A New TV Commercial Thread

[Contentious C]

I'm not sure what messes with my head more: getting a dark laugh out of the jittery girl seizing in the corner at the start of the rehab commercial on Hulu, or seeing Fak being not-Fak in the Doordash commercial.

[Technico Support]

Not a TV commercial, but FUUUUUUCK I am positive Google is using that god awful GO 'HEAD DROP IT DOWN REAL LOW lo fi mumblecore shit in their unskippable Chromebook ads just to boost YouTube Premium subs.

[Contentious C]

Really want to find the biggest hole in human existence so I can drop the assholes who came up with and approved that fucking Modelo commercial where everyone is stomping in the stadium. Next time, fuckfaces, just keep it simple: "Enjoy your circus, here's your liquid bread."

We should really change the title of this thread to "LET THE PRODUCTS SELL THEMSELVES".

[odessasteps]

1 hour ago, Contentious C said:

Really want to find the biggest hole in human existence so I can drop the assholes who came up with and approved that fucking Modelo commercial where everyone is stomping in the stadium. Next time, fuckfaces, just keep it simple: "Enjoy your circus, here's your liquid bread."

We should really change the title of this thread to "LET THE PRODUCTS SELL THEMSELVES".

‘’I came in here for that special offer” 

[Curt McGirt]

Is it just me or does Natasha Lyonne have the best fucking hair in the world? Every time I see her in those Old Navy commercials I think that, including the new one where it's two of her with two different hairstyles and they are both incredible. Either her or Zooey Deschanel in the Choice Hotels commercials where she literally plays a manic pixie dream girl, which is a funny riff on her public persona. 

[Dolfan in NYC]

I enjoy being pandered to occasionally:

And of course, Regina proves she is the queen because she would never, ever be caught dead in a Wal*Mart.

[J.T.]

I love Tubi but every single commercial for their new marketing campaign is stupid.  I hate them all.

Edited November 8, 2023 by J.T.

[Curt McGirt]

I was just coming in to talk about that Tubi commercial with the country dancing and the Mr. Fantastic arms guy! That was freaky deaky. It makes no sense but, amusing. 

The rest will probably be terrible and this will get stupid(er) in two more watches but hey

[Joel Martin]

Extra million billion stars for the Donna Pescow cameo.

[Contentious C]

Um, given what happens to her in that movie, I think you mean minus that many.  Unless you've memory-holed how fucking disgusting it is, like seemingly every other person on the planet.  Was actually going to come here to remark on that last night and just didn't get around to it.

[Mister TV]

5 hours ago, Contentious C said:

Um, given what happens to her in that movie, I think you mean minus that many.  Unless you've memory-holed how fucking disgusting it is, like seemingly every other person on the planet.  Was actually going to come here to remark on that last night and just didn't get around to it.

Remember there’s an R rated version and a PG rated version, a huge amount of people have only seen the PG or edited for tv version. 

[Contentious C]

Evidently.

[Mister TV]

38 minutes ago, Contentious C said:

Evidently.

Totally, when I worked at Blockbuster in the 90's we had both copies, when someone rented the R we had a prepared script telling them it was an "R rated R" and that there was a PG rated version, there was an incident the first week the store was open when someone rented the R for a kids slumber party. We also had to explain that Grease and Bad News Bears were 1970's PG, on par with current PG13 movies and that Tanner says a lot of really racist stuff. 

[Curt McGirt]

Being Blockbuster I'm surprised they even had the R option

[Contentious C]

In that Google Pixel 8 commercial about noise reduction, they need to get real: the fucking baby IS the noise.

[Contentious C]

Oh, and how could I have forgotten about Opzelura, the JAK inhibitor cream you shouldn't use on the girl-bits??

[Curt McGirt]

That Orbit gum commercial with the guy in the elevator. THAT FUCKING SONG. If I ever could get my hands around the neck of whoever commisioned that song...

[Contentious C]

Oh look, Fireball has a commercial!  They're trying to sell a "classier" version called "Dragnum"!  Oh, har har, hee hee, hoo hoo, isn't that so funny?  DRAGGING THEM, LIKE MY BALLS.

Of course, the people stupid enough to want to willingly drink Fireball are probably not smart enough to get the lameness of the joke anyway.

[Curt McGirt]

Judging from my exploits, I've gathered that Fireball is the favorite of two groups of people: 1. Young folks, mostly women, and 2. Alcoholics that don't want to use or don't have a chaser, so they can take their airplane shots and go drink them straight outside the gas station. Saw somebody do that yesterday, matter of fact. I guess he didn't care about all the police cruising around trying to pop people to fill their quotas on the last day of the month. 

Applebees needs to be condemned for not just their food but making me run for the mute button this time of the year. I mean I understand Lindor having a Christmas song in it because it's a holiday kinda food and they probably bank around now, but Applebees? Isn't there anywhere better to go with the relatives on vacation? Maybe an O'Charley's, even a Waffle House?

[Curt McGirt]

I just saw another bizarre-ass Tubi commercial where this muscular dude at a pool took his shirt off and the camera went on a crawl up his abdomen and his abs just kept going up and up and up like he was 20 feet tall. BIZARRE. Did they hire a writer from Adult Swim or something?

Edited December 2, 2023 by Curt McGirt

[Contentious C]

Cum Gutter Guards?

[Technico Support]

On 12/1/2023 at 11:16 AM, Curt McGirt said:

Alcoholics that don't want to use or don't have a chaser, so they can take their airplane shots and go drink them straight outside the gas station. Saw somebody do that yesterday, matter of fact.

These people are apparently suing the company that makes Fireball, since the mini bottles are apparently a totally different product, a malt beverage made from wine and assorted artificial gobbledygook, containing zero whiskey.

[Curt McGirt]

Well, that guy wasn't suing anybody unless it was pro bono. 

This part cracked me up 

Quote

The lawsuit further states that given the lack of whiskey, 99 cents for a 1.7 fluid ounce bottle is overpriced.

If they really had to drop the price to 50 cents, they would change the recipe. 

[Technico Support]

Who are these people who saw a shot of (albeit shitty) whiskey for a dollar and thought everything was on the up and up?

[Curt McGirt]

Here's another thing. If they'd do that for the minibottles, who's to say they wouldn't do it for the big ones? How come they think they'd get away with two different recipes for two sizes and that they wouldn't just use one?