Grand Theft Auto V Talk.

[AxB]

So, we're doing the Cop Station/ Rashkovsky's Car bit of the Prison Break set-up. You've got me, Luke, Paperback Ryback/ Petrol CB and a random kid who's level 14. I say me and Luke should do the Cargo ship, and Petrol and kid should do Police Station, but kid's like No, I want the combat mission, I want to get headshots. We trying to tell him that he hasn't unlocked Health Upgrades and decent armour and shouldn't go anywhere near a fight like that, but he's insistent. So we try it, and he dies a few times, and eventually he says he'll stay back and Snipe (even though he won't have unlocked a Sniper Rifle at all) while Luke basically solos it.

 

Finally they've done their bit, and we've got the timetable and torched the police car, and lost the cops after I accidentally ran over a fireman on the way back, and I'm walking in my front door to drop the timetable in the planning room... and we fail. Because he died. Because after they dropped the car off, Luke started shooting at cars (to get more kills, to guarantee the Platinum for himself), and idiot kid joined in. But rather than stay behind the barrier in cover like Luke was, Idiot Kid was walking down the middle of the freeway spraying bullets left right and centre, and a car hit him.

 

So we tried it again, and he died early. So we tried it again, and he left the game not long after we'd started, so that's a fail. And then I tried to load it up again and recruit a new fourth guy, and my PS froze.

 

We got Waingro'd like a motherfucker.

[jstout]

Just made a hellovan online run and had to turn it off. I was scared, scared of the dunce hat. I probably sent 12 personal rides to the junkyard. I really dont want in juvie especially since i havent completed all the heists and i sure as shit aint doin em with other dunce cap bastards.

Oh hell, it ain't that dalm bad. Two days for first-timers like yourself. First time I got thrown in, I was scared, I admit it, but I learned to survive. I did hard time. And I've got the teardrop tattoo under my eye to prove it.

 

I haven't done the last heist. And I still wanna do Trevor's on hard with non-incompetents. There's still work to be done, but getting our schedules together to do it is the challenge.

[AxB]

OK, I found it. Pause Menu. Settings. Controls. Scroll Down. Allow Movement while Zoomed: Set it to Yes. Now you can use the Heavy Sniper like the Marksman Rifle, and not be rooted to the spot while looking down the scope. Zoom with up and down on the D-Pad. THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING (in Sniper Battles)!

 

 

There's also an option to allow yourself to aim without firing, while driving a car. For driveby headshots, presumably.

[jstout]

I tried the moving heavy sniper deal, hated it. I'm too old for change. I like the new aiming-in-the-car thing, though.tougher

 

LATE NIGHT EDIT: Just noticed this in the list of fixes and laughed my ass off and immediately thought of Mel and RUkered

 

►Anna from "Cleaning the Cathouse" NO LONGER sounds a transvestite.
    ◆She NOW has a feminine voice now and says different things after you rescue.

 

 

Gotta love it. Also, they took out the Lazers at Trevor's Airfield from Extradition, making it tougher, and apparently made one of the toughest missions in the game, Los Santos Connection, tougher.

 

Played most of Trevor's heist on hard with three randoms from the same crew. Got through a couple of missions and decided we needed to talk, dammit, so I joined their party. Three black teenagers. We got to the end and a couple of us had to drop. Work was texting me "you coming in?" and I'm like "I'M ON THE LAST PART OF THE HEIST! GOSH!"

 

They were pros, I fucked us up more than anybody. By the time I realized I was near dead and needed to put on some armor and eat some candy, I'd be dead.

[melraz09]

Well shit im gonna miss dan-na. I started to get on last night but i got tired. Had to crash out early. If i dont hafta work tonight im gonna try again.

I dont think weve went for the lazers on that mission inna while. The plane takes off much later than it use once your in zancudo to so the sticky bomb out the window works even better (or a bunch of dudes ridin on top of an ambulance).

[jstout]

I haven't played Extradition in a long time. I was thinking a couple of Buzzards would do the trick.

 

It's fun to have two people in Lazers and two people in Buzzards for that one, though.

 

And you know, I'd never paid attention to Dan-na until you guys brought it up, and then I figured it was some kind of game joke that Martin's prostitute you were fighting with these bikers over was a dude.

[melraz09]

Lazers definatley made it easier thats for sure. But jumpin that fence with 4 people inna car and 4 sticky bombs out the windows is a lot more fun.

Im not sayin she was a he im just sayin she had a penis.

[RUkered]

Damn I wish they didn't fix that. RIP baritone hooker.

We spent many a night almost puking from laughing at Mel in his Barry White voice going "HEY THERE FELLAS THANKS FOR SAVING ME. I'M GONNA GET ON THIS BIKE WITH YOU. DON'T WORRY IF SOMETHING IS POKING YOU IN THE BACK."

[jstout]

Dear God, game chat is like some psychology experiment gone way out of control.

 

I did tick one off my bucket list: I Allah Akbared someone with a four-wheeler, in an AWESOME fashion, to boot. I was trying to kill two Game Chat Whiners by the racetrack, so I got a four-wheeler there and stickied it up. I then noticed one on the highway below the racetrack, so I jumped the four-wheeler off that hole in the bridge near the racetrack to the Interstate below it.

 

Dude was right there in some kind of vehicle. I landed on top of the car and blew the sticky bombs. Nite nite. Shame he had left the game chat by then to go whine with his buddy in an XBox chat room.

 

Me and some squeaky-voiced 7th-grader (DAMN YOU, SPRING BREAK) were in there just whipping those two dudes' asses while they whined about it. "WHY WON'T YOU DOUCHEBAGS JUST LEAVE US ALONE?"

 

"Because you won't stop whining!" squeaked the seventh-grader. Good times, good times.

[J.T.]

Damn I wish they didn't fix that. RIP baritone hooker.

 

This wasn't always broken, was it?  I did this mission many moons ago with Rippa and RUckered and the hooker sounded quite feminine.

 

I remember this job clearly because I blew the chance to glitch my way to a clean version of the Rebel because everyone wanted me to escort the hooker Easy Rider style by taking one of the Western Daemons parked outside.  

 

I was a mile out from Madrazzo's when the fucking rear tire blew.  Fucking peer pressure.

[Robert C]

Pretty sure it was always broken.  I never noticed it till melraz pointed it out one night.  It wasn't even subtle.

[J.T.]

Pretty sure it was always broken.  I never noticed it till melraz pointed it out one night.  It wasn't even subtle.

 

I was too busy shooting Lost members and the rest of the guys were too busy making Born To Be Wild and If You Can Read This, The Hooker Fell Off Of The Motorcycle jokes to notice.

[melraz09]

I ran into that manly woman on day and she said inna james earl jones voice, EXCUSE ME. Once delivered shed say, THANK YOU. It was quite scary but funny. That mission is comical in many different ways. While following me one day i jump inna car with somebody. While goin down the road i decide to jump out just for shits and giggles while rollin down the road dan-na remembers he/she is following me and decides to jump out as well. The next time i played i decided to see if she would follow me jumpin out of a helicopter.....she did.

[AxB]

Little advice for Paperback Ryback, or anyone else really: If you've got to do a Rally Race 1) Do Criminal Records, it's an easy circle around the prison, or 2) Do the race as a normal race first, then replay it as a rally race once you know it a bit, and 3) Do it on Motorbikes, because then the navigator can aim (aiming without a weapon is giving the finger, but so be it) at the checkpoint and you'll be able to see where they're pointing. Or 4) Get a headset... I'm not sure if people without headsets can hear people with headsets during races and things. I know you can hear them coming out of your telly in Freemode (if you don't turn game chat off, which everyone inevitably does).

 

I'm guessing you couldn't hear me when I was saying turn around we've missed the exit. Setting waypoints usually works, but not really near spaghetti junctions because sometimes it sends you to the wrong level (and it actually doesn't let you set a waypoint on the checkpoint, just a bit near it).

[RUkered]

I ran into that manly woman on day and she said inna james earl jones voice, EXCUSE ME. Once delivered shed say, THANK YOU. It was quite scary but funny. That mission is comical in many different ways. While following me one day i jump inna car with somebody. While goin down the road i decide to jump out just for shits and giggles while rollin down the road dan-na remembers he/she is following me and decides to jump out as well. The next time i played i decided to see if she would follow me jumpin out of a helicopter.....she did.

That somebody would have been me. And not long after, we were headed to a checkpoint at Trevor's trailer when you decided to do Mach 9 toward that dock and dive out at the last minute, sending me 1/4 of the way out into a lake.

[melraz09]

Yeaaah we failed both those missions. And titan of a job when we played chicken on the runway with the titan and crop duster. But at least nobody can call either of us chicken

[jstout]

I was killing some random tonight when I check their level and they're a 5. Since I'm not quite the psychopath solo as I am with my fellow psychopaths, I sent a message to the person saying "truce?" even though the score was 3-0.

 

Right at that second, the Level 5 came flying in with a green Zentorno right on its ass. I take several potshots at the Zentorno with an RPG but miss every time. Turns out the dudes in the Zentorno are in the game chat.

 

Game on, gentlemen.

 

I roll up to them, blow up their Zentorno, then proceed to Allah Akbar them both several times while they screamed about what a bitch I was for blowing them up. So I started killing them with guns and one of them started bitching about how I needed to be a man and fight him with my fists. I'm like "what?" and proceed to continue to drop the hammer on them repeatedly. One of them managed to kill me once. 6-1. The biggest shit-talker of the bunch never killed me at all.

 

It was like "yo, bitch, get back here, I'm gonna kill your ass..." BOOM "fuckin' bitch blew me up again, why don't you fight me like a man, you pussy?"

 

A third dude comes up and I get him once or twice. Meanwhile, I have food ready to eat so I head back to my garage to eat it. They're both like "run away, you little bitch" like I was retreating from whooping their ass. Good times, good times.

 

I just kept wishing I had more crew on to REALLY sink a foot up these dudes' ass.

[PetrolCB]

re: AxB

Yeah, I need to get a mic. I turn off coms and couldn't hear anything other than my Waitresses LP. It may seem ridiculous, but despite owning the game since its release, I've never done any racing, or anything else other than free, contacts and now heists. So, there's my excuse. Oh well, finished my Daily's at least. New objectives today. Anyone for tennis, wouldn't that be nice?

[Robert C]

I just kept wishing I had more crew on to REALLY sink a foot up these dudes' ass.

 

I ought to be on around my usual late time.  I had a freaking dream about shooting dots, so I'm gonna take that as a sign and shoot dots.

[jstout]

The game continues to be stupid fun on occasion. I got into a room and there were about 10 of them by the beach, so I saddle up and head that way. As I head down there, I notice there's one dude on the game chat talking shit for good reason - he's slaughtering everyone down there. He's kicking that whole scrum's ass single-handedly and telling them they all suck while doing so.

 

Problem is, everyone else was like "WHY ARE YOU KILLING US? STOP KILLING US! YOU MUST BE A MODDER! I SHOT YOU TWO TIMES!," so I decided I had to go down there and make things even worse for the whiny bitches.

 

So I arrive, tell dude "I'm not here to help you, you don't need the help, but I do wanna kill me some whiny bitches," so we wrecked the place but good until it kicked me out of the room. Goddammit.

 

So I get into another room, and there's two dudes talking and a squeaker kid who's talking in such a high register only dogs can hear him. We figured out it was some kid named Gabriel220010 or some shit like that, so we rode around the map going "Gabriel, it's time for soccer practice honey" and "Gabriel, you need to do your math homework, son" while killing him over and over. He'd go into passive and it'd be "Gabriel, only pussies go into passive, honey, don't be a pussy." Good times, good times.

[J.T.]

We are such bullies.   I still remember sniping dudes off of their BMX bikes with jstout a while back.  At first, I was like, "You heartless monster, they aren't hurting anybody" but then I was all, "THIS BEACH BELONGS TO US, BITCHES~!" and murdering guys trying to escape on jetskis.

 

We are going to have to get back together for a bit of the old commandeer the roof of the Didler Sachs mall / put ignition bombs in front of LSC midtown deal.

[jstout]

Look, if you're riding bikes or jetskis in Freemode, you've pretty much erected a big neon sign over your head that says "kill me."

 

That's what slays me about the Freemode whiners I've been running into on game chat: "WHY DON'T YOU LEAVE ME ALONE? WHY ARE YOU SHOOTING ME?" Look, dude, why don't you and your boyfriend go in this thing called an "Invite-Only Room" and shop for clothes or ride your bikes or take your badass cars out for rides? Otherwise, if you stay in a public room with me, I am most likely at some point going to try to kill you.

 

I used to lead the Nancy Kerrigan "why?" brigade until it hit me that the game gives you ample opportunity to do whatever you please without any mean ol' bullies screwing with you. If you choose not to exercise this option, you deserve what you get. Getting picked on's a choice.

 

And always, always remember the no. 1 rule of Freemode, J.T.: "What's the funniest thing I could do in this particular situation?" Guys trying to ride bikes? Snipe 'em off. I don't care who you are, that's funnier than hell. Suicide bomb someone with a bike? Again, funnier than hell. Tease an 11-year-old while you repeatedly kill him? Funny. Remember, they all chose to be there.

[RUkered]

I was highly confused about the bitching in the early days of freemode because I played the hell out of GTA 4, and it was the same if not worse. I kind of thought that was the point.

Nine out of ten freemode sessions - you'd spawn at the airport with the sky full of dudes in Annihilators. I started finding motorcycles, then purposely piss someone off so they'd chase me down, trying to kill me with the rotor blades. It was a blast. I hit a jump once just as the guy tagged me, and it launched me completely out of the airport. I landed on a random street waaaaay off, still on the bike somehow. Never could duplicate it.

Of course, there weren't personal vehicles or money to lose, so it's different now. But still, the whining is ridiculous.

I just realized that I ran around basically doing the closest thing to an Allah Akbar as I could. It's the only thing I can claim to be really good at in these games. I'd wait until someone killed me, then I was on their ass. I had the grenade cook time down to a science. Just drive by and drop one out the window. They stood there still shooting at me with a grenade at their feet. I could even time it when I was being chased in a car and get them more often than not.

I haven't been able to get it right in 5. The timing is way off for me or something. No big loss though, because stickies and entire vehicle explosions is much more hilarious.

Yeaaah we failed both those missions. And titan of a job when we played chicken on the runway with the titan and crop duster. But at least nobody can call either of us chicken

Yeah - we don't take anything seriously when it's just the two of us. If our options are either finish the mission and get paid, or find a new way to fuck with each other, nobody is getting paid.

[jstout]

Some of the whiners last night were talking about calling for their most expensive cars so it'd cost me more money when I blew them up. I wanted to say "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM, BITCH? I'M DONALD FUCKING TRUMP."

 

EDIT: So I get back online and Gabriel has sent me a friend request. I had to accept it. Every time I catch him on, I'm gonna join his game and taunt-kill him until he defriends me, just 'cause. I love this game.

[Robert C]

 

EDIT: So I get back online and Gabriel has sent me a friend request. I had to accept it. Every time I catch him on, I'm gonna join his game and taunt-kill him until he defriends me, just 'cause. I love this game.

 

And with that, the transformation is complete.  Stout has become melraz.