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Grand Theft Auto V Talk.


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Using a swat van to drive down the coast has pretty much been my go to escape plan ever since I found out about the non-required check points. That, taking the highway to and from Series A: Weed, and taking the train tracks for the Series A finale have made it easier when you're stuck with more novice players or feel like getting it over with quickly. Cheap? Maybe, but it gets the job done.

Being able to drive wherever you want with whatever you want for the Pacific finale puts the one setup when you steal the Lectros in a funny perspective, character-mindset wise. Like, I just risked death to steal a bunch of bikes from a gang that I'm not even going to use? Oh well, I guess I just like murdering people.

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The checkpoints aren't required???? Well I'll be shit. Those sneaky bastards.

 

I've now led all the heists, so I'm able to replay any of them. If anybody is ever on and wants to do a particular one and I'm not doing anything specific, let me know.

 

Can't remember if I mentioned it or not last night, but just in case...

 

Before Stout and Robert got on, Mel and I were goofing around. I messaged the old butt-humping kid from a few posts back and said "are u on?" He said he was. I said "me n my friend stacy are playing want 2 join?"

 

Mel and I got into an invite only room and sent him the invitation. I don't know how it happened, but another kid joined. (I guess anyone can invite anyone else once they're in the room?) Anyway, we switch over to game chat with our headsets muted. In a totally unseen, shocking moment - they turned out to be 12. Our plan was to ride with them a while and then take the headsets off mute and start talking to them in the Cat House hooker voice to freak them out.

 

I unmuted mine and did my absolute best to sound like a girl. Apparently it's been too many years since my balls dropped, because it did not work one bit. Mel had his still muted because he was losing his shit. The kid just kept going, "What? Who's talking?" Then we heard what must have been butt-humper's older brother in the background yelling at the kid for spending money while playing with his character.

 

Mel and I switched back to the party and were like - uhhhhh yeah this is a little too weird, so we bailed on the idea. I got at least four more friend requests from the kid before he got the hint.

 

Anyway, the kid kept humping me and not Melraz, so I'm hotter. Sorry Mel.

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That reminds me of when Cristobal and I were tracking a bounty who ended up in the garage glitch. We missed the kill, initially, and ended up spinning around before he dove out to end orbit. I stayed in his Zentorno when it hit the ground while he was effectively compressed on the ground.

Along the lines of cinema physics, Ax, Cris and myself are in a dumbass firefight with a bunch of rocketlaunching kids. One ends up in a jet and kills himself trying to kamikaze me on the ground. I'm not sure if Cris or Ax blew him up or what, but all I know is that I hurdled the wing like a Skip It, while the Hydra's skeleton tumbled down the hill.

I don't know what it is, I mean, war is war. But I must've gotten killed by 50+ homing missiles amidst ground combat. I get trying to kill the enemy and all. Maybe it's just me, but that's a lame ass attack plan.

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The guy probably lurks the board, realised there was someone in the DVDR crew who was obsessed with suicide bombing people in more and different vehicles, and tried it (on you) with a jet. Even though he was on totally the wrong game system.

 

I did suicide bomb someone using a Titan once though. Long time ago. Back in the days when all dots were white dots and planes and tanks were white dots too.

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Pop quiz!

 

If you're a Level 10 and you're one of three people in the room, the other two being me and Robert, what do you do?

 

A. Quit while you're behind

B. Run for your life

C. Challenge Robert to a one-on-one deathmatch with me a half-block away in a sticky-bombed-up car

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Stout was complaining that the guy was about to go into passive again when I got the invite.  Give the little fella his due - he stuck it out for the whole deathmatch.  I died once, when I got caught in one of Stout's allah akbars.  Stout got him about a dozen times  Turned out that was one of my daily objectives, and I didn't even know it.  The game must've got frustrated with me never completing those, because the 3 it gave me today were kill 20 players, do a 1:1 deathmatch, and do a deathmatch.  

 

Clearing out that room was disappointingly easy.   I don't think I ever got killed by a player other than Stout.  

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Id just like to say thanks Arnold Schwarzenegger.

 

Fuck that guy.  And fuck Lester too for telling us about it.  

 

Too bad we didn't have a professional motorcycle rider who never wrecks to get us through that.

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Stout was complaining that the guy was about to go into passive again when I got the invite.  Give the little fella his due - he stuck it out for the whole deathmatch.  I died once, when I got caught in one of Stout's allah akbars.  Stout got him about a dozen times  Turned out that was one of my daily objectives, and I didn't even know it.  The game must've got frustrated with me never completing those, because the 3 it gave me today were kill 20 players, do a 1:1 deathmatch, and do a deathmatch.  

 

Clearing out that room was disappointingly easy.   I don't think I ever got killed by a player other than Stout.  

Yeah, I got a little overexcited on that one. I thought "well, Robert's probably got him, but I've definitely got him, so ..." It all goes back to making whoever that is think "these fuckers is crazy."

 

Gobbage boy would've had a fit - I Allah Akbared our Level 10 after Robert had knocked him down to the ground with a car. THAT'S GOBBAGE!

 

And I got quite the honor from another player (and so did Robert): After I Allah Akbared a guy out of his shoes, he sent me a message that said "arab." So I blew him up a few more times.

 

I dunno that I'll ever use the phrase "disappointly easy" when it comes to this game. The more Godzilla-like I am in the game, leaviing a path of destruction behind in my wake, the better I feel. If I wanted competition, I'd take up a sport. I wanna blow people up and laugh about it.

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How about disappointingly quick.  I like my dots dumb, but I like em to stick around so I can kill em a bunch.  Nobody really seemed to want to fight last night, or at least we took the fight out of em quick.

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Well, at least you got to bed before 4 a.m. It's quite respectful of them, actually. "Oh, those two fellows seem to be killing everyone in the room. I think I'll go ahead and leave to spare them the trouble of working their way to me."

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Gobbage boy would've had a fit - I Allah Akbared our Level 10 after Robert had knocked him down to the ground with a car. THAT'S GOBBAGE!

I wasn't there for this, but I'm dying laughing anyway. I hope it sounds how I imagine it in my head.

Relevant to nothing in this discussion...Melraz called me yesterday and asked what I was doing.

I was like, "Oddly enough, and I swear I'm not making this up just because you called...I'm downloading Foghorn Leghorn clips."

I stumbled on them while looking for a Foghorn voice for my GPS. "Now tur-I say, turn around boy. Pay attention."

Anyway,here they are - http://www.mcneel.com/users/jb/foghorn/

I think I'm going to play some of them in game chat after we akbar a toddler for the 12th time.

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It probably did look about like it sounds.  I was trying to allah akbar the guy, but I didn't react fast enough to set off the sticky.  I ran him over and was starting to back up when I saw Stout come barreling up the hill.  All I saw after that was a lot of explosions.

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