Grand Theft Auto V Talk.

[RUkered]

I have got to try to get on early. I'm missing all the deathmatch fun. Well, in my case it would be deathmatch frustration because I'm usually just a liability to my team.

 

Although last night that may not have been the case because I had a touch of the Melraz Mojo™ apparently. It was a rare night for me.

 

He texts me last night "Dude where are you? Hell of a crew game going right now" and then texts me a screenshot of a full list of DVDR names. I was like a little kid trying to race home from the store to sign on: "I hope they're not all signed off by the time I get home..."

 

By the time I was able to sign on, they were already in the afterparty. The minute I sign in, somebody buzzes my doorbell. I know what's going to happen, but I walk out the front door anyway to give myself a reason to beat some ass. Sure enough, he blasts me.

 

I say over the headset: "[jackass's name] is hovering outside the apartment. He's killed me three times." Immediately it's melraz and J.T.: "We're on our way." And then here comes Robert. Then here comes Mis. Here comes the rest of the DVDR Rolling Death Brigade. It probably didn't take 5 minutes until everybody on the map except a small handful were piled on the same city block, and none of them stood a chance against us.

 

And then that Melraz Mojo™ I mentioned kicked in. I don't know why or how, but I was scoring sniper shots on people running, people trying to get away in cars - it was amazing and will probably never happen again. A few times, I even got to hear the line that gets yelled at melraz: "Dammit Burke!!! I had him in my sights!!"

 

There were two we were going after the most. To their credit, they stuck around way longer than any sane person should have. But the funniest part to me was, when they finally decided to run, one of us would hop in a car and chase them down and the war would start all over again. The only person who gave us any trouble at all was a guy with a minigun, but even he couldn't hang.

 

We literally whipped those two guy's asses from the middle of downtown all the way up to the beach off the highway on the west side of the map.

 

That was, without a doubt, the most fun I've had on this game by a mile. I hated having to sign off and go to bed.

 

 

EDIT:

 

 

The only problem was that with everybody right on top of each other, there was always somebody with at least 3-4 stars.  So as soon as I shot someone, I'd have SWAT all over me.  The cops killed me constantly.  The killer bee/piranha act later was good too.

 

I forgot about this. It was so bad that, at one point, I drove up to the rest of you pack of wolves, and all I did was GET OUT OF THE DAMNED CAR unarmed and immediately got a 2-star.

 

Yeah I am not falling for the beer thing anymore,  Fucking melraz is all "Hey, guys.  I've had too much to drink tonight," yet he is fucking Maverick from Top Gun in a goddamned Lazer fighter jet.

 

I am stone cold sober and am lucky just to keep the goddamned thing in the air.

 

I am buying a six-pack of Bud Light with Lime on the way home.

 

No, make that a six pack of Raging Bitch IPA.

 

 

This is cracking me up because I wish you guys could have played with him before he joined the crew. We'd do Top Fun and he'd let out a string of cusswords so long that Satan blushed because he couldn't fly the jets worth a shit. And if you ask him, he still thinks he sucks at flying.

 

He's basically Jackie Chan in The Drunken Master or whatever that movie is called. Shovel him full of Colorado Kool-Aid and watch the magic begin.

[melraz09]

I probably shoulda signed off earlier I've felt llike a run over turd all day.

Speakin of turds.....those lil white dots stuck out like a turd inna punch bowl with all us green dots swarmin their lil asses. It was great.

[J.T.]

Yeah, the epic hunting of See Nate Kill was the best.  The best he could manage after we went tank for tank was to go passive and follow me around doing the Jerk animation. 

 

Pathetic.  Jaybazz took his asswhipping with more dignity than that.

 

I stole a car and pretended to drive off, but called Lester to hide my marker and I ran See Nate Kill over with a car.  He didn't die after the first crunch, so I had to back over him to make sure I finished the job.

 

He tapped out after the vehicular homicide.  That's when I noticed that my Unsporting% had risen another four percent.  Nate probably put me on his Avoid List.

[RUkered]

One more thing and I'll shut up.

 

Those promos that J.T. mentioned wanting to record. Yeah, I feel sorry for you PS3 guys because you haven't had the full GTA:O experience until you've witnessed melraz go on a killing spree and then cut a 2 minute promo which always ends with:

 

'CAUSE WE ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRE

 

THAAAAAAAAAT

 

DAAAAAAAAAAAAMN

 

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD

[melraz09]

WE ARE THE D.V.D.R. AND WE ARE THAT DALM GOOD!

[Robert C]

My crappy, broken router saved me from my own stupidity by failing a second time just as I needed to leave to get my wife from the airport.  Leaving my exhausted, PMSing wife at the airport because I was having too much fun playing GTA would probably have ended with me being in a shallow grave in the Rio Grande valley by morning.

 

And full credit to those 2 guys we whipped across the map.  I'd have bailed a long time before they did.

[jstout]

I still laugh thinking about that poor slob a month or so ago who had two of us bearing down on him hard in two cars and three more parachuting in who said "no, sir, not today" and quit before the guys in parachutes hit the ground.

 

The target throwing it in passive and then multiple dudes immediately stealing cars and trying to run over him is another one of my favorite moments - one guy was on a barrier of some sort one time thinking life was grand when here came Robert, who jumped his car somehow and smushed him against a wall. I wouldn't mind passive mode as some sort of "white flag," but the problem is, as soon as you show the guy some mercy, he comes out of passive and starts shooting you again.

 

I'm more often the nail than the hammer in Freemode, but I know my role and shut my mouth - I'm either bait for the enemy to come up on while someone else scopes him in the head, or I'm the scoper while the enemy's fixated on someone else. "Don't turn your back on me, son." Mis runs around and pesters people with a car, but every time I do that, I get killed quick.

 

A lot of my energy is spent trying to channel competitive urges in this game, because so much is out of your control, be it Freemode, Deathmatch, or race. A lot is in your control, true, but you can't control stuff like some guy spawning with his rifle stuck up your ass or THEY PUT ME ME IN WALL. I CANNOT WIN. SONS OF BITCHES! I always feel like I should be Superman being Level 1939404, and I'm more like Jimmy Olsen.

[The Man Known as Dan]

I think I'm very much in the "I draw fire by doing crazy shit like driving by a guy with a Minigun" spot. I like it. I'll be the nail who if he can catch you off guard, enters your eye any time.

[J.T.]

One more thing and I'll shut up.

 

Those promos that J.T. mentioned wanting to record. Yeah, I feel sorry for you PS3 guys because you haven't had the full GTA:O experience until you've witnessed melraz go on a killing spree and then cut a 2 minute promo which always ends with:

 

'CAUSE WE ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRE

 

THAAAAAAAAAT

 

DAAAAAAAAAAAAMN

 

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD

 

WE ARE THE D.V.D.R. AND WE ARE THAT DALM GOOD!

 

And now to back to the ring and Rhubarb Jones.

 

THIS NEXT CONTEST, SCHEDULED FOR ONE FALL WITH A TEN MINUTE TIME LIMIT.  MAKING HIS WAY TO THE RING AND HAILING FROM....

 

This afternoon looks to be pretty busy for me and I may have to work some OT.  I will try to get home in time to at least put a couple hours in for Jobber Thursday.

 

I am one win away from medals in the Target Grid, Tennis, and GTA Races.  Extra RP always helps.

[odessasteps]

I will try and hop on at usual time. RDO friday means not needing to go to bed at 2100.

[RIPPA]

Thanks to my fucking shitty ass car I will be on all day either in this or ME3 shooting things in the face

[J.T.]

Thanks to my fucking shitty ass car I will be on all day either in this or ME3 shooting things in the face

 

Thanks to my crappy, non cross training co-workers, I may have to spend some OT here at work when i'd rather leave on time and relax with a bit of gaming. 

 

That cocaine isn't going to smuggle itself, you know.

[odessasteps]

Never complain about the OT.

Unless you are on the golden boy projects, people have to jump through three sets of hoops just to work one RDO or a 10-hour shift.

[J.T.]

I could always use the money, but it is the principle.  The accountability around here drives me crazy sometimes.

 

I am definitely going to need to shoot something when I get home today.

[RIPPA]

Ooof

 

I just spent half my bankroll on the stupid Jester (and the upgrading it)

 

At least I just got the Gold Medal for robbing stores.

 

And I am suddenly in fucking love with the AP Pistol. I am mowing down anything that moves and I have like a billion rounds for it

[The Man Known as Dan]

Ooof

 

I just spent half my bankroll on the stupid Jester (and the upgrading it)

 

At least I just got the Gold Medal for robbing stores.

 

And I am suddenly in fucking love with the AP Pistol. I am mowing down anything that moves and I have like a billion rounds for it

The AP Pistol is easily the most undeutilized gun in the game. The Pistol line, to me, are easily the most reliable guns in the game in terms of accuracy for headshots. The AP does good damage, and can dismantle multiple enemies in a very short span of time.

You with that gun is gonna make deathmatches very interesting...

[RUkered]

I always sleep on the AP pistol unless I'm in a car. I really need to use it on foot more often.

Although, since Jstout recommended it, I'm a big AA12 whore when I'm on foot and in relatively close quarters. I have got to shoot one in real life some time.

[jstout]

The AP pistol is sweet when you're the passenger of a car, but I probably should use the little machine gun instead. 

 

The Gold Medal for "pulling a mission win out of nowhere" went to me, Mis and Roast for an epic performance in Docks to Stock 2. If it could go wrong, it did, but no matter. 

 

Roast, you missed this epic four-way beatdown of this poor clod on the beach who not only had no give up in him, he didn't even throw it into passive. We were basically lined up on the beach, and he'd spawn and get scoped by somebody, spawn and get scoped by somebody, spawn and get scoped by somebody, etc. We had some real trouble after the tanks got brought out and everything went kinda south. That one guy was whipping my ass, but i think Mel had him down pretty well and everyone else was at least staying even with him. I did enjoy Roast coming into the game and his "hello, everybody!" was running over dude.

 

I enjoyed his little buddy, who'd stay down there in passive mode, then go get some aircraft for us to shoot down, like the time he came buzzing through in a frickin' Titan and ate the business end of my minigun. I didn't like him the time he hovered around me and basicaly told his buddy where I was so he could scope me.

 

I have a really hard time with people getting close to me. I thought it might be the weapon, so i switched to the automatic shotgun, but I still can't the draw on anyone coming right at me. 

[J.T.]

Yeah, I really do need to scratch the Docks to Stocks 1 and 2 itch.

 

At least I just got the Gold Medal for robbing stores.

 

Yeah, the Clown back tattoo rewards for robbing stores were my favorites until I got Wages of Sin back tat for Survival.  If I had never gotten the Wages of Sin reward tattoo, I'd wear the Clown Dual Wielding / Dollars tat on my upper back and my Trust No One car bomb award tramp stamp on my lower back.

 

I have decided that the next GTA Online update should give me more ringtones and wallpaper for my fucking smartphone.  Whatever happend to VIP Luxury Ringtones from GTA4?

 

 

Next GTA 5 update needs more television shows.  I know that there is supposed to be another episode of Princess Robot Bubblegum locked in the code, but I would like to get a follow up episode of The Men's Room.  Someone find a bag of money to give to Bas Rutten.

[RIPPA]

I still have to figure out which body part I am missing a tattoo on since I dont remember that popping up for me and I have some hideous hideous artwork on my body

[jstout]

You can have any mission that involves stealing that Cargobob from Fort Zancudo. You can't lose all those choppers in a cargobob, so my "strategy" was to land, get killed, then get the cargobob back after you spawn and you should not have a wanted level on you. Any strategy that involves purposefully dying is flawed, but there you go.

 

Then you go through all these goobs at the Merriweather warehouse and then Mis spent 10 minutes in a forklift or whatever it was trying to pick up that crate, just to bring it out, snag it with the cargobob, etc. It paid fairly well, though.

 

A therapeutic one is that trash trucks one. That one pays fairly well.

 

We also had a pretty epic armored car a-rama last night that at one point had six police choppers surrounding somebody. I drove around with a three-star wanted level for what must've been around 20 minutes at one point. The cops were fairly upset. 

 

I earned a new tattoo for something last night. Maybe blowing up armored cars? I dunno. 

[Dolfan in NYC]

I'm still pretty sure you can get away from a 4 star wanted level in the Cargobob by climbing as high as it allows and flying at that altitude for an extended period of time in a set direction.  

 

I could be wrong about that though. 

[RIPPA]

That reminds me - does the apartment building on Majestic Drive have a helipad?

 

Because that is my current crib but I just realized I might have to upgrade if I ever want to own helicopters

[jstout]

You never mentioned climbing as high as it allows, but I'll mention that to whoever I wind up doing this mission with next. Wouldn't surprise me, though, I think I've eluded police choppers in the past that way in other helicopters.

 

And I forgot about this place where you can get into Fort Zancudo - someone was showing it to me, but damned if I can remember who, either Dolfan or some random dude I was doing a mission with - where you jump into the Fort, go down that concrete "moat," for lack of a better term, come in and are basically immediately at a location where there are two cargobobs and two buzzards next to each other, with the other guys from the fort fairly far away. Since I can't fly a jet well, I'm not prone to breaking into Fort Zancudo in Freemode.

 

I did get the Blackjack tattoo for finishing the Full Metal Jacket achievement during the armored car-athon. Nowhere to display tattoos with the mandatory suit. Hookers go crazy 'bout a sharp-dressed man.

 

Do any of the apartments have helipads? There's a couple near where I live, but not directly on the building.

[odessasteps]

I'm still pretty sure you can get away from a 4 star wanted level in the Cargobob by climbing as high as it allows and flying at that altitude for an extended period of time in a set direction.

I could be wrong about that though.

Or just pay Lester.