Let us Hate on... Celebrity Chefs

[OSJ]

You know you watch them and you know you hate them, but you watch in spite of yourselves. Here's a few thoughts to start:

 

Bobby Flay - A NY punk that wants you to think he's a South westerner. He's good at grilling, but that's about it. Y'all come this way we'll thrown down anytime.

 

Gordon Ramsay - I actually used to think the dude was funny, but he's devolved into the same "You're piling shit on top of shit, fuck me, are you taking the piss?" Over and over again. Oh yeah, then he always follows babbling about "fresh, local, ingredients" no matter where he is. For example, I live in the middle of the high desert. Look asshole, go back to the highlands and make something out of haggis and thistle, you fucking twat.

 

Mario Batali - To think I knew him way back when.... I actually like a lot of his cooking, but, he comes off as such a smug, silly bastard that he's become very difficult to watch. Look, men who are built like that should never, ever dress that way in public.

 

Ming Tsai - I actually find Ming pretty inoffensive, if stuck in the 1980s. Reminds me of this really nice guy from Canton who ran a restaurant near us and was slowly going broke. Hint: not changing the menu in twenty years is probably not a good idea.

 

Paula Dean - I can really think of no one more completely out of touch with the real world. Look bitch, you got diabetes from eating that shit and you want us all to make it at home? Fuck you. I won't even touch on the racist issues.

 

Alton Brown - Good ol' boy made good. I actually have nothing bad to say about Alton (except that he seems to think that most people have the entire stock of a restaurant supply shop in their kitchen.)

 

Giada De Laurentis - I dunno, some guys find her attractive. I find that over-sized head and teeth to be disturbing on any number of levels. Plus, her cooking is so basic as to bore the shit out of me. If it weren't for her last name she would not have been a successful Hollywood caterer and she damn sure wouldn't be on my tv.

 

Jamie Oliver - Bland, terrible food coupled with his faux persona of being street smart. Wouldn't last two seconds in the East End. For that matter, wouldn't last two seconds in downtown Gallup. Go back to prancing around your garden you fucking, soft twat.

 

Duff Goldman - Actually seems like a really nice guy. However every time he guests somewhere trying to do a savory dish he embarrasses the shit out of himself. Look dude, you make really cool cakes, leave it at that.

 

Graham Kerr - I didn't think it possible to be more annoying than he was as a drunk with needlessly complicated recipes until he became a heath-food advocate, now I really want to smash him in the face.

 

Guy Fieri - A textbook lesson in how to go from respected and admired to irritating twit in less than two years.

 

Rachel Ray - Not the cool girl next door that she plays. By all accounts a raging bitch with a sense of entitlement. Look, you have never made anything a first-year culinary school student couldn't do without help. Get the fuck over yourself.

 

TV Chefs I actually like:

 

Michael Symon - Can make anything, anytime and looks like he's still having a blast doing so.

 

Jose Garces - Just might technically the best chef on tv. Can't think of anything that he doesn't do well.

 

Anne Burrell - Seems like she'd be a blast to go have  a beer with. She explains things well without being condescending, more people should watch her show.

 

There's an even dozen of HATEZ, whatcha got?

[Matt D]

I hate Flay but I had lunch at his burger chain today and it really is good.

[Fat Spanish Waiter]

Jesus

[Ace]

I don't see the point in watching things/people I hate.

[cool arrow]

I don't watch anything on Food Network anymore except for old episodes of Good Eats and maybe Pioneer Woman if it happens to be on when I'm channel surfing. 

[OSJ]

I don't see the point in watching things/people I hate.

 

Neither do I, however my wife is one of those people that requires the tv be on as long as anyone is awake, and I've haven't been married this long by

arguing about petty shit, so if she turns on the Cooking Channel or FoodNetwork I say nothing. To her credit she will watch lucha with me even though she should know that my Spanish isn't good enough to translate the play-by-play.

[Brian Fowler]

I like Chopped.

 

That concludes the list of cooking shows I watch.

[WholeFnMachine]

I'm a trained pastry chef, a lot of these "celebrity chefs," especially the ones who have never stepped foot in a professional kitchen aggravate the shit out of me. I'm looking at you Big Boobs Giada. NO ONE COOKS SAUCE WEARING A SHIRT CUT DOWN TO THEIR NIPPLES!

 

As a baker, I fucking hate Duff and Buddy Vallastro for making people think a cake has to have 70 lbs of fondant on it or turn into a race care that transforms into a spaceship to be good. Cakes with that much fondant and that are only made up of 20% cake taste like shit. They are also usually stale due to the amount of time they go from being baked to being fully decorated.

 

Oh and I hate Ina Garten for being such a typical East End of Long Island, pretentious, rich, white, snob.

 

Enough hate, here's the folks I dig:

 

Alton Brown

Michael Symon

Alex Guarnaschelli

Bobby Flay (I disagree & think BBB sucks, but you cannot deny his skills as a chef. Plus, I think Throwdown! was a great fun show that brought a lot of attention to the restaurants of those he competed against)

Chris Santos (I love the Stanton Social, he can come off as douche on Chopped sometimes, but the dude knows his shit)

Geoffrey Zakarian

Marc Murphy (Same alma matter)

Melissa d'Arabian

[Raziel]

I think we finally solved the mystery of whose socko Hoardak was.

[Pete]

TBF, Ramsay's an awesome mascot.

 

  

 

Co-sign on Flay's burger joint- really good.

[OSJ]

I'm a trained pastry chef, a lot of these "celebrity chefs," especially the ones who have never stepped foot in a professional kitchen aggravate the shit out of me. I'm looking at you Big Boobs Giada. NO ONE COOKS SAUCE WEARING A SHIRT CUT DOWN TO THEIR NIPPLES!

 

As a baker, I fucking hate Duff and Buddy Vallastro for making people think a cake has to have 70 lbs of fondant on it or turn into a race care that transforms into a spaceship to be good. Cakes with that much fondant and that are only made up of 20% cake taste like shit. They are also usually stale due to the amount of time they go from being baked to being fully decorated.

 

Oh and I hate Ina Garten for being such a typical East End of Long Island, pretentious, rich, white, snob.

 

Enough hate, here's the folks I dig:

 

Alton Brown

Michael Symon

Alex Guarnaschelli

Bobby Flay (I disagree & think BBB sucks, but you cannot deny his skills as a chef. Plus, I think Throwdown! was a great fun show that brought a lot of attention to the restaurants of those he competed against)

Chris Santos (I love the Stanton Social, he can come off as douche on Chopped sometimes, but the dude knows his shit)

Geoffrey Zakarian

Marc Murphy (Same alma matter)

Melissa d'Arabian

 

I forgot to mention Santos, Zakarian, & Alex as people who know their stuff. Melissa d'Arabian should get every single timeslot allocated to Giada or Rachel Ray. Oh, and I forgot another hate... Nigella Lawson; look most women are not brought to orgasm by adding seasonings to a dish, Nigella would have you think this was a regular occurrence. Fucking limey cokehead. Oh yeah, Cris Cosentino seems like most chefs that I know, a total douche.

[OSJ]

TBF, Ramsay's an awesome mascot.

 

  

 

Co-sign on Flay's burger joint- really good.

That's terrifying. Sadly, we don't have Flay's burgers here in Gallup, we have about a hundred damn Lotta Burgers and not much else. Not even an In & Out Burger. Gallup is a sad, sad place. I keep toying with the idea of flying up to Seattle just to have a Dick's Deluxe.

[E.J.]

I dig Anthony Bourdain.

[Vincey Greene]

I can't fucking stand Anne Burrell. I know it's rude and perhaps misogynistic to say, but she comes off as very cunty to me.

 

I find Robert Irvine very, very irritating as he's a buff ripoff of Gordon Ramsay, but he's married to Gail Kim and presumably quite wealthy, so he doesn't need my adoration.

 

Bobby Flay's BAR AMERICAIN has played host to one of the better and one of the worse dinners I've ever had, so he should probably work on quality control. I don't have an opinion one way or another on his television persona.

 

Working downtown in Manhattan I used to see Mario Batali around on his stupid Vespa in his stupid orange Crocs, but DEL POSTO is as good as advertised. I also enjoy his TV persona.

 

 

I don't watch Top Chef and a lot of this knowledge is because my wife watches a lot of this stuff, but Dale Talde's place in Park Slope Brooklyn, TALDE is super duper good.

 

 

Enough restaurant name dropping.

[Vincey Greene]

I dig Anthony Bourdain.

 

 

He's got the life. And yeah, he's awesome.

[StretchMediatedHypertrophy]

Gordon Ramsay and Jamie Oliver are both excellent chefs, though you wouldn't catch me in any of their restaurants with the possible exception of the triple-starred Restaurant Gordon Ramsay in Chelsea, London.

 

On a side note, I actually ate at Noma in Copenhagen a few weeks ago, basically because they have a shared table so it was possible to get a reservation for 1 at short-notice (I was working in Denmark for a few weeks). It was pretty money.

[LooseCannon]

I have a more positive view of some of these celebrity chefs, especially since reading Anthony Bourdain in, I think Medium Raw, being more sympathetic about Emeril Lagasse by pointing out that he is taking care of all the people who are part of "Emeril Inc".

Am I the first to mention David Chang? You gotta love a guy who refers to his food as "bad Asian fusion".

I love Alton Brown. Cutthroat Kitchen might be my favorite food show on TV. I'd like to see more of judge Jet Tila. And if you hate Giada, she was a guest judge on Cutthroat Kitchen and Alton made one of the challenges a food which she hates.

She's not on TV, but I fucking hate Alice Waters. If I were a restaurant money mark, I'd want to start a restaurant devoted to creating a menu which would piss off Alice Waters.

Alex Guarnaschelli is an annoying judge on Chopped, was an obnoxious contestant on Next Iron Chef, and uninteresting as an Iron Chef.

Speaking of Chopped judges, Aaron Sanchez is an annoying pussy, based on his time on Chefs vs City. Chris Consentino is way cooler and is one of the few celebrity chefs whose restaurants I have actually eaten at.

Tom Colicchio has been wearing on me as a judge on Top Chef. That may be more a matter of fatigue rather than him being bad. Hugh Acheson is the Top Chef judge to watch (and read).

[Randy]

Does anybody watch "America's Test Kitchen"?  I like that a lot.  They give you great advice to make more traditional dishes in the best way.  I like the practicality of it because I'm very unlikely to make the extravagant dishes that you see on many shows.

[LooseCannon]

I've watched ATK occasionally, but I find that one guy really annoying.

Another person I like is Nadia G on Bitchin Kitchen.

[J.H.]

Bourdain is my hero, he isn't ashamed to admit that he kind of became what he hates (i.e. a celebrity chef) but he is also quick to point out he was never the best chef to start with.

 

By all accounts of people that went culinary school (I know 3) Anne Burrell is a rampaging bitch who will resort to flat out sabotaging another cook's presentation if she is going to be upstaged. The way she presents herself on TV does nothing to make me think she wouldn't.

 

I like Alton brown on Good Eats but I really hate him on Iron Chef America for some reason.

 

I love David Chang and I was kind of bummed he only did one season of "Mind of A Chef".

 

Diners Drive-Ins and Dives would be the greatest show EVER if only it didn't have Guy Fieri on it

 

James

[OSJ]

I am so sad to hear that Ann Burrell is a rampaging bitch.

 

Alex is obnoxious as all get-out, but I will give the woman props, she can cook.

 

Anthony Bourdain is someone I'd hang out with, the level of snark would be epic.

 

I completely forgot about David Chang, yeah, he seems cool and makes some good stuff.

 

Guy Fieri went the person we rooted for to win "Next FoodNetwork Star" to someone I want very badly to punch in the face. At least when he was in Seattle went to Red Mill Burgers, but totally missed The Phinney Ridge Grill and Beth's Café. Still, he almost ruined the segment with his stupid "That's money!" No it isn't money, you fuck, it's a hamburger, if you don't know the difference STFU.

[Ramsey]

My two faves are David Chang (for the above mentioend reasons, all of them valid) and Marco Pierre Fucking White. Marco was the man, the O.G. British celebrity chef. Marco gave Ramsay his start AND made him cry while doing it. He's also completely fucking nuts but a mad genius is still a genius...

[Cristobal]

I like Ramsay when he's being himself. I can't watch him on Hell's Kitchen or Kitchen Nightmares any more because he seems to have to amp himself to 11 at all times, and "giant ball of rage" is less interesting then "type A chef with a temper".

[OSJ]

I like Ramsay when he's being himself. I can't watch him on Hell's Kitchen or Kitchen Nightmares any more because he seems to have to amp himself to 11 at all times, and "giant ball of rage" is less interesting then "type A chef with a temper".

 

Yeah, it's so over the top that it has become meaningless. His first season of Hell's Kitchen he only exploded when someone was a complete tool, now it's just a constant heap of abuse (not unlike a real restaurant kitchen, but still).

[J.H.]

Add Eric Ripert to the list of cool Chefs as well. Whenever he randomly shows up on Bourdain show he is clean cut and dapper but he seems like a dude you can sit and drink with.

 

James