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DVDVRMM: R3 Match 4: PANTHER vs. CENA


BLUE PANTHER vs. JOHN CENA  

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  1. 1. Lucha Maestro vs. The Franchise



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Is Total Divas mainly just WWE sneaking the John Cena heel turn that everyone's always wanted under the radar? Housewives Of Eastern Wyoming fans won't know any better, hardcore WWE fans who'll watch anything they put out get to see him being the utter, galloping tossface he doesn't get to be on Raw, the millions of kids who presumably don't watch much E! channel keep buying neon green wrist bands, everyone's happy. Except for Nikki Bella, who gets to rock back and forth in a soulless palace of pristine misery like a Saudi Arabian princess, desperately assembling meat platters for a giant, veiny Alan Partridge who doesn't love her.

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I never watch Total Divas because why would I watch a reality show dedicated to them when they're automatic fast forward material on Raw or Smackdown? But John Cena cutting goofy, stupid promos that everyone calls him fake for feels far more genuine than him being a douchebag BF in those clips.

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I never watch Total Divas because why would I watch a reality show dedicated to them when they're automatic fast forward material on Raw or Smackdown? But John Cena cutting goofy, stupid promos that everyone calls him fake for feels far more genuine than him being a douchebag BF in those clips.

You are genuinely missing out.

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You can find Blue Panther matches from space there are so many of them.  Although why you would is beyond me.  It's also beyond me why people like the guy much less want to keep voting for the worst looking worker this side of Chris Hero who can't seem to strike, go to the air, have any decent facials, work any match other than the same match over and over again, or do anything other than mat work.  But I gave up trying to find an answer for that last round.

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Hey let's look at a Blue Panther versus Averno match from 12/09/2013 aired on 12/22/2013!

 

Averno gets off the blocks quickly and attacks BP during the entrances.  BP quickly grabs a fujiwara armbar and Averno taps out at 1:45 on the clip.  One of the things that annoys the heck out of me about Panther is this "Who me?" expression where he puts his arms out, usually when he is talking to a referee.  He does it here and it comes off like he is complaining that the referee is making him break the hold.  But he won the fall.  So what is the complaint here?  What are you whining about?

 

Averno to his credit actually sells that his shoulder has been put out of joint.  And Panther actually goes after it for about 15 seconds before Averno catches him in a rolling leg lock at 4:20 to tie things up.  Why did these falls have to exist?  Both guys just beat the other in under 5 minutes of action and the clip has about another 15 minutes to go.  

 

They both sell dislocation injuries between the falls and we get the crowd pan and this guy has the biggest sandwich I have ever seen.  He is truly enjoying that sandwich.  Fall 3 opens with a tope from the Panther and the dislocation selling I mentioned a minute ago?  Yeah it gone.  Cross armbreaker from Averno.  Arm crossed surfboard from Panther.  Headlock from Averno.  Corba clutch from Panther.  Abdominal stretch from Panther.  Reverse gory special from Panther gets countered by Averno into a mounted abdominal stretch.  Its very hold-counter hold but once a hold is no longer on a guy, you can forget it ever existed.  Panther hiplocks his way out of the ab stretch and Averno sells it like a Jake Roberts DDT.  He lays unconscious while Panther locks on a Indian deathlock-surfboard combination. Panther just lets him out of it at one point for reasons unrelated to Averno.  Panther continues to make this fish face as he plays to the crowd and ugh no one can explain this guy to me.  

 

Panther takes a double leg and locks on a reverse figure four.  Averno gets to the ropes to force a break and again Panther makes his whiney "Who me?" face to the referee which I've already derided.  I mean, the guy must have been working for long enough that he's familiar with the rope break concept right?  So he gets tripped and Averno puts on a submission again and I will say that Panther is a good 'finger' worker a la Ricky Steamboat when he is in holds.  He gets over he's in pain but he's not going to give it up.  He also does a good job getting Averno to give up his hands for a surfboard by punching him in the back of the neck.  Its much better than the tried and true slaps the to ribs you usually see.  Averno eventually works his way out of it and transitions to a figure four.  Now why Panther let him do that?  I have no idea.

 

Panther tries to punch his way out but I wasn't even sure he was making contact... They roll the figure four out of the ring to the floor and Averno still has it on... kind of?  Loosely?  The referee breaks it up and ...

 

Okay.  I'm done.  So Panther gingerly kicks Averno and slowly climbs to the middle rope.  Like slowly.  Like slower than I can read slow.  And Averno is in position to catch him as Panther is going up the ropes and Panther steadies himself and Averno waits patiently and Panther lands on him.  

 

I'm sorry.

 

That.

 

Is bullshit.

 

They then have the gall to replay that shit.

 

They get back in the ring and Panther gets the armbar he won the first fall with and Averno gets on the ropes.  And Panther thinks he's won.  Despite the fact the referee is right there.  Despite the fact he's wrestled a thousand matches before.  Despite that in this match, he's already had Averno get out of a hold with a rope break.

 

Is he stupid?

 

"Who me?"

 

Fuck you.

 

Averno gets the Fujiwara and the submission.

 

EDIT:  Sorry forgot to link it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bb6hst6pjyY

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I"m at work but my takeaway there is that you hate Panther's facials, don't like CMLL's three falls for sake of three falls structure (I don't entirely disagree there) and think he's slow.  I think Cena's punches are horrific half the time, he has the worst regular spot in wrestling (that indie as trash neckbreaker thing), and his gear is stupid.  It's a tie.

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Works for me.

 

I also think it is hysterical this is the second time Cena was down early in a vote and is now coming back.  Just because it is so Cena.

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I showed my girlfriend that video and she actually agreed with Cena.  Gym clothes get really stinky so why not have a separate clothes hamper?

Because gym clothes get really stinky. If you are going to be efficient and wait until you have a full load of laundry before doing laundry, your stinky gym clothes will pile up in one place, creating a massive stink bomb. If you can afford to pay someone to do your laundry at your house, sorting your laundry should be their job, not yours.

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I think Cena slipped from guy who should have won the tournament last year to guy who should lose in the final four this year, depending on the matchups. Maybe the final round.

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