fiery, radioactive breath. Crushing ships, villages, and buildings in his wake, Gojira marches toward Tokyo.
 
"Godzilla: King of the Monsters" at 8:15PM ET
American reporter Steve Martin witnesses a 400-foot amphibious monster, brought back to life by underwater nuclear testing, go on a rampage through Tokyo.
 
"Rodan" at 10:30 PM ET
A giant pterodactyl whose wings create massive, destructive winds as it flies by makes its way to Japan.
 
THURSDAY DECEMBER 25th 
 
"Ghidorrah: The Three Headed Monster" at 12:15 AM ET
The citizens of Tokyo are subjected to an ill-tempered atomic mutant: the triple-headed Ghidrah, who breathes electric volts in all directions.
 
"Godzilla Raids Again" at 2:15 AM ET
Tsukioka and Kobayashi fly scout planes for a small fishing fleet, based in Osaka. A mechanical problem forces Kobayashi to set his plane down on remote Iwato island, and as he and Tsukioka are trying to make repairs, they are drawn to the sound of a horrendous conflagration and discover two enormous dinosaurs battling each other amid the snowy wastes of the island. 
 
"Godzilla vs. Monster Zero" at 4:00 AM ET
Following discovery of the mysterious Planet X in our solar system, a joint U.S./Japanese space exploratory mission is organized. The explorers discover aliens who claim their planet has been under constant attack from the powerful Monster Zero. 
 
"Godzilla vs. Mothra" at 6:00 AM ET
Abattle royale between two of Japan's most dangerous threats.
 
"Godzilla's Revenge" at 8:00 AM ET
A precocious little boy has real-life traumas including harassment by bullies and kidnapping by a gang of bank robbers. He escapes these dilemmas mainly by taking frequent naps, during which he dreams of journeys to Monster Island to partake in Godzilla's exploits.
 
"Terror of Mechagodzilla" at 9:45 AM ET
A race of malevolent aliens bent on world domination unleash the ultimate weapon of destruction on mankind, leaving them with no hope for survival but the power of the mighty Godzilla. 
 
"Godzilla vs. Biollante" at 11:30 AM ET
After rising from his volcanic grave, Godzilla is threatened by a mutated rosebush.
 
"Gojira" at 1:45 AM ET
[see description above]
 
"Godzilla: King of the Monsters" at 4:00 PM ET
[see description above]
 
"Rodan" at 6:30 PM ET
[see description above]
 
"Ghidorrah: The Three Headed Monster" at 8:15 PM ET
[see description above]
 
"Godzilla Raids Again" at 10:15 PM ET
[see description above]
 
FRIDAY DECEMBER 26th
 
"Godzilla vs. Monster Zero" at 12:00 AM ET
[see description above]
 
"Godzilla vs. Mothra" at 2:15 AM ET
[see description above]
 
"Godzilla's Revenge" at 4:15 AM ET
[see description above]
 
"Terror of Mechagodzilla" at 6:00 AM ET
[see description above]
 
"Godzilla vs. Biollante" at 7:45 AM ET
[see description above]
 
"Gojira" at 10:00 AM ET
[see description above]
 
"Godzilla: King of the Monsters" at 12:15 PM ET
[see description above]
 
"Rodan" at 2:30 PM ET
[see description above]
 
"Ghidorrah: The Three Headed Monster" at 4:15 PM ET
[see description above]
 
"Godzilla Raids Again" at 6:15 PM ET
[see description above]
 
"Godzilla vs. Monster Zero" at 8:00 PM ET
[see description above]
 
"Godzilla vs. Mothra" at 10:15 PM ET
[see description above]
 
SATURDAY DECEMBER 27th
 
"Godzillas Revenge" at 12:15 AM ET
[see description above]
 
"Terror of Mechagodzilla" at 2:00 AM ET
[see description above]
 
"Godzilla vs. Biollante" at 3:45 AM ET
[see description above]
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My mom is super hype about all that. So was I when I noticed that Godzilla's Revenge, which I have a deeply sentimental love for, was in the trailer. But where's Godzilla vs. Megalon? That was one of the first two films I ever owned on VHS  :(

 

And hey J.T., they're showing Frogs so throwing us a horror bone. A friend of mine who I trust completely taste-wise loved it.  

 

Did anyone watch Zoot Suit? I have a deep aversion to musicals but a dancing, singing Edward James Olmos seemed so weird that I have to know.

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I am soooo watching Frogs on Friday night.  El Rey needs to buy the rights for Kingdom of the Spiders, Phase IV, Alligator, The Swarm, Squirm and Tentacles for a When Nature Attacks marathon.

 

I was in awe of Godzilla vs. Megalon as a kid, but it has not aged well in repeated viewing especially now that I know that most of the Megalon attack scenes on Tokyo are rehashed footage from Ghidorah and Rodan.

 

I am pumped that they are showing Gojira and Godzilla back to back.

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I will be completely stoked if Rodriguez mines the sub-genre of horror/kung-fu films. There are more than you might think... Couple of favorites, Legend of the Seven Golden Vampires (even though y'all have probably seen this), The Silver Hermit of Shaolin, Vampire vs. Ninja. Sadly, my favorite villain, Lo Lieh has (as far as I know) not played a vampire versed in kung-fu.

 

Is there even any debate as to whether or not RR is the coolest mofo in the universe?

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You jerks are all wet, that's what I say.  Getting caught up in that nonsense while tonight on Rural TV, I'm in the middle of a seasonal musical feast:

RTV: 8:00-10:00 - When the lead singer of a Christian Rock band (Tara Reid) finds herself stranded in a bus station on Christmas eve with an aging rabbi (Judd Hirsch), they both learn that the cure for a broken heart is yeast and harmony, in the RURAL TV Network premier of LATKE AGES.

RTV: 10:00-12:00 - The stakes couldn't be higher as the Coach of a small midwestern High School (Craig T. Nelson) tries to save the local youth center by leading a team of misfit punk rockers into the pressure cooker of the yearly International Dreideling competition in THE BAND THAT ROCKS THE DREIDELS.

RTV: Midnight - And if that's not enough, for you late night naughty birds, Jim J. Bullock joins with the current surviving Pointer Sisters for a raucous session of caroling and celebration of polyamory through the streets of Salt Lake City in an all new variety show not for the whole family.  It's JIM J'S BELLES ROCK! (Brought to you by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.)

 

 

So...yeah.

 

 

 

yeah.

 

YEAH!

 

 

YEÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄGH

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All Men Are Brothers was a perfectly fine Shaw Brothers movie but I am kinda bummed that El Rey apparently has not secured the rights to The Water Margin aka Seven Blows of the Dragon. 

 

All Men Are Brothers is the direct sequel to The Water Margin and AFAIK I haven't seen it premiered on El Rey.

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Today is a special Five Finger One Armed Eight Pole Shaolin Exploding Death Touch Thursday.

 

Starting at 1:30PM EST and repeating at 8:30PM EST, the network will premier the ENTIRE BRAVE ARCHER TRILOGY~!

 

FUCK YEAH~!  SET YOUR DVRS~!

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  • 2 weeks later...

There is no greater joy than watching Godzilla fuck shit up while getting ready for a Christmas party.

 

And Godzilla marathon Christmas Eve?  HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!  (no really, it is my Birthday)  I'm beyond excited to make time to watch this goodness.  Or the likely scenario, no time due to festivities, but the DVR will fill up quite nicely.  Really need that damn DVD recorder.

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I hope you don't mind if I rework all that to something that is more relatable for some of us.  Edits in bold:

 

 

There is no greater joy than watching Christine Lahti struggle to raise an autistic child (played by Jonathan Taylor Thomas) while trying to track down the man who stole her identity (played by Dean Cain) while getting ready for a Christmas party.

 

And Judith Light illness marathon (Dec. 24 letters A-H: Alzheimer's to Hoarding, Dec. 25 I-R: Iodine Mumps to Rabies) Christmas Eve?  HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JESUS!  (no really, it is his Birthday)  I'm beyond excited to make time to watch this goodness.  Or the likely scenario, no time due to a backlog of DVR-ed episodes of CLAY AIKEN'S ELDER BOOTCAMP: ASSIGNMENT PORT CHARLOTTE, but the DVR will fill up quite nicely.  Really need that damn DVD recorder.

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I had to laugh at the two versions of the original Godzilla.  The Japanese one is so goddamn good.  The buildup to the destruction and all the attempts to destroy him were tremendous.  Then you have the American version where you see they took the same footage and addded a few American elements.  Must have been cheap to do that.  It was still pretty good, though the Japanese one smoked it.  Can't wait to dip into the other movies, "Godzilla Raids Again" is first on my list.

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