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Seen a few days ago at a Dierbergs Grocery Store in St. Louis:

 

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OPEN YOUR EYES, MOTHERFUCKERS, IT'S THE PRE-SEASON OF THE WITCH!!!!!!

 

89 more days to HALLOWEEN

HALLOWEEN

HALLOWEEN

 

89 MORE DAYS TO HALLOWEEN

SIL

VER

MOETHER

FOUCKING

SHEEEEEEEAAAAAAAM

REEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCCCCCKKKK!

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I'm a fan of busting pumpkins. Went on a rampage and destroyed about fifteen or twenty when I was a kid, actually.

 

EDIT: This was on a single street btw. Rich people and their artful seasonal porch decorations...

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Traveler Pumpkin Shandy is so damn delicious.  First time having it was on tap and it was an eye-opener.

 

I saw in the county I used to live in there's a year-round Halloween store.  It's good if you want to avoid the line and get your shit early.  But seeing that is like seeing anything Christmas related.  Way too damn early and not going to think about it until I'm ready.  I've been telling people how it's all commercial and they push the holiday products earlier and earlier every year.  Shit, if possible I still start Xmas shopping on Black Friday.  I just feel it's hard to enjoy summer when fall shit is out, and Thanksgiving is forgotten in favor of Xmas stuff.

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Spotted at Cosco today:

 

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That's Shark, Zodiac, and waaaaay down there Loch Ness. 

 

Kevin Sullivan was our checkout guy.

 

IT"S HALLOWOEOOREREEEEEN HAVOOOOCCC 1995 AND THEREEES MONSTER TRUCKS ON THE ROOOOOOF AND SOME GUY FROM ALABAMA DRENCHED FROM HEAD TO TOW IN  DENIM WON A HARLEY TO DRIVE HOME FROM DETROIT ON YOU FUCKING CRREEEEEPS!!!

 

MAN BEcOMES MONESTER AND THEN MOSTER BECOMES MAAAAAAAAAAAN!

 

How great is Halloween season?

 

I can't tell you here, folks, but:

 

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Just call the number and you'll hear it all.

 

OHYEEEAH YOURE MUSTACHE IS CROOKED MENE GENE!!!

 

HALLOWEEEEEUNITED...AND IT FEEELS...SO GOOOOD!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

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Last Halloween I spent the day at a paranormal festival in a medieval town. Don't know how I'm going to top that this year.

Drinking Pumpkin Beer and watching horror movies might be the best idea!

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BIG LOTS ON IT"S GAME EARLY!!!

 

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YOU kNOW WHAT THE WOLRD DOENT" HAVE ENOUGH OTF????

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SKELETONS WEARING SUITS!!!!

 

This particular fellow was pretty clearly a washed up plain-clothes detective two weeks away from retirement when he was sadly partnered with Nick Nolte to try and take down the Mendoza Cartel.  It didn't work out well for him, but Nolte got to sleep with Maria Conchita Alonso and somehow ended up with a briefcase full of drug money when it was all done.

 

My wife and I picked up his and hers versions of these:

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You know, for the....marital chamber.

 

Here's the full spread.

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The styrofoam dead always welcome you with open, bendable arms!  Welcome, everyone, to the Skeleton Edie McClurg/Donald Sterling wedding!!!

 

Hopefully this will motivate you lazy murfurkers to hit the stores and start deadifying this goddamned rock.

 

 

THIS SHIT IS HAPPEINNING!!!

 

Whether You're ready

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OR NOT!!!!

 

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TJ MAAXXX BRINGIN' IT Well about as good as you might expect TJ Maxx to bring Halloween...so a little too glassy and crafty and you're worried that if you even touch something a whole glass shelf of fragile figurines is going to spill onto the floor and shatter and you will owe them $750.

 

BUT...They had this:

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which should be issued to everyone every year free by the government so everyone is on the same page.

 

The only glitch.  It only goes up to 35 days before HALLOWEEEEEEEN>  THE FUCK< TJ MAXX It's 75 days before Halloween RIGHT NOW and how am I going to commemorate days 74 through 36????

 

Extra points though for the hip bone connected to the leg bone lyrics in the background and the helpful reminder to WATCH OUT THE THIN VEIL BETWEEN LIVING AND DEAD IS MELTING AWAY WITH THE SUMMER TWILIGHT'S LAST WHEEZING BREATH WATCH OUT!!!!  WE'LL EVEN GIVE YOU A COUNTDOWN AND A HEAD START YOU DUMB LIVING IDIOTS!!!!

 

Also they accidentally managed to have the scariest outsider art Blair Witch demented backwoods swamp folk pumpkin of the year:

 

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I know they were going for "artisanal" and they landed near it, but a little off to one side in that area of "artisanal" where Yes, Ed Gein, was technically an artisan when he was making checkers sets out of human teeth and yes, technically, the Sawyer family are artisanal sausage makers.  So, they pretty much nailed it.

 

This is the last pumpkin you see before you are woken up by someone playing a fiddle with a bow made our of your arm bone.

 

WAY TO GO, TJ MAXXXXXXX! 

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