Grand Theft Auto V Talk.

[misanthrope304]

I ran out of likes for the day, but everything on this page is top shelf fellas.  

 

J.T. even bringing the Sun Tzu knowledge.  Man, it's gotta be like 15 years since I read The Art of War, if not longer.  I'm not sure my hormone-addled teenage mind digested it all that well, the instructional/educational material in the hefner-esque publications did make an impact on my young life.  

 

That said, I need two kills with my heavy sniper to unlock the, one kill to unlock the army tint for my heavy sniper rifle.

 

*Never mind, emeraldspace gave me the last two kills I needed for it while I was typing this out.  Don't invite me to a 1v1dm after I blow you and your car up, with an rpg.  Needless to say, he had a really bad morning.  I got him once as he was trying to run away with a sticky bomb I threw on a wall as I drove past him after a successful pit. I think I unlocked the green tint for my combat mg while I was at it. 

 

**then this other asshat decided to give me the last seven kills I needed to unlock the green tint on the ak47...or is it the ak74?  You would think the 7.62 would do a little more damage.

 

 

I've had a productive morning.

Edited May 20, 2014 by misanthrope304

[jstout]

The guy's name was Drummer something, 'cause we kept calling him Little Drummer Boy and making appropriate jokes when we shot him over and over and over.

 

I wandered into a nest of his buddies just hanging around outside the $400,000 high-rise and things got hairy for a second until they all (in Jim Ross voice) RAN AWAY LIKE SCALDED DOGS, BY GAWD and got out of the server.

 

Our kicking around of the poor dude in passive was another lesson given in How Passive Mode Will Not Stop Psychos 101. 

[RUkered]

Also, WE ARE NOT ROLE MODELS~!

 

Had some kid named TrainingSkate bogart his way into our chat session after being shot by DVDR crew memebers a number of times.   We declared him off limits for a while, but then his screeching became unbearable and RUkered booted him from our chat.

 

 

Yeah, apologies to everyone for that. I was at LSC and two people rolled up in the car. I had a random moment of kindness and decided to give them the benefit of the doubt (with my RPG out, just in case). TrainingSkate walked over and did the slow clap animation, so I saluted him and we got in a car. This is where I usually steer these kids towards another crew member and pretend I'm on their side while allowing others to wear them out. That was the plan. The plan backfired.

 

The kid rolls up to a store and robs it. I did nothing but stand there, but while he's hiding from the cops, he splits half the take with me. So I immediately feel like a dick for planning to sabotage the guy. Meanwhile, Mel is on the headset going "Are you gonna kill him or am I gonna have to come down there???"

 

We end up at the beach where the kid wants to race jet skis or something. True to his word, here comes Mel. Somewhere in the middle of this, the kid sends me a friend request. I think "what the hell" and accept it. Immediately, he bulldozes his way into the chat and it's immediately apparent we're dealing with a 10 year old. You can feel the wind suck out of the room as everybody goes silent in the chat. True to his word, Mel rolls up and snipes the kid repeatedly while I pretend I'm busy in the pause menu. I'm sitting there trying to figure out a way to covertly tell someone to boot the kid, meanwhile Mel is occasionally saying "Goddammit Burke" over the chat. I'm dying laughing.

 

Long story short - I defriend the kid and check the party options. I don't know if I was running the party or what (don't know if it matters), but I had the option to boot the kid, so I did. He just would not shut the fuck up, and being that I was responsible for him bombarding his way into our lives, I felt that I should be the one to get him out of there.

 

Although I'm kind of happy it happened, if only because we have yet another inside joke. Anytime one of us is sucking during a mission or race or whatever, we now know that all we need to do is yell "BUT I ONLY HAVE ONE HAND!!!"

[J.T.]

From here on out, I will blame all of my losses in races and deathmatches on me only having one working hand.

 

I HAD SURGERY, DAMMIT~!

 

Also.

 

TrainingSkate:  DO NOT KILL ME~!  I AM WEARING PURPLE~!

 

Melraz: We got us a Third Streeter here, boys.  That's more than enough reason to kill his ass.

 

Like him just being a white dot and breathing air weren't reasons enough.

 

Beer #2 makes free mode chat more fun.

[RUkered]

 

Also,  I think Rippa has fallen in love with his Heavy Sniper rifle.  He may give it a name..

 

For the love of God, someone take it from him!!!

 

I don't remember which deathmatch it was, but he was absolutely raining hell down upon me. I would either be sitting out in the open like an idiot, or simply pop out of cover for a split second - didn't matter. I wouldn't even have the chance to zoom and I'd get popped right in the head.

 

My favorite part though was him counting them off. I think he was counting off how many he killed without dying, but I had to be at least two of them.

 

*Rippa has split open your skull*

 

"TWO!!!!!!!"

 

(Rukered sneaks up staircase, zooms in with sniper rifle, scans the horizon)

 

*Rippa has crammed his sniper rifle so far up RUkered's ass he now has lead poisoning*

 

"THREE!!!!!!!!!"

[Robert C]

 

Although I'm kind of happy it happened, if only because we have yet another inside joke. Anytime one of us is sucking during a mission or race or whatever, we now know that all we need to do is yell "BUT I ONLY HAVE ONE HAND!!!"

 

 

This.  It was worth it for the endless bad jokes that will ensue.

 

From here on out, I will blame all of my losses in races and deathmatches on me only having one working hand.

 

I HAD SURGERY, DAMMIT~!

 

 

I might start using it before every race, considering how well I usually do against y'all.  And I'm sure y'all can appreciate how hard it is for me to parachute with one hand.

[jstout]

 

 

Also,  I think Rippa has fallen in love with his Heavy Sniper rifle.  He may give it a name..

 

For the love of God, someone take it from him!!!

 

I don't remember which deathmatch it was, but he was absolutely raining hell down upon me. I would either be sitting out in the open like an idiot, or simply pop out of cover for a split second - didn't matter. I wouldn't even have the chance to zoom and I'd get popped right in the head.

 

My favorite part though was him counting them off. I think he was counting off how many he killed without dying, but I had to be at least two of them.

 

*Rippa has split open your skull*

 

"TWO!!!!!!!"

 

(Rukered sneaks up staircase, zooms in with sniper rifle, scans the horizon)

 

*Rippa has crammed his sniper rifle so far up RUkered's ass he now has lead poisoning*

 

"THREE!!!!!!!!!"

 

This would've been funnier, somehow, if he'd been doing Count Von Count's voice from Sesame Street.

 

TWO! HA HA HA HA! THREE! HA HA HA HA!

[J.T.]

I was on that losing deathmatch team.  I was in cover formation with Mis and watched in terror as the poor guy got brain surgery performed on him from 50 yards out as he cleared the alley.  

 

Only heard the bang.  Had no idea where the shot came from. 

 

"Nope,  not going down that way."

 

Between Rippa going Sen Dog on us and me blundering into Chris's shotgun sights and being the winning kill for the other team, it was not a great outing.

[jstout]

So basically, you said "I ain't goin' out like that, I ain't goin' out like that"

[J.T.]

So basically, you said "I ain't goin' out like that, I ain't goin' out like that"

 

No, that song is for gangstas.  I was clearly acting purely out of self preservation and a deep need to keep my skull free of unnatural holes.

 

I traded brain surgery for open heart surgery at the end of the match via Chris performing an instant autopsy on me via shotgun blast.

[Robert C]

If there's a reward for least valuable player in a team DM win, I deserved it for misanthrope's created match.  Kills - 0.  Deaths - 0.  Shots fired - 0.  Number of enemy spotted - 0.  I would've been just as helpful taking a ride on the ferris wheel, and I still got paid.  Fortunately my teammates had their shit together.

 

I still want to know how Chris (at least I think it was Chris) survived 2 heavy sniper rounds in a row before somebody else got him.  I know I only winged him, but that was damned frustrating. 

[J.T.]

The GTA game service wet the bed when I tried to join Mis's deathmatch.

[jstout]

Eh, I was just hoping someone would take the bait and post NO HE AIN'T GOIN' OUT!

[RIPPA]

I can't begin to explain how giddy I am over actually being able to see being through my scope now.

 

All I know is in that death match - I fucking climbed for like 2 god damn minutes to get to the top of the roof I was on and I looked to my lower left and their was Dan and I looked lower right and saw Mark (who were both on my team) and I remember thinking "Oh this is going to be real fun..."

[J.T.]

Eh, I was just hoping someone would take the bait and post NO HE AIN'T GOIN' OUT!

 

The only thing B Real about me at that point were the real bullets going into my chest cavity.

[Robert C]

Last night's crazy shit with the DVDR Iron Legion made me remember another song to put on Jstout's unofficial GTA Online soundtrack.

 

 

So far the track listings:

 

Hand On The Pump - Cypress Hill

Tank - LSD

When The Man Comes Around - Johnny Cash

 

Black Roses by the Matadors always comes back to me, at least the 2nd to last verse:

 

well I'd like to say

I'm sorry for all my cruelty

and I'd like to say

I regret all my past

but the truth is

oh baby I'd be lyin'

and I'm gonna live out everyday

like it's my last

kiss my ass

[Dolfan in NYC]

I know I was in and out like the f-ing Road Runner last night (and thanks everyone for trying the race), but yeah, I heard ONE...  TWO.... THREE...

 

I only pictured Phil sitting in his room looking exactly like this while it was happening:

 

 

If I am on tonight and I hear "SEVEN, SIX, TWO MILLIMETER...",  I'm logging the fuck off. 

[J.T.]

I can't begin to explain how giddy I am over actually being able to see being through my scope now.

 

All I know is in that death match - I fucking climbed for like 2 god damn minutes to get to the top of the roof I was on and I looked to my lower left and their was Dan and I looked lower right and saw Mark (who were both on my team) and I remember thinking "Oh this is going to be real fun..."

 

Old McDonald had a farm.  E,I,E,I,O.

 

And on that farm he shot some guys. Bada Bing, Bada Bing, Bang, Boom.

 

One, two, three, four, five.   Oswald was a fag.

[Robert C]

 

I can't begin to explain how giddy I am over actually being able to see being through my scope now.

 

All I know is in that death match - I fucking climbed for like 2 god damn minutes to get to the top of the roof I was on and I looked to my lower left and their was Dan and I looked lower right and saw Mark (who were both on my team) and I remember thinking "Oh this is going to be real fun..."

 

Old McDonald had a farm.  E,I,E,I,O.

 

And on that farm he shot some guys. Bada Bing, Bada Bing, Bang, Boom.

 

One, two, three, four, five.   Oswasld was a fag.

 

 

I've said it before, but that goes through my head all the time in this game.  One of my favorite things about Saint's Row is that they named the sniper rifle the McManus.

[misanthrope304]

I finally got Phil down off that fucking building, but not before he scoped me three times.   

[CSC]

If there's a reward for least valuable player in a team DM win, I deserved it for misanthrope's created match.  Kills - 0.  Deaths - 0.  Shots fired - 0.  Number of enemy spotted - 0.  I would've been just as helpful taking a ride on the ferris wheel, and I still got paid.  Fortunately my teammates had their shit together.

 

I still want to know how Chris (at least I think it was Chris) survived 2 heavy sniper rounds in a row before somebody else got him.  I know I only winged him, but that was damned frustrating. 

 

Was that when I was running for my life out in the open trying like hell to take cover behind that massive tree?  I just kept getting hit and hit and hit and I have no clue how I didn't die sooner.

 

I really should have listened to Mis when he said I'd need a heavy sniper for his deathmatch.  With my shitty scope I wasn't able to see a singe person the whole death match.  I just took safe cover, grabbed my phone and started reading the board.

 

Hanging with Melraz all day started innocently enough with games of golf and tennis to get my strength up to 100% and ended up with me QUADRUPLING my freemode kill total in one afternoon.

[melraz09]

First of all I had to take it easy on the lil like button. Didn't wanna run out again. Secondly if the lil bastard just had one hand, then I've gotta 14 1/2 pecker work for the porn industry and therefore am paid to have sex with beautiful women. But the truth is that lil fucker was flyin that jet better than I ever have, and the only sex I get may involve money but it's me drivin under the pier on vespucci beach payin a street ho to sit on my lap or play the old 6 in skin flute till my hearts content.

The reason I say shoot him shoot him takes me back to another place and time....well actually same place Los Santos. When I wanted a lil pup to take under our wing so we could raise him up into the best dalm killa to ever be seen, this happened. I got a lil low level kid in with me on titan of a job. I kill every lil dot and he runs for the titan. I ask can you fly or do you want me to. "Oh imma good pilot" he says. I get inna chopper and follow. He keeps missin the runway I'm talkin 5 or 6 times. He then says [not quite the 1 hand but almost as good (may my hand is asleep my hand is asleep I land these all the time but my hand is asleep my hand is asleep)]. Then I watch and the titan BLOWS THE FUCK UP INTO THE SIDE OF A MOUNTAIN. Next voting screen...."my hand isn't asleep now man wouldn't ya know it as soon as the missions over"

This is why I say kill all white dots...no mercy....mean?....probably but, better than havin a lil one hand or asleep hand or no fuckin hand bitchin on the chat because his pussy itches and he has no way to scratch it

[J.T.]

I used to complain about not being able to use my own weapons during deathmatches. 

 

I now look back in nostalgia back at the training wheels deathmatches now that Rippa has true long distance killing power.

[J.T.]

First of all I had to take it easy on the lil like button. Didn't wanna run out again. Secondly if the lil bastard just had one hand, then I've gotta 14 1/2 pecker work for the porn industry and therefore am paid to have sex with beautiful women. But the truth is that lil fucker was flyin that jet better than I ever have, and the only sex I get may involve money but it's me drivin under the pier on vespucci beach payin a street ho to sit on my lap or play the old 6 in skin flute till my hearts content.

The reason I say shoot him shoot him takes me back to another place and time....well actually same place Los Santos. When I wanted a lil pup to take under our wing so we could raise him up into the best dalm killa to ever be seen, this happened. I got a lil low level kid in with me on titan of a job. I kill every lil dot and he runs for the titan. I ask can you fly or do you want me to. "Oh imma good pilot" he says. I get inna chopper and follow. He keeps missin the runway I'm talkin 5 or 6 times. He then says [not quite the 1 hand but almost as good (may my hand is asleep my hand is asleep I land these all the time but my hand is asleep my hand is asleep)]. Then I watch and the titan BLOWS THE FUCK UP INTO THE SIDE OF A MOUNTAIN. Next voting screen...."my hand isn't asleep now man wouldn't ya know it as soon as the missions over"

This is why I say kill all white dots...no mercy....mean?....probably but, better than havin a lil one hand or asleep hand or no fuckin hand bitchin on the chat because his pussy itches and he has no way to scratch it

 

The DVDR:  Many are called, but few are chosen.

[Robert C]

 

If there's a reward for least valuable player in a team DM win, I deserved it for misanthrope's created match.  Kills - 0.  Deaths - 0.  Shots fired - 0.  Number of enemy spotted - 0.  I would've been just as helpful taking a ride on the ferris wheel, and I still got paid.  Fortunately my teammates had their shit together.

 

I still want to know how Chris (at least I think it was Chris) survived 2 heavy sniper rounds in a row before somebody else got him.  I know I only winged him, but that was damned frustrating. 

 

Was that when I was running for my life out in the open trying like hell to take cover behind that massive tree?  I just kept getting hit and hit and hit and I have no clue how I didn't die sooner.

 

 

 

Sounds about right.  You were getting shot at from multiple angles.  I couldn't see whoever else was shooting at you - could just see the bullets wizzing by.