SECRET SATAN 2024

[Execproducer]

Joel > Mike.

[odessasteps]

1 minute ago, Execproducer said:

Joel > Mike.

Agreed, but there are Mike episodes worth being up with the better Joel episodes (Santa Claus I'd say is #1 for me). 

[J.T.]

I really wanted to like Never Let Go, but I failed.  Not even my eternal crush on Halle Berry could offset my disappointment.

I've always felt that Aja was a tad overrated because he is so inconsistent.  I really enjoyed Furia but High Tension, the movie that put him on the map, was a terrific romp undermined by an ending that was utter shit.  Every time I am set to write him off, he comes up with something brilliant like Crawl, Oxygen, or Piranha 3D.  Only to follow up with something mediocre like Horns, his reboot of The Hills Have Eyes, or Never Let Go that justifies my opinion about him.

All I know is, he better not ruin my childhood by screwing up his upcoming adaptation of Space Adventure Cobra.

Edited October 17, 2024 by J.T.

[No Point Stance]

I saw The Creeping Terror on TV when I was probably 9 or 10, as part of a Michael Medved-hosted movie season called The Worst of Hollywood, which I loved. TWOH also introduced me to such delights as Plan 9, Robot Monster, Wild Women of Wongo (which I only saw a few minutes of 'cause Joe Dante's Piranha was on another channel at the same time) and - my favourites to this day - Godzilla Vs. The Smog Monster and Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. 

Sadly I struggle to enjoy Creeping Terror now, ever since seeing a doc called The Creep Behind the Camera, which paints the director as having been a piece of shit on many levels. I still watch Santa Claus Conquers the Martians each and every Christmas though.

[RIPPA]

FADE TO BLACK (Vernon Zimmermann, 1980)

IMDB : ROTTEN TOMATOES :

SELECTED BY @driver

REVIEWED BY @Curt McGirt

Quote

Yuck. Okay. I'll give it another shot. 

This was my response when Phil gave me the movie. I did. 

I still don't like it. 

It's one of those movies where you like parts of it and never the whole of it? And it goes on terribly long for no reason. And has characters that you hate even though they're Tim Thomerson doing a boatload of coke and playing a fucking harmonica at the same time as he's snorting Columbia dry, in front of a police officer. Who is apparently too attracted to him to arrest. 

Does that make it apparent? 

The movie is like Taxi Driver, or much more recently Joker, in that it has somebody who is basically a fucked-up incel freaking out over his living situation and deciding to be a murderer. It actually starts off fairly well, with the corny "I hate my overbearing mother" deal, him being a true blue film buff obsessed with all movies pre-1960s. Him looking like the palest man to not be an albino and smoking constantly really works. Even the first murders are great, but the Marilyn Monroe worship subplot wrecks it, the "Thomerson plus romantic secondary plus hardass superior cop" wrecks it, putting the finish in front of a huge crowd literally on top of Grauman's Chinese wrecks it... everything's there but it's too long, too stunted, and just not good enough. I appreciated the effort of everyone, especially Dennis Christopher (the half-face-painted scene and him in full Dracula getup at a showing of Night of the Living Dead was incredible) but it just didn't work overall. Even Mickey Rourke came off like a chump. 

Damn. I know I've had a bad week, maybe this one just hit me the wrong way. Give me something else, I'll review it. 

EDITOR'S NOTE

It is on Shudder... much to Curt's dismay

[odessasteps]

I really liked that movie when I saw it as a teenager. Maybe because I didn’t completely know alll the tropes yet. 

[driver]

I picked it because I thought it was an interesting movie and it was unknown to me until I saw it recommended on Shudder.

[RIPPA]

BONUS REVIEW: ONCE BITTEN (HOWARD STORM, 1985)

IMDB : ROTTEN TOMATOES

REVIEWED BY RIPPA

I started this review last year but never finished it. Why? Well that was because when trying to make my Secret Satan selection 12 months ago, I was doing my usual bit of searching for “Underrated Horror” and to my surprise Once Bitten appeared on lists more than once.

Clearly, there had to be some straight to DVD/streaming movie (depending on year of release) that shared the same name. Nope – it was the early Jim Carrey comedy that I watched the shit out of once it hit HBO when I was 10.

The categorization of movies always fascinates me. When I worked at Borders we used to laugh when suddenly a movie would get re-classified and we would have to move all the copies of a select title from Comedy to Drama (or vice versa). (My now terrible memory seems to recall that Garden State and Sideways were the leaders in the clubhouse here - each moving no less than four times.)

In this case – I guess because it ostensibly about vampires, it gets the Horror tag from time to time. HORROR ADJACENT~! But the fact that it is considered Horror at all would reflect why it showed up on underrated lists. Hard to be overrated if you aren’t actually a horror movie. (If I wasn’t lazy – I would insert the meme of that dude pointing at his head. Do the kids still do memes? Do they still use the internet?)

Honestly – I really don’t care. I was just happy to be reminded of said movie because, Good Lord, did Lauren Hutton and Karen Kopins awaken somethings inside of me.

The premise is fairly straight forward for a mid-80s comedy. The Countess (played by Lauren Hutton in her early 40s aka still one of the most beautiful people in the world) needs to drink the blood of a virgin male three times prior to Halloween to keep up her youth. Since this is set in the 1980s and Los Angeles she is finding this harder and harder to do. (Get it?!?!?! THE YOUTH LIKED TO FUCK!”)

Mark (Carrey in what for all intents and purposes is his first staring role) is the high school virgin who wants to fuck but hasn’t yet because his girlfriend, Robin (Karen Kopins), wants to wait.

Mark and his friends met the Countess. The Countess bites Mark for the first time. Mark then starts turning into a vampire which for this movie means he is “cooler” (slicked back hair, leather jacket, sunglasses). Okay fine – he doesn’t like sunlight, can’t see his reflection and wants red meat. Those tropes are there too.

Robin figures out something is afoot after Mark gets bitten again and there is a big confrontation during the High School dance-off because OF COURSE THERE IS A FUCKING HIGH SCHOOL DANCE OFF.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, everybody
Born to hand jive, baby
Born to hand jive, baby, yeah

Legit – it is one of the worst, yet arousing dance offs you will ever see. Hutton might as well be topless and Kopis’ Robin character keeps shedding clothing in a desperate attempt to win Mark back.

Countess kidnaps Robin so she can capture Mark for the third bite. Mark and Robin fuck in a coffin so he is no longer a virgin. The Countess turns old, is still a smoke show and her gay black assistant BECAUSE OF COURSE THERE IS GAY BLACK ASSISTANT says there are still plenty of virgins who will want to fuck her.

There is nothing scary about this movie outside of the potential of exploring the fear of being alone. Or maybe it was the fear of being able to perform. I don’t fucking know. I ain’t Freud. It made me feeling funny in my pants.

Okay… maybe I am Freud.

WRITER’S NOTES

Today, I learned that Karen Kopins was Miss Connecticut 1977

Megan Mullally has a bit part (I promise no pun was intended) in what was one of her first roles

[RIPPA]

BLOOD AND BLACK LACE (Mario Bava, 1964)

IMDB : ROTTEN TOMATOES

SELECTED BY @Andrew POE!

Everyone needs to watch giallo horror movies. Giallo is love. Giallo is life.

REVIEWED BY @Travis Sheldon

Blood and Black Lace is a 1964 thriller by director Mario Bava.

The plot revolves around Christian Haute Couture, a fashion house run by Countess Christiana Cuomo.

At the beginning of the film one of the models, Isabella, is murdered by someone wearing a dark trenchcoat, fedora, and a faceless mask.

The models are understandably troubled by their cohorts murder, but the show must go on.

Amidst the chaos of the modeling show Isabella's diary is found by one of the models who loudly proclaims she will give it to the police.

The revelation that Isabella kept a diary is concerning to most of the people there, meaning we have many suspects to choose from.

Blackmail, drug abuse, sexual indiscretion, murder, this film has a little of it all.

Blood and Black Lace is one of the most gorgeous films you'll ever see, Bava's use of light and color is unmatched (Sorry, Dario Argento!).

A pillar of giallo and should be seen by everyone, I guarantee you'll spot something used in later films.

One of my favorite of Bava's films.

I viewed the Arrow release with Italian language and English subtitles.

The English version has a different opening sequence which is subpar and the dubbing on the English version is not good.

EDITOR'S NOTE

It is on Shudder. There also appear to be versions on Youtube but I haven't checked their quality

[No Point Stance]

Gods, how has B&BL never been picked before now? Such a masterful film. That painterly cinematography. That groovy score. Those awesome opening credits... I pretty much heart all Bava (well, at least Mario Bava) but this one might just edge out Kill, Baby, Kill as my favourite of his works.

[RIPPA]

18 minutes ago, No Point Stance said:

Gods, how has B&BL never been picked before now? 

To be fair - I think in all the years of history, the selections have always leaned more towards "lesser"/weirder/not as mainstream 

Like the number of random sequels/remakes picked but the more "famous" original not being done is a lot higher than I would have imagined when I took over running these types of things. (For Example - I got the Night of the Living Dead remake a couple of years ago but the original was never done.)

Honestly - the "big" movies probably are better fits for Bonus Reviews now (Not that some shouldn't still be selections)

[Andrew POE!]

I had a whole list I sent to Rippa that came from Criterion Channel's Giallo collection. I think next month I'll be watching the movies in that collection if they are coming off the channel.

[odessasteps]

I thought about picking Dont Torture a Duckling, but decided against it. 

Edited October 22, 2024 by odessasteps

[RIPPA]

28 DAYS LATER (Danny Boyle, 2002)

IMDB : ROTTEN TOMATOES : METACRITIC

SELECTED BY RIPPA

With all the talk recently since 28 Years Later just recently finished filming, I figured it would be interesting to revisit the original since so much talk has always centered around how this movie restarted the Zombie Movement (for lack of a better word). FAST ZOMBIES~!

REVIEWED BY @J.T.

I'll be honest.  I didn't really expect much from 28 Days Later at first when I went to see it way back when. Let's face it. The first Danny Boyle / Alex Garland collaboration (2000's The Beach starring Leonard DiCaprio) really sucked.  I honestly think that the main reason I find 28 Days Later so monumental is because I went in with pitifully low expectations and was completely blown away.

28 Days Later doesn't really break new ground in the Zombie Apocalypse genre, but it does do so many things remarkably well that the sum of the parts is far greater than the whole. Boyle presents London as a ruined metropolis.  As our hero Jim (Cillian Murphy) and his companions Mark (Noah Huntley) and Selena (Naomie Harris) cautiously navigate their way through abandon malls scavenging for candy bars and warm cans of soda, it's hammered home that run-ins with the infected are the least of their worries.  When faced with the likelihood of starvation, perhaps losing yourself in the throes of the rage virus might be a kinder mercy?

After a disastrous attempt to find Jim's parents, Jim and his remaining companion, Selena, find temporary refuge in another hideout, with a father (Brendan Gleeson) and daughter (Megan Burns) who've built their own little fortress in a high-rise apartment building.   Once again, a shortage of food and water triggers their survival instincts and the group heads north from London to Manchester, in search of the source of a mysterious radio signal, which promises protection and "the answer to infection."

Naturally, this is the part of the Zombie Apocalypse epic where we begin to explore the trope where the zombies are the backdrop and the real enemy is man himself.  The quartet (which tragically becomes a trio in one of the most heartbreaking things you'll ever see onscreen) end up heading to an old country house, converted into a military encampment and run by Major Henry West (Christopher Eccleston), a psychotic despot with delusions of grandeur and a terrifying vision of the future.  Whether it be The Walking Dead or whatever, West is undeniably the template for nearly Zombie Apocalypse primary antagonist that has come after him.

Unlike George Romero, Boyle decides to end his film on a rather upbeat note.  Not exactly in line with most Zombie Apocalypse movies, but I suppose Boyle felt that he put his characters through enough suffering for one installment.

For a movie that didn't really introduce anything revolutionary to the genre, it's remarkable to see how influential that 28 Days Later really is.  Films like Resident Evil (2002), [REC} (2007), and Quarantine (2008) aka the US quasi-remake of [REC], have borrowed (if not outright stolen) many of the ideas and concepts presented in this movie.  The subsequent sequel, 28 Weeks Later, continued to build on the strong mythology created by Boyle and Garland and one can hope that we can expect more greatness in 2025 when the long awaited 28 Years Later is finally unleashed to assault our senses.

EDITOR'S NOTE

28 Days Later is one of the more infuriating movies to find online. Fortunately it went to someone I knew would own a copy (or at least had seen it already)

Also - either it is the military style handbook or just a JT thing - but I gave up deleting the double spaces after periods because it would have taken forever.

[RIPPA]

Project Update

I am missing at least 4 reviews (it might be more - I am still in the process of double checking)

If you don't have the capacity to review your movie - let me know

Also - because I am a boob - I have one movie that I forgot to assign to someone. If you want to review another movie - shoot me a message. Otherwise, I will attempt to do it myself.

 

[No Point Stance]

I promise my review will be in soon. Still have almost half my movie to watch. When it's a flick I haven't seen before (like my pick) and seems to have a lot of interesting things going on (also my pick) it tends to take me longer than anticipated, mainly because I take copious notes, without knowing how much will end up being necessary or relevant.

[Curt McGirt]

On 10/20/2024 at 6:45 PM, driver said:

I picked it because I thought it was an interesting movie and it was unknown to me until I saw it recommended on Shudder.

Trust me, this is no fault of yours. A LOT of people like it. It just doesn't hit me the right way, and you happened to fall in the jackpot. 

Again, if anyone wants me to review something I'm up for it! Despite all the horror on TV right now I've been surprisingly failing to watch things. A piece here, a piece there, but not a lot of whole stuff. Galaxy of Terror was on last night though and I caught this sick demise for Sid Haig (RIP): 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7aIeeJQNvo&ab_channel=VideoJunkie

On 10/22/2024 at 3:54 PM, odessasteps said:

I thought about picking Dont Torture a Duckling, but decided against it. 

To quote Rippa, I feel it is merely HORROR ADJACENT~! A great film though, cynical and morbid like any other Fulci (that isn't one of his comedies -- though they could be that way too, I've never seen one). I tried to find Beatrice Cenci, his brutal historical drama that was his favorite of his films, streaming recently. Prime had it for $3.99 and it was blocked anywhere else, though Dailymotion has it in Italian with no subtitles. A film made in 1969 with a customer base of probably no one except for weirdos like me. I've tried so many times to find something on there and it's always for pay. Prime isn't a streaming television service anymore... it's Blockbuster. 

On 10/21/2024 at 1:07 PM, RIPPA said:

The Countess (played by Lauren Hutton in her early 40s aka still one of the most beautiful people in the world) needs to drink the blood of a virgin male three times prior to Halloween to keep up her youth. Since this is set in the 1980s and Los Angeles she is finding this harder and harder to do.

Boy, this could set up an insanely dark premise for a vampire film: A vampire who contracts HIV and starts infecting people. 

Actually, now that I think about it, in my youth there was a magazine that lasted only four or five issues called Monsters Attack! that had a Dan Severin comic where a kid vampire in the 1950s contracted polio and died from losing his legs when the sun came up. Woof. 

On 10/22/2024 at 9:16 AM, No Point Stance said:

Gods, how has B&BL never been picked before now? Such a masterful film. That painterly cinematography. That groovy score. Those awesome opening credits... I pretty much heart all Bava (well, at least Mario Bava) but this one might just edge out Kill, Baby, Kill as my favourite of his works.

Hey now. You can't shit on Demons or Stage Fright. Lamberto was great in his own right. (And yes, Blood needs to be seen by EVERYONE. This also reminds me that I still haven't seen Planet of the Vampires or the entirety of Danger: Diabolik!.

3 hours ago, RIPPA said:

When faced with the likelihood of starvation, perhaps losing yourself in the throes of the rage virus might be a kinder mercy?

And go figure, what ends up happening to the Rage Virus victims? 

The movie floored me when I saw it in the theater. The scene with that incredible theme of Godspeed You! Black Emperor playing while Cillian Murphy looks at the monument to the victims is the most crushing thing ever. So was the demise of a certain character. 

I so wish they just decided to do a 28 Months Later given how 28 Weeks ended. With the ending, it feels so incomplete. 

[Curt McGirt]

My apologies, that ended up a little long 

[Curt McGirt]

Nevermind. I thought I found 28 Days but it has constant background music that makes it unwatchable, aside from the scene I described. 

Edited October 24, 2024 by Curt McGirt

[twiztor]

i thought 28 Days Later was decent until they make it to the mansion/compound and it turns into Sexual Assault: the Movie, at which point i lost any interest in it or its sequels. While it is absolutely a scenario i wouldn't be surprised to have play out in real life, it ruins the entire thing for me.

[Curt McGirt]

Shit, I didn't even think about that but it's been many years since I've watched it -- and I've had multiple close experiences with sexual assault since then that would make me feel the same. 

I still want to give the sequel the benefit of the doubt, though. And hopefully with the remake, they rectify the storyline. 

[Curt McGirt]

I started to make a long review of Alone in the Dark from 1982 but considering the above, I passed. It's funny, and crazy, and has Jack Palance (!!!), but... you can fill in the blank. 

[No Point Stance]

14 hours ago, Curt McGirt said:

Hey now. You can't shit on Demons or Stage Fright. Lamberto was great in his own right. (And yes, Blood needs to be seen by EVERYONE. This also reminds me that I still haven't seen Planet of the Vampires or the entirety of Danger: Diabolik!.

And go figure, what ends up happening to the Rage Virus victims? 

Stagefright was Michele Soavi (with assistance from the greatish Joe D'Amato), but yeah, Lambrto has his moments hear and there.

IIRC someone mentions early in 28 Weeks Later that the rage-infected people died of starvation. I'm not sure exactly why, as they weren't cannibals.

[J.T.]

Yes. Double spaces after periods is Military Writing 101.  It is a hard habit to break.

On 10/24/2024 at 6:31 PM, twiztor said:

i thought 28 Days Later was decent until they make it to the mansion/compound and it turns into Sexual Assault: the Movie, at which point i lost any interest in it or its sequels. While it is absolutely a scenario i wouldn't be surprised to have play out in real life, it ruins the entire thing for me.

I agree.  The second half of the movie is definitely harder to sit through, but nearly all zombie joints eventually get around to the part where man's injustice to man is worse than the zombies and shit gets all Revelation chapter:verse as we ask ourselves did we really have this coming to us?

I think it's fascinating the number of philosophical or sociological subjects you can weave into a zombie or a vampire movie.  They are two horror genres so ripe for interpretation.

I think that 28 Days Later's greatest gift to the zombie genre is cinematography.  Just think of how many other movies, shows and video games (Zombieland, Warm Bodies, World War Z, The Walking Dead, The Last of Us, etc.) have taken cues from this.  The doomed landscape is just as much of a character in the story as the people in it.  Even Shaun of the Dead does this to great effect.

Edited October 28, 2024 by J.T.

[Curt McGirt]

On 10/25/2024 at 3:48 AM, No Point Stance said:

Stagefright was Michele Soavi (with assistance from the greatish Joe D'Amato), but yeah, Lambrto has his moments hear and there.

Awww, you hit my Achilles Heel, I confuse them. Soavi was of course the great director of Dellamore Dellamore/Cemetery Man (and Stagefright, and The Church [which has the most terrifying representation of an archaic Satan I've ever seen), and The Sect, which I still haven't seen). Lamberto -- and I'm gonna look this up right now, because I don't know -- helped his dad on most of his best known projects as an AD which is EXTREMELY important in the film world. And then Demons and Demons 2, and I've never seen the rest. Shit, he worked on Cannibal Holocaust and Jungle Holocaust. That alone gives him an honorable mention due to what he had to go through. 

Joe D'Amato... that's another conversation entirely 

On 10/25/2024 at 12:20 PM, J.T. said:

I think it's fascinating the number of philosophical or sociological subjects you can weave into a zombie or a vampire movie.

This is very fair. It's just that some of the subjects can hit you low, even if you're pretty tough about movies.